Disclaimer: I don't own 'em! At least all the normal characters you recognize, I'm just borrowing the said characters. If I owned them, you could guarantee BtVS and AtS wouldn't be nearly such good shows as they are now! The story, my ego, and my soul belong to me, but if you want to give a kind donation, *ahem* I'll loan 'em out! LOL. Yes, I'm shameless, I know.

Author's Notes: As of yet? None. Do you have any idea how hard it is having author's notes for over one hundred stories? I thought not! Hmmph. Umm, just an idea I had, it was going to be kind of like individual journals or something. I'm not sure. But it's only for (un)alive people.

Story Notes: Hmm, how about when I've written it, then thought about it a lot, I'll put in notes, m'kay? LOL. Okay, so, chapter one takes place sometime after Angel got his soul. Chapter two takes place a little bit after Angelus got back. The third chapter takes place while Darla's human. The fourth takes place when Darla's pregnant with Connor. The fifth takes place right after Connor was born before he got taken to a hell dimension. The sixth takes place while Darla's back for that brief interlude with Connor prior to Jasmine arriving. And the final and seventh chapter happens right after the BtVS series final.

Summary: Angelus has been resouled, twice. Darla's been killed, twice. Spike's been first chipped, then resouled, and now he's dead. And what ever happened to Drusilla? Ever wonder how the rest of the fearsome four felt about all this?

Song: I don't want to talk about this.

Rating: 14-A for language and mentioned violence

Date Started: 03/03/03 Date Finished: 05/28/03





Chapter 6: Chicken Soup For The Soul: Spike




~~~Angel~~~


I was the first one with a soul! I was the one who got kicked out and suffered and… I was first!

Damn it, I know it's childish and broody, and dear God, I hope I don't sound like this when I mention it to anybody, but I am so being copied. Forget setting trends, I suffered through my soul, lost Darla for it, lost Buffy because of it.

And he gets to waltz in to some demon and come back out with a brand new shiny soul and a good chance of getting the girl too.

It's not fair.

I mean, sure, I did horrible things, and my soul was forced on me, but it's what you do with the soul, and frankly, I'm scared of Spike with one.

He hung out with Dru way too long for something like this to happen, I'm betting on insanity. That's right, quote me, send me to hell again, add another ten years of redemption before sanshu, but I'm betting that Spike goes insane just the same.

Let's see how well he does with the nightmares and self-loathing every time you look around. I mean does it ever really end? He could come to me right now searching for some kind of answer and after a hundred years all I could say was that it doesn't end. I figure it's an eternal suffering kind of deal; get to save some lives, and the powers get to watch us suffer.

In the meantime, I'm left with the urge to call Spike up and ask him if he understands me at all now. Okay, so maybe I'm looking for a little recognition for my suffering, is that really too much to ask?

Of course, this is Spike, what are the chances he's really changed? Bet he's wishing he'd asked me if it made the demon go away first, because he's got to be going half mad with the battle between the demon and the soul.

Yet, I think I'm proud of him, it's gotta hurt like hell, but he's doing the right thing and he's on our side now. He's one of the good-guys. Welcome to the fight where nobody wins, Spike.

Maybe I'll send him a condolences card.

~~~Darla~~~


Somewhere, underneath this false sweetness that the powers that be are forcing on my every emotion, I can feel. Not the 'oh the pain, the pain' kind of feeling, more like I can actually feel people I'm connected to.

Looks like the vamp grapeline is back in full force, bet you the powers didn't count on that.

There's nothing like being incorporeal, and spewing out some soul-inspired soppiness that would make Spike's poetry look good, to make a girl want to find out what's up with her fellow pack-mates.

Hey, the powers said I'd earn my way back to my, what's this, the fourth, chance? Anyways, they said I could earn some sort of redemption and come see my baby; they didn't say I had to like saying all this crap.

Speaking of Spike, looks like he went and got a soul. How fashionable, it's just all the rage now, isn't it? You know if you love the person enough or some bullshit like that.

I can hear Angel now, 'I had a soul first, I was the first,' brooding over it like usual, oh well, Spike's at least the first to go for it voluntarily. I sure as hell didn't want my child-induced soul.

And over the same damn Slayer no less! If I wasn't sure that the powers that be were messing with my head before, I know it now, I should definitely be feeling like ripping the bitch's head off.

She took my boys it seems, and I can assure you, when I come back, the two of us are going to have a little chat. That is if chat covers killing the Slayer, which I think it does. Because from what my new all seeing powers are showing me is that she's been destroying Spike.

That's not allowed, you know, the males of our blood line are strong, that's always how it has been, and if Dru couldn't destroy every fiber of him, I'll be damned if some twenty-year-old cheerleader is going to.

Oh wait, I forgot, I'm already damned and the cheerleader already did destroy him.

My poor great-grandchilde, in so much pain over the Slayer, I'll have to remind him how much like Angel he is, that should piss him off suitably.

What can I say, I feel bad for him, thank you very much ten-minute-soul, that doesn't mean I won't torture him over it. I'm the eldest from our group, and the second I'm undead again, I will remind him what that means. He's ours to torture, mine to torture.

I wonder if you can write letters when you're dead?