~
Spike whistled to himself as he walked through the town.
Unlife can't get much sweeter than this.
Unless the Slayer was dead.
But that would come later.
But sooner would be better. A tiny voice in his brain urged. He swallowed heavily. He wouldn't have to bide his time much longer, but, damn, was he getting sick of it.
"Feel like bloody Angelus." He whispered. He stopped when he heard a rustle in the bush next to him. He raised an eyebrow and smirked. It was either one of two things...
a) violence
b) dinner
Or perhaps a bit of both... He thought and he yanked the intruder out of the plant and took in her identity. She looked familiar...
"Tell me it isn't true." She said, her voice low and urgent. Spike let out a huge smirk. Now he remembered. She was one of the Slayer's mates. Cute little brunette thing...maybe I'll turn her...
"What can I say, baby? I've always been bad." He whispered.
"No. No, you're not." She pleaded, her eyes filled with tears. Spike shook his head.
"When are you white-hats gonna learn, huh? Vampire equals evil. I'm a vampire. You do the bloody math." He lit a cigarette...this little chit was beginning to piss him off already.
"You brought me here, though! You wanted to save Buffy!" Dawn screamed, hoping to break through to him somehow...to bring back the Spike she knew and loved. When she said that, though, Spike got a strange look on his face...his eyes widened and a smile creeped across his lips.
"I brought you here, eh? You mean to this area, to this state...?" Spike's eyes gleamed maliciously.
"You know what I'm talking about." Dawn hissed.
"Refresh my memory. The Choosers...what do they have to do with this?" Dawn gave him an incredulous look.
"They're the ones who put this whole thing into motion, duh."
"Put what into motion?!?!" Spike screamed, grabbing Dawn's shoulders roughly and throwing her to the ground. In the split second that Dawn shielded her face, however, something had pushed Spike away and began to pummel him, profusely.
Buffy thrashed and bashed his head into the ground, kneeing him in the stomach as she straddled him. Spike tried to kick her off him, but soon found that there was no stopping the woman. He moved and grabbed at her wrists, but she just twisted his She was like a crazed woman with an almost demonic mantra of 'Kill, kill, kill...' dancing in her eyes. In one last final blow, she stepped on his groin, to which he groaned in agony. Buffy stood up and glared down at him. He held his stomach, but glared up with hate.
She was a good fighter.
He stood up briskly and went to punch the Slayer, but she caught his fist mid-swing. Her eyes darkened and she dipped her voice dangerously.
"Stay the hell away from my sister."
~
"So he just told you then?" Dawn asked, still in shock as Buffy aimlessly tidied up her newfound baby sister's room. She had just recounted everything to Dawn, but still barely believed it herself...it was like something out of a daydream. A horrifyingly traumatic daydream, but a daydream none the less.
"Yeah...I sort of freaked."
"Naturally." Dawn replied. Buffy looked down and gave a sad smile.
"Probably more than I should have. I didn't even let him explain anything...not that I wouldn't have been any less angry at him, but still..." Dawn bit her lip and finally asked the question that had been biting at her side since Buffy had saved her from Evil!Spike.
"Are you mad at me?" Buffy snapped her gaze over to Dawn.
"I don't...I don't know. I feel a little drained. It's like, all this anger was pouring out toward Spike because I feel he's more responsible for everything, but at the same time..." Buffy rounded on her sister, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Cuz you wouldn't have believed me. Or Spike. And because, we got to the point where you would've believed us, Spi- * we * thought that you would get angry with us and ditch us and it would all be for nothing." Buffy nodded gravely.
"Guess I proved that theory right." Dawn shook her head vigorously.
"No! You're proving it wrong right now! You're being amazingly calm." Buffy gave a short laugh.
"That's because I'd probably pass out if I wasn't."
"Oh."
They sat in silence...Buffy rubbing her neck and Dawn twiddling her thumbs. Buffy took a deep intake of breath.
