A couple of days later, Joey decided to bring his pet birds to the boat for some fresh air.
Rachel was pleased to have the birds out of the apartment for a while. "Yeah, those birds really belong outdoors, you know."
Joey rolled his eyes and said nothing. Rachel was still annoyed at the duck for eating her face cream and getting sick everywhere. Joey just packed up the birds in pet carriers and headed off for the marina.
On the boat, Joey let the birds wander around freely on the deck, not realizing that the duck would try to fly, or to at least jump into the water to swim around. When the duck succeeded in abandoning ship, Joey gasped and stared down into the water.
The duck was obviously having trouble, because the biggest body of water it had experienced before was the bathtub at home. Consequently, the duck wasn't accustomed to the strong waves, and he started to float away with the current.
"Don't worry, I'll save you, buddy!" Shooing the rooster into the cabin for safekeeping, Joey reached for one of the life preservers and threw it to the duck, but of course the duck didn't know to grab on, even if it could.
"Damn it!" Joey finally just dived into the water himself and rescued the duck. He was able to swim back to the boat, and hang onto the life preserver, but now Joey needed to somehow climb on board again without dropping the duck.
Luckily, Amber came along the pier just then. "Joey?"
He looked embarrassed. "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sure."
***
"I'm so stupid," Joey berated himself as he sat on the deck. He was soaking wet and barefoot, with Amber's towels wrapped around him. Meanwhile, the duck was in the cabin with the rooster, quacking a lot and probably relating the whole ordeal in some mutual bird language.
"You're not stupid," Amber said comfortingly and sat closer to him.
Joey shook his head guiltily. "Chandler would never have let this happen."
"You mean your friend with the glasses?"
"Yeah, he's smart. He'd know better."
"Really? Granted, I didn't see a lot of him, but I didn't get any brainy vibe from him."
"That's just how Chandler gets around women."
"Oh. Well, don't beat yourself up about this, Joey. Come on, we've still got to get you out of these wet clothes before you catch cold."
"But I don't have any other clothes here."
"Who says you need other clothes?" She smiled sexily. "We could hang yours up to dry, and have some fun in the meantime."
Joey got her drift, but for once, he wasn't in the mood. "There's no bed, and besides, I gotta keep an eye on my birds, so they don't get into more trouble."
She shrugged. "All right, maybe some other time. I've got a cell phone if you want to call your friend to bring you a change of clothes."
"Yeah, thanks." Joey took the phone and called Chandler. "Hello?"
"Hi, Joe. What's up?"
"I'm on the boat, and I need you to bring me some clothes."
"Clothes? Why?"
Joey sneezed.
"You okay, Joe?"
"Yeah, I'm just all wet. See, I was playing with the chick and the duck, and the duck jumped off the boat. I had to dive into the water to get him back."
"Oh no! Are you guys okay?"
"Yeah. Can you just hurry with some clothes?"
"Sure, I'll be right there. If you're still in those wet clothes, you get out of them right now. You can hide in the cabin until I get there."
"Okay. See ya." Joey handed the phone back. "Thanks. Chandler's coming. I gotta get out of these clothes." He went into the cabin, still wrapped in the towels.
Amber hung around and peeked through the windows of the cabin.
"Hey!" He stopped getting naked when he saw her looking.
She giggled. "You need any help with your birds?"
"No, it's okay. I'm gonna put them back into their pet carriers."
"All right, I'll go. You can return the towels later."
"Okay." After she left, Joey finished undressing and then just sat down to wait. Normally he wouldn't have been shy with her, but he felt at a distinct disadvantage here and wanted to regain some semblance of control.
***
Later, Chandler arrived with a change of clothes and some blankets. "You all right, Joe?" he called out, as he came aboard.
Joey peeked his head around the door. "I'm just a little cold, that's all."
"Here," Chandler handed him the bag of stuff, then Joey shut the door again. Chandler waited and asked, "Where are the birds?"
"They're in here with me."
As if to confirm that fact, the duck quacked, and the rooster clucked.
"Hi, guys!" Chandler called to them.
When he finished dressing, Joey came out of the cabin. "Thanks."
"No problem, Joe. Are you feeling all right?"
He started to answer, but sneezed again.
Chandler came closer and wrapped the blankets tighter around Joey. "We should get you home. You don't have a fever, do you?" He felt Joey's forehead. "Yeah, you should definitely be in bed. Let me go get the birds."
