**This is my favourite chapter so far…**

The large conference room was big enough to sit over fifty agents but with only half that present it seemed all the bigger.  Slides were displayed on the furthest wall from the thick double doors and the commentary washed over an exhausted audience sternly.  Scully sat with Skinner near the back of the assembled group.  She caught his curious glance as she took her seat earlier but he said nothing.  The raid the night before had been fruitless ending in a bloody shootout.  With two agents shot and one of the suspects killed the other one managed to escape in the chaos.  Agent Watters paced the top of the room berating the carelessness that had taken place and Scully was thankful again not to have been present.  Guilt washed over her as she thought that she could have helped and possibly changed the outcome of the raid, but was quickly pushed aside when she knew there would have been nothing she could have done.

            Her night had consisted of a quick shower while longing for a bath and a restless nap while longing for a deep uninterrupted sleep.  The alarm clock jolted her up and she dragged her uncooperative body into the cold Sunday morning.  A soft frost covered the windows and she shivered before throwing her robe on.  Thoughts of Mulder swayed around her as she went wordlessly through her morning routine of coffee and showers, before dressing and rushing out the door for the Sunday conference.  Skinner had called her last night to tell her about the raid so she knew the agents that had been there would feel her presence as support.  Watters afforded her an uneasy nod as he entered the full room but his eyes stayed away from hers during the meeting.  Finally the room filed out in an eerie silence.  Skinner stood up beside her and placed a heavy hand on her shoulder.

"How is he?"

"Much better…physically.  Looks like he'll be home by tomorrow."

"Then what?"

"Well then he'll have to recuperate…" she let her eyes fall down to her hands that rested interlinked on her lap.  "And if he doesn't, he'll have to adjust…we all will."

            He squeezed her shoulder and without words of condolences or useless smiles he simple left.  Scully stood to fix her jacket that lay perfectly against her slim body.  She spotted Watters hovering by and wanted to give him the chance to approach her before she left.

"Agent Scully…I wanted to talk to you for a minute."

"What is it?"

"Well firstly I wanted to apologise for the disastrous raid that happened last night."

"You don't need to do that-,"

"No, Please, if anyone else needs this case solved quicker than you or Mulder it's me."  She knew exactly what he meant and again the slow motion image of Mulder falling from the roof played before her eyes.  "Anyway you know as well as I do that once an Agent is down a case becomes so much more urgent."

"Agent Mulder is not the only one who's been injured here," she said trying to keep the anger from her voice.

"No, but he was the first… and excuse me if I feel a little blame."

"Blame? You didn't drop him," she reached out and touched his arm, her voice soft and low.

"No, but I didn't hold on either."  Before she could utter another word he walked by her and out of the room.  She imagined he wanted to slam the door but with the control arms closing it slowly, it simply closed with a soft thud.

She found herself back in her apartment.  The suit she wore was tossed in favour of more casual clothes as she put on a pair of black jeans and a light blue short-sleeved top with a low v-neck.  As she walked to her car a cool wind gently caressed her shoulders.  The sun shone brightly mocking her sombre mood as she drove to the hospital.  The halls were alive with visitors and she entered Mulder's room to find Frohike its only occupant.

"Frohike? Where is Mulder?" she said startling him from his reverie out the window.

"Langly and Byers took him down to the canteen to prove some sort of conspiracy theory."

"What?

"Something about drugs in Jell-O to placate patients while tests are being done."

"Of course, what else." She sat heavily onto the bed emitting a sigh louder than she would have liked.

"Tired?"

"Long morning."

"Worried about Mulder?"

            She didn't reply.  She didn't need to.  Frohike took the seat beside the bed and looked up at her, waiting for her to look back.  Finally she looked up from the floor and found him smiling oddly.  He nodded his head a little and she couldn't help but smile at his clumsy attempt to comfort her and yet suddenly she was comforted.  Suddenly she wasn't the only one who knew Mulder well enough to realise how bad this could be, suddenly she wasn't the only one who knew how bad this was for her.

