Disclaimer: I don't own 'em! At least all the normal characters you recognize, I'm just borrowing the said characters. If I owned them, you could guarantee BtVS and AtS wouldn't be nearly such good shows as they are now! The story, my ego, and my soul belong to me, but if you want to give a kind donation, *ahem* I'll loan 'em out! LOL. Yes, I'm shameless, I know.

Author's Notes: As of yet? None. Do you have any idea how hard it is having author's notes for over one hundred stories? I thought not! Hmmph. Umm, just an idea I had, it was going to be kind of like individual journals or something. I'm not sure. But it's only for (un)alive people.

Story Notes: Hmm, how about when I've written it, then thought about it a lot, I'll put in notes, m'kay? LOL. Okay, so, chapter one takes place sometime after Angel got his soul. Chapter two takes place a little bit after Angelus got back. The third chapter takes place while Darla's human. The fourth takes place when Darla's pregnant with Connor. The fifth takes place right after Connor was born before he got taken to a hell dimension. The sixth takes place while Darla's back for that brief interlude with Connor prior to Jasmine arriving. And the final and seventh chapter happens right after the BtVS series final.

Summary: Angelus has been resouled, twice. Darla's been killed, twice. Spike's been first chipped, then resouled, and now he's dead. And what ever happened to Drusilla? Ever wonder how the rest of the fearsome four felt about all this?

Song: I don't want to talk about this.

Rating: 14-A for language and mentioned violence

Date Started: 03/03/03 Date Finished: 05/28/03





Chapter 7: Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dust: Spike




~~~Angel~~~


After everything he did when he was evil, I would think the suffering of others would tarnish the memory. But after everything he did with a soul, I can't help but feel he didn't deserve it.

Spike didn't deserve to die saving the world; he deserved something better then being a pile of dust in the middle of a crater that used to be a hellmouth.

And yes, I am aware that I never thought I would have said something like this.

I was supposed to be the one to die there, and as much as I whined about it, Spike should have gone off with Buffy and lived happily ever after. They should have thought of a future together. He should have been the one to…. Did I mention that I really hated that cookie dough analogy?

Okay, so maybe I feel a little gypped that I didn't get to kick his ass for all the stupid things he's done recently before he died, but that's only a really tiny part of me.

It's lonely.

There's always been someone who remembers me, who has known me before the soul, before this new world. Someone who understood me, knew me; even if we weren't always on speaking terms.

But everyone's gone now, Penn, Dru, Darla, and now Spike.

I should be cheering for the deaths of mass-murders, but all I feel is emptiness at the end of my bloodline, at the end of my family.

I'm all that's left now, and apparently, I've pretty much made a mess of things. My son hates me, I'm officially part of the enemies' corporation, and all the women I've loved are lost to me in one way or another.

Hell, I'm sitting here brooding about how much I miss Spike, aren't I? That should sum up pretty much everything.

I'm starting to wonder about the world, if any good deed goes unpunished because honestly, Spike didn't deserve to die. He was earning his redemption, willingly, and he was doing a pretty damn good job. I should know; I have done a lot of redeeming.

This is probably some sort of double payback by the powers that be; take everything from the first souled vampire, kill the other one when he least deserved it.

Yeah, redemption's a bitch all right.

The End