"So, um, in this other reality place..." Dawn looked up expectantly. Buffy bit the bullet, "What happened?"
Dawn smiled and patted her bed.
"Sit down, this might take awhile."
~
"Interesting...interesting..." Giles repeated for the eightieth time since Xander had told the group about his, as Jesse had wryly described it, 'adventures in Chooserland.'
"Yes, Rupert. We get it. It's interesting. Es muy intersante." Jenny replied, rubbing her temples, "Could you please tell us what you think?"
"Yeah, cuz I'd like to know." Xander said. Cordelia rolled her eyes.
"Duh! He's gonna get sent on some mission, these freaky Fighter people are gonna meet him there, end of story. Then there's the two Spike thing, but I don't even get what the big deal with that is to begin with. So he's boinking that Buffy girl; who cares? Lots of girls date bad boys."
"Can we gag her?" Xander asked, pointing at Cordelia. She pinched him and glared.
"I'm serious." She whined.
"Yes and that's what's so scary."
"Not about the boinking part! That was..."
"What?" Xander asked, "An attempt at inappropriate dark humor? Cuz let me tell ya, honey, you shouldn't quit your day job."
"It's probably less verbatim than that." Willow cut the bickering teens off, "The whole mission thing, I mean."
"Yes, quite. The, uh, The Choosers never give a straight answer even when it is seemingly." Giles explained as he wiped his glasses clean. Jenny laid a reassuring hand on his arm and he continued, "You see, The Choosers have been around, er, well, nearly as long as the earth. Some longer. Some come from the time when, uh, when demons ruled the earth. They always wished that they could bring it back, to that time...however, the more, uh, human ones, the eight which you encountered, wish nothing more than happiness for humans. That is where the Keeper of the Earthly Secrets comes into play. He was from the time of demons, yet..."
"Yet what?" Jesse asked.
"Yet he sided with the humans." Giles began to pace around the room, everything coming to him in a moment's notice, "And ever since the moment he chose his side, there has been a great conflict of power between the two. If ever the demonic Choosers would regain power, all hell would break loose. According to prophecies, it would happen unless a Slayer could help fight it. But, dammit!" Giles pounded a desk with his fist as a thought suddenly came to him.
"What?" Xander asked breathlessly, caught up in the explanation.
"Whatever is happening, that's not it. It has to be something else."
"Why?" Willow asked.
"Well, you see, the only way that the demonic Choosers could ever even possibly gain power would be through a break in the link of time. Something, anything coming forward or going backward. And that notion is preposterous. Besides that, there's also the fact that the prophecies are so contradictory that no one even takes them seriously anymore, but...I really thought I had something for a moment there."
"But it's good that that's not happening." Jesse stated, hoping no one else would notice Giles' disappointed face.
"Well, yes. It would be worse than anything possibly imaginable. The order of the world would be completely reversed. Which is why the break is needed, you see."
Everyone nodded in understanding, glad to put that idea far from their minds. Jesse cleared his throat.
"This is kinda off topic, but has anyone seen my girlfriend?"
~
Buffy laughed and clapped her hands together.
"That is soo priceless! 'Second best.' Ha! That's so cool. I really like this version of Angel better." Dawn smiled.
"Well, then you moved away and showed that you weren't really chained up. You fought Faith and then you and Angel ran out, with all this new information on the mayor."
"Cool! Then what happened? With the mayor, I mean? Skip over boring stuff." Dawn continued.
"Well, just a note, Angel broke up with you before prom and you were completely devastated."
"Asshole! Right before prom? That's cruel." Dawn gave her a look.
"Do you wanna tell it?" Buffy put up her hands in a truce and mimed zipping her lips. Dawn laughed and shook her head.
"So anyway, you found out that he, the mayor, wanted to become a pure demon and that he was going to do it on graduation. You told me and mom not to come because of it...which frankly, I was just glad to have an excuse not to come to a stuffy graduation ceremony. You ended up throwing various bombs and fire-starter-thingys in the mayor's direction when this happened, he looked like a huge-ass snake, by the way, and he blew up along with the school."