            A loud ruckus from the hallway broke their silent exchange and they both watched the door as the noise got louder.  The door swung open, only the stopper on the floor saving the wall behind it.  Langly roughly pushed Mulder into the room in a wheelchair his glare still staring out the door behind him he didn't see her.  Mulder did.

            He caught the subtle essence of her perfume as soon as the door was opened and was pretty sure it wasn't Frohike's.  He saw her sitting on his bed and smiled.  She returned her smile but he knew it wasn't one of her best.  He'd only known her for a day or so but he imagined she had better, warmer more intimate smiles than the ones she had shown him and he was going to make it his mission to seek them out.

"Scully, hey!" Langly exclaimed abandoning the wheelchair in the middle of the room he approached her. For a second she thought he was going to hug her before he held on to her arm and leaned in closer to her.  "I was monitoring some seriously suspicious activity in the canteen you might want to take a look…" he whispered to her, his eyes darting around the room.

"You write me a report and I'll see what I can do."

            As Byers entered the room his usually impeccable suit a little awry she had to hold back a small laugh.  He tugged at his tie and straightened it.

"We have to leave gentlemen.  Apparently we are causing a scene."

            Mulder stood from the chair and ambled slowly over to the bed, sitting in the space that Scully had occupied only moments earlier.  They said their goodbyes and left amid words shouted down the hallway, leaving them alone in the small room.  Mulder looked at her in her street clothes and liked what he saw.  The sun beamed in through the large windows as Mulder lounged back on the bed.  He rested both his hands behind his head interlocking his fingers.  It was only then she noticed he was without his sling.

"Your arm, it's free!" she walked over to him and he sat forward, extending his arm for her to examine.  Her medically trained fingers ran the length of his arm.  "Does it hurt?"

"Not really.  I was told to take it easy for a week or so."

            She slipped her hand in under the collar of his pyjama top and gripped his shoulder firmly while bending and rotating his arm.

"The muscle is still very tight.  Did they show you the exercises you need?"

"Yes Doctor!" he quipped but what he meant as a light joke stung her.  She released him but before she could pull away he grabbed her wrist.  "Dana…sorry." She wouldn't meet his eyes but he held on to her and continued regardless.

"I don't know what type of person I was before Saturday morning but lying on this bed all day and lying awake all night is driving me crazy.  The only other thing that's worse is the incessant questions about how I'm feeling."  He smiled a little hoping she'd look up and catch it, maybe even return it, but her eyes stayed away.  "Mostly though, I can't help but think about you."  She looked up a frown creasing her soft brow.

"Me?"

"Yeah you."  His grip on her wrist slackened and he rubbed her palm with his thumb mimicking her gesture from the night before.  "Everyone keeps asking me how I'm feeling.  I've lost my memory…lost who I am…Fox Mulder.  But so have you, Dana."  He paused catching and holding her gaze.  "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she answered quickly, too quickly he thought.

"I'm pretty sure the old me wouldn't let you away with such an irreverent answer, so I sure as hell wont."

"Really Mulder, I'm fine."

            For a minute he said nothing, releasing her hand he sat back into the bed and watched her.

"Why do you do that?"

Surprised she looked up. 

"Do what?"

"Right now Dana, you are the only friend I've got.  I know I've forgotten everything that was… special between us," he sat up letting his legs fall over the edge.

"Mulder-,"

"Why are you closing me off? Now? When I need you the most? When I need you open? When I need you honest?" his words spilled out quickly his face a picture of anguish and misery.

            She watched him silently for a minute before stepping closer.  Without explanation or without the need to she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight embrace.  He shifted his legs so they hung either side of her and cuddled her closer, his hands clasped behind her back.

            For a moment he thought she was crying but when she pulled away her eyes were clear and her cheeks dry.

"I'm sorry Mulder.  I guess I was trying to handle everything myself."

"Well don't."

