A/N: Wow...apparently this fic was nominated for a 'BtVS Rewritten Award' at the Spuffy Awards. I don't know who nominated me...but thanks to whoever it was! Also, a million thank you's to all my loyal readers...you guys ROCK!

~

The Scooby Gang sat in silence.

"So, now what?" Buffy asked, looking up at Giles, "I mean...where do we go from here?"

Before Giles could answer though, Buffy burst out laughing and shot her gaze up to Spike.

"A "musical" demon?!" She asked, laughter still in her words. Spike shrugged.

"The Whelp thought it would show him more about him and that Anya bint." He explained, "And cheer you up a bit." Pause. "That didn't really work out..."

"That's Xander, though." Willow said with a small smile, "Always trying to help people. Even if stupidly. I remember one time, in fifth grade, this kid was making fun of me because, well, I guess people are just prone to making fun of me. Anyway, Xander created this whole elaborate scheme where a bucket of whipped cream fell onto this teacher's head when he opened a closet door and put the blame on the kid who was giving me a hard time. I still don't get the mechanics of it, but it worked. And of course, Xander got beat to a bloody pulp afterward, but he said it was worth it to help me." She sniffled and looked up at Spike, her eyes teary and vulnerable, "You swear to God he's really still alive?"

Spike leaned down and squeezed her hand.

"I swear." He whispered.

Buffy sighed and rolled her neck under her hand, obviously deep in thought. All eyes were on her, awaiting whatever it was she was about to say. She took a deep breath in and made eye contact with every person in the room before finally speaking.

"I have to go in. I have to see these Chooser guys." She concluded. "All the signs are pointing to it.

"Not bloody likely!" Spike exclaimed, hopping up from the ground, "You can't see them! And there aren't any "signs.""

Buffy's eyes flashed.

"You don't get to tell me what I get to do." Buffy spat out, "You're not the boss of me!"

"That's mature. Next thing I know you're going to be screaming 'I'm telling!'" Spike mocked.

"This is serious, Spike. And serious situations call for drastic measures. You let Xander see the Choosers." She accused.

" * They * let Xander see the Choosers." Spike clarified, "I had nothing to do with that decision. If I had been there, there's no way in hell Xander would have gone. And that would've saved us all this trouble and we wouldn't be in this bloody mess." Spike pointed at Buffy, "And if you go to see them, you'll just complicate things furthur."

"Things are complicated to about the extreme already, Spike." Buffy argued, "A little extra complication or what not won't change anything. I can fix this. * We * can fix this. But one of the rules of fighting is to know your turf...to understand what you have to work with. And the Choosers are the only ones who know that."

Spike shook his head.

"Remember what I taught you, luv? The first rule of fighting?" He pleaded.

"Never get too confident in your abilities." Buffy recited reluctantly. Spike nodded.

"Exactly." He said softly, "This is far, far beyond what you can handle alone at this point in your life, pet. You're young, still. You don't have the training to deal with this, yet. You aren't ready."

"But I am!" Buffy replied urgently, grabbing onto Spike's arm and forcing him to look her in the eye, "Spike, listen to me. These memories, or flashbacks, or flashforwards, or whatever the hell they are...they're helping me. Everytime I see a new fight or a new apocalypse averted, I feel like...no. I do have more power. I have all the training I need. As far as I'm concerned, I've saved the world 7, maybe 8 times. Maybe only once in this world, but the flashes seem real to me now. I can smell the blood, I feel the pain...and I taste the victory. I know the way it works, Spike. You and Dawn gave that to me." She paused to look down, "Indirectly, of course. But your coming back here, giving me the power, somehow, to connect to those memories. I feel like I'm Buffy Anne Summers, 16-year-old, former fashion snob, high school student with a 2.5 GPA and a swell right-hook, but also Buffy Anne Summers, 22-year-old sister, friend, lover, and savior. They are a part of me now...they are who I am and what I will be. I mourn the losses of people I never met and people who I now never may meet. They are real to me." She was talking to the entire room now, "This world real, but what I lived before is real, too. Anya is real. She's real. Tara is real. Oz is real. Adam was real. Glory was real. Everything I fought and overcame was, or is, real. Time doesn't have a harness. It can exist here and there. It is everything." She looked back up at Spike, "Which is why I'm ready for this."

Spike opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then closed it again. He gazed mournfully at his love for a moment, but then chuckled, looking downward.

"You've got the floor, Rupes." Spike said, physically and figuratively backing down. Buffy gave him a small look of gratitude before turning her attention to her Watcher, who was busy cleaning his glasses.

"Well, ah, there-there's not much to say, really." He placed them back on the bridge of his nose and forced a smile, "Buffy has made a very strong, albeit confusing, argument in her favor. She is the Slayer and at the end of the day, I am but a guide. Buffy," Giles cupped the blonde's face in his hands, "I trust you to make a wise decision. Just, be careful."

Buffy grinned weakly and set her gaze down.

"I think I made my decision pretty clear." She snapped it back up, "Where's the spell?"

~

Spike grabbed Buffy's arm and pulled her silently outside of the library as the rest of the group worked on locating the spell Xander had used just a few short days ago. Buffy groaned in frustration as she leaned up against the concrete wall.

"Look, if you're trying to talk me out of going, again, you've got another thing coming, bus-"

Spike pressed his lips onto hers, making Buffy whimper lightly into his mouth. He delicately nibbled her bottom lip before pulling away almost as quickly as he descended.