"Harsh." Buffy interjected, "So, then what happened? Did Angel stick around?"
"No...he moved to L.A. Which he has to do now." Buffy tilted her head and gave Dawn a quizzical look, "That's what The Choosers told Spike. It's for your safety." Buffy frowned slightly, mentally making a note to think about that fact later...but her curiosity to find out more about her life took over everything.
"Go on. What happened next?"
"Well, now we go to Buffy: The College Years..."
~
Angel opened his refrigerator door and pulled out a bag of blood. He sunk his teeth into the plastic and took a few sips before he sighed and threw it back into the refrigerator. He wasn't hungry.
CRASH!
Angel jumped into a fighting stance, searching his eyes around the apartment. He hissed when he saw Spike standing before him.
"What the hell do you want?" He asked, ready to attack the second Spike pissed him off.
"I need your help." The vampire replied, his voice hard.
"Why would I ever help you, you mother fucker?" Angel asked, grabbing Spike by his collar, "You screwed everything up for me." Spike laughed, but then coughed, his bruises suddenly pounding his nerve endings.
"You didn't hear? I'm the real Spike; the other one's an imposter." Angel put him down, cautiously.
"What?"
"Yeah, son-of-a-bitch wants to kill Buffy. He tried to convince him that he has a soul and all that rubbish. Then he started to bloody date her. From what I've heard he's been trying to kill her since he bloody well got here." Angel's nostrils flared. Spike shook his head, doing his best to play the concerned vampire.
"So you're the real good guy?" Angel asked.
"Yeah. I mean, who're you gonna trust? The souled vampire who's fucking the Slayer or the souled vampire who just wants to save the world." Spike felt sick as he pretended to have a soul, but reminded himself that he was doing it for Drusilla.
Angel paused, "What do you want me to do?"
Spike just smiled.
~
"She-she died?" Buffy asked Dawn, tears in both of their eyes.
"Yeah." Dawn whispered, "A brain aneurysm. Apparently, it was a side effect from the surgery."
"So then it was all for nothing!! There was no point to it at all!" Buffy fought back tears as she paced around the room.
"It gave us more time." Pause. "Most likely."
"Most likely." Buffy repeated with a tiny, sarcastic laugh. Dawn stood up next to Buffy and touched her arm.
"Do you want me to go on?" Buffy looked over at her.
"Just give me the nutshell version."
"Nutshell version? Okay, Glory tortured Spike for information, he didn't give any, you respected him then, Glory sucked out Tara's brains, showed Glory who I was, we ran off, Glory was Ben and Ben was Glory, you called Ben, Ben morphed into Glory and took me away, apparently you went into a state of shock, you got better, everyone planned to save me by stalling Glory, Doc pushed Spike away, he cut me, you died to save my life, everyone was devastated, Willow brought you back, everyone was thrilled, you were in heaven, you felt like you were hell while you were here, you went to Spike for comfort, you ended up sleeping with him, you broke up with him when Riley came back married, Xander left Anya at the altar, Anya became a vengeance demon again, Spike slept with Anya, Spike tried to rape you, Willow tried to end the world, Xander stopped her, Spike went to Africa to get a soul, he came back, pretended to be evil so you would kill him, you almost staked him, he lunged at you but ended up crying in your arms, he told you everything, you welcomed him into the Scoobs, you fell in love with him, you were too proud to tell him, you finally did, you guys dated for three months, you were killed again, and here we are."
Buffy blinked.
"I think the detailed version * might * be needed..."
~
Hours later, Buffy and Dawn still sat on the bed, reflecting on everything Dawn had said.
"Spike really does love me." Buffy finally said.
"More than anything. Especially now that he has a soul." Dawn tilted her head to look at Buffy, "He never wanted to hurt you."
