Episode 10: King of the Board
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[Forman Basement. Hyde, Donna, Eric, Jackie, FEZ. Hyde is in his chair. Eric, Donna, and Jackie are on the couch. FEZ is on the other chair. Kelso comes in from the side door.]

KELSO: [panting and then stops] Guess what guys! Nominations for Winter Queen are up.

ERIC: Oh Kelso. You're a princess!

HYDE: Where's your tiara?

DONNA: What you forget it at home?

KELSO: No. FEZ has it.

[Everyone looks at FEZ]

FEZ: [stuttering/shy] It's not for me... it's for... Oh! It belongs to him, you son of a bitch.

JACKIE: [looks back at Kelso] And? What about Snow Queen Nominations? Did I get it?

KELSO: Yes you did Jackie!

JACKIE: [jumps up and down] YAY! I got nominated! And since I'm so nice to everyone now I think I'm going to win.

HYDE: When were you nice?

ERIC: Wait... did I miss something?

DONNA: So Kelso. Who got nominated for King?

KELSO: Well... yours truly and [points] FEZ.

JACKIE / HYDE / DONNA / ERIC: FEZ?!?!?!

FEZ: Yay for me!

DONNA: So wait. It's you against FEZ?

FEZ: Yes... we are such volupulous men.

KELSO: You got that right tiger! [goes to Jackie] Yup. You know... the king and queen always have the last dance together. [puts arm around Jackie]

HYDE: Kelso. Jackie's not going to dance with you.

KELSO: And why not? It's a tradition that the King and Queen dance together.

HYDE: Because you're not going to win.

KELSO: Oh I AM going to win. With these good looks and these brains... I can do anything. Yeah. So no hard feelings FEZ.

HYDE: No you're not. Cuz FEZ is going to win.

[Hyde and Kelso look at each other]

DONNA: Wow...

ERIC: I know...

FEZ: I never knew how much Hyde cared for me.

[Openning Credits]
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[Forman Kitchen. Red is eating breakfast at the table. Kitty is on the phone]

KITTY: Oh, Thank you so much Bob. No Bob... that's all. No Bob. We don't want a banjo Bob. Okay Bob. See you then. [hangs up the phone] You won't guess who that was.

RED: Bob?

KITTY: Yes. He called us for a favor.

RED: [drops fork and spoon] What does he want now?

KITTY: Oh Red. He just wants to use our house for a little surprise party for Joanne. It's her birthday!

RED: Why can't he use his own stinking house?

KITTY: Cuz she's always there. And besides she doesn't like you, so it's the least place for a surprise party for her.

RED: Damn Kitty. Why are we always the pleasant people. We're not pleasant people. I'm me and you... you have menopause!

KITTY: [looks at him] What did you say?

RED: Kitty. I just don't see why we need to be so nice.

KITTY: Need to be so nice? [getting angry] I'm a pleasant person! I know you're not cuz you're just mean! I'm a nice lady! AREN'T I NICE?!?!?!

RED: So what time is the party?

KITTY: 3 o'clock tomorrow.

RED: [gets up] I'll go clean up. [picks up his plate, puts it in the sink and goes into the living room]

[ERIC comes from the living room]

KITTY: Oh Eric! I have something to tell you.

ERIC: [stops] Mom. If this is about my body growing or anything like that, I think I learned enough of that from class and my growing body.

KITTY: No no. [Eric sits next to her] Bob wants to throw Joanne a surprise party in our house. So I need you and Donna to help set up the party arrangements.

ERIC: Sure thing mom. What do you need?

KITTY: Well Bob wanted to set up a Mexican Celebration Theme and---

ERIC: Umm... mom. Does Bob know we're in Wisconsin?

KITTY: Just go get Red, white, and green streamers! We'll make something up.

ERIC: [gets up and go] Alrighty then.
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[Donna's Room. Jackie and Donna are making posters for Jackie's campaign.]

JACKIE: Donna. I see no reason why I should post these posters up. I've been nice. So this year. I should win.

DONNA: Okay. Laughing and pointing when a kid falls does not mean you've been nice.

JACKIE: What? It was funny! I wanted to point it out!

DONNA: Jackie... being nice requires you to... well.. not laugh and make jokes about other people.

JACKIE: I have been nice! I haven't called you a lumberjack and tell you how bad those clothes look on you today! See! Nice!

DONNA: Big improvement.

JACKIE: I know! Being nice takes a lot of work. I should think more of others than myself.

DONNA: Right. So you rooting for FEZ to win or Kelso?

