How To Be Javert in 10 Easy Steps
Written for fans by Mirahcles
Lorenzo for the Javert-inept
Author's Note: To be taken for humorous purposes only. And #10 should not be tried at home.
1. Start a summer job at a local penitentiary.
2. Watch and fume as a prisoner escapes--three times. Don't learn from it all three times.
3. Quit your job at the jail and become chief of police. Hunt for the prisoner who escaped three times, was eventually let go and then broke parole. Be extremely teed off about it.
4. Hunt the prisoner across two decades and the entire country.
5. Accuse the wrong guy of being that prisoner.
6. Get extremely teed off when you discover your error.
7. Join one of the local gang fights downtown. Spy on a rival gang. Get caught. Get tied to a chair.
8. Get forgiven by the prisoner, who is a member of that gang.
9. Let it torment you until you eventually decide that God hates you, the world hates you, your gang hates you, your dog hates you, and your life isn't worth living any more.
10. Throw yourself off a bridge (in all 49 states except Arizona, where there isn't any water), or out of a moving vehicle, in front of a moving vehicle, or commit some heinous crime and eventually be sentenced to death if you're in a patient mood.
Good luck and happy Javerting! Next episode: How to be Jean Valjean in ten easy steps! Stay tuned!