Joey sat down and waited while Chandler retrieved both the pet carriers.
"I've got a cab waiting for us," Chandler said as he stuffed Joey's wet clothes and shoes into the bag to take with them. "By the way, how did you call me, Joey? Was there a pay phone around here?"
"No, Amber helped me out of the water, and she lent me her cell phone."
"Oh. So that's where you got all those pink, girly towels from." Chandler smiled teasingly, "Did you guys do anything while you were naked?"
"No, I was feeling too guilty about the duck."
"Guilty?" Chandler sat down beside him. "But you saved the duck."
"Yeah, but if it weren't for me, he'd never have jumped into the water in the first place." Joey shook his head remorsefully. "I shouldn't have let them out of the carriers. I shouldn't have brought them out here at all."
"Joey, come on. You didn't mean any harm. It was--"
Joey sneezed again and got up, grabbing one of the pet carriers. "Let's go home."
"Okay," Chandler grabbed the bag of clothes and the other carrier, and they left the boat.
***
During the ride home, Joey kept sneezing periodically, while Chandler tried to reassure him.
"Pets run away all the time, Joe, no matter where you are. Remember when Rachel lost Marcel for a while? This is just like that."
Joey frowned. "Maybe Rachel's right. I should give the birds to a zoo, like Ross did with Marcel."
"What?"
"You know how Rachel's been all fed up with the birds lately? She said I should give them to a petting zoo where they can be around other animals and kids. Then they'll be happy."
"What does she know about making *your* pets happy?"
Joey shrugged. "She just says they're farm animals, and they belong outdoors."
Chandler scoffed. "She moves in with you for a few months, and she thinks she knows everything? I bet all she really cares about is whether the birds are around to mess up her stuff."
"I know, but if I can't take care of the birds by myself, maybe I shouldn't keep them."
"Joey, you take care of them just fine! It's been almost a year since I moved out."
"But I almost lost the duck today! What if it had been the chicken, who can't swim or fly?"
"Then you would've saved him! Look, Joey, you just wanted the birds to have some fun outside, that's all. I'm sure there's some safe way for them to spend time on the boat."
"Like how?"
Chandler shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't I take the duck to the vet after I drop you off? He can check that the duck's all right, and then I can ask him what stuff you should do so the duck won't fly away."
"You don't mind doing that?"
"Of course not." Chandler patted Joey's knee. "You just concentrate on getting well, and don't listen to Rachel anymore." He scoffed. "Like she's so responsible, losing a monkey from her own damn apartment."
"You really think the birds are okay with me?"
"Of course. I mean, God, with how clumsy I am, it could have easily been me falling into the water last night. I'd like to think that you would have saved me too."
"Yeah!"
Chandler mused. "Hey, if me and Ross went overboard at the same time--and no sandwiches were involved--who would you save first?"
"You," Joey answered promptly. "Of course, Ross would probably be wearing three life jackets."
They laughed, and Joey sneezed again.
***
Monica and Phoebe were waiting on the sidewalk when Joey and Chandler's cab arrived. "Hey!" they greeted Joey as he got out.
"So you're a big hero, huh?" Phoebe took Joey's arm flirtatiously.
Chandler handed Monica the bag of soggy clothes to wash.
"Sea water," she grinned. "A new challenge for my laundry skills!"
"Polluted sea water! Only the best for my fiancee." He then held out the pet carrier containing the rooster. "Can you take the chicken upstairs too? I'm gonna take the duck to the vet."
"What?" Monica looked annoyed, and didn't take the pet carrier from him.
"I won't be long," Chandler said. "Just take care of Joey and the chick for me, okay?"
"Okay," Monica said reluctantly. "Phoebe, you take the chicken, because I'm allergic."
Everyone rolled their eyes behind her back. Monica *claimed* to be allergic to the birds, but she obviously hated them. Chandler sometimes wished that Monica was more like his ex-girlfriend Kathy, who had liked the birds. Or else, he wished that Monica didn't like dogs so much. During a recent conversation about their future married life, Monica had insisted on having a dog, not a cat, and he didn't have the guts to contradict her.
Chandler realized gloomily that either he must eventually tell Monica of his aversion to dogs, or else claim to be allergic to them too. Why couldn't the issue of pets be simple?
