I'm With You
You all hate me don't you. I'm SO sorry for not updating, it's just that I've got exams next week and I've been studing non stop for the past month. (Yes I'm a nerd) . But I'll make this chapter super long to make it up to you guys.
"Hey Katie-what are you doing?"
"Huh?"
"To the bedsheet...what are you doing?"
I looked to the area that Alicia was pointing at. A huge hole that I had been forming in my scarlet coloured bedsheet.
"Oh-"
"Katie, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, it's..nothing"
I saw Alicia's eyes soften and her mouth twitch ever so slightly. Yes she was giving me "the pity look". The "oh poor Katie" look. I hated it. Blech made me sick.
"Do you want to talk?"
"No"
"Is it Oliver?"
I felt my stomach jolt.
"No"
"Katie we're friends you can tell me if something's wrong"
"No, look Alicia there's nothing wrong, nothing at all I'm fine" I dragged out the last word, stretching out every last sylable for all it was worth.
Alicia looked at me and smiled. A smile that made me feel that she knew something that I didn't. Whatever it was she didn't choose to elaborate however because she then picked up her book bag from her bag and headed for the door.
And I went back to my bedsheet.
"You're being silly really"
I looked up to see Alicia standing at the door, her hand hovering over the brass door knob.
"What?"
"Sitting here sulking about Oliver"
I felt my cheeks flush.
"Alicia-"
"If you like him you should just go tell him, you can't expect him to figure it out mentally"
"But I don't.."
"Katie you need to stop doing this, you need to stop lying to yourself and stop lying to us...Of course you like him..half the school already knows"
"What?"
I heard her sigh.
"You know what I think Katie...I think that you're just a little girl terrified to grow up and admit that she likes a boy and that maybe just maybe he likes her back!"
"Alicia it's not"
"Fine Katie, fine you stay here and mope about your feelings, but don't come running to me when you're old and grey complaining about what could have been"
And with that she left. I listened to her footsteps as the disappered down the stairwell.
And I went back to my bedsheet.
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
I lay there for a while Alicia's words echoing in my mind. Thoughts of Oliver then entered my head and the two mixed up together making me even more confused.
Alicia was right
The horrible realisation struck me, she was right.
Nothing good can come from that.
I turned over on my back.
I turned over on my side.
I lay down on my stomach.
"Bloody Hell"
I rolled myself out of bed and stuffed my feet inside some sneakers.
I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, didn't work.
I bounded down the steps into the common room, scanning the small space for Oliver. Instead I found Percy. Some replacement.
"Hey Percy, have you seen Oliver?"
He looked up at me from his book, annoyance clearly written on his features.
"He went to the Library, I think"
"Thanks Percy"
"Hey, wait Katie, you can't follow him, it's after ten...."
I was already halfway to the library before Percy could continue, it wasn't as if I didn't know it by heart anyways.
"Oliver I..."
No.
"Oliver we've known each other..."
No that's not it either
I was trying to come up with a way for me to tell Oliver my feelings for him without sounding too retarded.
So far no good.
"Oliver the.."
When I was was younger I used to think that whn you held your breath your heart stopped beating. Right now more than ever I wished I still did.
Oliver was kissing Lisa.
I suppose that to many it would have been nice or cute or even sweet.
But to me it was disgusting, a deadening blow struck right at me, aimed at my heart.
Oliver was kissing Lisa
It felt as though someone had taken all my insides and smushed them together. Leaving me empty.
And you know what?
That emptiness hurt.
They obviously were oblivious that they were being watched. Because they kept going at it, groping each other like if their lives depended on it.
I felt a funny sensation in my nose. A burning sensation. Tears.
God Katie don't cry don't cry because of him Katie
I tried to move to run away, but I couldn't.
I was forced to stay there and watch them.
I was there when they ended their kiss. I saw when Lisa look over his shoulder and saw me.
I saw the grin she gave me.
"Hello Katie" she cooed.
I tried to open my mouth to say something witty, but all I could manage at the moment was a gurgling squaky noise.
It broke my heart to see Oliver look at me. To see him give me the "eye soften", "lips open" Pity Look.
Poor Katie
It was written all over his face
Poor Katie
"I'm sorry" I had finally recovered my voice from my stomach.
"It's okay hun" Lisa answered sweetly. "We'll make up for it later anways"
I stood there, watching them, my eyes darting from one to another. And I tried to decide which was worst. And you know I couldn't?
I couldn't.
"I,I gotta go" I stuttered. Turning on my heel and walking back to the common room.
"Bye" I heard Lisa sing.
Then I heard her laughter, I heard Oliver calling my name.
I needed to get way.
I started to run, my feet pounded against the carpeted floor, my tears blurred my sight.
I ended up in the girl's bathroom, with tears running down my cheeks.
My side hurt from running, my head hurt from crying, my throat hurt from screaming, and my heart hurt...because of him. All because of him.
How could I have been so stupid?
I had a crush on you Katie
Yeah right.
I wanted to kill myself for being so stupid. For being so gullible. I just wanted...
I didn't know what I wanted, I don't think I ever did.
"Katie"
I didn't need to turn around to know who was there.
"Go away"
I wanted to sound brave, to sound strong, to sound like Katie Bell, the tough as nails Gryffindor chaser.
But instead I sounded weak and pathedic.
"Katie I'm sorry"
"I said go away"
I screamed at him this time hoping to scare him away.
I didn't.
"Katie I never meant.."
"You never meant what..you never meant to hurt me..is that it...or you never meant for me to see"
He didn't answer.
"I thought you liked me"
"I did..I do"
"No you don't"
"Katie"
"If you liked me you wouldn't have done what you did"
"Katie I thought you said that you didn't like me..that you had another boyfriend-what was I supposed to do sit around here and wait?"
"So instead you ran off with the first girl you saw"
"It isn't like that"
"Oh it isn't?"
I knew I was being unfair, and that when you got right down to it, it was my fault. But I didn't care. I needed someone to blame for my pain. And Oliver was the lucky person.
"You know what I'm leaving..go tell Lisa I said hi"
I started to head to the door but Oliver was blocking my way.
"Wait Katie"
He grabbed my wrist, pulling me closer to him.
"Oliver let me go"
"Just listen"
"No..let me go"
"Katie please"
"No"
I was silenced as his lips clamped down over mine.
In a kiss.
I f you could call it a kiss, It was more his lips brushing over mine. But to me it was perfect. It was sweet and innocent and gentle just like how all kisses should be.
But then I realised something else. It was wrong.
I pulled away suddendly.
"Katie.."
"Only lovers should do that Oliver...and I don't love you"
And with that I turned and ran. Ran right back up to my dorm and lay raight back down on my bed.
All the pain and lonliness that I had felt before came back to me with full force as a fresh new batch of tears found their way down my face.
I felt so many emotions right then. Pain, hurt, anger, lonliness. None of them good but all because of him. The boy who I had thought I loved.
And at that moment I remembered what Alicia had said to me earlier about being a terrified little girl. And right then I wished that I was. Because I knew that terrified little girls didn't get hurt.
Don't hate me...too much.
