Disclaimer : Kaiki-Chan, the insanely stupid author of this 'fic, doesn't
claim to own Squaresoft, Final Fantasy, Hannibal the Cannibal, The Late
Show, or any of the characters involved, apart from herself. If she owned
all the other stuff, this little girl would be one hell of a happy little
puppy. ^_^ Arigatou~!
(( Kaiki-Chan appears in a puff of purple smoke! ))
Kaiki-Chan : Welcome, precious audience, to The Final Fantasy Dating Game!
Tonight, our special guest is Sapphira, the oddly-shaped balloon!
(( Sapphira appears, in a puff of green smoke. ))
Sapphira : ... What the HELL?!
Kaiki-Chan : ^_^;; Its nothing to worry about, dear. Its a game-show.
You'll catch on. Anyway, tonight, we have a new load of Bachelors! Hot off
the press! Increasingly difficult to find, as space and time travel is
needed to find them! Bachelor #1 says he's known as very appearance-
orientated, many say he looks like a girl, including his girlfriend, and he
also claims to have a tail! Welcome, Mental Patient #1!
Bachelor #1 : Mental patient? What? What are you talking abo-- Ohhhh..
Kaiki-Chan : Ahem. Bachelor #2 is fond of cakes, pies, and tasty frogs!
Welcome to the show, Hannibal the Cannibal!
Bachelor #2 : What you say? Me no Cannibal. Me no frog.. Me wishes me was a
frog, though..
Kaiki-Chan : Mental scar alert. Bachelor #3 has a bad habit of stabbing
people with long, thin swords, who's also a recurring guest! Ladies and
Gentlemen, Bachelor #3!
Bachelor #3 : ....
Kaiki-Chan : I'll take his silence as a good thing! Bachelor #4 is one hell
of a strange guy, has a groovy little cowboy hat and long hair, and he's
more of a chicken-wuss than Zell! Wassup, Bachelor #4?
Bachelor #4 : Yo.. I'm like.. Coo'..
Kaiki-Chan : Moving on. Okay Sapphira, tonight you'll be asking questions
from a cue-card, directed at all the Bachelors. At the end of the hour, you
pick one of the Bachelors to go on a date with, gathering from the answers
the Bachelors had given you. First question!
Sapphira : Uh.. Alright. What's your ultimate goal in life?
Bachelor #1 : To nab a piece of that ass.
Bachelor #2 : Me eat things. Me eat you?
Bachelor #3 : World destruction. Yes, I said destruction. Not domination.
Not a virus break-out. DESTRUCTION.
Bachelor #4 : Yo'.. I be like.. Savin' the world from.. Shit like..
Sorceress bitches. Ya' know what I'm say-een?
Kaiki-Chan : Second question!
(( Sapphira eyes the 3rd booth, with a cat-like glint in her eye. ))
Kaiki-Chan : Oh.. I get it. Freaky little homocidal maniacs are gonna end
up getting it on, aren't they?
Sapphira : How would you destroy the world..?
Kaiki-Chan : HEY! Thats not on the cards-- Bluuurrrgghhh..
(( Sapphira interrupts Kaiki-Chan mid-sentence, and whacks her with the
hilt of a sword. ))
Bachelor #3 : I did try slaughtering everyone in a global corporation,
freeing some strange chick that I thought was my mother, but really wasn't,
going to a few random places, skewering a huge snake on a big stick,
finding this weird little orb, and summoning a huge-ass meteor with it.
Sapphira : Wow.. Cool..
Bachelor #4 : Like, yo.. How we be goin' 'bout this now, ho? The host's all
whacked, and shit.
(( Sapphira then takes initiative, walking around Bachelor #4's protective
booth, and beating the shit out of him, with the hilt of a sword. ))
Bachelor #3 : Skewer him.
Sapphira : Good idea.
Bachelor #4 : Sppllssshhtt.. Bluuurrrgggghhh.. Lata'.. All of yewz who
loved me..
(( Bachelor #4 departs to the shadow world, while Kaiki-Chan miraculously
wakes up! ))
Kaiki-Chan : Are my shoe-laces tied?! I'm going to DIEEEEE.. My shoe-laces!
TIE MY SHOE-LACES!
(( Sapphira recognises this as a bad concussion, so she knocks her out
again. ))
Kaiki-Chan : (( Squeak. )) Mommy..
(( Sapphira slinks behind Bachelor #3's protective booth, and sics herself
on him, like a horny rabbit. ))
(( The show ends with Seifer Almasy scooting over to Kaiki-Chan's comatose
body, wrapping it up in a shroud, and taking it to be mummified, so he can
adore her forever! Ahem. Moaning, banging, and squeaking is heard from
Bachelor #3's booth, while Bachelor #2 feasts on Bachelor #4's remains, and
Bachelor #1 combs his hair. ))
Kaiki-Chan's last note! : I'm aware this chapter sucks. o_o But I wrote it
while watching The Late Show. Curse me. Its a little raunchy, too, but, who
cares! ^_^ R&R! Arigatou!
Bachelor #1 : Zidane Tribal. Eww.
Bachelor #2 : Quina Qu. Is that his/her last name? I dunno, but, eww..
Bachelor #3 : Sephiroth. Crazy silver-haired guy that everyone loves.
