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Episode 13: Share and Be Fair!
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[Donna's hallway. Jackie and Hyde are walking towards the bedroom.]

HYDE: You sure Donna's not here.

JACKIE: Yeah. She and Eric went to spend time together for some reason.

[Jackie opens the door.]

JACKIE: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

HYDE: FORMAN!

[Donna and Eric scramble off the bed - they are covered by blankets and underneath the blankets, they are naked (but you can't see cuz they cover themselves with the blanets.]

DONNA: Jackie what the hell?!?!

ERIC: Augh! Hyde! Jackie! [They covered in blankets] [coughs] We were just... sleeping.
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[Donna's Room. Donna is wearing a robe. Eric is wearing sheets still. Jackie sits on the bed with Donna. Eric and Hyde are behind the bed.]

DONNA: Okay Jackie. You'll be living here now. We need to set some ground rules.

JACKIE: Definitely. Okay. Rule number one---

DONNA: Hold on. Me first. Rule number one. You knock before entering a room.

JACKIE: Fine. You and Eric can't do it in this room.

ERIC: Wait... I don't like that rule.

DONNA: Eric, it's cool.

ERIC: What? Donna... what about our little love connection thing? You know... Donna's room... Eric's room... Donna's kitchen... Eric's -------

HYDE: Shut up Forman and put some pants on!

DONNA: Okay Jackie. Deal. If only, you and Hyde won't be making out here in this room.

HYDE: Wait Donna. There's a difference. Jackie is making out with me... and well.. you're making out with Forman. That's a big, BIG difference.

JACKIE: That's true! We look good when we make out.

DONNA: Just make sure you follow those rules.

JACKIE: You know we will, right Steven?

HYDE: Wait... one thing... Forman. Put some clothes on!

ERIC: Hey! [points] I put my clothes on when I want to put my clothes on.

DONNA: [rolls eyes] Eric, put your clothes on.

ERIC: Alright. [grabs his clothes and runs out]

[Openning credits]
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[Forman basement. 360 Circle. Hyde, Kelso, FEZ and Eric]

KELSO: You saw them doing it? Like actually doing it?

HYDE: [disgusted] But she was with Forman. [Hyde shivers]

FEZ: Oh... to see Donna's bare ass!

ERIC: Fez...Guys... I'm right here.

KELSO: [to Hyde] Man... you got to see Donna.

HYDE: Then there was Forman. That wasn't pretty man.

FEZ: Yes... I'd be afraid.

ERIC: I'm sitting right here!

FEZ: You know Donna is tough and sassy!

HYDE: Yeah... Don't know how Forman got that?

KELSO: That goes to show that you don't need to be hotalicious like me to get a hot girl like Donna!

ERIC: Okay guys! No more talking about me and my girlfriend!

FEZ: Oh Eric. If you ever saw me doing it, I wouldn't be hesitant.

ERIC: [wide eyed] Okay! Enough! I'm outta here. [Eric leaves]

KELSO: [stares at Eric leaving then turns to Hyde] So how was Donna's body?
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[Forman Kitchen. Kitty is cleaning the kitchen and is dancing and singing. FEZ comes in from the sliding door and sees her. Kitty doesn't see him and continues to dance. FEZ smiles and starts dancing with her. He dances close to her and she turns and is surprised.]

KITTY: FEZ!

FEZ: Well Ms. Kitty. Your dancing ways always move me!

KITTY: [continues to clean] What do you want FEZ?

FEZ: Mrs. Forman. The Dance Club is having their annual banquet and I am most likely getting the award for Best Dancer... and my parents can't be here to watch me get it. I was wondering if you'd like to come and support me. Since you guys are like second parents to me.

KITTY: [hand to her chest] Well that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard! [pats his back] Of course Mr. Forman and I would love to go see you accept the award!

FEZ: Thank you Mrs. Forman! [starts dancing] I must prepare for my acceptance speech. [starts doing the moon walk] I made that move myself. I call it "the moon walk"! [FEZ leaves through the sliding door.]

KITTY: [chuckles to herself] The moon walk? That'll never get anywhere. Silly foreigners.

[Hyde comes in from the living room.]

KITTY: Oh Steven! You got a letter here. [picks it up from the counter and waves it at him]

HYDE: What is it? [takes it]

KITTY: I don't know, but it's scented!

HYDE: [Opens it and reads it] Uncle Bobby!

