Chapter Nine: Take Me By The Hand of My Heart
After lunch, Natalia and Hermione went to the library, as they did not have a class after lunch. Having heard from Ron that Professor Binns was going to lecture about the Ancient World of wizarding this year in History of Magic, Hermione and Natalia decided to read up on the Ancient World before class so they would understand Binns even through his dry wheezy voice that often sounded like a dying hair dryer. While they were reading, Natalia suddenly remembered that they had to get the ingredients for the Mirage-Generating Potion.
"Hermione? Did you happen to get the ingredients for the Mirage-Generating Potion yet? I have owled my Mother and am expecting that she will owl back tonight."
Hermione looked up, coming out the Ancient World.
"Oh, I almost forgot! Why don't I go get them now so we can start it tonight?"
Hermione descended to the dungeons, hoping that she wouldn't meet up with any Slytherins on the way down. As she approached Snape's classroom, she began to feel dread. How if he expels me for what I did on Monday? she thought. Oh well, if he hasn't done it by now, he's probably not going to expel me.
She knocked twice on the door. An impatient "Come in." was heard through the thick door. Hermione pushed open the door slightly and entered.
Snape was correcting papers from the First Years. Slashes of red could be seen slicing across the pages in elegant fluid strokes that marked the mistakes.
"What do you want?" he asked without bothering to look up.
Hermione stood very still, twiddling her thumbs nervously.
"I wanted to get the ingredients for the Mirage-Generating Potion from you."
Snape looked up in annoyance.
"Ah, Miss Granger. I see that we have reverted from a psychotic back to the diligent student. Well, I'm relieved to see that you have not come here to cut my throat." he said snidely. "What ingredients are you requesting for specifically?" he asked, expecting that she would have conjured up a ludicrous list of elements.
Hermione gave him the scroll with the ingredients on it. Seeing that the ingredients were all correct, Snape scowled in disappointment.
"This is not your handwriting, Miss Granger."
She blushed, and guiltily replied,
"No, it is not."
"And who, might you have acquired this information from?"
Hermione averted her eyes.
"The person would rather me not say."
Snape sneered.
"Well, not so smart after all, are we, Miss Granger?" he paused to see if the comment had any effect on her. "You will find all that you need in the top shelves, although I will have to get the Morning Dew from my office."
He left like a shadow into the inner room. Hermione climbed the stepladder and got two sets of the ingredients, placing them in her satchel. Snape returned with a vial full of Morning Dew.
"This amount is all you will need." he said, eyeing her bag suspiciously. "It seems you have more than the necessary ingredients Miss Granger. I thought that after breaking into my office to take supplies, you would have learned. Tell me, am I witnessing the first stages of a klepto?" he asked accusingly.
Hermione's face turned red hot.
"No, never. I am merely getting another set of ingredients for Natalia."
Snape's eyes flashed at hearing her name.
"If Miss Slytherin wants to have the ingredients for the potion, she will have to acquire them herself." he spat out menacingly. "And as for you, Miss Granger, you will not be allowed to take any of my supplies due to your dishonesty. Now leave my classroom before you defile it anymore with your lack of disrespect."
Hermione ran out of the classroom, storming up the stairs to the library. Never had Snape refused a student of materials. She couldn't believe his inconsideration.
Natalia was reading about the history of Apparition when she heard Hermione sit down. Her face was completely red from anger, and her satchel, empty. Natalia looked at Hermione, worried.
"What happened?"
After taking several deep breaths, Hermione answered,
"Snape told me I was dishonest for wanting to get a set of ingredients for you. He said that if you wanted them, you would have to get them yourself. The bastard."
Hermione did not mention that she had not obtained ingredients for herself either for she did not want to lay guilt on Natalia.
Someone was knocking on the door to the Potions classroom. Grumbling, Snape uttered a curt "Come in".
Dumdledore came into the classroom, slowly taking his time to approach Snape.
"Ah, Severus, I hope I am not disturbing you."
Snape eyed him wearily but his hand never stopped its writing.
"As you can see, I am trying to finish my work, with which I am already behind. Can I help you with something?"
Eyes twinkling, Dumbledore gave a quiet smile.
"No, no. I was just wondering if you would like to join me for tea."
Snape paused from his grading for a moment.
"I apologize, but I will have to decline. I have a great deal of papers to grade."
"I often think you overwork yourself, Severus. You already have a great amount of burden in your other...aspect of life. I do not think that you need to burden yourself or the students any more with excessive amounts of work. You have more than adequately done your job. And besides, I have matters I would like to discuss with you."
Snape set down his quill and leant back in his chair.
"Has something come up?"
Dumbledore gave him a careful look and said very quietly, "I do not think we should discuss these matters here. Shall we venture to my office?"
Snape slumped into the seat across from Dumbledore's desk, sighing heavily from fatigue.
Dumbledore poured some tea and handed Snape a cupful. Looking at him with great concern, Dumbledore inquired about Snape's previous night.