Rachel was pleased to have the birds out of the apartment for a while. "Yeah, those birds really belong outdoors, you know."
Joey rolled his eyes and said nothing. Rachel was still annoyed at the duck for eating her face cream and getting sick everywhere. Joey just packed up the birds in pet carriers and headed off for the marina.
On the boat, Joey let the birds wander around freely on the deck, not realizing that the duck would try to fly, or to at least jump into the water to swim around. When the duck succeeded in abandoning ship, Joey gasped and stared down into the water.
The duck was obviously having trouble, because the biggest body of water it had experienced before was the bathtub at home. Consequently, the duck wasn't accustomed to the strong waves, and he started to float away with the current.
"Don't worry, I'll save you, buddy!" Shooing the rooster into the cabin for safekeeping, Joey reached for one of the life preservers and threw it to the duck, but of course the duck didn't know to grab on, even if it could.
"Damn it!" Joey finally just dived into the water himself and rescued the duck. He was able to swim back to the boat, and hang onto the life preserver, but now Joey needed to somehow climb on board again without dropping the duck.
Luckily, Amber came along the pier just then. "Joey?"
He looked embarrassed. "Can you give me a hand?"
"Sure."
***
"I'm so stupid," Joey berated himself as he sat on the deck. He was soaking wet and barefoot, with Amber's towels wrapped around him. Meanwhile, the duck was in the cabin with the rooster, quacking a lot and probably relating the whole ordeal in some mutual bird language.
"You're not stupid," Amber said comfortingly and sat closer to him.
Joey shook his head guiltily. "Chandler would never have let this happen."
"You mean your friend with the glasses?"
"Yeah, he's smart. He'd know better."
"Really? Granted, I didn't see a lot of him, but I didn't get any brainy vibe from him."
"That's just how Chandler gets around women."
"Oh. Well, don't beat yourself up about this, Joey. Come on, we've still got to get you out of these wet clothes before you catch cold."
"But I don't have any other clothes here."
"Who says you need other clothes?" She smiled sexily. "We could hang yours up to dry, and have some fun in the meantime."
Joey got her drift, but for once, he wasn't in the mood. "There's no bed, and besides, I gotta keep an eye on my birds, so they don't get into more trouble."
She shrugged. "All right, maybe some other time. I've got a cell phone if you want to call your friend to bring you a change of clothes."
"Yeah, thanks." Joey took the phone and called Chandler. "Hello?"
"Hi, Joe. What's up?"
"I'm on the boat, and I need you to bring me some clothes."
"Clothes? Why?"
Joey sneezed.
"You okay, Joe?"
"Yeah, I'm just all wet. See, I was playing with the chick and the duck, and the duck jumped off the boat. I had to dive into the water to get him back."
"Oh no! Are you guys okay?"
"Yeah. Can you just hurry with some clothes?"
"Sure, I'll be right there. If you're still in those wet clothes, you get out of them right now. You can hide in the cabin until I get there."
"Okay. See ya." Joey handed the phone back. "Thanks. Chandler's coming. I gotta get out of these clothes." He went into the cabin, still wrapped in the towels.
Amber hung around and peeked through the windows of the cabin.
"Hey!" He stopped getting naked when he saw her looking.
She giggled. "You need any help with your birds?"
"No, it's okay. I'm gonna put them back into their pet carriers."
"All right, I'll go. You can return the towels later."
"Okay." After she left, Joey finished undressing and then just sat down to wait. Normally he wouldn't have been shy with her, but he felt at a distinct disadvantage here and wanted to regain some semblance of control.
***
Later, Chandler arrived with a change of clothes and some blankets. "You all right, Joe?" he called out, as he came aboard.
Joey peeked his head around the door. "I'm just a little cold, that's all."
"Here," Chandler handed him the bag of stuff, then Joey shut the door again. Chandler waited and asked, "Where are the birds?"
"They're in here with me."
As if to confirm that fact, the duck quacked, and the rooster clucked.
"Hi, guys!" Chandler called to them.
When he finished dressing, Joey came out of the cabin. "Thanks."
"No problem, Joe. Are you feeling all right?"
He started to answer, but sneezed again.
Chandler came closer and wrapped the blankets tighter around Joey. "We should get you home. You don't have a fever, do you?" He felt Joey's forehead. "Yeah, you should definitely be in bed. Let me go get the birds."