KITTY: Uncle Bobby from prison?

HYDE: Yeah... he just got out. He wants to see me.

KITTY: Why Steven! That's sweet that he wants to see you!

HYDE: Yeah. He said he's going to stop by the house to pick me up!

KITTY: [tense] He's coming here?!?!

HYDE: [oblivious of Kitty's tensity] Is that ok?

KITTY: Well... your uncle... that got out of prison... is coming here... [laughs] That's fine...

HYDE: Great! Thanks Mrs. Forman. [leaves to the basement]

[Kitty continues to clean and this time the cleaning intensifies. Red comes in from the living room.]

KITTY: Red!!! [rushes to him] Steven's uncle from prison is coming by the house! A man from prison! Oh and we are going to go to FEZ's dance banquet to support him too. But Steven's uncle, Red! We don't know what he did. [gasps] What if he's a murderer?!?!

RED: Wait. Hold on! Back up a moment. Why do we have to go to the foreign kid's banquet?

KITTY: Red Forman! We are going.

RED: No. You go.

KITTY: [menopausal] Red...

RED: Fine, but if he wears those ballerina tutu tights we're leaving!

KITTY: Red... you know he wouldn't do that... [Red gives her a look]... again...
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[Donna's hallway. Donna and Eric walking towards Donna's room. They opens the door and finds Jackie and Hyde making out on her bed.]

ERIC: Oh my God! I'm blind!!! Donna... I see the light...

[Jackie and Hyde stop and turn to look.]

DONNA: Jackie!

JACKIE: Donna! You don't understand! [Jackie sits up] Steven was just... bringing me back to life. Yes! He was giving me CPR. [pats Hyde on the back] Thank you Steven.

HYDE: [turns and sits up] Yeah.

ERIC: [points to Hyde] Well that's the last time you give her CPR!

DONNA: [crosses her arms] Jackie. You broke a rule.

JACKIE: I know! I know! I'm sorry, but technically, you said not to make out in YOUR room... this is MY room too, so technically, I made out in my room.

DONNA: Oh now you're doing technically? Jackie, this is MY room.

JACKIE: Fine! Let's split it. [gets up and imaginary moves arms] From here to here [from half the window to the end of the bed is yours and the rest is mine.

DONNA: Jackie... then I would not be able to get out of the room.

JACKIE: You got part of the window on your side.

HYDE: Yeah and there's a small twig on the side, it's easier to get in if you put your foot on that first to boost you up.
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[Forman Living Room. Red, Hyde, Kelso, Kitty are sitting in the living room. Red is in his chair. Hyde, Kelso and Kitty are on the couch.]

KELSO: So your uncle just got out of prison?

HYDE: Yup. Straight out of prison. Prisoner 24601.

KELSO: That's cool man. I can't wait to put people into jail.

[The doorbell rings]

KITTY: It's him! [gets up] I'll just... go play with my Shirley Temples in a safe box. [runs upstairs]

[Red gets up and opens the door and it is a man around Red's age with curly blondish brown hair (like the guy from the Three Stooges]

RED: What the hell happened to your hair?

BOBBY: [scared] I don't know! What?! [touches his head] Oh whew! You scared me there man! You know hair is important... well not like you would know.

HYDE: [walking towards the door] Uncle Bobby!

BOBBY: Steven! [walks towards Hyde] Man... you grew up. I thought you'd be the pretty boy over there. [nodds to Kelso] But hey! We ain't so lucky.

HYDE: Right.

[They walk inside the living room.]

BOBBY: So Steven. How are you?

HYDE: I'm pretty good. Going to graduate soon.

BOBBY: Wow! That's so great! You know you'll be the first one to graduate high school!

HYDE: Yeah.

KELSO: So Bobby... how was prison?

[Hyde fogs Kelso]

KELSO: What?! It's a reasonable question. So did you all wear matching outfits? Cuz I know I would not like to match with anyone else.

RED: Shut up dumbass.

BOBBY: No. It's all right. Yeah. We all dressed the same. To me personally, it clashed with everything! Orange!

KELSO: Oh no way!

BOBBY: Way!

KELSO: I look good in orange! But I'm going to be a cop.

BOBBY: No way!

KELSO: Way!

BOBBY: Hyde... your friend is pretty cool.

HYDE: Kelso?!?! He's not cool. He wouldn't know cool if it was in his pants.

