DRAG QUEEN OF DOOM

By yumeneko

Featuring Hibiemi Hoshizora and Quietus!

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Hibiemi: There once was a castle in a far-away land...

Qui: And it was the loveliest palace in all of Pandemonium!

(Hibiemi bonks Quietus on the head)

Hibiemi: Well... It was.

Qui: And within in was the loveliest drag queen in the world... MOI!

Hibiemi: I wonder how did I get around to turning a Sanzo-obsessed villain into the Drag Queen Of Doom who looks like Hakkai...?

Qui: Shut up and give me a bra...

Sanzo: I know you and Quietus are not related... but tell me, why does he look uncannily like you?

Hakkai: Anou... It all started with someone calling me a gay... Then Hibi lost her sanity as she wrote Never Eternal. That's when Quietus entered the story. Quietus became obsessed with catching you that he merged with the taunt of that person who called me a gay...

Sanzo: And that made the Drag Queen Of Doom?

Hakkai: That made Quietus my gay clone.

Sanzo: Then what are you?

Hakkai: I'm your lover and never to be referred to as a bra-wearing, Sanzo-obsessed, Hakkai-clone, hellbent on uniting with San... erm SEIRYUU!! and taking over the world.

Qui: Behold!! I shall unite with San... erm SEIRYUU!! and take over the world!

Hibi: Back to the story... In the castle with the Drag Queen Of Doom lived a very droolworthy prince named Sanzo whose lips were soft as petals, hair as bright as sun, eyes as purple as irises and skin as white as snow (faints and gets up again) ... who did the chores.

(Enter Rag-wearing Sanzo in front of a well with a cloth and a bucket of water)

Sanzo *singing*: I'm wishing...

(echo): I'm wishing...

Sanzo: For the one I love...

(echo): For the one I love...

Sanzo: To find me...

(echo): To find me...

Sanzo: Today...

(Hakkai's voice): SANZO! ABUNAI!!

(from the well enters Sadako who holds Sanzo by the neck. Fortunately, Hakkai blasts the damn fake away with his ki)

Hibiemi (taking off the Sadako costume): DAMN! (walks away and hides in the bushes)

(Sanzo runs away at the sight of Hibiemi and escapes to the balcony of the castle)

Hakkai *singing*: One song... I have but one song... One song only for thee... One song my heart keeps singing... Of one love, only for you...

Hibiemi: How suave indeed...

Sanzo: I wanna get out of this castle quick...

Hibiemi: Unknown to the two young lovers, Queen Qui was watching them from afar...

Qui (looking like the queen from Snow White): Damn!! Sanzo's attracted to that bard!! Grr... MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL, WHO IS THE PERFECT GUY FOR SANZO?

(The mirror awakens to reveal Hibiemi again)

Qui: YOU! Of all people!! You're not even attracted to him!!

Hibi: Pipe down... I'm the mirror. We lacked cast and crew so I'm the only extra here... So my dear Queen, I have some news for ya. It ain't you who's the perfect one... It's Hakkai-sama! Perfect chemisty!! They're the best!! 38 forever!! I loooooooo-

Qui: Shut up... You're just saying your script... Anyway... I SHALL STEAL SANZO AWAY!!

Hibi: Shut up... Their love is unbreakable!!

Qui: I don't care!! If you don't give me a plan to steal Sanzo, I'm banning you from playing Dead Or Alive!

Hibi: It's okay... I can live a day without watching womens breasts bounce...

Qui: I'll ban you from watching Gravitation!

Hibi: It's okay... you're not my mother...

Qui: I'll kill Blueberry!

Blueberry: Meow...

Hibi: NOOOOOOO!! Anything but her!!

BlueB: Meow...

Qui: Then you'll give me the plan?

Hibi: Sweet Blueberry... Cute Blueberry...

Qui: Hibi...?

(Looks around and sees that Hibi's playing Dead Or Alive again with Blueberry)

Hibi: Bounce... bounce... bounce... This is a good alternative to Yaone-bashing...

(Qui walks off and dons Hakkai's clothes)

Qui: Ha ha ha ha ha!! Sanzo will never know the difference... Oh and my faithful huntsman?

(Hibi reappears again)

Hibi: Yes, Milord... erm... Milady?

Qui: It's Milordy. Anyway, I want you to go kill Hakkai for me and bring me his banana...

Hibi: You're one wicked Drag Queen... I don't think I can chop off his thing...

Qui: JUST DO IT!! Or else... BRING IN THE GUILLOTINE!! I'm chopping off your hands so you can't type fiction anymore.

Hibi: You keep on threatining me... (goes off with her katana)

-- To be continued --