JACKIE: Oh it doesn't matter. As long as I win. Oh that reminds me Donna. [hands Donna a gift] Happy Birthday.

DONNA: Oh my God. Thank you Jackie. You remembered?

JACKIE: Yeah. Of course. This the day I get to be so nice to you.

DONNA: Yeah. You could be nice every day.

JACKIE: Yeah... I figured a gift would be easier.
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[Forman Driveway. Hyde is massaging FEZ's back. FEZ is wearing warm-ups and matching jacket. FEZ is jumping up and down like he's going to run/box]

HYDE: Okay little buddy. Who's cool?

FEZ: I am!

HYDE: Who's tough?

FEZ: I AM!

HYDE: Who's going to win Snow King!

FEZ: KELSO!

HYDE: No! You are!

FEZ: I am!

HYDE: Good. Now... you got this far to be nominated. Now all you have to do is win it.

FEZ: What do I do Hyde?

HYDE: You must appeal to the other social classes.

FEZ: You mean...

HYDE: Yes... [camera zoom in on face] The Nerds.
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[School. Classroom. Stereotypical nerds/geeks are in the classroom playing chess. Hyde and FEZ walk inside.]

NERD#1: Checkmate, you dork!

NERD#3: Aww.. shucks!

FEZ: Hyde... I'm scared.

HYDE: Stay focused. We need their vote!

NERD#2: Oh no! It's Steven Hyde! Hide everyone!

[Nerds begin to exit the door.]

FEZ: Wait! Wait! He's not going to hurt you!

NERD#3: How do we know that!?!? It's Steven Hyde!!!

HYDE: Sit down.

[Nerds come back into the room and sit]

HYDE: I'm not going to hurt you if you don't move. Now... my friend FEZ here needs your help. FEZ... the floor is all yours.

FEZ: Hello Nerds! [Hyde hits him] I mean... Hello fellow classmates. I am here today to try to get your vote!

NERD#2: Is that all you want us for? Our votes?

FEZ: I will tell you why you should vote for me!

NERD#1: Oh God. Another one of those guys.

[Nerds laugh. Hyde stands up. Nerds are quiet]

HYDE: Listen everyone. We are all going to listen to FEZ.

FEZ: Thank you Hyde. Now! I have been nominated as Snow King.

NERD#4: Why should we vote for you?

NERD#5: Yeah. Only coming her because you want our votes! Psh!

NERD#1: You know what. We can take you Steven Hyde.

HYDE: Oh yeah. You and what army?

FEZ: What are you going to do? Poke us with your pocket protectors.

[HYDE and FEZ laugh]

NERD#2: No... [snaps and a whole bunch of nerds stand up and form around Hyde and FEZ]

FEZ: Oh.
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[Forman Living Room. Donna and Eric are blowing up balloons and working on the streamers.]

ERIC: Pretty nice of Bob to throw a surprise party for Joanne.

DONNA: Yeah. That is nice of him. It's nice to be rememebered. Since it is her birthday.

ERIC: Yeah. That's really nice. Oh Donna I forgot!

DONNA: [rushes to look at Eric] Yes?

ERIC: You don't think I forgot did you?

DONNA: Oh good Eric! I was so scared that you'd forg---

ERIC: [pulls up two corndogs from a plate] CORN DOG DAY at Sissy's Corn Dog Shack! [hands her a corn dog]

DONNA: Gee... thank Eric.

ERIC: [eats the corndog] Damn. How do they make these so good!

DONNA: Yeah. [puts Corn Dog down and streamers down] Okay. I got to go.

[Donna walks towards the Kitchen. Kelso comes out from the kitchen.]

KELSO: Hey Donna!

DONNA: Bye Kelso.

KELSO: Oh! Happy Birthday Donna! [Eric eyes widen]

DONNA: Thanks. At least you remembered! [leaves]

KELSO: Hey Eric.

ERIC: Oh my God! DONNA'S BIRTHDAY!!!

KELSO: Yeah. I know. OOOO CORN DOGS! [takes a bite] How do they make these so good?!?!

[Eric looks upset. Kelso is eating the corndog and is happy]

[commercial]
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[School. Classroom. Nerds are holding FEZ and Hyde hostage. ]

FEZ: Let us go! We'll leave you alone!

NERD#4: It's not that easy! You, Steven Hyde, have been a corruption to our society.

HYDE: What the hell did I do? All you ever do is play chess. Oooo... big corruption.

NERD#1: Remember Lance and his lazy eye!

HYDE: Well.. that wasn't much of a fight.

NERD#2: Silence! There is only one way we'll vote for you FEZ.

FEZ: Anything. I'll do anything.