KELSO: Hey! I would know definitely if something was in my pants!
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[Donna's room. Donna comes in and sees tape splitting the door and room in half. One side gets the window and the bed is split with tape. Jackie is on her cot reading a magazine.]

DONNA: Jackie what the hell?

JACKIE: [puts the magazine down still laying on her cot] I split the room evenly. I gave you a little bit more room for your lumberjack body to move around. So don't think I was being selfish!

DONNA: [looks on Jackie's side] Okay... you took my posters down!

JACKIE: This is my side of the room. So I put my posters up. [continues to read her magazine] Besides... no one wants to see pictures of HOT Donna... It took too much space.

[Donna rolles her eyes.]
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[School Cafeteria. The place is set up and there are people dressed in tights and ballet clothes and some people are dressed up. FEZ is all dressed up. Red comes with Kitty looking all nice. They walk in together.]

KITTY: Oh how cute this place looks!

RED: Dammit Kitty. You had to drag me here. Look at all these people prancing around, looking foolish. It reminds me of how the Koreans fought.

FEZ: [Comes up to them] Oh thank you for coming Mr. and Mrs. Forman.

KITTY: Oh FEZ! We wouldn't miss it for the world!

FEZ: Oh there's my dance advisor! Mr. Fireflower!!!

[Mr. Fireflower looks like a hippie in tights. He prances towards them]

MR. FIREFLOWER: Good evening! Welcome to the [twirls] Banquet!

KITTY: [laughs] Oh my! That looks so fun. [twirls]

MR. FIREFLOWER: Ooo... spunky one! [looks at FEZ] So are these your parents?

KITTY: Wel---

RED: N---

FEZ: Yes! Yes they are!

[Red and Kitty are shocked]

FEZ: [walks towards RED in a hugging motion] DADDY! [hugs Red. Red looks confused and looks at Kitty]

[Commercial]
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[School Cafeteria. FEZ is hugging RED and then lets go.]

MR. FIREFLOWER: Oh how lovely! What a happy family! [looks at Kitty and Red] Hmm... FEZ looks like none of you two. Hmm... but if I had to decide, he must look like you [points to RED]. FEZ, It must be all that sun! You are so tanned! [laughs gleefully] Oh I must go now! The banquet is about to start! TA-TA! [prances away]

RED: What the hell?

KITTY: FEZ... Why did you lie? [laughs] You liar!

RED: You're not my kid? You don't even look like me? Where are you from anyways?!?!

FEZ: I'm sorry for lying. It's just that everyone here are with their parents and I just didn't want to be left out. [does sad face]

KITTY: Oh FEZ. [pats him]........... How odd it is for you to be our son.

FEZ: I know.

RED: Fine. If you're going to be my son, [points to MR. FIREFLOWER] no prancing around like that dumbass.

FEZ: Oh don't worry Mr. Forman. [looks] Oh I'm up! [he pulls down his pants and takes off his shirt - he is wearing tights underneath and prances towards the stage]

RED: [looks at Kitty] He gets it from your side.
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[Forman Driveway. Eric and Donna are shooting hoops.]

DONNA: And then she had the nerve to write LOSER underneath every photo of you.

ERIC: And you're mad cuz she did that?

DONNA: [shoots]... No... I'm mad that she wrote on the pictures. Those were my only copies.

[Hyde comes from the kitchen.]

HYDE: Hey... have you guys seen Bobby?

ERIC: You lost your uncle Bobby already?

HYDE: No. He said he'll come hang out with me today. He didn't show up.

DONNA: Maybe he was busy.

ERIC: Yeah you know... too many robberies, too little time.

HYDE: Shut up Forman.

[Kelso and Bobby comes from the side, laughing and hanging out. Kelso is carrying a box]

BOBBY: And then she slapped me... I don't know why???

KELSO: I know! If I stole a guy's wallet and showed it to his girlfriend to impress her, I'd expect her to jump all over me man!

BOBBY: I know man! Chicks don't get me!

KELSO: Yeah me neither man. Man... it's always us good looking guys that girls don't get.

[They see Hyde. Hyde crosses his arms and looks mad.]

BOBBY: Hey Steven!

HYDE: Hey Bobby. You said you'd come and meet me so we could hang out.

BOBBY: I did come and then I talked to Kelso and you know what?! He has never had a stolen doughnuts before.

