How I long for you! I house a secret passion inside the deepest chambers of my heart. You are so pure, as far from my reach as the stars. Far as EƤrendil.
I look at you so near to me, walking, talking, dealing the grim business of war. In my minds eye I see you naked, taking a bath in the tent we share. You never notice how I stare...
Is there nothing in your mind but maps and plans? Weapons and shields, legions and regiments, attacks and defences?
Have you left all that is weak and tender in you back home, safe? Where do you keep it? In the heart of some fair maiden? At a fireside where your hounds sleep after a hunt?
Have you extinguished it like a candle in the night?
When shall I see you alight?
Gil-Galad, my shining star.
It is evening, the shadows fall. You are tired, I help you take off your armour. Suddenly your hand is heavy on my shoulder.
You whisper my name.
'Elendil.'
I say nothing, I wait and I tremble.
'You lost everything, and yet you built yourself a kingdom. I have never seen you without hope.'
'Perhaps, if you had looked closer, you would have. On the battlefield, never. But when all is done and the armour undone, and the weight on my shoulders is heavier because it is not iron but memories, then you would have seen me without hope.'
'Forgive me. I forgot you have lost more than a kingdom. Miranna.'
'In that, at least, I have hope. I have hope to love again. Perhaps not to remarry, but to love.'
'Already? Well, you humans have such few years. Even your kin. Still, the matters of love you have left home, and on the battlefield your hope gives courage to us all.'
'But I have left nothing home! Here is everything, Gil-Galad, everything. My sons, my men, my battle. My enemy. And you.'
I put my hand on your shoulder, we stand face to face. I look into your eyes. Still you do not understand, and your words surprise me.
'Teach me to hope, Elendil.'
You do not know what you say, but I see my chance and grab it. I embrace you, then I take your face in my hands.
I kiss you gently.
'You are my hope.'
'Elendil!' There is fear in your voice, but no hatred, no disgust. So I kiss you again, and finally your mouth responds to my mouth. Oh, how sweet the taste of you!
We undress in haste and explore each other's bodies with our hands. Then with our mouths. I take your manhood in my mouth, I bring you slowly into a gasping, sweating pleasure. I swallow your seed. I worship your body, and you whisper beautiful words into my hair.
Suddenly I listen and in amazement I hear you offer yourself to me, and your gestures confirm the message. You are mine to take any way I please. I thank you in tears, I guide you into a position half standing over the bed of our love. I take you from behind, I shout out my fierce passion for you. I am yours, I am you and you are me, we are one.
You are so beautiful.
But we must save our strength, we must not waste all our passion tonight - we must ride it like a horse to battle tomorrow, our alliance fortified by this eerie binding, and for each other we shall be strong and do the work of war with an eager heart, and if death takes us, at least it takes us together, for I shall not part from your side, never more.
*****
This little bit is dedicated to C, who offered himself as a slave. He was rejected, and broken. This he shall never read, but I hope someday he shall live it with someone. Written by my friendly hand, by a hand that held his hand...