"I know. I mean, * now * I know." Buffy sighed, "We both really screwed this one up." Dawn gave her a confused look, "Me and Spike, I mean." Dawn nodded.
"I guess. I mean, you can always un-screw it." Buffy shook her head.
"I don't know if I'm ready to. I mean...I love him, but sometimes it's not enough."
"It's always been enough." Dawn said. Buffy locked her eyes with her sister's.
"Maybe. Someday." Dawn laughed a sad little laugh.
"Someday might not be good enough. I mean, if what The Choosers said about the apocalypse it true, then..." Buffy sighed.
"Yeah, I know. I know! God, I just...I just love him so much and I just want everything to be okay, but at the same time I don't know what's true and what's not. And what if he hates me, now?" Buffy looked up at Dawn with unshed tears. One slinked down cautiously and Dawn caught it with her finger.
"Buffy, you've beaten Spike up, you've used him, you've done awful, horrible things to him."
"Guilt trip much?" Buffy asked, wiping under her eyes.
"He never once stopped loving you." Buffy shot her gaze up and smiled gently.
"That's comforting. For now." Buffy ran her fingers down the length of Dawn's hair and kissed her temple. Dawn suddenly wrapped her arms around Buffy and hugged her tightly.
"It's so good to have you back, Buffy." Dawn whispered. Buffy smiled into her sister's hair and closed her eyes.
It was as if Dawn had just become a part of her.
~
Spike leaned against a tombstone, glaring up at the slowly fading stars. He couldn't help but hate them as they gleamed cheerfully, mocking him. He took a deep unnecessary breath. God, I bloody hate this.
He allowed himself to think for a moment about her, about what she was doing. The most likely scenario is that she was cursing his name to all of her mates and they (Xander, in particular) would come for his head in a matter of seconds.
Spike rolled his tongue over his lips and watched as the first signs of light streamed in.
He wondered, for just a split second, what the sunrise looked like. It had been 130+ years since he had seen it...
Spike shook his head. He was being absurd. So Buffy was mad at him- it certainly wasn't the first time.
Yet it felt like it was.
The sun was becoming dangerously visible...he needed to move. He was almost frozen, though, watching the taboo scene. However, he shook himself out of his stupor and ducked into the street. He opened a sewer gate and hopped down.
A new day dawned.
~
Buffy walked through the school hallways, doing her best to avoid Xander and Willow. Everything had happened so quickly and she just wasn't ready to talk to them...yet. She didn't want to talk to anyone.
This, however, was not meant to be.
A cold hand yanked her into the basement and backed her up against the wall.
"We have to talk." Spike stated urgently, using his arms as a makeshift cage to keep her from leaving. Buffy folded her arms and quirked her eyebrows.
"About what?" She asked more harshly than she meant. Spike gave her an incredulous look.
"Buffy, I love you. God help me, but I do. You're everything to me and the last thing I'd ever want is to hurt you. And if I had known that you would reacted this way, I'd have told you about everything from the get go." Buffy looked down, trying her hardest to avoid his stormy gaze.
"I know." She finally whispered. Spike drew in his eyebrows.
"Then what's the problem?" Buffy swallowed and rolled her neck back, leaning the top of her head against the wall.
"I don't know. I just...I need some time to digest everything." Spike nodded. "And I don't just mean, like, a week. I need longer than that. There's a lot I don't understand. I think that we should just try to slow down a little...I do want to be with you, but right now...I'm confused."
Spike clenched his jaw and faked a smile.
"Right then." He finally said. He breathed in shakily and turned to leave, but Buffy caught him. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. Spike closed his eyes and leaned into her lips, but she pulled away.
"I do love you." She assured him, "But for now..."
"I love you, too." Spike whispered urgently, "And I understand. I don't like it, but I understand it."
Buffy gave him a sad smile and a tiny wave.
Spike watched helplessly as Buffy went up the stairs, shut the door, and left.
~
tbc...
