Several months and several "Obliviates!" later, Lucius has no memory of the giant squid fiasco….
Lucius Malfoy smirked at his pristine image in the mirror. After today, there was no way that the Dark Lord would be able to ignore him. Today would be the day he finally captured that blasted Golden Boy. He just knew it! He straightened his waistcoat, and smoothed down the fine linen of his shirt. He wanted everything to be perfect for this historical event.
"Mr. Malfoy?" A silly squeaking voice interrupted his ministrations. Lucius turned with a snarl on the unfortunate House Elf.
"What is it this time, Dinky?"
The house elf cowered helplessly. "I is sorry, sir! But the Mistress is wanting to see you now!"
"Hmph. I see." Lucius turned away from the disgusting creature to peer once more at his lovely reflection. "Tell her that I will be ready in a moment."
"Yes sir!" With that, the Elf disappeared in a flash of purple smoke.
"I suppose I must go." Lucius sighed, fiddling with his hair tie one last time.
"Don't worry, dear. I think you look lovely." The mirror piped back at him.
"Yes, I do, don't I?" Lucius smiled condescendingly at the polished surface of his favorite bedroom mirror. "You don't look bad yourself."
The mirror tittered in the vapid way that only a mirror, or Draco, could do.
"Oh, you!"
But Lucius was already on the way out the door. The mirror sighed sadly at his retreating back. It was hard, it thought to itself, to be a mirror. There were only so many hours in a day a person would spend with one, even Lucius…Oh, what a terrible life a mirror must lead…
Well Fuck You, thought the toilet.
******************************************************************
Lucius almost ran smack into Narcissa as he turned the corner into the third living room.
"Oh, Lucius, there you are!" Narcissa turned to the woman next to her and whispered something into her ear. The woman, who Lucius assumed was some society friend of Narcissa's, smiled slyly and nodded. She glanced at him, then leaned over and whispered something back. Narcissa blushed, glancing at him as she did so.
They must be talking about him. Ah, the price of being beautiful.
"I'll be out front, Cissy."
Narcissa smiled. "Don't worry, I'll be there in a second, Jackie."
The woman smiled back at her and nodded at Lucius before walking out of the room, her pants stretching impossibly tight across her rear with every step she took.
Really, Lucius thought snidely, what was Narcissa doing with such an unsuitable guest? That haircut, while attractive in a boyish sort of way, was decidedly odd on a woman. And those tattoos… He wasn't even going to start on the leather, or the ridiculous rainbow pin on her shirt.
There must be some weird fashion going on. Come to think of it, he had seen Narcissa wearing one of those pins once…He would have to remember to ask her about them sometime...
He quickly summoned a sneer to his face, and raised one elegantly shaped eyebrow.
"You wanted to see me, my dear?" He let his voice drip with lordly contempt. "I trust there isn't a problem with your monthly allowance, again?"
Narcissa favored her husband with a haughty look. "Please, Lucius, don't be so vulgar. I'm afraid that I just received word that my great Aunt Edna is dreadfully ill, on her deathbed, really. I may have to be out of town for a couple of weeks. I'll call, sometime. You wouldn't want anyone to accuse us of a lack of family feeling, do you? I can't very well just send flowers, after all. That would be so very… plebeian."
Lucius frowned, flushing slightly in consternation. "Oh. Yes, of course, dear. Can't have people talking, and all that. Send my condolences to the relatives, will you? You know how much I hate family funerals… everyone just looks so accusing…"
"Now Lucius, just because you *misplaced* a cousin or two, doesn't mean people distrust you." She picked up a motorcycle helmet from a side table and fitted it over her pale coiffure. "I'll be sure to send your regards."
"Thank you, dear." Lucius held open the door, eager for her to leave. After all, he didn't want to be dragged to one of the family emergencies Narcissa was always going to. Their family seemed to have one of the highest death rates out of almost any wizarding family in the country. Come to think of it, he seemed to remember that Narcissa's Aunt Edna had been on her deathbed just last month…
Lucius shrugged to himself. She must have made a brief recovery. Or maybe she had two Aunt Ednas…
********************************************************
In the driveway, Narcissa was swinging up behind Jackie, as the former revved the motorcycle that had been Narcissa's Christmas present to her.
"Is he really that clueless?"
"He hasn't noticed that his son wears mascara, yet."
"I see."
"Sometime I should tell you about the squid…."
"The squid????"
