Disclaimer: If I owned Final Fantasy, Squaresoft, Spongebob Squarepants, or
any type of cheese in an aerosol can, I'd be a very happy little girl.
But.. Sadly, I don't own any of these. ^_^;; Arigatou.
(( Kaiki-Chan appears, in a whirlwind of rose petals! ))
Kaiki-Chan : Aiyaa! Welcome, everybody! Tonight, we have a VERY special
episode for you all! The team at Final Fantasy Dating Game Inc. have
scoured about.. (( Counts on her fingers, holding up three. )) Five worlds,
picking a potential bachelor from each! Tonight, our contestant is.. ((
Drumroll, as Kaiki-Chan receives a crumpled-up letter from someone in the
audience, ripping it open. )) DRAGON VALOR! Come on on out!
(( Dragon Valor is pushed out of the green-room, looking dazed and
confused. ))
Dragon Valor : Where on Earth am I..?
Kaiki-Chan : ... Mars!
Dragon Valor : Really?! I always wanted to go to Mars..
Kaiki-Chan : Actually, that was just for comic relief from the awful pain
that is my introduction.
Dragon Valor : Oh..
Kaiki-Chan : Moving on.. Lets introduce our bachelors! Bachelor #1 is a
goofy blonde, who isn't afraid to laugh in the face of danger, especially
when he isn't real!
Bachelor #1 : Like, its totally nice to be like, here!
Kaiki-Chan : Bachelor #2 describes himself as powerful, terrifying, and
tormented! Welcome to the show, Bachelor #2!
Bachelor #2 : HEE-HEE-HEE. Hello, viewers.
(( Kaiki-Chan glances to a security guard, for reassurance. ))
Kaiki-Chan : .. Right. Next Bachelor is #3! He loves to take long walks on
the beach, comb his hair, and wear big, white jackets! Hey, Bachelor #3!
(( Bachelor #3 begins making kissing noises, plastering his lips to the
tinted screen, in Kaiki-Chan's direction. ))
Kaiki-Chan : ... I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that. Bachelor #4 is a
recurring guest, known for his sweet remarks, scary complaints about
nightmares, and total babe-ilicious-ness!
Bachelor #4 : .. Thank-you, Miss.
Kaiki-Chan : Heehee. He called me "Miss".. Um. Anyway. Our last bachelor is
a big fan of swords, armor, and protecting princesses!
Bachelor #5 : WHERES THE PRINCESS?! I'VE LOST THE PRINCESS!
Dragon Valor : Oh my..
Bachelor #5 : Princess?! PRINCESS?! Is that YOU?!
Kaiki-Chan : NO! Give it a rest, you hunk of rusty metal! On with the
questions!
Dragon Valor : .. Um. If you picked the restraunt we went to on a date, and
I couldn't decide what I wanted, what would you order for me?
Bachelor #1 : The seafood, duh.. Its only, like, the, like, BEST thing on
the, like, menu.
Bachelor #2 : The half-live diseased Cow's intestines. All wriggling, in
barbecue sauce..
Bachelor #3 : .. Would Kaiki be coming? I'd order for her, anytime..
Kaiki-Chan : .. Oh my God. SECURITY!
Bachelor #4 : Spaghetti Bolognese.. I believe its a very romantic dish.
Followed by some suitable red wine.
Bachelor #5 : Where is the princess? Have you imprisoned her somewhere?
WHERE IS SHE?!
(( The audience begin to make strange faces at Bachelor #5, wondering what
he's been smoking, while Kaiki-Chan eyes Bachelor #3's protective screen,
with a finger poised at the speed-dial for the Police, on her cellphone. ))
Kaiki-Chan : .. Next question!
Dragon Valor : .. Um. (( Struggles, to make sense out of the cue-cards ten
feet away. )) Shikka, shikka.. Gibby.. Jibjib.. Killkoi.. Mmtak..
(( Kaiki-Chan also squints, to see, before pointing at a misplaced Kimahri,
who happens to be her personal assistant. ))
Kaiki-Chan : Kimahri! Have you been changing the cue-cards, again.. ?!
Kimahri : Kimahri touched nothing. (( Kimahri speeds off the side-stage,
and makes a run for it. ))
Kaiki-Chan : ... He'll be back. Anyway. Somebody replace those cards.