Spike whistled to himself as he walked through the town.
Unlife can't get much sweeter than this.
Unless the Slayer was dead.
But that would come later.
But sooner would be better. A tiny voice in his brain urged. He swallowed heavily. He wouldn't have to bide his time much longer, but, damn, was he getting sick of it.
"Feel like bloody Angelus." He whispered. He stopped when he heard a rustle in the bush next to him. He raised an eyebrow and smirked. It was either one of two things...
a) violence
b) dinner
Or perhaps a bit of both... He thought and he yanked the intruder out of the plant and took in her identity. She looked familiar...
"Tell me it isn't true." She said, her voice low and urgent. Spike let out a huge smirk. Now he remembered. She was one of the Slayer's mates. Cute little brunette thing...maybe I'll turn her...
"What can I say, baby? I've always been bad." He whispered.
"No. No, you're not." She pleaded, her eyes filled with tears. Spike shook his head.
"When are you white-hats gonna learn, huh? Vampire equals evil. I'm a vampire. You do the bloody math." He lit a cigarette...this little chit was beginning to piss him off already.
"You brought me here, though! You wanted to save Buffy!" Dawn screamed, hoping to break through to him somehow...to bring back the Spike she knew and loved. When she said that, though, Spike got a strange look on his face...his eyes widened and a smile creeped across his lips.
"I brought you here, eh? You mean to this area, to this state...?" Spike's eyes gleamed maliciously.
"You know what I'm talking about." Dawn hissed.
"Refresh my memory. The Choosers...what do they have to do with this?" Dawn gave him an incredulous look.
"They're the ones who put this whole thing into motion, duh."
"Put what into motion?!?!" Spike screamed, grabbing Dawn's shoulders roughly and throwing her to the ground. In the split second that Dawn shielded her face, however, something had pushed Spike away and began to pummel him, profusely.
Buffy thrashed and bashed his head into the ground, kneeing him in the stomach as she straddled him. Spike tried to kick her off him, but soon found that there was no stopping the woman. He moved and grabbed at her wrists, but she just twisted his She was like a crazed woman with an almost demonic mantra of 'Kill, kill, kill...' dancing in her eyes. In one last final blow, she stepped on his groin, to which he groaned in agony. Buffy stood up and glared down at him. He held his stomach, but glared up with hate.
She was a good fighter.
He stood up briskly and went to punch the Slayer, but she caught his fist mid-swing. Her eyes darkened and she dipped her voice dangerously.
"Stay the hell away from my sister."
~
"So he just told you then?" Dawn asked, still in shock as Buffy aimlessly tidied up her newfound baby sister's room. She had just recounted everything to Dawn, but still barely believed it herself...it was like something out of a daydream. A horrifyingly traumatic daydream, but a daydream none the less.
"Yeah...I sort of freaked."
"Naturally." Dawn replied. Buffy looked down and gave a sad smile.
"Probably more than I should have. I didn't even let him explain anything...not that I wouldn't have been any less angry at him, but still..." Dawn bit her lip and finally asked the question that had been biting at her side since Buffy had saved her from Evil!Spike.
"Are you mad at me?" Buffy snapped her gaze over to Dawn.
"I don't...I don't know. I feel a little drained. It's like, all this anger was pouring out toward Spike because I feel he's more responsible for everything, but at the same time..." Buffy rounded on her sister, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Cuz you wouldn't have believed me. Or Spike. And because, we got to the point where you would've believed us, Spi- * we * thought that you would get angry with us and ditch us and it would all be for nothing." Buffy nodded gravely.
"Guess I proved that theory right." Dawn shook her head vigorously.
"No! You're proving it wrong right now! You're being amazingly calm." Buffy gave a short laugh.
"That's because I'd probably pass out if I wasn't."
"Oh."
They sat in silence...Buffy rubbing her neck and Dawn twiddling her thumbs. Buffy took a deep intake of breath.
