New Chapter!!! Enjoy

Ardeth awoke and lazily stretched, and decided to stay in bed with Erin. He put some pillows behind him, laid back against the head board, and turned on one of the many Elvis cds in the hotel room. Ardeth's favorite song was Hound Dog because it reminded him of his home in the desert. The sexy naked Medjai began to recall what had happened the last couple of hectic days since arriving in Graceland- the home of the King of rock and roll, Elvis. Ardeth and Bubbles had asked George about Yogurt and they had gotten a lot of information they didn't want.
Yogurt was a weee shiny gold man who lived deep in the King's basement in Graceland. Over the years Yogurt had come to believe that aliens had taken control of every government , that Nazis were hiding in the forests to eat small children, and that he was a Yoda-type character who was a master of the Swartz. Yogurt went so far to carry out this fantasy that he broke into a car dealership maintance area and painted himself in gold sparkly car paint, it was a very painful experience. Yogurt would also always walk on his knees so he could be short and he even started his own merchandise line. After hearing all George had to say Bubbles and Ardeth had gone to make arrangements to leave for Graceland. It took Ardeth forever to find a guy in Cairo who was selling tickets to Graceland and when he did the guy was a small trench coat-wearing man. Throught their transaction the squat little man kept coming on to Ardeth and giving him strange sexy looks only Erin had sent to him before. When three tickets had finally been purchased the sexy Medjai realized why the scalper had been so friendly, his fly was open. But that wasn't the worst part, Ardeth wasn't wearing any underwear. Earlier that day Erin had gone off wearing the sparkly purple pimp thong that Ardeth had finally gotten the courage to wear.
(Now you may be asking how did this sexily sheltered Medjai, who doesn't know what porn is come to wear thongs and have intimate realtions with a woman? Well one day a couple years before this quest , Ardeth was on another quest to rid the earth of boring, bitchy substitute teachers and just as he disposed of another sub who had ruined the movie day of many bored history students, a god appeared at the end of the tunnel where he had just killed an old German Nazi sub with the name of Weinar. The Egyptian diety was Guy Pearce, the god of the bedroom and its magic. Ardeth thought it was strange that this god would come to see him.
"Ardeth, why have you not served me? Why don't you follow my path for you?. You know I gave you a great pickup line the other day"
"I don't know why you are talking to me. Why do you torment me so? What have I done to deserve your wrath?. and whats a pickup line?"
"The only thing you have have done to anger me was your inability to follow my bidding. And I explained this to you- a pickup line is what you say to start a conversation with a girl. Any girl, she doesn't even have to be pretty. Just talk to a girl!"
"Oh, I can't follow your bidding- I don't understand! And you're saying that all I have to do to get a girl's attention is to say. how You doin?. how will that work? It makes no sense. why do women like to hear that?" "Ardeth they wont care what you say, they just want that sexy body I gave you. Once you open up the conversation and confirm that you're not into men , it wont matter what you say."
"Into men? I don't get it."
"Dammit, why do all the sexy ones I create after me have to be so damn innocent?" Guy muttered until inspiration struck, "At least I have Antoine. Ok since you don't understand what I have said before, listen now. In two years time you will meet a woman who will make you want to use the name Shaq for a certain something. Stay with this woman and so what she asks- I know some of the role play will be weird and some may seem too kinky, but deal with it. Once you find this woman you will need this," Guy held up a purple glitter thong, "Wear this when you meet her- she has this thing for pimps I really don't know what that's about - not my doing."
Ardeth took the skimpy material from the god and tried to figure out where it went.
"It goes like this," Guy fixed Ardeth's new night wear so he could see which end was up. "One leg here, the other here and pull up, but not too far- damn those things hurt when they get stuck in your ass."
And so this was how Ardeth came to own his sexy pimp thong and how he got to be with Erin. The only thing not explained is why Ardeth heeded the command of Guy the God of the bedroom and all pleaseures. Well right before vanishing in a puff of sexy mist the sexy God Guy told Ardeth that if he failed to do what was asked of him his internet success would permantly be reversed. Now Ardeth prided himself on ot being laughed at any longer by the guys in the washing tents. Since his improvement when he walked by without his towel he awed his other wash mates. So that wasn't really an option and Ardeth had wondered what it would be like with a woman. He didn't know about the role play though it sounded weird. But when the time came two years later and Ardeth gained use for the name Shaq, Ardeth followed Guy's bidding and now you know the rest of the story.)
Well after Ardeth fixed his fly, he and Bubbles returned to the Baa- Bar, where they had been staying, they ran into Erin, literally.
"Damn guys a little happy to see me?"
'Of course, but I think that ticket scalper was happier to see Ardeth," Bubbles told Erin.
"What?"
"Nevermind" Ardeth said quickly so Bubbles wouldn't tell the whole story. "We have returned with the tickets to Graceland. Where is George?"
"That's why I needed to find you, I was going to tell you that George cant come. He found something on the internet and he left rather quickly."

"Oh he must have gotten my e-mail. That program saved my life-Thank the Gods I followed Guy's command. I don't know how I would have survived without Shaq." Erin gave Ardeth a speculative look, as she felt out of the loop.