Ron and Hermione Weasley In: The Newlywed Game!

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Chapter One: Ladies

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I'm trying to keep this PG, everyone, so no, I'm not going to ask any questions containing THAT WORD, and if you've seen the Newlywed Game you know what WORD I'm talking about. Remember: PG. That's it.
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Disclaimer: Ron and Hermione belong to JKR, the other
characters...are...don't really matter much, Bob Eubanks belongs to...himself...Newlywed Game now belongs to Gameshow Network, which doesn't belong to...me. There. Is that enough disclaiming, so you won't sue me now?

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*Peppy background music plays. A deep-voiced Hollywood-type announcer starts speaking*

Announcer: Hello, and welcome to...The Newlywed Game! Here we have our couples for the day -

*Camera pans to couple number one*

Announcer: Couple number one is Bob and Jane Smith; they've been married two years!

*Audience claps, and camera pans to couple number two*

Announcer: Couple number two is Ron and Hermione Weasley; they've been married one year!

*Audience claps, there is a whistle and a shout, camera pans to couple three*

Announcer: Couple three is Joe and Betty Johnson; they've been married for fifteen months!

*Audience claps and camera pans to couple number four*

Announcer: Couple number four is Fred and Sara Schitzlefritzel...itzle...itzele...itzlel...Fred and Sara!

*Fred and Sara Miller glare up at announcer*

Announcer: Erm...heh, heh. And...were...were here on...The Newlywed Game! And here's the star of The Newlywed Game, Bob Eubanks!

*Bob Eubanks comes out of the door, and peppy background music blares*

Bob: Welcome to The Newlywed Game! Now that we have our couples, we'll be back in a few minutes to see how our ladies do predicting what their husbands will say...stay tuned, after these messages!

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Tall Person: You're probably wondering why I'm standing here telling you what you're probably wondering. The fact is I'm not. I'm sitting now! On this really comfy furniture!

Announcer: That's right! Ted is sitting on Cra-Z Boy furniture!

Tall Person: Cra-Z Boy is the greatest furniture ever! You should like, buy it or something, I forgot my line. Oh, and uh, my name's not Ted, so...

Voice: Cut! What are you doing? This is a cheap $50 commercial; you can't forget your line!

Tall Person: How much am I getting paid for this again?

Voice: What do you mean, "paid?" Get out of here!

*Irritable face appears on screen*

Irritable Face: Will you get out of here?!

*Camera blanks out*

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Bob: Now were back to The Newlywed Game! The husbands are secluded off stage, and now we're ready to ask our wives some questions. Ready, ladies?

*Ladies nod*

Bob: All right! Our first question, ladies: How long was the relationship between you and your husband strictly platonic? Couple number four - Sara!

Sara: Uh...about five minutes, I suppose.

*Hermione looks shocked*

Bob: Okay, how about you, Betty? How long was the relationship between you and your husband strictly platonic?

Betty: Um, well, actually, um...about three days, I guess.

Bob: How about you Jane?

Jane: Probably an hour or so.

Bob: Hermione? How long were you and Ron strictly platonic friends?

Hermione: Um...it all depends on what you call platonic. Does it start when he was all jealous of me going out with other guys, or when we went on our first date, or what?

Bob: Well, I dunno! Why don't you just give me your answer?

Hermione: About five years then.

Bob: Well! Golly, you didn't seem to like dating too much, did you?

Hermione: Well - and Ron will have a completely different answer, the way he is, he'll say two seconds, just to be romantic or something - we were all one little trio for a while - Ron and Harry, our best friend, and I. We went to the same school and were in the same group and classes and year and everything. We went to a boarding school in Scotland; you see...we never really thought about love until we were fifteen. Well, Ron was sixteen. So we were all friends for the longest time, and Ron and I were...well, you know.

Bob: Yes. Next question, ladies: What would you say was your husband's least favorite color, and the color you love to see most on him? Betty?

Betty: Um, well, aheheh, well, he...doesn't...like...green. I suppose my answer is green.

Bob: Okay! How about you, Hermione:

Hermione: *Sighs reminiscently* Maroon.

Bob: *Laughs* Okay! Now, Jane, what is your husband's least favorite color, and the color you love to see him wear?

Jane: That'd be pink.

Bob: *Laughs* Pink!

Jane: Yep, pink, darlin'. He hates pink. But he looks so good in it, you know? Pink.

Bob: Okay, Sara.

Sara: I'll have to say green as well.

Bob: Okay, thanks. Our next question is, ladies, I want you to finish this sentence, this is you talking: If I could choose one member of my husband's family to be my favorite, I'd probably choose "blank," but I would definitely NOT choose "blank!" Jane?

Jane: Him and his mother.

Bob: Excuse me?

Jane: Him and his mother - he's my favorite and his mother's not, him and his mother.

Bob: *Chuckles* Okay, Sara?

Sara: His sister's my favorite, and um...the one who's not my favorite...um...his...brother?

Bob: Okay, that'll work! Betty?

Betty: Um...well...I guess my favorite's him and...I guess...I'm really sorry, too...his...nephew.

Bob: Hermione?

Hermione: My favorite, besides of course Ronald, would be his father. My least favorite, and I'm sure they'll perfectly understand, is his twin brothers, Fred and George.

Bob: Okay, thank you ladies, we'll be back in a moment to see what their husbands will say after these messages!

*Peppy music returns, everyone clapping in time to it*