"So, um, in this other reality place..." Dawn looked up expectantly. Buffy bit the bullet, "What happened?"
Dawn smiled and patted her bed.
"Sit down, this might take awhile."
~
"Interesting...interesting..." Giles repeated for the eightieth time since Xander had told the group about his, as Jesse had wryly described it, 'adventures in Chooserland.'
"Yes, Rupert. We get it. It's interesting. Es muy intersante." Jenny replied, rubbing her temples, "Could you please tell us what you think?"
"Yeah, cuz I'd like to know." Xander said. Cordelia rolled her eyes.
"Duh! He's gonna get sent on some mission, these freaky Fighter people are gonna meet him there, end of story. Then there's the two Spike thing, but I don't even get what the big deal with that is to begin with. So he's boinking that Buffy girl; who cares? Lots of girls date bad boys."
"Can we gag her?" Xander asked, pointing at Cordelia. She pinched him and glared.
"I'm serious." She whined.
"Yes and that's what's so scary."
"Not about the boinking part! That was..."
"What?" Xander asked, "An attempt at inappropriate dark humor? Cuz let me tell ya, honey, you shouldn't quit your day job."
"It's probably less verbatim than that." Willow cut the bickering teens off, "The whole mission thing, I mean."
"Yes, quite. The, uh, The Choosers never give a straight answer even when it is seemingly." Giles explained as he wiped his glasses clean. Jenny laid a reassuring hand on his arm and he continued, "You see, The Choosers have been around, er, well, nearly as long as the earth. Some longer. Some come from the time when, uh, when demons ruled the earth. They always wished that they could bring it back, to that time...however, the more, uh, human ones, the eight which you encountered, wish nothing more than happiness for humans. That is where the Keeper of the Earthly Secrets comes into play. He was from the time of demons, yet..."
"Yet what?" Jesse asked.
"Yet he sided with the humans." Giles began to pace around the room, everything coming to him in a moment's notice, "And ever since the moment he chose his side, there has been a great conflict of power between the two. If ever the demonic Choosers would regain power, all hell would break loose. According to prophecies, it would happen unless a Slayer could help fight it. But, dammit!" Giles pounded a desk with his fist as a thought suddenly came to him.
"What?" Xander asked breathlessly, caught up in the explanation.
"Whatever is happening, that's not it. It has to be something else."
"Why?" Willow asked.
"Well, you see, the only way that the demonic Choosers could ever even possibly gain power would be through a break in the link of time. Something, anything coming forward or going backward. And that notion is preposterous. Besides that, there's also the fact that the prophecies are so contradictory that no one even takes them seriously anymore, but...I really thought I had something for a moment there."
"But it's good that that's not happening." Jesse stated, hoping no one else would notice Giles' disappointed face.
"Well, yes. It would be worse than anything possibly imaginable. The order of the world would be completely reversed. Which is why the break is needed, you see."
Everyone nodded in understanding, glad to put that idea far from their minds. Jesse cleared his throat.
"This is kinda off topic, but has anyone seen my girlfriend?"
~
Buffy laughed and clapped her hands together.
"That is soo priceless! 'Second best.' Ha! That's so cool. I really like this version of Angel better." Dawn smiled.
"Well, then you moved away and showed that you weren't really chained up. You fought Faith and then you and Angel ran out, with all this new information on the mayor."
"Cool! Then what happened? With the mayor, I mean? Skip over boring stuff." Dawn continued.
"Well, just a note, Angel broke up with you before prom and you were completely devastated."
"Asshole! Right before prom? That's cruel." Dawn gave her a look.
"Do you wanna tell it?" Buffy put up her hands in a truce and mimed zipping her lips. Dawn laughed and shook her head.
"So anyway, you found out that he, the mayor, wanted to become a pure demon and that he was going to do it on graduation. You told me and mom not to come because of it...which frankly, I was just glad to have an excuse not to come to a stuffy graduation ceremony. You ended up throwing various bombs and fire-starter-thingys in the mayor's direction when this happened, he looked like a huge-ass snake, by the way, and he blew up along with the school."