NERD#3: Okay. You will be challenged by Charlie (Nerd#1) to a game of Chess.

NERD#1: He shall be mine!!! [points to FEZ]

NERD#2: FEZ is you win, we shall vote for you.

HYDE: And if he loses?

NERD#4: You are dating Jackie Burkhart, are you not?

HYDE: Yeah. Jackie and I are together.

[Nerds sigh.]

NERD#3: You must bring her to a chess meeting. We worship her like Princess Leia.

NERDS: Jackie Burkhart... [sigh]

[FEZ and Hyde give each other a weird look]

HYDE: Okay... deal.

[Cut to: Chess Board in the center. FEZ is on one side being massaged by Hyde. Nerd#1 is on the other side being coaxed by his fellow nerds]

NERD#4: Okay Charlie! Remember!

HYDE: Okay FEZ. You know what to do?

FEZ: I'm ready!

[You see them clicking and moving their pieces. FEZ seems to know what he is doing.]

NERD#1: Check.

[FEZ and Nerd#1 continue to play. Nerd#2 and #4 drag Hyde out of the way]

NERD#2: We would like to ask you a question Mr. Steven.

HYDE: What about?

NERD#4: The wonderful Jackie Burkhart.

NERD#2: Oh. How is she like? You must tell us.

HYDE: Jackie? [smiles] This might be useful. [Nerd#2 and #4 huddle around Hyde]

[They continue to move their pieces. FEZ looks nervous. Nerd#1 looks nervous. Everything is in slow motion. Hyde's face is twisted. Nerds faces are worried. Nerd#2 whispers something in Nerd#1's ear. Nerd#1 smiles and nodds and continues to move and looks like he doesn't care about the game anymore]

NERD#1: Oh Fez... you are just too good.

[They continue to play]

FEZ: CHECKMATE, you son of a bitch!

[Slow motion: Nerds mourn at loss. Hyde and FEZ are excited and walk out of the room in triumph]
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[Donna's Room. Donna is on her bed writing in her diary. Eric opens the door with something behind his back.]

ERIC: Donna. I have something for you! [points to her] Now... close your eyes.

DONNA: [unamused, closes her eyes] Look Eric. You can't buy me another corn dog.

ERIC: No Donna. [hands her a box] Happy Birthday!

DONNA: [opens her eyes] Wow Eric. You got me this in twenty minutes?

ERIC: No... Donna... I knew it was your birthday.

DONNA: Eric. Look. [Eric sits next to her] I love you.

ERIC: Donna. I love you.

DONNA: And I won't get mad if you tell me if you forgot. I just want us to be honest with each other.

ERIC: And you won't get mad.

DONNA: No Eric. We love each other too much.

ERIC: Okay. I forgot.

DONNA: [hits Eric] You jerk!!!

ERIC: I thought you said you won't get mad.

DONNA: I lied! How could you forget!?

ERIC: Well... it's Joanne's birthday too... and you know the stress and everything. [Donna looks unamused] I love you?

DONNA: Eric. I can't believe you forgot.

ERIC: Look Donna. I'm sorry. I've just been so out of it with what's going on and everything. You know.

DONNA: Yeah.

ERIC: Donna. I'll make it up to you. We'll go out tomorrow night.

DONNA: Eric... I don't need anything. I'd just like to be remembered.

ERIC: I know Donna. [holds her hand] And we'll celebrate.

DONNA: [looks at gift] So what did you get me?

ERIC: That should not matter.

DONNA: What? [opens it and pulls out certificate] Wow... I get TWO free Corn dogs are Sissy's Corn Dog Shack.

ERIC: I know. I'll take that back.

DONNA: No Eric. It's okay. I guess I can use this.

ERIC: Really? It makes you always wonder how do they make them so good?

[Donna hits Eric and Eric puts his arms around her and they fall onto the bed]
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[Forman Living Room. Red, Hyde, Jackie, FEZ, Kelso, Donna, Eric setting up for the party]

KITTY: [runs in from the kitchen] They're coming!!!

[Everyone hides. Red turns off the lights. Joanne comes in.]

JOANNE: Bob. I don't see why we're here. There's no one here.

BOB: Don't worry Joanne. It's a surprise.

JOANNE: At the Formans? Oh God Shoot M-

EVERYONE: [lights go on] SURPRISE!

JOANNE: Oh great. Bob... you shouldn't have. [smiles] Thank you everyone.

BOB: Nothing is too good for my Joanne! [and looks at Donna] and for my Donna! Happy Birthday to the girls in my life. [puts his arm around Joanne and one arm around Donna]

DONNA: Dad, You remembered?

