This is the most unusual pairing I've ever done (and I write D/G…), so I won't mind if you flame me for absurdity. Maybe one-shot…depends on the feedback. :)
--
"Quit shoving!"
"Move your Longbottom Neville, I can't see!"
"Why am I so short?!?"
Ron turned to his sister on that statement. "You're not that short," he tried to reassure her, but Ginny looked up from her full five foot frame and glared at him.
"Don't tell me I'm not short Ronald Archibald," she taunted, jumping to try and see what everyone else was. Ron reddened as Malfoy and his cronies overheard her.
"Archibald?!? That's priceless!" Malfoy was gasping. Ron clenched up his fists and was about to teach Malfoy a good lesson when one of his best friends grabbed him by the arm.
"We can't afford to lose the points Ron," Hermione said in his ear quietly. "You know he'll just rat you out to Snape and then you're disemboweling Blast Ended Skrewts until graduation." Ron made a face at the imagery.
"Thanks Hermione, I'll be carrying that around with me all day," he replied grumpily. Hermione rolled her eyes and started shoving her way toward the front. Harry came up behind Ron.
"What's going on?" he asked sleepily, still tired from the previous day's Quidditch match (he had won of course). Ron shrugged, clueless.
"Dunno…I came down for toast, Flitwick tacks something up there and next thing you know people are swarming like bloody bees," Ron said biting into his burnt toast. He winced as the black bread scratched his throat on the way down. "It's bollocks, the house elves are even in such a frenzy that they can't even do toast proper." Hermione, who had elbowed her way back, heard this last part and glared at him.
"Well what if they don't want to do your toast Ron?" she asked, eyes flashing dangerously. Ron moaned and hid behind Harry.
"Don't let her get me mate she's mental," came the muffled cry. Harry and Hermione laughed and Ron, hearing this, reemerged. "Laugh now, but just wait 'til she claws you," he muttered to Harry, who sniggered. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"All joking aside, there's been a post up-"
"Fab observational skills," Ron commented dryly, making Hermione glare at him yet again. He shut up.
"Anyway, it's one of those partner assignments where you have to go in with someone in a different house to Hogsmeade," Hermione finished explaining. Ron and Harry looked apprehensive, but before they could say anything Fred and George had pushed their way into their little circle.
"In other words, a 'let's-make-daisy-chains-and-dance-around-in-a-circle-holding-hands sort of gig," Fred said cheekily, making Hermione swat at him with her bag.
"It's going to be hell- whoever heard of such a cliché way of getting the students to make nice?" George commented glumly.
"It can't be that bad, I'll just bag Orla Quirke or something," Ron said, stopping for a moment to think about the inky haired Ravenclaw dreamily. He was brought roughly back to earth with Hermione's laughter.
"Well, if you're expecting an Orla you're gravely mistaken," she giggled. Ron raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms.
"Explain."
"They've assigned our partners you sod," she replied, fighting not to burst out laughing.
"Yeah, I got Cho Chang," George cut in proudly.
Harry abruptly stopped laughing at Ron's expression and looked at George. "Cho Chang? The Ravenclaw seeker?" George nodded.
"Shouldn't be too bad then, eh?" he said to Harry's dumbfounded expression, before winking and strutting away. Fred rolled his eyes at the retreating back of his twin.
"Won't he throw a fit when he find out I got Carlotta Jordan?" Fred told them in a loud stage whisper. The three laughed and watched as Fred caught up to his twin and started talking to him. Carlotta "Lottie" Jordan was Lee Jordan's younger sister, in sixth year. She was a Ravenclaw, hung out with Cho and her group and had milky brown skin coupled with piercing brown eyes; quite a few guys fancied her.
"George will have kittens," Hermione muttered fondly. Ron nodded and chuckled. "Well anyway, I got Terry Boot. He's pretty nice," she said, referring to the Ravenclaw bookworm in their year. Ron and Harry nodded politely, but Harry couldn't stand the curiosity.
