Disclaimer : Kaiki-Chan does not own Squaresoft, Final Fantasy, FOX, or any
characters involved, apart from herself. Oh. She also owns an army of
sporks, a bowl of thick, chocolate flavoured dairy product, and a plushie
of herself. ^_^;; Arigatou.
(( Kaiki-Chan appears, in a flurry of purple smoke! ))
Kaiki-Chan : Gwahahahaha! Welcome! Thou hath stumbled upon my innocent
broadcast, sponsored by FOX!
Audience : (( Silent, except for some violent coughing fits, and looks of
horror. ))
Kaiki-Chan : Um.. Nevermind..
(( Cheesy theme-music plays, while the title pops up. ))
Kaiki-Chan : Welcome to the most clichéd of all fanfictions! The Final
Fantasy Dating Game! Tonight, we have one contestant, which, actually
happens to be Aeris Gainsborough, until somebody reviews, and requests for
an appearance! (( Hint, hint. )) Anyway, tonight, there are five eligible
bachelors, waiting for the questions! Are you ready, men?
Bachelor #1 : Yes.
Bachelor #2 : Of course..
Bachelor #3 : ...
Bachelor #4 : How did I get here? What? Where am I..?!
Bachelor #5 : Am I getting paid for this?
Aeris : Um.. First question! If we were on a date at a Carnival, what would
we do first?
Bachelor #1 : Uh.. I'd probably go play a game, and win you something.. I
don't know..
Bachelor #2 : First, we'd buy some fairy-floss, buy some tickets to the
ferris-wheel, and cuddle.
Audience : Awwwwwww.
Bachelor #3 : I would slay everyone, including the vendors, with my big,
sharp sword. Then we'd get in for free.
Bachelor #4 : $#%@.. I don't know!
Bachelor #5 : I'd buy you everything. Anything you wanted. I have money
seeping out of my pores, you know.
Aeris : ... Um. Right. Anyway, question number two! If you and me were
trapped on Goblin Island, what three things would you take with you?
Bachelor #1 : A pin, a table-cloth, and a clothes-line peg. Just like
McGuyver.
Bachelor #2 : My trusty steed, a sword, and.. A million kisses for you,
when I get back!
Bachelor #3 : My sword, and you. That is all I need. Then, when we ran out
of supplies, I'd slay you.
Bachelor #4 : My plane, duh. Then we'd %$#@&^# fly out of there!
Bachelor #5 : Money, Scarlet, and a variety of.. Nevermind..
Aeris : .. I hope he didn't mean what I thought he meant. Last question! Am
I pretty?
Bachelor #1 : (( Squirms, feeling uncomfortable. )) Um..
Bachelor #2 : The prettiest woman I've ever seen..
Yet-to-be-named-Fangirls : NOOOOO!!
Bachelor #3 : Pretty, maybe. You'd look better with blood gushing from your
stomach region..
Bachelor #4 : Holy %$#! Thats disgusting!
Bachelor #3 : Bwahahahaha..
Bachelor #5 : Back to the question!
Bachelor #4 : Oh. Right. Uh.. I guess you're pretty.
Bachelor #5 : Aeris.. I could buy you the world.. (( Blows kisses, from
behind the screen. ))
Aeris : ... That guy just freaks me out.
Kaiki-Chan : Awright! Aeris, have you made your choice?
Aeris : Yes, Miss Kaiki, I have! I choose..
Kaiki-Chan : Why don't we all take a wild freakin' guess?
Aeris : Pardon me?!
Kaiki-Chan : Nothing, nothing..
Aeris : (( Murmur. )) I choose Bachelor #1!
Kaiki-Chan : LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! She has picked Bachelor #1! What a
surprise! What a complete and utter CRACKER! I never would have th-- ACK!
(( Kaiki-Chan is then tackled by security guards, and beaten with tasers,
and those black-police-stick thingies. ))
Kaiki-Chan : I'LL BE BAAAAAAAACK! YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL SEEEEEEEEE!!
(( Kaiki-Chan is then hauled off the stage, in a half-conscious state. ))
(( All is quiet, for a moment, before the audience notices Aeris and
Bachelor #1, who actually happens to be Cloud--
Kaiki-Chan : RAAAAAAAAAAH!
(( Um, anyway, Cloud and Aeris appear to be making out, in a dark corner of
the stage, desperately trying to conceal the lust--
Kaiki-Chan : This is NOT a lemon.
(( OKAY! Jeez. Stop interrupting. Aren't you dead yet, anyway? ))
Kaiki-Chan : No.
(( Right. Well. Anyway, the screen fades to black, with beady-eyed perverts
from the audience watching Aeris and Cloud like hawks, and one last sound
of a tranquilizer dart, and a whelp. ))

Kaiki-Chan's last note! : Gahahaha. First fic. You likee? Review, then,
you.. You.. Things! Anyway. Let me know if anyone wants to be a guest.
Flames are welcome. If you're wondering, The rest of the bachelors are
revealed as follows :
#1 = Cloud.
#2 = Vincent Valentine.
#3 = Sephiroth.
#4 = Cid Highwind.
#5 = Rufus Shinra.
Arigatou, and thanks for reading! ^_^ P.S, review, or die. _ _