Hello all! Welcome to my newest, and wackiest, Sailor Moon fanfiction! Wackier than "The Odd Adventures Of Haruka, Michiru, And Setsuna"? Quite possibly. Be prepared for high adventure in space, random StarS villains, some slight silly OOC, and most of all, one majorly peeved off Plutonian. Do please note that Rei and Makoto fans might not like their characters very much in this fic. I needed them to be a bit disagreeable, and perhaps a bit unlikable, since they seemed like the two Inners who possessed the greatest tempers and we need some friction, but I really do like them in the actual series. You've been warned, so no complaining about them in reviews! *wags finger*
Do enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, naturally, but if anything in this story sounds like a situation from another fic, it is completely coincidental and unintentional.
*****
Part One
It Is Discovered That Peeved Plutonians Should Not Ride Motorbikes
~*~
"Brrrr…it's freezing in here!" Grabbing for a blanket, Michiru pulled her feet up under her and blew in her steaming cup of tea. "I think autumn has finally come, Haruka."
Michiru's girlfriend Haruka was sitting on the floor in front of the heat ducts, poring over the paper. "I know it has. I'm a solid block of ice. And I feel it more than you do, since I'm not a water-baby."
"Setsuna feels it too. Odd for a Plutonian. You'd think she'd be used to it, having such an icy planet and all. But there's nothing she loves more than vegging out in front of her 'Magic Box' space heater."
Haruka lifted an eyebrow in a very naughty way. "Why don't you come over here and I'll warm you up better than that blanket? I've got a 'Magic Box' too, you know."
'Did she seriously just say that?' a figure in the hallway wondered.
The aqua-haired beauty giggled. "Well, all right." She couldn't say no to a cuddle with the blonde wind soldier. She went to Haruka and they snuggled up together, crooning to each other in a very love-struck manner. But what did it matter? They were pretty, and in love.
'And self absorbed," thought Setsuna, who was leaning against the wall in the hallway, watching. 'And boring.' She looked to the ceiling and blew her dark green bangs out of her eyes. 'I don't know how much more of this I can put up with. Hotaru went back to live with her father – quite understandably - and I ended up here with these two.'
It wasn't that Setsuna didn't love the other two girls. In fact, she loved them more than anything else. They were her family. But that didn't mean that they never got a bit…sickening.
"Anyone who has a perfect relationship just has to go," muttered Setsuna. "I don't think I could stand to be with anyone who was sweet and lovey-dovey all the time. I want to hear a difference of opinion, a light argument, a full-fledged fight, Hurricane Haruka, Atomic Bomb Michiru…anything besides that!"
"Setsuna, are you out there?" Michiru finally called.
Setsuna froze. "Um…no?" she called back. 'Yes, that is decidedly the most intelligent thing you've ever said, Suna.'
Michiru looked at Haruka and said softly, "She's being odd again. Talking to herself. Have you seen her recent maniacal smiles? I'm worried."
Haruka shrugged. "She's just bored, and she has an active imagination. Do you remember in the Silver Millennium when she thought a talking pumpkin lived in her closet? Let's snuggle!"
Setsuna crossed her arms. 'Why can't they just leave Mr. Pumpy out of this? He was my best friend, damn-it.' She decided to work on the computer in her room for a while, better to ignore the lovebirds.
~*~
Setsuna was deeply immersed in the land of the computer when the phone rang. It barely affected her concentration. The other two knew that she hated the phone, and she figured they would answer it. But after the sixth ring, she realized no help was going to come to her, as no one seemed to picking up, and the answering machine was turned off. She would have to answer the vile thing. She picked up her bedside phone and timidly asked, "Hello?"
"Hi Puuuuuuuu!!" yelled a sweet-as-candy voice.
'Oh my God! It's Chibi-Usa!' She was just not in the mood. But she stomached it since Chibi-Usa was a generally sweet kid. "Hi kiddo. What do you need?" Ooo, she despised the telephone!