"Don't keep me in suspense 'Mione, who'd I get?" Harry asked eagerly. Hermione squinted, straining to remember. "Oh come off it, don't tell me you didn't check!"
"No I did, I'll remember it in a second I'm sure I know it- oh yeah, Hannah Abbott." Harry turned this over in his mind. Hannah wasn't necessarily a beautiful girl, but she was very nice and friendly.
"Could definitely be worse," he declared, looking over at where Hannah was talking to her friends excitedly. Ron on the other hand was laughing his red hair off.
"Hannah Abbott? That's a laugh," he chortled. Hermione raised an eyebrow and stepped in front of him, with a smirk that didn't look much different from Malfoy's, and said two words that made Ron shut up completely.
"Pansy Parkinson." Ron's jaw dropped, the remainders of his burnt toast falling out of his hand. Hermione grinned. "Who's laughing now?"
--
"It's not bloody fair!" Ron was howling an hour later in the Common Room while Harry and Hermione attempted to play chess. "Why couldn't they just shove her with Malfoy or something? I'm sure he doesn't mind seeing her squashed face. He did go to the Ball with her."
"Because Ron," Hermione said wearily for what seemed like the hundredth time, "he's in her house. You're not." Her attention was temporarily diverted when she took Harry's castle. "Ha! See, I can play chess!"
"Bugger," Harry muttered, looking at the board closely.
"Um earth to Hermione? You're playing against Harry," Ron pointed out irritably. Hermione chose not to answer this. "Seriously though, Pansy Parkinson?!? It's insane. I just won't go to Hogsmeade. Do bring me back some Fizzing Whizzbees won't you?" he asked Harry and Hermione semi-sarcastically. Harry sighed as he knocked one of Hermione's pawns off the board and onto the floor.
Ignoring Hermione's shriek of protest, he turned to reassure his friend. "Look, at least you didn't get someone like Malfoy."
"I got the female version!" Ron moaned. "Besides, they're pairing it up boy girl so that wasn't even possible." His friends couldn't find anything to say to that, so they just rolled their eyes and tuned out Ron's complaining so that they could continue their game.
Ginny Weasley suddenly came through the portrait hole and slammed it as hard as she could. A faint 'ow!' came from the Fat Lady, but no one paid it any mind. She looked livid, making no one want to approach her. Hermione looked up and saw Ginny. "What's up Gin?" she asked curiously.
"Draco bloody Malfoy! Draco sodding Malfoy! Draco ruddy Malfoy!" she ranted, not noticing the I-Told-You-So looks that Hermione and Harry were giving an abashed Ron. "That stupid ferret is my bloody partner! This is such shit!"
"Ginny!" Ron said, shocked that his sister knew such language. In unison, Harry, Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes (now becoming quite tired from all the rolling).
"Don't be stupid Ron, I do know curse words you know- I'm 14." Ron scowled but didn't comment.
"You don't have Pansy Parkinson," Ron said to her gloomily. Ginny shrugged, indifferent.
"She's not half as bad as Peroxide on Ice," she replied as she walked past them up to the girls dormitories. Harry and Hermione turned to Ron.
"Well all right it's not as bad as that, but it's still really bad!" he argued to their expressions.
--
That Saturday was a Hogsmeade Saturday. It had taken Harry and Hermione an hour to persuade Ron to come out of his room, and an hour and a half for Ginny (thus proving herself to be just as, if not more, stubborn than her brother). Ron had grudgingly agreed not to wear the lacy dress robes in an attempt to scare Pansy away and Ginny was convinced not to turn Draco into a bread roll (however tempted Harry and Hermione were to let her). And so, after hours of whining and preparation, all the Gryffindors were ready to go down to the Great Hall where they would meet their partners. Ron, Hermione and Harry all sat down on one end of the Gryffindor table with Ginny as Dumbledore began to speak.
