At the marina, Joey met Amber at his boat. She kissed him, and he asked, "Can we stay on your boat tonight? Mine's still kind of messy."
Thinking that Chandler must have been sick there in her absence, she shrugged. "Sure. Actually, my boat has an actual bed, and I was thinking we should try it."
"Okay."
So they walked over to her much bigger boat and descended some steps into a rather cozy bedroom below deck.
With a smile, Amber turned on some dance music and began to do an amateur, though enthusiastic strip. But Joey found himself distracted and reminded of the bachelor party last night, so he interrupted her. "Let's skip this part, okay?"
She was disappointed, but shrugged it off with a laugh. "Well, I won't say no to some Joey love."
Turning off the music, they sat on the bed and started kissing and undressing each other. Soon they got under the covers and began fooling around. But as they progressed beyond foreplay, Joey unexpectedly ran into some trouble.
"What's the matter?" Amber asked.
"I--I don't know." He was confused and upset. "This never happened before."
"I believe you." They had done it quite a few times on their last date, and Joey had shown impressive stamina. "Here, maybe I'll do the rest of that strip for you. At least the dancing, since I'm naked already."
"No," he said. "Come here." He tried it again, but still couldn't stay hard. "Damn it!"
She asked, "Did you have too much to drink at the party? Are you tired?"
He shrugged. "I just--I don't know. Maybe it's the boat."
"The boat?"
"Yeah, can we go to your place?"
"No, because my kid's there with the babysitter." Amber was divorced. "How about your place?"
"No. My--my roommate's there. It would be weird."
She sighed. "Okay. Well maybe we should try some other stuff. Like--"
"No, no!" Especially after last night's kiss, Joey needed to prove his masculinity and do what he always did best. Tonight of all nights, he just couldn't be impotent. "Let me try it one more time. I can do it."
But he couldn't, unfortunately, and it drove him nuts. He was too depressed and demoralized to try her other suggestions, so she became impatient with him.
"Fine! Why don't you just go home, then?"
"I'm sorry. I just--"
"Yeah, yeah! It's never happened before. But if you won't even try some other stuff with me, then there's no point in you staying here." She sighed and spoke more sympathetically. "Look, maybe you just need to get some rest, Joey. Call me when you get better, or decide to be more flexible."
Groaning with frustration, he reluctantly got dressed and went upstairs while she remained behind, pouting and trying to decide between calling up some other guy or taking care of herself.
Joey returned to his own boat and sat in his cabin, brooding.
Why was this happening to him? Because he'd kissed Chandler and now felt guilty? Because Chandler had mentioned being impotent on the night of his engagement? Because Amber's boat reminded him of being on the boat with Chandler?
All Joey knew was that he needed to get back to normal, and fast. Unable to face going home right now, Joey decided to stay on his boat again. So he unrolled his sleeping bag and undressed, then got inside and lay down dejectedly. Joey stayed awake for a long time, restlessly thinking about Chandler, and last night's kiss.
***
The next morning, Joey came home in a bad mood and said nothing to anyone, not even the birds, who seemed impatient to get his attention. He shooed them away and went to take a shower.
Chandler was still miserable and ate his breakfast quickly, so that he wouldn't meet Joey coming out of the bathroom. Then he went across the hall to see how Monica was doing with canceling all of the wedding arrangements that she'd made so far.
This time she was furious with Chandler, throwing things at him and suggesting that he call his dad and move to Vegas to join the burlesque show. Then she broke down into tears again, moaning about how her life was ruined. Rachel held her close and murmured, "You'll be fine, honey. Your soul mate is still out there."
Feeling guilty and lonely, Chandler crawled out onto the balcony to hide out with the white dog statue, which they'd left behind during the big move yesterday. No one could remember how they'd managed to squeeze the dog through the balcony window the first time.
There was also a pack of cigarettes that he'd hidden on the balcony a while back, for emergencies. Chandler fished them out, then sat down and smoked, wondering whether Monica would ever be able to forgive him and be friends with him again. Maybe he should ask Carol and Susan about that when he saw them today.
Actually, if he wanted advice, he really ought to contact his dad in Vegas, but it had been so long since Chandler had spoken to his father. He wondered if his dad had ever fallen in love with a straight guy, and if he had any idea how to get over the pain of rejection. Or maybe for his dad it was all about hot sex with the pretty dancers in his burlesque show.
Putting out his cigarette, Chandler finally left the balcony and returned to his apartment to get his coat. Joey was in the living room watching TV, so Chandler said to him quietly, "I'm going over to Carol and Susan's now."