KELSO: [opens the box and offers it to Eric and Donna] Doughnut?

[Eric and Donna nodded no.]

HYDE: So you ditched me to hang out with Kelso?

BOBBY: No that's not it man. I got us doughnuts!

KELSO: [eating one] And they're fresh too!

BOBBY: Look Steven.I have a surprise for you... let me go get it! [rushes away]

HYDE: Whatever man. [turns away]

KELSO: [eating doughnut still] Man, your uncle is awesome! Not only did he tell me stories of him in prison, he also got me doughnuts! How cool is that???

[Hyde turns towards Kelso looking mad. Eric and Donna look at each other.]

ERIC: umm.. I'm going to go to my room.

DONNA: Wait up!

[They both rush to the sliding door.]

HYDE: Kelso, I don't want you hanging out with my uncle anymore.

KELSO: What?! Why not?

HYDE: On the account of your broken legs.

KELSO: What broken legs? My legs are just fine!

HYDE: Not for long!

KELSO: Hey! I know! You're jealous! Your uncle likes me better than you!

HYDE: No he doesn't.

KELSO: Yeah!

HYDE: No!

KELSO: Yeah!

HYDE: Yeah!

KELSO: No!

[Hyde smiles. Kelso pauses and thinks about it.]

KELSO: Wait! Yeah!

BOBBY: [rushes back] Hey! Did I miss anything?

KELSO: Hey! Bobby! Buddy! [put one arm around Bobby] Let me go show you around the Hub!

HYDE: No! I'll show him around the Hub!

BOBBY: Wait! Wait! Geez. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm leaving tonight.

KELSO / HYDE: Where are you going?

BOBBY: I'm moving out of Wisconsin. I don't like the prisons here.

HYDE: But Bobby, you just got out of prison.

BOBBY: I know... but I like to steal and at my rate... I'd probably end up back there.

HYDE: So why don't you just not steal?

BOBBY: I don't know. I guess stealing turns me on.

KELSO: Oh that's what happens to me when I see naked chicks. [puts doughnuts on the floor]

BOBBY: [pulls out a plate] Here Steven. I made this while I was in prison. You can put this on your car.

[It says: 4HYDE20. Hyde smiles.]

HYDE: Thanks man. That's great.

KELSO: Wait! Why did he get a plate and I only got doughnuts?!?!

BOBBY: [shruggs] I guess I like him better. [turns around and leaves]

[Hyde smiles and Kelso looks confused--- Kelso grabs the plate and runs - Hyde chases after him]
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[Donna's Room. Donna comes in and Jackie is listening to ABBA]

DONNA: Okay Jackie. We need to talk!

JACKIE: Then talk.

DONNA: [sits on the bed in the middle of the tape] Okay Jackie.

[Jackie sees and coughs]

DONNA: [rolls eyes and moves on her side] Okay Jackie. Let's make new rules. This is OUR room, right?

JACKIE: Right until you move out to college, then I can take all these lousy posters off.

DONNA: I'm going to pretend I did not hear that! Anyways... Let's forget the split and do this... we can do whatever we want in this room, but we have to pre-warn each other who's using the room.

JACKIE: [puts the magazine down and sits up] I guess I can deal with that.

DONNA: I'll put a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door when Eric and I are in here and you can use the same sign when you and Hyde are in here.

JACKIE: That sounds fair.

DONNA: And we will not tell each other what happened in this room.

JACKIE: Yeah okay. I guess I'll just have to read your diary to find that out.

DONNA: [slowly] Yeah.

JACKIE: Oh and Donna... I think you should not have FEZ allowed in the closet anymore.

DONNA: Since when did I let FEZ in my closet?

JACKIE: I don't know, he told me you know he likes to hide in there.
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[Closing credits]

[School Cafeteria. Mr. Fireflower is up there dancing and is presenting the award for BEST DANCER.]

MR. FIREFLOWER: Okay kids! This dancer was such an inspiration! FEZ come up here and strut your stuff!

FEZ: [to Red and Kitty] This is it!

[Music comes on. FEZ dances towards the stage and dances in tights.]

FEZ: [points to Red and Kitty] THIS IS FOR YOU MOM AND DAD!

[People are staring at Kitty and Red and Kitty smiles at the people and nods. Red is just trying to cover his face.]

RED: When we get home, remind me to thank Eric for being our son.
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