"This year, more than ever, it's important to get along with those we don't know well," he announced into the tense Hall, his eyes flickering from the Gryffindor to the Slytherin table. "I only ask that we don't get an influx of Hospital Wing visits and that no pranks be pulled on your partners." Out of the corner of his eye, Ron could see his brothers scowl and empty their pockets of Canary Creams. Next to him, Ginny was making a similar facial expression as she took an Acid Pop out of her robe pocket reluctantly. Ron glared at the Acid Pop; the memory of Fred giving him one was ever vivid. "And so, I bid you adieu…have a wonderful time!" The students started clamoring to get to the carriages but Dumbledore held up his hands again. "Terribly sorry, but I quite forgot to mention that we have teachers stationed around Hogsmeade so that you can't…ah…'ditch' your partners," Dumbledore said, using an American term. There were some audible groans as they started filing out.
Hermione waved goodbye as she walked over to a shy looking Terry, who gave her a weak smile and started walking with her towards the carriages. Harry spotted Hannah and was about to walk over to her but found he couldn't- he had a latch-on.
"Don't leave me with her mate!" Ron pleaded, looking over his shoulder frantically to where an impatient looking Pansy was standing. "Look, I'll give you my Chudley Cannons poster if you switch!" Harry laughed and shook his head and Ron's hand off.
"No way, but thanks anyway." Ron fumed as he watched his supposed 'best friend' walk towards a glowing Hannah Abbott. He closed his eyes and counted to 10 very slowly and carefully, before turning around and walking up to Pansy. He had just opened his mouth to say hello when he saw Malfoy and Ginny.
"You do anything to her you git and I'll show your wand up your arse," Ron yelled threateningly as Malfoy smirked back at him. Ginny looked positively miserable, a good foot shorter than Malfoy.
"Don't worry Weasel, I'll get little sis back to you by curfew," he shot back, snickering. Ron's face darkened, but he just watched helplessly as they left the Great Hall. Pansy's voice brought him back to the present dilemma.
"So what are we going to do?"
--
"Are you insane??" Pansy said heatedly, clutching the sides of the shaking carriage as if afraid she'd fall out.
"What? The Cannons are going really well this year," Ron defended, glaring at her. Justin Finch-Fletchley and Sally-Anne Perks, their carriage-mates, looked at them a little warily as the bickering continued.
Pansy scoffed. "Oh yeah, twentieth in the league is really excellent Weasley," she said sarcastically. "Really smashing. Maybe they'll win Worst in the League- their first award, won't that be exciting?"
"Oh what do you know about Quidditch anyway?" Ron asked rhetorically as he looked out the window. "You're just a girl." Pansy's eyes went wide with disbelief.
"Did you really just say that Weasley, or are you mumbling nonsense?" she asked incredulously. "Just a girl?? Some of the best Quidditch players are girls!"
"But you're not one of them are you? Since when have you been on the Quidditch team?" Ron retorted angrily as they got out of the carriage and continued fighting as if nothing had happened. Sally-Anne and Justin scurried away as quickly as possible, leaving the two enraged teenagers on their own.
"Well I would've been if Draco hadn't bribed the bloody team!" Pansy shrieked, then clasping her hand over her mouth. Ron looked satisfied.
"So he did bribe them!" he said gleefully. "Oh, he's going to wish he was never born the scum…" Ron started joyfully thinking of all the ways he could blackmail him when Pansy interrupted his thoughts yet again.
"But you can't tell him I told you!" she said, horrified. Ron was stunned to see that her previously confident and smug face had turned slack and terrified.
"Why not?" he asked as they walked down the street, not noticing Professor Delacour (their new DADA teacher) watching them like a hawk- a new thing for Ron, who made it his priority to make his presence known in her class.
"You just can't ok?" Pansy snapped, looking at the snow dusted ground. There was silence for a little while.
"It's not like he'd kill you," Ron said after awhile, then immediately regretted it as Pansy's face went paler. "Oh God…err, Sorry about that, umm well look I won't tell all right?" he told her awkwardly. Pansy didn't look up, but let him know she heard him.