            A soft cough by the open door made them both turn to see Dr Macey approaching them.  Reluctantly Mulder let his hands fall from her waist as she stepped out of his embrace.

"Mr Mulder, I got your CT Scan results from this morning."

"What's the verdict?"

"Again I see remarkable recovery.  The swelling has decreased again.  Your shoulder should be fully healed in a week or so, if you stick to the routine the physio gave you."

"All I need now is the all clear from the shrink."

"Well I spoke to Dr Gavin this morning and she agrees with my opinion that you are ready to be released."

            Mulders face froze.  As much as he wanted to leave all he knew was this room, this hospital.  "Today?"

"Well officially the paperwork wont have gone through until tomorrow morning but I see no reason that you cant go home today."

"That's…great," he said, refusing to meet Scully's gaze.

"If you could set up some more appointments with Dr Gavin, or should you prefer an FBI counsellor.  Either way I strongly recommend that you continue the sessions.  For your own benefit, your own peace of mind."

"What's left of it," he murmured.

"I've booked you in for another scan next Friday so we can monitor your progress. So I'll see you then."

            Mulder took the hand he extended and shook it firmly.

"Thank you."  When he left Mulder finally turned to Scully who was watching him closely.  "I guess this is it.  Home time."

"You okay?"

"Yeah…I'll grab my things."

            He walked over the bathroom and collected what little possessions he had.  He returned to find Scully gathering his stuff and putting them into the bag she'd brought yesterday.  She had taken his suit out of the tall locker and left his trousers and shirt out on the bed.  He pulled off the pyjama top over his head and gently slipped into the white shirt.

"I can't believe I'm going home."

"Are you nervous?"

            He stopped doing up the buttons and turned to her.

"I've been lying here wondering about who I was and where I might live.  I just…I dunno," he turned away and grabbed the trousers off the bed.  Without hesitation he pulled off his bottoms revealing the pair of black boxers she'd packed for him.

"Just what?" she said her voice displaying none of the surprise she felt.

"Just now that I'm going to be faced with the mysterious Fox Mulder, I can't help but feel intimidated."

            Finally he pulled up his trousers and belted them loosely around his hips.  He half tucked his shirt in having trouble reaching all the way round with his injured arm.

"Don't worry so much. It's you.  Everything you'll see will be you.  Not something you have to live up to but something you already are.  It's just a matter of letting go and turning over to instinct."  Hearing her own words she couldn't help but smile sadly.  Knowing that usually Mulder would make a joke at her if she suggested he follow his gut feelings. 

            They packed the rest of his belongings in silence and with one final look to make sure nothing was forgotten they left.

            He stared out the window watching the streets he imagined should be familiar, stream by.  They blurred into one long street of buildings and trees.  He could feel her occasional gaze fall on his when her eyes strayed from the road but he made no move to force out a smile.  As she pulled up outside his apartment he continued to stare out, unaware the car had stopped.

"Mulder, we're here."  She reached over and gently squeezed his arm.  Slowly he turned to her and she saw how pale he was.  "Are you okay?"

He nodded wordlessly and pulled himself out of the car.  He waited for her as she walked around to him and followed her up to the door.  As she searched for the key he saw his name next to the number 42 on the residents list.

"Apartment 42," he said absently as if saying it aloud would help him remember.

            He stood half a step behind her in the elevator watching the numbers count up to the fourth floor.  When the doors slid open she looked up to his strained face and tried to smile reassuringly at him.  Taking his hand she led him to the apartment and after unlocking the door she stood by to let him enter first.

            Tentatively he stepped in, still holding her hand.  His grip tightened as he surveyed the room that stood before him.  A low black leather couch lay against a wall and a shelving unit beside it strained under the weight of a large fish tank and he guessed over three hundred videos.  His gaze fell on the desk that sat beneath the window holding his computer and cluttered with open files, a few cups and he was sure that was a pizza box.  The TV stood to his left between two chairs and the floor beside it was littered with videotapes.