(( The cards are replaced, by a stage-hand, that looks strangely similar to
Wakka. ))
Dragon Valor : .. Oh. I can see, now. If I was wounded in a fight, what
would you do? A, stay with me, B, get help, or C, abandon me for a good
chilli-cheese burger, ya?
Stage-Hand-That-Looks-Incredibly-Similar-To-Wakka : Sorry, ya. Force of
habit, ya.
Bachelor #1 : Like, all of the, like, above!
Bachelor #2 : None of them. I'd leave you to suffer. Like I did..
HAHAHAHA..
Kaiki-Chan : .. No comment.
Bachelor #3 : If a good chilli-cheese burger is also known as Kaiki.. C!
Kaiki-Chan : Did.. He just call me a chilli-cheese burger..?
Bachelor #4 : A, I would stay with you. I'm always equipped with the proper
healing items.
Bachelor #5 : Who are you talking about, buffoon?! Is the Princess
WOUNDED?!
(( Kaiki-Chan motions to the Security Guards standing by, as they stomp on
over, twist Bachelor #5's arms behind his back, handcuff him, and take him
away. ))
Bachelor #5 : NOOOOOO! PRINCESS!
Kaiki-Chan : Weirdo.. Next question, amigo!
Dragon Valor : ... Er. What are your favorite colors?
Kaiki-Chan : PRODUCER! LACK OF ORIGINALITY! LACK OF ORIGINALITY-- OW!
(( The audience toss small pebbles at Kaiki-Chan, handed out from before
the show, yelling "SHUT UP!" ))
Bachelor #1 : Like, blue. Blue's like.. So totally, like, cool, you know?
Bachelor #2 : .. Blood. HAHAHAHAHA! BLOOD! YOU'LL SEE!
Bachelor #3 : Purple.. Like Kaiki's hair..
Kaiki-Chan : (( Shakes a fist at the tinted screen hiding Bachelor #3. ))
Weirdo! You're next!
Bachelor #4 : Midnight black.. And crimson red..
Kaiki-Chan : Last question!
Dragon Valor : How would you react, if I kissed you on the lips, right
here, right now?
Bachelor #1 : Like.. Kissing is, like.. Bad, and stuff.. If my parents,
like, catch me, I'll be grounded, for like, a year!
Bachelor #2 : I'd eat your lips.
Bachelor #3 : .. Noo... I don't want to kiss you.. I want to kiss the
purple-haired beauty..
Kaiki-Chan : (( Shudders. ))
Bachelor #4 : Well.. I'd be somewhat surprised at first, but gradually, I'd
kiss you back.
Dragon Valor : ... I've made my choice.
Kaiki-Chan : Great. So, which freak is it?
Dragon Valor : I choose.. Bachelor #4!
Kaiki-Chan : Bachelor #4, come right out!
(( Bachelor #4 calmly, and swiftly makes his way out from behind the
screen, moving over to Dragon Valor, with a twinkle in his eye. ))
Kaiki-Chan : Vincent Valentine and Dragon Valor! What a cute couple!
(( Dragon Valor proceeds to reach out for an out-of-place metal rod,
whacking Kaiki-Chan over the head, with it. ))
Kaiki-Chan : I'll see you next time, on the F-- Urrrrghhh...Blaaarrghhh..
(( Vincent Valentine sweeps Dragon Valor into his arms, and makes a hasty
escape. Wakka then walks out, from behind the camera. ))
Wakka : Hey, ya? How ya doin'? Since Kaiki-Chan's been knocked unconscious,
we'll see you next time, on The Final Fantasy Dating Game, ya?!
Bachelor #1 = Tidus. Heheh. Valley-girl.
Bachelor #2 = Kefka, probably the coolest villain, ever.
Bachelor #3 = Seifer Almasy. Kaiki-Chan's newest stalker.
Bachelor #4 = Vincent Valentine. Creepy guy with the big claw.
Bachelor #5 = Adelbert Steiner. Currently in prison, for disorderly
behavior in public.
Kaiki-Chan's last note! : Second chapter in my on-going fic. R&R! Request
yourself or someone else as a guest! Flames are welcomed with open arms!
Arigatou! ^_^;;