"Thanks Weasley."
Ron shrugged uncomfortably. At that point they were outside the Three Broomsticks. "I'm cold," Ron announced. "I'm going in to get a Butterbeer." Pansy groaned but was helpless to stop him as he walked quickly in the door; Pansy looked to her left, saw Professor Snape, and scampered in after him. Ron went up to Madam Rosmerta as Pansy unwrapped the scarf around her head and looked around. "On-" he stopped and looked behind him at Pansy, who was flushed red from the cold. "Two Butterbeers." Pansy looked up and raised an eyebrow. Ron rolled his eyes.
"You're paying for the bloody thing," he said gruffly as he sat down at a nearby table.
"I should hope so," Pansy replied, sitting across from him. They looked around; there were flocks of students, with their partners, nestled into their private booths and generally being happy. In unison, Ron and Pansy scowled when their eyes fell upon Ginny and Draco in a large booth. Ginny looked incredibly uncomfortable, squashed next to Draco and being dwarfed by the towering Slytherins that had dragged their unfortunate partners over to Draco's table as well.
"What a prat," Pansy mumbled, leaning back and crossing her arms. Ron narrowed his eyes at the blond, now sniggering at a joke Adrian Pucey was telling him. Ginny was rolling her eyes and checking her watch every two seconds.
"Yeah," Ron agreed, turning back around to face Pansy. Instead of being faced with a squashed nose pug like he had expected, he was surprised with a slightly flushed blonde with rather pretty green eyes. Pansy saw the expression of surprise on his face.
"What is it Weasley?" she snapped angrily, making Ron jump. He scowled.
"Nothing Parkinson," he replied evenly. Pansy tapped her foot against the table beam impatiently, making it rock back and forth. Ron made a face but didn't say anything. Madam Rosmerta came up with two Butterbeers in frosty mugs.
"Two Butterbeers," she announced, setting them down. Ron handed her five Sickles while Pansy rummaged in her purse for some money. She came out triumphant with a Galleon and dropped it into Rosmerta's waiting hands.
"Keep the change," she smirked. Madam Rosmerta pocketed it and smiled, hustling away to serve her next customer.
"So," Ron said shortly.
"So," Pansy said back.
"Um…so what are your hobbies?" Ron blurted out. Realizing how stupid this sounded, he went red. Pansy actually laughed.
"Relax Weasley, I'm just as uncomfortable as you are," she assured him. This made Ron feel slightly better. "I think it's a mutual understanding that we can't stand the other, so we don't have to go there." Ron nodded gratefully.
"Good," he said, relieved.
"…I like Quidditch, dancing, and singing," she said, making Ron temporarily confused but he soon realized she was answering his previous question. "You?"
"Quidditch, hiking and umm…eating," he said, making Pansy snort as she drank her Butterbeer. She grasped for a napkin and wiped her mouth, laughing.
"Eating, Weasley?" she spluttered, cleaning up the mess. Ron raised an eyebrow.
"And the criticism comes from the girl who spat her drink up?" he countered. Pansy narrowed her eyes and crumpled the napkin up in her hand.
"This coming from the guy who wears robes that look like they've gone through a shredder?" she replied angrily. Ron's usually laughing eyes went dark.
"Well that's hardly my fault is it?" he yelled back, not realizing quite how loud he was.
"You could at least make a decent effort to look presentable," she said, leaning back in her chair and sounding an awful lot like Ron's mum. He decided to voice that thought.
"God Parkinson, you sound just like my mum!"
"That dumpy little witch? Hardly," she snorted. Ron sprang up from his seat, both hands on the table in rage.
"If you weren't a girl, I'd hit you square in the jaw," he threatened. Pansy got up too, green eyes ablaze.
"What is this with you and the sexist girl comments? Come on then, punch me!" she challenged. The bar was a little muted now, looking at the two furious teens. Draco Malfoy, walking with Ginny at his side, looked at them and smirked.
