Xander couldn't be right. Her feelings for Spike couldn't be boiled down like that. Thing were very complicated. Spike was not a heartless bastard. He loved her. And he has changed. Sure he killed those people but he couldn't control that, he can become a good man.

But isn't that what they all say, 'I can change him.' When in fact they never change, and take the girl for a ride that ruins her life.

Xander's mom. She was the primary example. God, could she live with herself if that was what she was to become?

"Oh my God. Xander.... He would have never been able to live with himself if he ever..." A shocked realization came over Buffy.

Buffy realized that's why he liked the women he did. Her, Cordelia, Anya.... All of them were strong, opinionated, independent women. He didn't want them to become his mother, he wanted them to be able to hold their own. "He wants me to be like that again."

She had to be like that again. To not be his hero anymore, to instead be someone he looked down to.... the thought made her queasier than she ever imagined. The slayer part of her was strong, but was Buffy?

She knew the relationship with Spike could never be considered healthy. They weren't growing old together, mostly because he couldn't grow old. Spike's definition of love is something that screams in your blood and consumes you until there is nothing left.

She couldn't love like that, not again. She wanted to live a full life, that couldn't be done with Spike. He could be a good man, but does that mean she should sleep with him? Giles is a good man, does that mean she had to sleep with him too?

She decided that a relationship with Spike would be impossible. Even if he changed tomorrow that still didn't change the way they felt for each other. It was wrong, for both of them. It would be cheating her out of a life and cheating him out of being able to live forever with the woman he loved.

The way they felt about each other was just plain wrong. "How does that saying go? 'When I was a child I put away manly things'.... No wait, that doesn't seem right...."

She then decided that was the time to go tell Spike... She wished him well, but this would never work out.

**********

"This because of the boy?!" Spike yelled at her.

"He made me realize what was wrong."

"Look I know what he saw must've been a shocker, but that doesn't mean we're to blame-"

"We are though. I used to be his hero. And now he sees me reduced to this, if we go with our feelings it's going to consume us both and I don't want that. I don't want to be consumed; I want to try to be his hero again. To be Dawn's hero. To show her that love doesn't have to make you feel like it's the end of the world. Thats the mistake I made with Riley, I wont make it again."

"Oh, so whatever's good for Buffy then, right?"

"Its what's good for you too! Will you want to stay with me when I have more wrinkles than an elephant and my breasts are at the floor?"

"You think any other human guy is going to want you like that?"

"Yeah, because he'll have lost all of his hair and probably most of his teeth. I want to grow old and die, you can't be there with me. I think it would be best if you did leave town Spike, It'll be easier for both of us if we don't see each other."

********************

"I am sorry about what happened with your mom. I wish... I wish I could do something for you. To help. You know the thing about it is I don't know what I could do. You have always been the rock. Now you aren't rocky, you're the needy one. And I don't know what to do or say to Needy-Xander so he'll be Rock-Xander again. But then I have to realize you have feelings too so there still would be some Needy-Xander there too."

"Buff? Is that you?" A weak voice came from the bed.

"Xander, you're awake!"

"And apparently my room is the home of Babble-fest 2003."

"Winner and still champ. I'll go get a doctor."

He lightly grabbed her hand. "Stay. Just for a moment." A couple of minutes went by without either saying a word, which was scaring the slayer.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"No, I'm good. I just feel like I drank a gallon of Gatorade. Buffy, there is a lot of stuff we got to work though. And one of them is... I need to tell you the truth about me. I know I never really talked about my past and... I should have."

"I know. We'll do that later. We need to work on us. I... I need to be your friend again."

"I need that too."

********************

"Its an ability few humans possess. And really its not something they are born with, or they can change, or control."

"So really what you are saying is what happened to Xander is a 'mind over matter' deal?" Dawn asked the watcher.

"Precisely. I don't think we'll have to worry about it happening again, it seems to never really happens to the same person twice, plus it may have to do with the alignment of the planets."

"So where exactly do we go from here? I mean what happens between us and Xander?"

"He and Buffy have issues to work on, their friendship depends upon it. But I don't think we are as aware as we should be of his feelings. Xander has a habit of joking around his problems; we just have to help him get over that. Other than that he isn't evil, and he has no supernatural powers to speak of.... He's the same old Xander."

"The pain he must have felt.... I didn't see it. I was too wrapped up in my own stuff.... My best friend was in pain and I didn't know." Willow wasn't actually addressing anyone; she was too wrapped up in her thoughts about Xander to care if anyone was actually in the room.

"I did."

That took Willow out of her trance. She looked up at the former key to see her glaring at everyone in the room... like they were guilty of a horrible crime.

"What exactly are you saying Dawn."

Dawn almost squirmed under the gaze of the father figure that was glaring back at her. But she seemed to regroup and stand a little taller.

"Seven years he's been in pain. You chose to ignore it, belittle him to be some kind of Zeppo. Just because he doesn't have any super powers doesn't make him any less of a person. None of you know what its like... to ... to have to live with the chosen. All of you are so powerful, so necessary, you think to live a day without your powers would be so bad, you said it yourself Willow, Buffy's said it too. You never even think that some of us have to live our entire lives without having powers, without being special. Just being ourselves and knowing everyone around you thinks that's not good enough. He told me he thought I was extraordinary... Because I let go of my powers... If that means I can be like him when I grow up; than I guess I might be."

Any comment that was going to be made was cut short as Buffy walked in the room with a smile on her face, something they hadn't seen for a while.

"He's awake, he's so much better they're going to release him in two days. Ok, welcome to somberville, aren't you guys happy?"

"Yes, of course we are. It's just... Well with things being the way they are now.... a lot of stuff is wrong and we can't exactly make any of it right again."

"But we're family. We'll work through it. Xander and I talked a little, and then we didn't talk at all... I'm going to try to make things better again I swear. But I can't do it alone, I need all of you, we need each other-"

"Cause if we don't have us, what do we have?" Dawn approached her sister and was given a hug with a whispered, "Nothing."

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