"Do you want to come and play with me? I want to- hey, USAGI!" There was the sound of a scuffle on the other end of the line before an equally cheery voice broke in.
"Hi, Setsuna! This is Usagi!"
"Hello, Usagi." Setsuna sat heavily on the bed and rolled over onto her back. This was going to be painful, whatever it was.
"Are Haruka and Michiru there? We have a problem over here at Rei's shrine and we really need help. It's an emergency!"
She sighed internally. "They're here. Do you want to talk to them?"
"No, that's all right. Just come over here as fast as you can, okay? Bye!" The phone went dead.
"Well, since we haven't been given much of a choice…" Setsuna rolled off the bed onto the floor and lay there for several moments before finally bringing herself to stand. "Time to adopt the 'all-knowing-mature-Sailor-Pluto' image, rather than 'my-life-is-sad-Setsie' whom I really live as. I'd better go pull bad-ass Uranus off of water-goddess Neptune so we can get this over with."
~*~
Setsuna stood outside Haruka and Michiru's bedroom door and tried to decide whether or not to knock. She was irritated at them in general, and she wanted to bang the door down and make them go attend to whatever it was the Inners wanted. But the fact that she felt bad about bothering them made her lower her hand. "To heck with it. I'll go alone."
Once outside and in the garage examining the many vehicles belonging to Haruka, another problem made itself clear. Usagi hadn't taken into account the fact that Setsuna didn't drive. She hated it. If her hatred for the telephone was bad, her dislike for fast-moving vehicles was a hundred times worse. She looked around helplessly. "I never had to deal with any of this stuff at the Time Gates!" Not that she loved it there, either.
She finally decided that the safest vehicle that Haruka owned was an ancient little motorbike that she probably whipped around on when she was about twelve. Well, if it was safe enough for twelve-year-old Haruka, it would have to work for ancient Setsuna. She climbed on the little bike, started it up, and went flying out of the garage and down the street with a hearty scream.
Haruka lifted her head. "What was that?"
Michiru stopped fiddling with her curls. "Probably just Setsuna getting bonked on the head with an apple from the tree outside again. Kiss me."
~*~
When Setsuna stepped into Rei's bedroom at the shrine, Usagi and Makoto didn't know what to say. Setsuna's normally neat dark green hair was a filthy mess, as were her clothes and face. She had a tear in her jeans and a nice-sized scratch on her arm. Usagi gawked at her. "Setsuna, what-?"
"Don't…say…one…word!" Setsuna muttered through her teeth. "Now…what seems to be the problem?"
"We'll show you," said Usagi, and grabbed Setsuna's hand. She was pulled outside by the pigtailed blonde and around the shrine to where something was hanging off the side of the roof, tangled up in a white sheet, which appeared to be snagged precariously on a stray nail. Rei was energetically poking at it with a long stick and Chibi-Usa was hopping around, basically taking up space, underneath.
"What is that thing?" asked Setsuna.
"It's Minako," explained Usagi.
"Well, what was she doing on the roof?!" Setsuna was way past floored.
"With Minako, who knows?" Makoto shrugged. "She was up there fussing with that sheet and she got all tangled up in it. She then slipped and was hung up there inside it. Good thing it snagged on that nail, or else she would have fallen to the ground and killed herself." Makoto didn't look too upset by her friend's near-death encounter.
"Where's Ami?" Setsuna squinted up at sheet-enclosed Minako. She had been called out for this?
"She's at cram school."
Well, that explained why Minako was still stuck up there. The genius was not present. But Setsuna had expected Rei and Makoto to be a little more resourceful. She figured they had been spending too much time with Usagi and Minako. "Why hasn't anyone tried a ladder?"
"We don't have one," said Rei, and gave Minako's bundle another jab with the stick.
"Oww!" came the reply.
"Someone could transform and hop up there. You know you can jump higher as the Sailors. At least Uranus can."
"That's why we wanted Haruka to come," noted Rei, flipping her raven hair over her shoulder.