Bachelor #4 : The Late Irvine Kinneas Jr. Ghetto-style. Ewwwwwwwww!
claim to own Squaresoft, Final Fantasy, Hannibal the Cannibal, The Late
Show, or any of the characters involved, apart from herself. If she owned
all the other stuff, this little girl would be one hell of a happy little
puppy. ^_^ Arigatou~!
(( Kaiki-Chan appears in a puff of purple smoke! ))
Kaiki-Chan : Welcome, precious audience, to The Final Fantasy Dating Game!
Tonight, our special guest is Sapphira, the oddly-shaped balloon!
(( Sapphira appears, in a puff of green smoke. ))
Sapphira : ... What the HELL?!
Kaiki-Chan : ^_^;; Its nothing to worry about, dear. Its a game-show.
You'll catch on. Anyway, tonight, we have a new load of Bachelors! Hot off
the press! Increasingly difficult to find, as space and time travel is
needed to find them! Bachelor #1 says he's known as very appearance-
orientated, many say he looks like a girl, including his girlfriend, and he
also claims to have a tail! Welcome, Mental Patient #1!
Bachelor #1 : Mental patient? What? What are you talking abo-- Ohhhh..
Kaiki-Chan : Ahem. Bachelor #2 is fond of cakes, pies, and tasty frogs!
Welcome to the show, Hannibal the Cannibal!
Bachelor #2 : What you say? Me no Cannibal. Me no frog.. Me wishes me was a
frog, though..
Kaiki-Chan : Mental scar alert. Bachelor #3 has a bad habit of stabbing
people with long, thin swords, who's also a recurring guest! Ladies and
Gentlemen, Bachelor #3!
Bachelor #3 : ....
Kaiki-Chan : I'll take his silence as a good thing! Bachelor #4 is one hell
of a strange guy, has a groovy little cowboy hat and long hair, and he's
more of a chicken-wuss than Zell! Wassup, Bachelor #4?
Bachelor #4 : Yo.. I'm like.. Coo'..
Kaiki-Chan : Moving on. Okay Sapphira, tonight you'll be asking questions
from a cue-card, directed at all the Bachelors. At the end of the hour, you
pick one of the Bachelors to go on a date with, gathering from the answers
the Bachelors had given you. First question!
Sapphira : Uh.. Alright. What's your ultimate goal in life?
Bachelor #1 : To nab a piece of that ass.
Bachelor #2 : Me eat things. Me eat you?
Bachelor #3 : World destruction. Yes, I said destruction. Not domination.
Not a virus break-out. DESTRUCTION.
Bachelor #4 : Yo'.. I be like.. Savin' the world from.. Shit like..
Sorceress bitches. Ya' know what I'm say-een?
Kaiki-Chan : Second question!
(( Sapphira eyes the 3rd booth, with a cat-like glint in her eye. ))
Kaiki-Chan : Oh.. I get it. Freaky little homocidal maniacs are gonna end
up getting it on, aren't they?
Sapphira : How would you destroy the world..?
Kaiki-Chan : HEY! Thats not on the cards-- Bluuurrrgghhh..
(( Sapphira interrupts Kaiki-Chan mid-sentence, and whacks her with the
hilt of a sword. ))
Bachelor #3 : I did try slaughtering everyone in a global corporation,
freeing some strange chick that I thought was my mother, but really wasn't,
going to a few random places, skewering a huge snake on a big stick,
finding this weird little orb, and summoning a huge-ass meteor with it.
Sapphira : Wow.. Cool..
Bachelor #4 : Like, yo.. How we be goin' 'bout this now, ho? The host's all
whacked, and shit.
(( Sapphira then takes initiative, walking around Bachelor #4's protective
booth, and beating the shit out of him, with the hilt of a sword. ))
Bachelor #3 : Skewer him.
Sapphira : Good idea.
Bachelor #4 : Sppllssshhtt.. Bluuurrrgggghhh.. Lata'.. All of yewz who
loved me..
(( Bachelor #4 departs to the shadow world, while Kaiki-Chan miraculously
wakes up! ))
Kaiki-Chan : Are my shoe-laces tied?! I'm going to DIEEEEE.. My shoe-laces!
TIE MY SHOE-LACES!
(( Sapphira recognises this as a bad concussion, so she knocks her out
again. ))
Kaiki-Chan : (( Squeak. )) Mommy..
(( Sapphira slinks behind Bachelor #3's protective booth, and sics herself
on him, like a horny rabbit. ))
(( The show ends with Seifer Almasy scooting over to Kaiki-Chan's comatose
body, wrapping it up in a shroud, and taking it to be mummified, so he can
adore her forever! Ahem. Moaning, banging, and squeaking is heard from
Bachelor #3's booth, while Bachelor #2 feasts on Bachelor #4's remains, and
Bachelor #1 combs his hair. ))
Kaiki-Chan's last note! : I'm aware this chapter sucks. o_o But I wrote it
while watching The Late Show. Curse me. Its a little raunchy, too, but, who
cares! ^_^ R&R! Arigatou!
Bachelor #1 : Zidane Tribal. Eww.
Bachelor #2 : Quina Qu. Is that his/her last name? I dunno, but, eww..
Bachelor #3 : Sephiroth. Crazy silver-haired guy that everyone loves.
Bachelor #4 : The Late Irvine Kinneas Jr. Ghetto-style. Ewwwwwwwww!
