Author's Note: This is for humor purposes only! Trust me, if you take this seriously, it won't be funny!

Subtext

By Mirahcles Lorenzo

Toulon

Valjean: Dude, this sucks! I've been here for nineteen years, all for stealing some garlic bread! This is the worst time out ever!

Javert: Alright, you sinner, you. Here's your yellow slip. Scram.

Valjean: Boo yah! Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty (who I don't believe in anymore, by the way, as I've been mistreated and beaten almost my whole life-just for trying to feed my family), I am free at last!

Later….

Oh damn… stupid yellow ticket! What's with these people?? And where's a Motel 6 when you need one most?? (They leave the light on for ya!)

Still later…

Bishop: Of course you can come and stay the night. (God, what a storm! Oops..) I trust you not the steal the silver or the gold plated dishes or the ivory silverware….

Valjean: Finally a little kindness…ooh, shiny! Betcha I could make a lot from these…

Paris

Cosette: Man, UNFAIR! Eponine gets to sit on her arse all day and play, and I get to pick up after her. This was SO not in my contract! I want my agent! (And my nails done, but mostly my agent.)

Mme Thenardier: Hey kid, I'm PMSing AND Pre-Menopausal! You've got nothing' on me! So go get the water before I ferget ta be nice!! *grumbles*

Cosette: God, if you're out there, invent Midol and soybeans! (And send me my agent and a manicurist, but mostly the Midol!)

Valjean: Here to save the day….

Cosette: Aren't you a little old for me?

Valjean: Naw, they do it in Hollywood. Okay, dudes, here's half a million for her. Consider it a dowry.

Monterfermeil Sur Mer

Javert: *whines* All the officers get to stay at Toulon and have fun and I get sent to this hole in the ground in the middle of nowhere! I'll never find Valjean like this… bloody prefect…

Gendarme: Who's this new guy? Ah well, better show 'im around. Wonder if 'e's taken….

Javert: …..I swear I'm going to arrest this man if he doesn't stop eyeballing me…HOLY [expletive]! Jean Valjean!

Valjean: Who, me? Pshaw..you're nuts. I'm Monsieur Madeleine, devout Christian, entrepeneur and do gooder! (Hey…I should form a fan club…)

Javert: I KNOW you're Jean Valjean! The build, the crazy hairdo, the eyes…ahem. You SINNER you. It's back to Toulon!

Valjean: *whines* Why won't you leave me alone?? All I want is a little peace, but NOOO…. Grumpy old Javert has at stalk me all over France. Listen, if you're obsessed, I'll understand.

Later…

Javert: TAG! You're it!

[Author: Hold it! Rewind.]