"How badly were you hurt this time?"
Snape winced slightly, and drank some tea with a shaking hand.
"A bit more than usual." he replied quietly, never one to complain.
"With Crucio?"
He settled the teacup back onto the saucer, causing the porcelain to chatter a bit.
"Yes, as always."
Snape closed his eyes, resting his fingertips gently on his eyelids.
"He has found out about Natalia. He wanted to make sure that I knew the consequences of what would happen if I did not ensure that she would go to the Dark Side."
Dumbledore sat in silence, deep in thought. After a while, he replied.
"I see."
Looking up at Snape he asked,
"Have you made amends with her yet?"
Finding strength even in complete weariness, Snape glared at Dumbledore.
"I do not find it necessary to do so. I assume you have heard of the incident that happened in my Advanced Potions class earlier this week?"
Snape had expected Dumbledore to agree with him. However, Dumbledore just peered at him over the rim of his glasses.
"Severus, if I recall correctly, you were the one who assigned the potion and volunteered Miss Granger to test it."
Giving his superior a look of annoyance, Snape quickly drained his tea and stood, wavering a little.
"If you are quite finished, I will need to get back to my papers."
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.
"Do as you wish, Severus."
Snape went back down to the dungeons, steadying himself once in awhile against the walls of the dungeons. Once he was inside his office, he fell into his chair, breathing heavily from exhaustion. He did not know how he was going to keep this up. After not having slept for the past fifty odd hours, his sight was starting to quaver. He bent over, resting his head on the desk. He gingerly touched his chest. There was a faint ache over his heart.
What in the name of -, he thought, an ache in my heart? He was feeling an undeniable feeling of sorrow.
"What is becoming of me?" he muttered, shaking his head.
He went into his chambers and headed for the washrooms. After splashing his face with water, he stood at the sink, looking in the mirror at his dripping reflection. What a poor bastard, he thought. Wait, that thought wasn't mine, he realized in a panic. What's happening to me?
He ran a hand through his hair. A definite restrained anger was coming upon him. Why I am angry? he wondered. Am I...no, I can't be...how can I be angry with myself without knowing it? And why is it suppressed? These questions evaded any logical answers. He closed his eyes slowly.
Father...
His eyes snapped open.
That voice in his head, the one that had just said..Father.
Snape's face furrowed in confusion. He closed his eyes, deep in thought. That was definitely not my voice, he thought. But whose voice was it? It sounded so familiar...
His eyes flew open, realizing who the voice belonged to.
Natalia...
After lunch, Natalia and Hermione went to the library, as they did not have a class after lunch. Having heard from Ron that Professor Binns was going to lecture about the Ancient World of wizarding this year in History of Magic, Hermione and Natalia decided to read up on the Ancient World before class so they would understand Binns even through his dry wheezy voice that often sounded like a dying hair dryer. While they were reading, Natalia suddenly remembered that they had to get the ingredients for the Mirage-Generating Potion.
"Hermione? Did you happen to get the ingredients for the Mirage-Generating Potion yet? I have owled my Mother and am expecting that she will owl back tonight."
Hermione looked up, coming out the Ancient World.
"Oh, I almost forgot! Why don't I go get them now so we can start it tonight?"
Hermione descended to the dungeons, hoping that she wouldn't meet up with any Slytherins on the way down. As she approached Snape's classroom, she began to feel dread. How if he expels me for what I did on Monday? she thought. Oh well, if he hasn't done it by now, he's probably not going to expel me.
She knocked twice on the door. An impatient "Come in." was heard through the thick door. Hermione pushed open the door slightly and entered.
Snape was correcting papers from the First Years. Slashes of red could be seen slicing across the pages in elegant fluid strokes that marked the mistakes.
"What do you want?" he asked without bothering to look up.
Hermione stood very still, twiddling her thumbs nervously.
"I wanted to get the ingredients for the Mirage-Generating Potion from you."
Snape looked up in annoyance.
"Ah, Miss Granger. I see that we have reverted from a psychotic back to the diligent student. Well, I'm relieved to see that you have not come here to cut my throat." he said snidely. "What ingredients are you requesting for specifically?" he asked, expecting that she would have conjured up a ludicrous list of elements.
Hermione gave him the scroll with the ingredients on it. Seeing that the ingredients were all correct, Snape scowled in disappointment.
"This is not your handwriting, Miss Granger."
She blushed, and guiltily replied,
"No, it is not."
"And who, might you have acquired this information from?"
Hermione averted her eyes.
"The person would rather me not say."
Snape sneered.
"Well, not so smart after all, are we, Miss Granger?" he paused to see if the comment had any effect on her. "You will find all that you need in the top shelves, although I will have to get the Morning Dew from my office."
He left like a shadow into the inner room. Hermione climbed the stepladder and got two sets of the ingredients, placing them in her satchel. Snape returned with a vial full of Morning Dew.
