***Disclaimer: Disney owns this stuff, we don't mean to offend anyone, this is just some silly rambling we came upon at Target. Anyway, it's comedy, so don't get pissed.***
Characters
J-Dawg - Jim Hawkins
Jo Momma - Sarah Hawkins
Doctah D - Delbert
Yo Bitch - Amelia
Pimp Daddy Silver - John Silver
Mo Mo - Morph
Handz - B.E.N
Mista Arra - Mr. Arrow
Billy Boner - Billy Bones
The Map - A sequined G-string that jim wears. to activate it, he has to "adjust" himself. This makes the sequins sparkle and activates the map.
Chapter One
J-Dawg sat on the roof the the BenBow Brothel. He wasn't quite sure where he was going, but he knew he didn't belong here. Mainly because he was the only male living in the household and he didn't quite enjoy the fact that the other residents were practicing whores.
Jo Momma ran the Brothel, she collected the money from traveling salesmen, bums, Spacers and other unsavory people. She would then divy up the money for her "employees".
Her most common visitor was Doctah D. He enjoyed visiting one of the sassy brunettes, his wild side usually hidden.
"J-Dawg!" Jo Momma called from the kitchen, "get your butt down here now and do dees dishes!"
"Yes Momma." J-Dawg grunted. He walked into the kitchen to see Doctah D with the Brunette.
"Hey!" J-Dawg called, "Whaddup Dawg?"
"Uh...uh...." Doctah D stumbled, "J-Dawg! Whatchyou doin' here?"
"Momma tol' me to wash dem dishes." J-Dawg sniffed, "guess, I should make da bitch happy since I got expelled from another damn school."
"J-Dawg," Doctah D scolded, "you shouldn't be gettin' in trouble like that and you certainly shouldn't be dissin' Jo Momma."
"Whatever," J-Dawg sighed, "hey when you leave, take dat bitch wit you."
Flustered, Doctah D left with the half clothed brunette.
As J-Dawg did the dishes, he sighed, didn't Jo Momma know that living in a Brothel wasn't good for a boy of 15? Especially since he was forbidden to touch any of the employees.
"I wish I could get my own bootie." J-Dawg mused, "like Homie Flint and Ghetto Planet. Wow, the bootie of a thousand worlds."
"J-Dawg!" Jo Momma screamed, "are dem dishes done yet?"
"Shaddup ya bitch!" J-Dawg shouted, "I'm doin' em!"
J-Dawg's father, Dat Bastard, left when J-Dawg was only 10. He didn't like the fact that his wife ran a brothel, even though it was good business, the whores were dirty and he was tired of smelling them. He didn't take J-Dawg because he was too much of a burden and he wasn't sure he was his anyway.
J-Dawg was so lost in thought, that he didn't notice the rain had started. Suddenly, he heard a crash and he ran out to see a space ship in his front yard. He helped out this strange looking creature who claimed his name was Billy Boner.
After about half an hour of dragging the lifeless body up to the front door, he ran in and told Jo Momma about his findings.
"J-Dawg!" Jo Momma cried, "what do you think you're doing?"
"Momma! Shut yor pie hole! He's hurt dammit!"
"Lad, get me my super dildo!" Billy Boner ordered.
J-Dawg grabbed the huge dildo and watched as Billy Boner pressed in the head and the fake testicles opened up to reveal a white, sparkley rhinestone g-string. "Can't let 'em find this!" He ordered again.
"Who?" J-Dawg asked.
"The Cyborg pimp!" he whispered in J-Dawg's ear, "beware the Cyborg Pimp!" with that last breath, he died.
Just then, they heard noise outside, J-Dawg grabbed Jo Momma's hand and dragged her upstairs. He shoved the g-string in his pants for the time being. Doctah D followed them, leaving several screaming whores behind.
"Ah, pretty lassies." A voice sounded, "too bad I haven't any time for ye."
"I don't see it Pimp Daddy!" a Pirate shouted.
"Where is it?" Pimp Daddy shouted. He saw Billy Boner and the open dildo. "Hmmmm....I'll save this for later." he said as he shoved it in his pants.
Meanwhile, J-Dawg, Jo Momma and Doctah D had jumped out the window into Doctah D's bling bling limo leaving the BenBow brothel behind.
