Sanzo: Never shall I sing that song again...
Hakkai: Let's not mind that... We'll have a bit of fun later...
Hibiemi: I made a bet with Toraneko on my humor... You two will die when she loses!!
*Sanzo and Hakkai go bug-eyed*
Back in the castle of Drag Queen Qui...
Qui: Loyal hunts lady!!
Hibiemi: Hai, Milordy...
Qui: Now where is that thing I asked you to chop off?
(Hibi gives Qui the box with a pig's penis)
Qui: I'm so happy!!
Nii (whispers to Hibi): Are you sure he/she won't notice that it's a pig's penis?
Hibi: Trust me... I know how this story turns out...
Nii: Are you betraying our queen?!?
Hibi: I am not!! Our real queen... ahem... king is SANZO!!
Nii: No! I disagree! We are under the rule of Queen Qui!!
Hibi: Who would like to work under a crossdresser!?
Nii: I would!! *Rips off his clothes to reveal ladies wear*
Hibi: At least I've got a bisexual orientation according to my DNA!
Nii: ME TOO!! That's according to my DNA... BUT I SHALL CROSSDRESS!!
Hibi: I shan't!! *Draws out her katana* You can't defeat me, you damn scientist!
Nii: *draws out drugs* No... You will be defeated!!
Hibi: *laughs* Are you crazy!? I've developed immunity to your gay formula!!
Nii: Noooooooooooo!!
Qui: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!?!?! I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS A PIG'S PENIS!! I just need one for my potion...
Nii: You know the experiment will go terribly wrong when you use the wrong ingredients...
Qui: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is still the perfect guy for Sanzo?
Hibi: Hai... It's still Hakkai... Duh... I didn't take away his thing...
Qui: Noooooooooooo!! Tell me where my Sanzo is!!
Hibi: He's where three little monkeys live... Over the three jeweled hills to where their cottage stands in between three great oaks...
Nii: How come I keep on seeing the number 3 everywhere?
Hibi: Your name and Qui both have three letters in them. We have three little monkeys, three jeweled hills, three great oaks... and Sanzo's name has the number 3 in it.
Qui and Nii: Oooooo... Sou ka...
+++
Meanwhile, back in the three little monkey's cottage...
(Goku pokes the sleeping Sanzo with a stick)
Sanzo: Would you like to die once, saru-tachi!?!
3 Monkeys: KOWAII!!
Nataku: Who are you?
Sanzo: Aren't you supposed to know?
Goku: It says in the script...
Sanzo: Okay, okay... (Mimics Snow White) I'm Genjo Sanzo... and I'm a prince.
(The 3 monkeys nod)
Sanzo: And my evil "mother" the Drag Queen Qui, wants to unite with... MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB!!
Lirin: That Queen's crazy!!
Goku: He/She'll go to any lengths just to get you!
Nataku: Yeah!!
Sanzo: Exactly... That's why I want to kill him/her...
Lirin: But then, there must be someone you have in mind...
Goku: Tell us something about him!!
Sanzo: How did you know it was male??
Nataku: It says in the script...
Sanzo *sings*: Someday, my prince will come... Lalalaallalala... And wedding bells will ring... Someday, when my dreams come true...
3 Monkeys: SAP!! Anyway... This guy--
Sanzo: URUSAI!!
3 Monkeys: s... in love with you, SANZO!!
(Sanzo's face goes blank)
+++
Back in the castle of the Drag Queen Qui...
Qui: Now... Where's that potion book? Hibi, any plot?
Nii: TRAITOR!!
Qui: I don't care!! We need as many henchmen as we can get...
Nii: Oh, Qui-sama... You are the greatest...
Hibi: Ahem... On the plot? Go over to their cottage dressed as Hakkai with poisoned yakisoba. One noodle of the yakisoba will make him... What do we do with him?
Nii: We can just knock him out and the three monkeys will just send his body over here...
Hibi: Darn... Qui-sama would have liked the potion where Sanzo would lose his sanity and Qui-sama could unite with... HAM, PORK AND SAUSAGES, OH MY!!
Nii: We just don't know which damn potion to use...
Hibi: Do we go clean or dirty...? You know I'm a traitor to Qui-sama... But I'm still his/her henchman...
Qui: Yakisoba? What about a picnic basket full of food?
Hibi (to the audience): Isn't he/she the fool? We all know that those saru would eat up everything in the basket! Not unless...
(To Queen Qui) Not unless, we lure the saru away! Now all we need is another commercial break to brainstorm... Oi, Nii, what does it say in your formula?
Nii: How about making Sanzo sleep and will only awaken when he trades spit with someone with the DNA of Qui-sama?
Hibi (to the audience): Quietus is genetically engineered... Built from the same DNA structure as Hakkai... Only difference is the way he/she thinks... I must help Hakkai-sama out... Good. This will be so easy... There's one strand of hair in Hakkai's bandana... Good... Now all we need is another commercial break for me to screw up the formula...
-- To be continued --