"This amount is all you will need." he said, eyeing her bag suspiciously. "It seems you have more than the necessary ingredients Miss Granger. I thought that after breaking into my office to take supplies, you would have learned. Tell me, am I witnessing the first stages of a klepto?" he asked accusingly.
Hermione's face turned red hot.
"No, never. I am merely getting another set of ingredients for Natalia."
Snape's eyes flashed at hearing her name.
"If Miss Slytherin wants to have the ingredients for the potion, she will have to acquire them herself." he spat out menacingly. "And as for you, Miss Granger, you will not be allowed to take any of my supplies due to your dishonesty. Now leave my classroom before you defile it anymore with your lack of disrespect."
Hermione ran out of the classroom, storming up the stairs to the library. Never had Snape refused a student of materials. She couldn't believe his inconsideration.
Natalia was reading about the history of Apparition when she heard Hermione sit down. Her face was completely red from anger, and her satchel, empty. Natalia looked at Hermione, worried.
"What happened?"
After taking several deep breaths, Hermione answered,
"Snape told me I was dishonest for wanting to get a set of ingredients for you. He said that if you wanted them, you would have to get them yourself. The bastard."
Hermione did not mention that she had not obtained ingredients for herself either for she did not want to lay guilt on Natalia.
Someone was knocking on the door to the Potions classroom. Grumbling, Snape uttered a curt "Come in".
Dumdledore came into the classroom, slowly taking his time to approach Snape.
"Ah, Severus, I hope I am not disturbing you."
Snape eyed him wearily but his hand never stopped its writing.
"As you can see, I am trying to finish my work, with which I am already behind. Can I help you with something?"
Eyes twinkling, Dumbledore gave a quiet smile.
"No, no. I was just wondering if you would like to join me for tea."
Snape paused from his grading for a moment.
"I apologize, but I will have to decline. I have a great deal of papers to grade."
"I often think you overwork yourself, Severus. You already have a great amount of burden in your other...aspect of life. I do not think that you need to burden yourself or the students any more with excessive amounts of work. You have more than adequately done your job. And besides, I have matters I would like to discuss with you."
Snape set down his quill and leant back in his chair.
"Has something come up?"
Dumbledore gave him a careful look and said very quietly, "I do not think we should discuss these matters here. Shall we venture to my office?"
Snape slumped into the seat across from Dumbledore's desk, sighing heavily from fatigue.
Dumbledore poured some tea and handed Snape a cupful. Looking at him with great concern, Dumbledore inquired about Snape's previous night.
"How badly were you hurt this time?"
Snape winced slightly, and drank some tea with a shaking hand.
"A bit more than usual." he replied quietly, never one to complain.
"With Crucio?"
He settled the teacup back onto the saucer, causing the porcelain to chatter a bit.
"Yes, as always."
Snape closed his eyes, resting his fingertips gently on his eyelids.
"He has found out about Natalia. He wanted to make sure that I knew the consequences of what would happen if I did not ensure that she would go to the Dark Side."
Dumbledore sat in silence, deep in thought. After a while, he replied.
"I see."
Looking up at Snape he asked,
"Have you made amends with her yet?"
Finding strength even in complete weariness, Snape glared at Dumbledore.
"I do not find it necessary to do so. I assume you have heard of the incident that happened in my Advanced Potions class earlier this week?"
Snape had expected Dumbledore to agree with him. However, Dumbledore just peered at him over the rim of his glasses.
"Severus, if I recall correctly, you were the one who assigned the potion and volunteered Miss Granger to test it."
Giving his superior a look of annoyance, Snape quickly drained his tea and stood, wavering a little.
"If you are quite finished, I will need to get back to my papers."
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.
"Do as you wish, Severus."
Snape went back down to the dungeons, steadying himself once in awhile against the walls of the dungeons. Once he was inside his office, he fell into his chair, breathing heavily from exhaustion. He did not know how he was going to keep this up. After not having slept for the past fifty odd hours, his sight was starting to quaver. He bent over, resting his head on the desk. He gingerly touched his chest. There was a faint ache over his heart.
What in the name of -, he thought, an ache in my heart? He was feeling an undeniable feeling of sorrow.
"What is becoming of me?" he muttered, shaking his head.
He went into his chambers and headed for the washrooms. After splashing his face with water, he stood at the sink, looking in the mirror at his dripping reflection. What a poor bastard, he thought. Wait, that thought wasn't mine, he realized in a panic. What's happening to me?
He ran a hand through his hair. A definite restrained anger was coming upon him. Why I am angry? he wondered. Am I...no, I can't be...how can I be angry with myself without knowing it? And why is it suppressed? These questions evaded any logical answers. He closed his eyes slowly.
Father...
His eyes snapped open.
That voice in his head, the one that had just said..Father.
Snape's face furrowed in confusion. He closed his eyes, deep in thought. That was definitely not my voice, he thought. But whose voice was it? It sounded so familiar...
His eyes flew open, realizing who the voice belonged to.
Natalia...
