Disclaimer: I don't own 'em! At least all the normal characters you recognize, I'm just borrowing the said characters. If I owned them, you could guarantee BtVS and AtS wouldn't be nearly such good shows as they are now! The story, my ego, and my soul belong to me, but if you want to give a kind donation, *ahem* I'll loan 'em out! LOL. Yes, I'm shameless, I know.
Author's Notes: As of yet? None. Do you have any idea how hard it is having author's notes for over one hundred stories? I thought not! Hmmph. Umm, just an idea I had, it was going to be kind of like individual journals or something. I'm not sure. But it's only for (un)alive people.
Story Notes: Hmm, how about when I've written it, then thought about it a lot, I'll put in notes, m'kay? LOL. Okay, so, chapter one takes place sometime after Angel got his soul. Chapter two takes place a little bit after Angelus got back. The third chapter takes place while Darla's human. The fourth takes place when Darla's pregnant with Connor. The fifth takes place right after Connor was born before he got taken to a hell dimension. The sixth takes place while Darla's back for that brief interlude with Connor prior to Jasmine arriving. And the final and seventh chapter happens right after the BtVS series final.
Summary: Angelus has been resouled, twice. Darla's been killed, twice. Spike's been first chipped, then resouled, and now he's dead. And what ever happened to Drusilla? Ever wonder how the rest of the fearsome four felt about all this?
Song: I don't want to talk about this.
Rating: 14-A for language and mentioned violence
Date Started: 03/03/03 Date Finished: 05/28/03
Chapter 5: Of All The Selfless Staked Things: Darla
~~~Angel~~~
Everything I thought in that last moment was wrong, I know it, everything I wanted and imagined in that moment was wrong. I deserve this pain and I don't deserve this joy because obviously I'm not as over my demon as I thought I was.
I thought I could make decisions without the demon bothering me, hell, I thought I could distinguish between him and me. But in one moment she proved that I can't.
I know Angelus loved Darla, fuck, I watched him almost end the world for her, hear him bitching about it almost everyday, but I had no idea that I had any of those feelings.
There was Cordy and doing good and everything was right and then Darla comes back into my life in the whirlwind fashion she was always so fond of and everything changes. I wanted Connor from the first moment I realized he was human and ours.
The one good thing we did together.
In that second before she died, I knew that Connor and my only chance at having a child would die if she didn't. Yet, I couldn't kill her.
In one moment all that I've fighting for was turned upside down because I knew that if having Connor meant staking her, I couldn't do it, I wouldn't. I looked into her eyes and there was no doubt that if she couldn't be there for our child, and I wouldn't get another chance to save her, then we wouldn't have a child.
No doubts, just facts, I had already begun planning the conversation I would have with Willow about the resouling spell.
And then before I could look up and tell her that, she was gone, dust in my hand, and there was Connor.
I don't understand it; I killed her before to save Buffy. But I couldn't stake her even if it meant saving my child, even if that was what she wanted.
I love Connor so much, but every second that I look into his eyes I see that moment again, I see every detail from the moment I learned he could exist until I wrapped him in my coat.
I can't even imagine telling him about her, telling anybody about this in more then a line or two. Because when I remember, I don't see an evil vampire, I see the mother of my child.
Her death… Darla's death… hurts.
~~~Spike~~~
Seems like to me that we're losing members of our little club; first Dru, now Darla. Bloody selfish of them if you ask me, leaving me stuck here with the Great Poof.
That's right, I said selfish.
Why did the almighty Bint have to pick now to be selfless, to think of someone beside herself for once and end up dying over it? No wonder she never showed any emotion, always had a bloody brilliant survival instinct she did.
Must've been off her soddin' rocker, I mean who stakes themselves without being utterly insane. More than insane, Dru was insane, but she didn't stake herself!
That's right, got infected with some bloody soul and a baby, a human baby for hell's sake. I maintain that children are evil and should be eaten at every chance, especially when they make you stake yourself, that's gotta be the one thing I've ever learned from Darla.
I blame Peaches for this all, no wonder Darla left Dru all alone; she was pregnant. Just saying that word in the same sentence as my great-grandsire's name makes me about ready to vomit blood. And who had to get involved in yet another prophecy and knock the Bint up in the first place? That's right, Peaches.
Thought the bastard was 'sposed to have a soul, I bet he about lost it with all that, and he knew it. But, you know, apparently the idea of some hell-spawn living and growing in Darla's memory is supposed to cheer me up.
Keeping the line alive, I mean what the fuck is that about? He actually wrote that you know, Peaches, in his all informative letter to tell me mainly he had a son, and the one line reserved for 'Darla staked herself so Connor could be born, the ultimate sacrifice,' yadda, yadda, yadda.