"Harsh." Buffy interjected, "So, then what happened? Did Angel stick around?"
"No...he moved to L.A. Which he has to do now." Buffy tilted her head and gave Dawn a quizzical look, "That's what The Choosers told Spike. It's for your safety." Buffy frowned slightly, mentally making a note to think about that fact later...but her curiosity to find out more about her life took over everything.
"Go on. What happened next?"
"Well, now we go to Buffy: The College Years..."
~
Angel opened his refrigerator door and pulled out a bag of blood. He sunk his teeth into the plastic and took a few sips before he sighed and threw it back into the refrigerator. He wasn't hungry.
CRASH!
Angel jumped into a fighting stance, searching his eyes around the apartment. He hissed when he saw Spike standing before him.
"What the hell do you want?" He asked, ready to attack the second Spike pissed him off.
"I need your help." The vampire replied, his voice hard.
"Why would I ever help you, you mother fucker?" Angel asked, grabbing Spike by his collar, "You screwed everything up for me." Spike laughed, but then coughed, his bruises suddenly pounding his nerve endings.
"You didn't hear? I'm the real Spike; the other one's an imposter." Angel put him down, cautiously.
"What?"
"Yeah, son-of-a-bitch wants to kill Buffy. He tried to convince him that he has a soul and all that rubbish. Then he started to bloody date her. From what I've heard he's been trying to kill her since he bloody well got here." Angel's nostrils flared. Spike shook his head, doing his best to play the concerned vampire.
"So you're the real good guy?" Angel asked.
"Yeah. I mean, who're you gonna trust? The souled vampire who's fucking the Slayer or the souled vampire who just wants to save the world." Spike felt sick as he pretended to have a soul, but reminded himself that he was doing it for Drusilla.
Angel paused, "What do you want me to do?"
Spike just smiled.
~
"She-she died?" Buffy asked Dawn, tears in both of their eyes.
"Yeah." Dawn whispered, "A brain aneurysm. Apparently, it was a side effect from the surgery."
"So then it was all for nothing!! There was no point to it at all!" Buffy fought back tears as she paced around the room.
"It gave us more time." Pause. "Most likely."
"Most likely." Buffy repeated with a tiny, sarcastic laugh. Dawn stood up next to Buffy and touched her arm.
"Do you want me to go on?" Buffy looked over at her.
"Just give me the nutshell version."
"Nutshell version? Okay, Glory tortured Spike for information, he didn't give any, you respected him then, Glory sucked out Tara's brains, showed Glory who I was, we ran off, Glory was Ben and Ben was Glory, you called Ben, Ben morphed into Glory and took me away, apparently you went into a state of shock, you got better, everyone planned to save me by stalling Glory, Doc pushed Spike away, he cut me, you died to save my life, everyone was devastated, Willow brought you back, everyone was thrilled, you were in heaven, you felt like you were hell while you were here, you went to Spike for comfort, you ended up sleeping with him, you broke up with him when Riley came back married, Xander left Anya at the altar, Anya became a vengeance demon again, Spike slept with Anya, Spike tried to rape you, Willow tried to end the world, Xander stopped her, Spike went to Africa to get a soul, he came back, pretended to be evil so you would kill him, you almost staked him, he lunged at you but ended up crying in your arms, he told you everything, you welcomed him into the Scoobs, you fell in love with him, you were too proud to tell him, you finally did, you guys dated for three months, you were killed again, and here we are."
Buffy blinked.
"I think the detailed version * might * be needed..."
~
Hours later, Buffy and Dawn still sat on the bed, reflecting on everything Dawn had said.
"Spike really does love me." Buffy finally said.
"More than anything. Especially now that he has a soul." Dawn tilted her head to look at Buffy, "He never wanted to hurt you."