"Oh." Joey turned around. "You gonna be gone for a while?"
"Yeah, um, it'll probably be a few hours. We're gonna have a long talk, and they said they'll get me into a support group and help me start looking for a new apartment. I know I can't stay here forever."
"Well... good luck."
"Thanks."
***
As soon as Chandler left, Joey called up the stripper and asked if she was free to come over.
She said, "Sure. But don't expect me to do all the dancing and stripping that I did at the party. I'm off the clock, you know."
"Yeah, okay." Joey already knew that a striptease wouldn't help him out; he just wanted to get back to normal in a hurry.
By the time the stripper arrived, Joey had cooked a nice lunch for them, and he really put on the charm, even though he didn't feel nearly as confident as he usually did on dates.
She smiled and commented, "So you do know how to treat a girl right. Keep it up and you might get somewhere with me." She was cautious and teasing, wanting to retain control of the situation; after all, she'd been practically naked in front of him already.
Joey understood her tactics and decided to make use of his European backpacking story, though he was distracted by the birds constantly making noise and hanging around the table. He thought they were just begging for scraps from the meal, but they didn't go away, no matter what he offered them. Fortunately, the stripper found the birds cute, so after some playing around, they finally retired to Joey's bedroom together.
Joey tried to have sex with her, but still couldn't do it, and it didn't help that the birds kept quacking and clucking outside the door.
"Do they always do that?" she asked.
"No," he groaned, but was glad to have an excuse for his difficulty. "I don't know what's wrong with them today." He shooed the birds into Chandler's bedroom and shut the door, then he returned to bed and attempted intercourse again. When that failed, Joey grudgingly asked her for any help she could give, so they tried other kinds of sex, but nothing helped his condition.
"Are you tired or something?"
He grunted miserably and wished he could truthfully say, "This never happened before."
She kissed him and said, "I'm sorry, but I better go now. Maybe you should get your birds checked out by a vet, and go see a doctor yourself. Maybe you caught something from them. Good luck." She got up and got dressed.
After she left, Joey lay there for a while, considering whether he should call up Amber and try it again with her. Still, he didn't think he'd fare any better with her than he'd just done with the stripper. But Joey remained desperate to get back to normal, so he decided to get dressed and go out to find another woman. He better hurry, in case Chandler came home, or maybe they could go back to her place.
Thinking that Chandler must have been sick there in her absence, she shrugged. "Sure. Actually, my boat has an actual bed, and I was thinking we should try it."
"Okay."
So they walked over to her much bigger boat and descended some steps into a rather cozy bedroom below deck.
With a smile, Amber turned on some dance music and began to do an amateur, though enthusiastic strip. But Joey found himself distracted and reminded of the bachelor party last night, so he interrupted her. "Let's skip this part, okay?"
She was disappointed, but shrugged it off with a laugh. "Well, I won't say no to some Joey love."
Turning off the music, they sat on the bed and started kissing and undressing each other. Soon they got under the covers and began fooling around. But as they progressed beyond foreplay, Joey unexpectedly ran into some trouble.
"What's the matter?" Amber asked.
"I--I don't know." He was confused and upset. "This never happened before."
"I believe you." They had done it quite a few times on their last date, and Joey had shown impressive stamina. "Here, maybe I'll do the rest of that strip for you. At least the dancing, since I'm naked already."
"No," he said. "Come here." He tried it again, but still couldn't stay hard. "Damn it!"
She asked, "Did you have too much to drink at the party? Are you tired?"
He shrugged. "I just--I don't know. Maybe it's the boat."
"The boat?"
"Yeah, can we go to your place?"
"No, because my kid's there with the babysitter." Amber was divorced. "How about your place?"
"No. My--my roommate's there. It would be weird."
She sighed. "Okay. Well maybe we should try some other stuff. Like--"
"No, no!" Especially after last night's kiss, Joey needed to prove his masculinity and do what he always did best. Tonight of all nights, he just couldn't be impotent. "Let me try it one more time. I can do it."
But he couldn't, unfortunately, and it drove him nuts. He was too depressed and demoralized to try her other suggestions, so she became impatient with him.
"Fine! Why don't you just go home, then?"
"I'm sorry. I just--"
"Yeah, yeah! It's never happened before. But if you won't even try some other stuff with me, then there's no point in you staying here." She sighed and spoke more sympathetically. "Look, maybe you just need to get some rest, Joey. Call me when you get better, or decide to be more flexible."