If the bastard tries to end the world again, I am so taking him out.
And bloody hell, how much do I hate all this, Darla goes and dies, stakes herself of all the outrageous things, and I actually miss her.
That's it, I'm the one who's gone 'round the bend.
Author's Notes: As of yet? None. Do you have any idea how hard it is having author's notes for over one hundred stories? I thought not! Hmmph. Umm, just an idea I had, it was going to be kind of like individual journals or something. I'm not sure. But it's only for (un)alive people.
Story Notes: Hmm, how about when I've written it, then thought about it a lot, I'll put in notes, m'kay? LOL. Okay, so, chapter one takes place sometime after Angel got his soul. Chapter two takes place a little bit after Angelus got back. The third chapter takes place while Darla's human. The fourth takes place when Darla's pregnant with Connor. The fifth takes place right after Connor was born before he got taken to a hell dimension. The sixth takes place while Darla's back for that brief interlude with Connor prior to Jasmine arriving. And the final and seventh chapter happens right after the BtVS series final.
Summary: Angelus has been resouled, twice. Darla's been killed, twice. Spike's been first chipped, then resouled, and now he's dead. And what ever happened to Drusilla? Ever wonder how the rest of the fearsome four felt about all this?
Song: I don't want to talk about this.
Rating: 14-A for language and mentioned violence
Date Started: 03/03/03 Date Finished: 05/28/03
Everything I thought in that last moment was wrong, I know it, everything I wanted and imagined in that moment was wrong. I deserve this pain and I don't deserve this joy because obviously I'm not as over my demon as I thought I was.
I thought I could make decisions without the demon bothering me, hell, I thought I could distinguish between him and me. But in one moment she proved that I can't.
I know Angelus loved Darla, fuck, I watched him almost end the world for her, hear him bitching about it almost everyday, but I had no idea that I had any of those feelings.
There was Cordy and doing good and everything was right and then Darla comes back into my life in the whirlwind fashion she was always so fond of and everything changes. I wanted Connor from the first moment I realized he was human and ours.
The one good thing we did together.
In that second before she died, I knew that Connor and my only chance at having a child would die if she didn't. Yet, I couldn't kill her.
In one moment all that I've fighting for was turned upside down because I knew that if having Connor meant staking her, I couldn't do it, I wouldn't. I looked into her eyes and there was no doubt that if she couldn't be there for our child, and I wouldn't get another chance to save her, then we wouldn't have a child.
No doubts, just facts, I had already begun planning the conversation I would have with Willow about the resouling spell.
And then before I could look up and tell her that, she was gone, dust in my hand, and there was Connor.
I don't understand it; I killed her before to save Buffy. But I couldn't stake her even if it meant saving my child, even if that was what she wanted.
I love Connor so much, but every second that I look into his eyes I see that moment again, I see every detail from the moment I learned he could exist until I wrapped him in my coat.
I can't even imagine telling him about her, telling anybody about this in more then a line or two. Because when I remember, I don't see an evil vampire, I see the mother of my child.
Her death… Darla's death… hurts.
Seems like to me that we're losing members of our little club; first Dru, now Darla. Bloody selfish of them if you ask me, leaving me stuck here with the Great Poof.
That's right, I said selfish.
Why did the almighty Bint have to pick now to be selfless, to think of someone beside herself for once and end up dying over it? No wonder she never showed any emotion, always had a bloody brilliant survival instinct she did.
Must've been off her soddin' rocker, I mean who stakes themselves without being utterly insane. More than insane, Dru was insane, but she didn't stake herself!
That's right, got infected with some bloody soul and a baby, a human baby for hell's sake. I maintain that children are evil and should be eaten at every chance, especially when they make you stake yourself, that's gotta be the one thing I've ever learned from Darla.
I blame Peaches for this all, no wonder Darla left Dru all alone; she was pregnant. Just saying that word in the same sentence as my great-grandsire's name makes me about ready to vomit blood. And who had to get involved in yet another prophecy and knock the Bint up in the first place? That's right, Peaches.
Thought the bastard was 'sposed to have a soul, I bet he about lost it with all that, and he knew it. But, you know, apparently the idea of some hell-spawn living and growing in Darla's memory is supposed to cheer me up.
Keeping the line alive, I mean what the fuck is that about? He actually wrote that you know, Peaches, in his all informative letter to tell me mainly he had a son, and the one line reserved for 'Darla staked herself so Connor could be born, the ultimate sacrifice,' yadda, yadda, yadda.
If the bastard tries to end the world again, I am so taking him out.
And bloody hell, how much do I hate all this, Darla goes and dies, stakes herself of all the outrageous things, and I actually miss her.
That's it, I'm the one who's gone 'round the bend.