BOB: Of course and I got you a little something. [hands her a gift]

DONNA: Thanks Dad. [she opens it and it's a Banjo] You really shouldn't have.

BOB: Nothing is too good for my Little girl!

KITTY: [hugs Joanne and is jumping up and down] Happy Birthday!

JOANNE: Thank you Kitty!

RED: [coughs] Happy Birthday, Joanne.

JOANNE: Thanks Red.

BOB: Joanne, open what I got you.

JOANNE: Bob. It better not be a banjo... [begins to open it] Again...

[Cut to Jackie, FEZ, Kelso and Hyde]

KELSO: Hey Jackie. You're the shoo-in for Snow Queen. That means that we will be dancing together at the dance!

HYDE: Don't be so sure of it Kelso.

KELSO: And what makes you think that I'm not going to win.

[Doorbell rings. Kitty goes to open the door. Nerd#1, 2, 3, 4 come in.]

NERD#1: Mr. Steven. We are here like you have instructed us. [Nerds see Jackie] Jackie Burkhart.

JACKIE: [unamused] Steven, we need to talk. [pulls him by the ear]

HYDE: Ow! Ow!

FEZ: [turns to the Nerds] I'm glad you could make it. Have some drinks.

[Eric comes to FEZ]

ERIC: [tugs on FEZ] What are they doing here?

FEZ: They are what going to make me win and Kelso lose.

KELSO: Hey! That's cheating. They are... like... Nerds!

FEZ: Oh... I could taste the smell of victory already!

DONNA: FEZ... I think you got that wrong...

FEZ: [holds one hand up] I know what I said!

[cut to:]

JACKIE: What are they doing here?

HYDE: I don't know.

JACKIE: Steven. You don't invite them here. They are not good for my campaign to be nice!

HYDE: Jackie. They are here for FEZ.

JACKIE: Still. They creep me out. I don't like the way they are looking at me.

[Camera goes to one nerd who is kind of drooling looking at Jackie]

[Cut to: Nerd #3 standing next to Donna. Nerd smiles at her. Donna moves. Nerd moves closer to her]

DONNA: You know I could kick your ass. [Nerd moves away]

[Cut to:]

BOB: So Joanne... you having a good time?

JOANNE: Yes. This is a great birthday Bob.

NERD #4: Yes. This birthday is pleasant. I'm Melvin! May I kiss the birthday girl?

JOANNE / BOB: No.

[cut to:]

NERD: [to Red] And so the hydrochloric gas would just consume the Earth if you leave it like that.

RED: [looks at a nerd] You're a little creepy.

[cut to:]

[Eric taps Donna on her shoulder.]

ERIC: [holds out a cupcake with a candle in it and it's lit] Make a wish.

DONNA: Eric. That's so sweet. [closes her eyes to make wish and blows on candle]

ERIC: So what did you wish for?

DONNA: It's a secret.

ERIC: Come on you can tell me. I know I know. If you want me to be your love slave for the night... okay... you win!

DONNA: Shut up.

[Donna laughs and hugs him. Eric laughs.]
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[Credits]

[School. Auditorium. Dance-like scenery. Jackie and Hyde come inside. Jackie is pretty in her dress. Hyde comes in his normal get-up. Kelso comes in with Pam Macy. Eric and Donna come in together. FEZ comes in in a tux and looks GREAT!]

PRINCIPAL: [to microphone] Testing. Testing. 1... 2... 3...

GUY: We hear you already!

PRINCIPAL: I will see you in my office Mr. Shoemaker! Anyways... we are going to annouce this year's King and Queen. For this year's queen... we have... Jackie Burkhart! [everyone claps]

[Jackie comes on stage and principal is going to crown her, but she takes it and puts it on and smiles]

PRINCIPAL: Now... for Winter King...

[FEZ and Kelso's faces flash and their eyes are shown. Slow motion. The principal lips move slowly and then there is a spark in the stereo, so no one heard the principal!]

[normal motion]
PRINCIPAL: Bring him up here!!! [everyone claps]

[Slow motion. Kelso and FEZ do not know who won Snow King and look confuse. So both of them rush up to the front of the stage in fast speed and they both look like they are going to crash into the principal. Kelso's face looks scared as he realizes he's going to crash into the principal. FEZ's face looks shocked as he realizes he's going to crash into the principal. The principal's face looks scared as he notices both of the guys are coming afterhim.]

PRINCIPAL: Nooooooo!

[CRASH]

[Eric and Donna's face look like they are in pain and look away. Jackie looks away. Hyde is left there.. smiling.]
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