"I know. I mean, * now * I know." Buffy sighed, "We both really screwed this one up." Dawn gave her a confused look, "Me and Spike, I mean." Dawn nodded.
"I guess. I mean, you can always un-screw it." Buffy shook her head.
"I don't know if I'm ready to. I mean...I love him, but sometimes it's not enough."
"It's always been enough." Dawn said. Buffy locked her eyes with her sister's.
"Maybe. Someday." Dawn laughed a sad little laugh.
"Someday might not be good enough. I mean, if what The Choosers said about the apocalypse it true, then..." Buffy sighed.
"Yeah, I know. I know! God, I just...I just love him so much and I just want everything to be okay, but at the same time I don't know what's true and what's not. And what if he hates me, now?" Buffy looked up at Dawn with unshed tears. One slinked down cautiously and Dawn caught it with her finger.
"Buffy, you've beaten Spike up, you've used him, you've done awful, horrible things to him."
"Guilt trip much?" Buffy asked, wiping under her eyes.
"He never once stopped loving you." Buffy shot her gaze up and smiled gently.
"That's comforting. For now." Buffy ran her fingers down the length of Dawn's hair and kissed her temple. Dawn suddenly wrapped her arms around Buffy and hugged her tightly.
"It's so good to have you back, Buffy." Dawn whispered. Buffy smiled into her sister's hair and closed her eyes.
It was as if Dawn had just become a part of her.
~
Spike leaned against a tombstone, glaring up at the slowly fading stars. He couldn't help but hate them as they gleamed cheerfully, mocking him. He took a deep unnecessary breath. God, I bloody hate this.
He allowed himself to think for a moment about her, about what she was doing. The most likely scenario is that she was cursing his name to all of her mates and they (Xander, in particular) would come for his head in a matter of seconds.
Spike rolled his tongue over his lips and watched as the first signs of light streamed in.
He wondered, for just a split second, what the sunrise looked like. It had been 130+ years since he had seen it...
Spike shook his head. He was being absurd. So Buffy was mad at him- it certainly wasn't the first time.
Yet it felt like it was.
The sun was becoming dangerously visible...he needed to move. He was almost frozen, though, watching the taboo scene. However, he shook himself out of his stupor and ducked into the street. He opened a sewer gate and hopped down.
A new day dawned.
~
Buffy walked through the school hallways, doing her best to avoid Xander and Willow. Everything had happened so quickly and she just wasn't ready to talk to them...yet. She didn't want to talk to anyone.
This, however, was not meant to be.
A cold hand yanked her into the basement and backed her up against the wall.
"We have to talk." Spike stated urgently, using his arms as a makeshift cage to keep her from leaving. Buffy folded her arms and quirked her eyebrows.
"About what?" She asked more harshly than she meant. Spike gave her an incredulous look.
"Buffy, I love you. God help me, but I do. You're everything to me and the last thing I'd ever want is to hurt you. And if I had known that you would reacted this way, I'd have told you about everything from the get go." Buffy looked down, trying her hardest to avoid his stormy gaze.
"I know." She finally whispered. Spike drew in his eyebrows.
"Then what's the problem?" Buffy swallowed and rolled her neck back, leaning the top of her head against the wall.
"I don't know. I just...I need some time to digest everything." Spike nodded. "And I don't just mean, like, a week. I need longer than that. There's a lot I don't understand. I think that we should just try to slow down a little...I do want to be with you, but right now...I'm confused."
Spike clenched his jaw and faked a smile.
"Right then." He finally said. He breathed in shakily and turned to leave, but Buffy caught him. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. Spike closed his eyes and leaned into her lips, but she pulled away.
"I do love you." She assured him, "But for now..."
"I love you, too." Spike whispered urgently, "And I understand. I don't like it, but I understand it."
Buffy gave him a sad smile and a tiny wave.
Spike watched helplessly as Buffy went up the stairs, shut the door, and left.
~
tbc...