"-ter." She finished, her eyes still closed.

Spike smirked.

Buffy blinked her eyes open and inhaled sweet, sweet oxygen.

"Well, that was unexpected...I mean..."

Spike pressed his finger to her lips.

"Shh. Let me get a few sentences in here, alright?" Spike chided with a grin, though serious, "In the past...or future...or whatever you want to call it, I lost you twice. Both times I thought permanently. And both times I thought almost the same exact thing. Well, after I was done with the wailing-and-screaming-like-a-little-girl part." He chuckled at his own dark joke, but then sobered his face and tenderly brushed his thumb across her cheek, "I always thought, 'My god. Did she have any comprehension of how much I loved her? I don't think she did.'" Spike looked off into the distance for a second, before taking an unneccessary breath, "So, seeing how we're about to enter the eye of the greatest apocalypse of our time, there's some risk involved here. And this time, god forbid, anything should happen to you...I want to be absolutely positive that you understand everything, in case you fail."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Buffy whispered. Spike pressed his fingers back on her lips and ducked his head to stare into her eyes.

"I love you." He murmured, "I will always love you. No matter what happens, no matter what you do, or what I do, nothing on this planet could make me feel anything but everlasting love for you. You're it, Buffy. The have-all- end-all, the reason I've gotten this far. The reason I have a soul, the reason I wanted a soul. You made the demon inside of me see kindness and thirst for it. You brought William back to life just by...just by living yourself. That's all I needed. But then you loved me back, and God, Buffy, that was it. I had the world in my hand, there was nothing else for me to conquer. I didn't need anything else. Even if it was just for the one day that you told me you loved me...even though..." Spike's voice choked and he looked away, afraid of the laughter he was almost positive Buffy's eyes would hold, "Even though you died the next...it was enough for me to hold you in my arms that night and know that maybe, maybe you felt even a fraction of what I felt for you...it made my entire existence make sense. When you died the second time, I thought I'd never see you again. But here we are...and though I've screwed things up royally, and perhaps eternally, by not opening my big mouth the one time I should've...I know that somewhere through your anger at me, you love me. And that's what will keep me going...keep me strong through this battle. And even if I don't make it- "

Spike felt a hand tighten on his. He snapped his gaze back to her and met her own tear clouded green eyes.

"No." Buffy managed out forcefully. "You'll make it. You have to. I don't think I could-"

Spike smiled sadly.

"But you would, pet. You're strong, Buffy. Stronger then you ever gave yourself credit for. And I'm not just talking about your roundhouses, either."

"I can't lose you." Buffy said, a few tears finally rolling down her cheeks, "I just..."

Spike leaned in and wrapped his arms around her, letting his face be buried in her golden hair, a few tears of his own wetting the silk.

Buffy clutched onto his duster, letting the smell of leather, tabacco, and aftershave surround her as she sobbed helplessly onto his chest.

"Don't let this be goodbye...Don't let this be goodbye!" She cried out, the words slightly muffled into Spike. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"It's not goodbye, pet. It's never goodbye with us."

Buffy looked up and shocked his blue eyes with her intense, green gaze.

"Promise me you'll live." She demanded, her voice low. Spike nodded slowly.

"I promise." He whispered, before drawing her in again.

Buffy coughed out a few more sobs, but then just rested her head against the solidity of Spike's chest. She sighed a jagged sigh and then tilted her head upward. She stood on the tips of her toes and lightly brushed her lips against his.

"I do love you, Spike. I told you that before. I also said I needed more time to process everything, which I do. But it's not only that, anymore."

Spike shook his head.

"I'm not interested in talking about this. I know we're not together. I know we might never be together again."

"Doubtful." Buffy whispered, making Spike nod.

"Exactly what I mean." He said, his voice distant and heavy. Buffy smiled and shook her head.

"No, you dope. I meant that it's doubtful that we might never be together again. I told you that I needed time to process it and to forgive the lying. Now, time might not have a real meaning, but one thing I know is that it does pass...and so will this phase in our relationship. You're a part of me Spike, a part of this." Buffy grabbed his hands and held them to her heartbeat, "I love you. You are the first person...the first man that I've ever loved, in this world. And that's not going to go away. Not ever. You're my power...when you're around I feel invincible...like I could take on anything."

"And you can. I never meant to make you feel like you couldn't, luv. It's just I-" Spike started to explain his objections when Buffy silenced him.

"You were worried about me. I know. I understand. But I'm the Slayer, Spike. I have an obligation to the world."

Spike reached over and crushed her to him again, kissing her fiercely. Their tongues fought for dominance as the world around them fell away. Buffy pulled away and kept her forehead plastered to his. Their eyes were both slammed shut as they gasped for breath, though halfway unneeded, praying for the moment to never end.

"You have to protect them, Spike. I've asked you before and I'm asking you again. You have to take care of all of them. This is my battled."

"This is * our * battle." Spike corrected, tightening his grip on her arms, still not opening his eyes.

"I love you." Buffy said urgently, kissing him hard.

"I know." Spike replied, pulling away, feeling that their moment alone was coming to an end, "You know I love you, too. Now, go in there."

Buffy reluctantly disentangled herself from Spike and stared at the metallic double doors.

Her first battle awaited.

~

tbc...