            With both of his hands clasped behind his back, he still held hers as he made his way into the kitchen.  He found it to be clean, functional and barely touched.

"I guess I'm not the entertaining type," he joked but she heard the disappointment in his voice and placed a hand on his back.  He liked the way she rubbed him gently offering her support and turned back to the living room.

            The bathroom door was open and the floor strewn with towels.  He shook his head laughing softly as he walked by it to what he presumed to be the bedroom door.  He opened the door and smiled at the sight of the large bed and almost as big TV.  She leaned against the doorframe as he walked around the room and fingered the objects he left lying around.  A Tom Clancy book lay open on one of his pillows and a box of headache pills sat beneath his lamp on top of the alarm clock.  He pushed the bed and laughed out loud when it swayed around the swirling water.

"A Water bed? I think this is my favourite room!"

"You know you used to have mirrors up there."  She pointed to the roof over the bed smiling.

"What happened?" delighted that she'd been in his room before, possibly in his bed.

"You said you kept waking up to find someone staring at you so you got rid of them."

"Afraid of my own reflection? Talk about manly!"

            His mood dropped low again and his smile faded.  He sat onto the bed and laid back, a long low shuddering breath escaped past his lips and he closed his eyes.

"You okay?"

"Yeah…I guess I was expecting something to happen."

            She said nothing knowing her words would do nothing to alleviate his worries.  Suddenly he sat up and managed to get off the still moving bed.  He walked over and stood in front of her.  Taking both of her hands in his he smiled weakly.

"Thanks…for coming.  For taking me."

"No problem."  A silence fell between them and he continued to watch her.  "Are you hungry?"

"Yes.  I am.  But I need a shower."

"You take a shower and I'll see what I can make."

            She returned to the living room and collected the cups from the desk.  She could hear the shower running as she put them into the sink and opened the fridge.  Inside she found a carton of Orange Juice, a few beers and a packet of peanuts but little else that could be described as food.  She cleaned out the cups and put them away.  Back on the couch she could hear him moving around in his bedroom and tried to imagine what it would be like to arrive at her apartment with no memory.  How would she cope?

            Mulder stepped out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist.  He could see her standing by the sink washing the cups and wondered how often he'd seen that image before.  He wondered if he felt the same warm feeling of protection before as he felt right now.  Turning he went into the bedroom and rummaged through his wardrobe.  He found five Knicks t-shirts and multiple plain ones.  Opting for a plain black he threw it onto the bed behind him.  Pulling out a pair of black jeans he quickly dried off and dressed.  He entered the living room carrying his socks and boots, to find her resting back on the couch her feet up on his low table.  He took in the picture for a moment before she looked up and smiled.

"I'm afraid lunch is off," she said.

"Why?" he replied trying not to show his disappointment as he sat next to her.

"Well the only edible thing in your house is nuts."

"Oh, sorry!"

"We could go out and get food or even go back to my place."

"Sure."  He reached down tying his boots.  "This apartment is getting to me," ha added almost as an after thought.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm sitting here surrounded by all this stuff that's supposed to be my home and I'm a complete stranger to it all."

"Give it time."

"I know I know…give it time, relax, it'll all come back."  His voice was harsher than he would have liked but he couldn't help it.  He rubbed his face vigorously with both hands and let them brush through his hair.  "Sorry but I feel like I'm being tested and I don't even know the questions."

"Come on.  Lets get out of here and get you relaxed."

            He smiled at her and even raised his eyebrow a bit in that all too familiar gesture.  A low burning blush crept past her neck and flamed into her cheeks but before she could look away he caught her chin and turned her to face him fully.  He didn't move or say anything but the smile he wore spoke volumes to her only deepening her blush.  A million thoughts whirled through her head but before one of them could be developed fully he released her and stood.  Extending a hand out to her she allowed him to pull her up and they left.

**I've decided to keep the case going but it's just going to take a back seat.  Sure what else could I have Scully do! And don't worry I wont let it decay into an excuse for amateur porn! **