Joey sat down and waited while Chandler retrieved both the pet carriers.
"I've got a cab waiting for us," Chandler said as he stuffed Joey's wet clothes and shoes into the bag to take with them. "By the way, how did you call me, Joey? Was there a pay phone around here?"
"No, Amber helped me out of the water, and she lent me her cell phone."
"Oh. So that's where you got all those pink, girly towels from." Chandler smiled teasingly, "Did you guys do anything while you were naked?"
"No, I was feeling too guilty about the duck."
"Guilty?" Chandler sat down beside him. "But you saved the duck."
"Yeah, but if it weren't for me, he'd never have jumped into the water in the first place." Joey shook his head remorsefully. "I shouldn't have let them out of the carriers. I shouldn't have brought them out here at all."
"Joey, come on. You didn't mean any harm. It was--"
Joey sneezed again and got up, grabbing one of the pet carriers. "Let's go home."
"Okay," Chandler grabbed the bag of clothes and the other carrier, and they left the boat.
***
During the ride home, Joey kept sneezing periodically, while Chandler tried to reassure him.
"Pets run away all the time, Joe, no matter where you are. Remember when Rachel lost Marcel for a while? This is just like that."
Joey frowned. "Maybe Rachel's right. I should give the birds to a zoo, like Ross did with Marcel."
"What?"
"You know how Rachel's been all fed up with the birds lately? She said I should give them to a petting zoo where they can be around other animals and kids. Then they'll be happy."
"What does she know about making *your* pets happy?"
Joey shrugged. "She just says they're farm animals, and they belong outdoors."
Chandler scoffed. "She moves in with you for a few months, and she thinks she knows everything? I bet all she really cares about is whether the birds are around to mess up her stuff."
"I know, but if I can't take care of the birds by myself, maybe I shouldn't keep them."
"Joey, you take care of them just fine! It's been almost a year since I moved out."
"But I almost lost the duck today! What if it had been the chicken, who can't swim or fly?"
"Then you would've saved him! Look, Joey, you just wanted the birds to have some fun outside, that's all. I'm sure there's some safe way for them to spend time on the boat."
"Like how?"
Chandler shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't I take the duck to the vet after I drop you off? He can check that the duck's all right, and then I can ask him what stuff you should do so the duck won't fly away."
"You don't mind doing that?"
"Of course not." Chandler patted Joey's knee. "You just concentrate on getting well, and don't listen to Rachel anymore." He scoffed. "Like she's so responsible, losing a monkey from her own damn apartment."
"You really think the birds are okay with me?"
"Of course. I mean, God, with how clumsy I am, it could have easily been me falling into the water last night. I'd like to think that you would have saved me too."
"Yeah!"
Chandler mused. "Hey, if me and Ross went overboard at the same time--and no sandwiches were involved--who would you save first?"
"You," Joey answered promptly. "Of course, Ross would probably be wearing three life jackets."
They laughed, and Joey sneezed again.
***
Monica and Phoebe were waiting on the sidewalk when Joey and Chandler's cab arrived. "Hey!" they greeted Joey as he got out.
"So you're a big hero, huh?" Phoebe took Joey's arm flirtatiously.
Chandler handed Monica the bag of soggy clothes to wash.
"Sea water," she grinned. "A new challenge for my laundry skills!"
"Polluted sea water! Only the best for my fiancee." He then held out the pet carrier containing the rooster. "Can you take the chicken upstairs too? I'm gonna take the duck to the vet."
"What?" Monica looked annoyed, and didn't take the pet carrier from him.
"I won't be long," Chandler said. "Just take care of Joey and the chick for me, okay?"
"Okay," Monica said reluctantly. "Phoebe, you take the chicken, because I'm allergic."
Everyone rolled their eyes behind her back. Monica *claimed* to be allergic to the birds, but she obviously hated them. Chandler sometimes wished that Monica was more like his ex-girlfriend Kathy, who had liked the birds. Or else, he wished that Monica didn't like dogs so much. During a recent conversation about their future married life, Monica had insisted on having a dog, not a cat, and he didn't have the guts to contradict her.
Chandler realized gloomily that either he must eventually tell Monica of his aversion to dogs, or else claim to be allergic to them too. Why couldn't the issue of pets be simple?