He muttered to Ginny, "Looks like your brother's about to get truly whipped by Pans." Ginny looked up at him with angry eyes.
"I beg to differ my albino companion, but it'll probably be the other way 'round." They stopped at the door as Draco looked down at the fiery redhead.
"Truthfully, I don't care either way. Let's go." Ginny shrugged and walked out the door.
Meanwhile, Pansy and Ron were having a full fledged verbal fight. "I'm not going to bloody punch you!" he was bellowing.
"Well why the hell not?" she taunted.
"BECAUSE WE'RE IN A PUBLIC PLACE!" he roared. "We're in a public place," he repeated much more quietly. They looked around, embarrassed, as some of the students started laughing. Pansy grabbed her scarf and cloak and looked at Ron angrily.
"Let's just get out of here," she said. Ron didn't hesitate to obey this request, as he picked up his cloak hurriedly and rush out of the restaurant with Pansy not far ahead.
--
"Do you think these carriages come early to pick people up?" Pansy asked Ron, teeth chattering.
"How should I know?" Ron said frustratedly, shivering. "I'm not a bloody Seer."
"No need to get all narked about it," Pansy said, rolling her eyes. "Jesus Weasley, you are something else."
"I don't want to go into what you are Parkinson, but it definitely is something else." Pansy scowled at this, but decided (wisely) not to comment. In the distance, she saw a moving dot that was almost certainly a carriage.
"Finally!" she cheered, jumping up and down in order to see it. Ron raised an eyebrow and took a step back.
"Cool it, it's just a ruddy carriage," he said.
"But it's a ruddy carriage that'll take us back," she said logically.
"Well when you put it that way…" Ron started jumping up and down too, making the two look from far away like a pair of overexcited jackrabbits.
--
"…and then we went to that new branch of Flourish and Blotts that just opened and bought quills!" Hermione exclaimed ecstatically, taking out a large red feathered quill. Harry, Ron and Ginny (all sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room) made faces.
"Whoo hoo," Ron said flatly. Hermione put the quill in her lap looking at them all.
"OK, who want to tell about theirs now?" Harry raised his hand. "How about you Harry?" They laughed.
"You'd think you're a teacher," Harry said grinning. Hermione hit him with a pillow; Harry laughed and straightened himself up. "No seriously- Hannah and I basically just hung around the Shrieking Shack and talked. She's really nice."
"Ooooooh," Ron teased, taking a large bite of some chocolate he had found in his cloak pocket.
"Oh shut it," Harry said, hitting him with the pillow Hermione had used to hit him with. Ron ducked it and grinned. "So how was your lovely day Gin?" Harry asked Ginny hastily, seeing the mischievous look in Ron's eye.
"Dreadful," she replied dramatically. "Malfoy dragged me to sit with his cronies at the Three Broomsticks, where they swapped naughty jokes and ignored the rest of us completely. But afterwards we went to Zonko's which wasn't so bad- he took a sampling of Cockroach Cluster." They all laughed; the idea of the look on Malfoy's face when he bit into the Cluster.
"Well at least you didn't make a public stage show of it," Ron said glumly. Harry and Hermione's interest peaked.
"Public stage show? Do tell," Hermione squealed, putting away her new quill.
"Basically, we both went off our rocker. She's a nightmare, honestly." Hermione mock frowned.
"Now where have I heard that one before?" she said, pretending to be puzzled. Ron flushed, remembering his hasty remark in their first year. "It's fine Ron relax. Are you sure you gave her a fair chance though?" she said seriously. Ron couldn't believe his ears.
"Hermione, this is Pansy Parkinson we're talking about. No fair chances involved, anywhere!" Hermione sighed and leaned back in her chair.
"Whatever you say Ron." Ginny looked at him and grinned.
"So did she have you truly whipped then?"
Her response was a pillow in the face.