'Note to self,' thought Setsuna. 'Kill Rei.' Then aloud, "Well, I'm sorry, but you've got me. I'll hop up and grab her."
"We don't have our transformation pens anyway," whispered Usagi.
'How have these girls saved the world so many times?' Setsuna quickly transformed into Sailor Pluto, sprung to the top of the building, and landed a bit funny. "Oww!" She reached down and rubbed her now very sore ankle. 'Just my luck. I always manage to injure myself in some way.'
"Are you all right, Pluto?" called Makoto.
"I'm fine!" she hollered back.
"…Should have Uranus here…" muttered Rei.
Pluto had nearly reached her boiling point. 'They're so ungrateful!' Managing to stand, she reached over the side of the roof and slowly hauled the bundle of sheets up to rest next to her.
She pulled the sheets off of Minako and soon had the blonde's arms clasped around her legs. "Bless you!" she cried. Pluto broke into a grin and patted Minako's head fondly. She had done a good deed.
"Let's get off this roof, shall we?" Pluto wrapped an arm around Minako's waist and leapt off the shrine. She winced as she landed on her twisted ankle, but she had gotten Minako to safety.
Minako refused to let go of Pluto. "You're my hero, Setsuna! I want to spend all my time with you. I love you, in fact!" She was very starry-eyed.
"Err…" Pluto blushed. "I have to get going." She extracted herself from Minako's arms and de-transformed. "I'll see you guys later."
"Setsuna's blushing!" Rei said slyly.
"I am not!" Setsuna said furiously, blushing all the more. 'Oh, God, I've stooped to their level.'
"Call me!" Minako waved.
Setsuna hopped on the little motorbike and started it up. She went flying down the path, eager to get away from the humiliation of it all – and promptly crashed and burned. She went flying off the bike with a scream, landed on her side with a crack, and rolled through the grass. She came to rest up against a cherry tree and didn't move.
Usagi screamed. "Oh my gosh! Setsuna's dead! Quick, call Haruka and Michiru!"
~*~
The Inners, not knowing what to do, let Setsuna lay there under the tree. Meanwhile, angry and in pain, Setsuna stared up at the cherry blossoms and let them collect on her face. "This is it," she muttered. "I'm out of here! Now I have not one, but two injured ankles, and my hip doesn't feel too good either. I can't walk, can't move, and they're just letting me lie here under this tree. I am done with these people!"
The Inners watched Setsuna as she lay under the tree, too afraid to go near her. "She's talking to herself now," said Rei. "She's a really odd one."
"She's dead! She's dead! My love is dead!" sobbed Minako. Chibi-Usa added her cries to Minako's, ignoring the fact that Setsuna seemed to be very much alive, and in fact, quite conscious.
About this time, Haruka and Michiru pulled up in the car. "Good Lord! She is dead!" remarked Haruka.
"I am not dead!" yelled Setsuna.
Michiru ran to Setsuna and pulled her upper body over into her lap. 'Oh, the humiliation!' thought Setsuna.
"Poor darling!" crooned Michiru. "Why did you try to operate the little motorbike? You can't drive, you know that!"
Setsuna started to spout out a bunch of incoherent words. She was feeling way beyond nuts.
Haruka pushed her way through the crowd of girls. "Okay, back up! Let's just get her home." Haruka leaned over and lifted Setsuna into her arms. "Nothing more to see here, girls. We're just going to take the human corpse back home and put her to bed."
"I resent this!" cried Setsuna.
Michiru patted her arm. "There, there. Everything will be just fine."
"I am not an infant!" hollered Setsuna. Everyone positively ignored her, as they watched Haruka carry her to the car, looks of adoration on their faces. Haruka had that kind of effect on girls. But Setsuna wasn't feeling anything except humiliation and very bad pains all over her body. As she lay in the back of the car, all she could think was, 'I am out of here!'
*****
~Lady Grizabella
setsuna_haruka_michiru@yahoo.com
http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/ladygrizdrawings/sailor_moon.html