Groaning with frustration, he reluctantly got dressed and went upstairs while she remained behind, pouting and trying to decide between calling up some other guy or taking care of herself.
Joey returned to his own boat and sat in his cabin, brooding.
Why was this happening to him? Because he'd kissed Chandler and now felt guilty? Because Chandler had mentioned being impotent on the night of his engagement? Because Amber's boat reminded him of being on the boat with Chandler?
All Joey knew was that he needed to get back to normal, and fast. Unable to face going home right now, Joey decided to stay on his boat again. So he unrolled his sleeping bag and undressed, then got inside and lay down dejectedly. Joey stayed awake for a long time, restlessly thinking about Chandler, and last night's kiss.
***
The next morning, Joey came home in a bad mood and said nothing to anyone, not even the birds, who seemed impatient to get his attention. He shooed them away and went to take a shower.
Chandler was still miserable and ate his breakfast quickly, so that he wouldn't meet Joey coming out of the bathroom. Then he went across the hall to see how Monica was doing with canceling all of the wedding arrangements that she'd made so far.
This time she was furious with Chandler, throwing things at him and suggesting that he call his dad and move to Vegas to join the burlesque show. Then she broke down into tears again, moaning about how her life was ruined. Rachel held her close and murmured, "You'll be fine, honey. Your soul mate is still out there."
Feeling guilty and lonely, Chandler crawled out onto the balcony to hide out with the white dog statue, which they'd left behind during the big move yesterday. No one could remember how they'd managed to squeeze the dog through the balcony window the first time.
There was also a pack of cigarettes that he'd hidden on the balcony a while back, for emergencies. Chandler fished them out, then sat down and smoked, wondering whether Monica would ever be able to forgive him and be friends with him again. Maybe he should ask Carol and Susan about that when he saw them today.
Actually, if he wanted advice, he really ought to contact his dad in Vegas, but it had been so long since Chandler had spoken to his father. He wondered if his dad had ever fallen in love with a straight guy, and if he had any idea how to get over the pain of rejection. Or maybe for his dad it was all about hot sex with the pretty dancers in his burlesque show.
Putting out his cigarette, Chandler finally left the balcony and returned to his apartment to get his coat. Joey was in the living room watching TV, so Chandler said to him quietly, "I'm going over to Carol and Susan's now."
"Oh." Joey turned around. "You gonna be gone for a while?"
"Yeah, um, it'll probably be a few hours. We're gonna have a long talk, and they said they'll get me into a support group and help me start looking for a new apartment. I know I can't stay here forever."
"Well... good luck."
"Thanks."
***
As soon as Chandler left, Joey called up the stripper and asked if she was free to come over.
She said, "Sure. But don't expect me to do all the dancing and stripping that I did at the party. I'm off the clock, you know."
"Yeah, okay." Joey already knew that a striptease wouldn't help him out; he just wanted to get back to normal in a hurry.
By the time the stripper arrived, Joey had cooked a nice lunch for them, and he really put on the charm, even though he didn't feel nearly as confident as he usually did on dates.
She smiled and commented, "So you do know how to treat a girl right. Keep it up and you might get somewhere with me." She was cautious and teasing, wanting to retain control of the situation; after all, she'd been practically naked in front of him already.
Joey understood her tactics and decided to make use of his European backpacking story, though he was distracted by the birds constantly making noise and hanging around the table. He thought they were just begging for scraps from the meal, but they didn't go away, no matter what he offered them. Fortunately, the stripper found the birds cute, so after some playing around, they finally retired to Joey's bedroom together.
Joey tried to have sex with her, but still couldn't do it, and it didn't help that the birds kept quacking and clucking outside the door.
"Do they always do that?" she asked.
"No," he groaned, but was glad to have an excuse for his difficulty. "I don't know what's wrong with them today." He shooed the birds into Chandler's bedroom and shut the door, then he returned to bed and attempted intercourse again. When that failed, Joey grudgingly asked her for any help she could give, so they tried other kinds of sex, but nothing helped his condition.
"Are you tired or something?"
He grunted miserably and wished he could truthfully say, "This never happened before."
She kissed him and said, "I'm sorry, but I better go now. Maybe you should get your birds checked out by a vet, and go see a doctor yourself. Maybe you caught something from them. Good luck." She got up and got dressed.
After she left, Joey lay there for a while, considering whether he should call up Amber and try it again with her. Still, he didn't think he'd fare any better with her than he'd just done with the stripper. But Joey remained desperate to get back to normal, so he decided to get dressed and go out to find another woman. He better hurry, in case Chandler came home, or maybe they could go back to her place.
