Disclaimer: *Yes*, they *are* mine.wait. Nope, sorry, my medication just wore off.

A few notes:

Firebird: Would you believe that your Short bit is what inspired me to write this? And I *loved* your Story With No Title. I feel honored that you're reading this!

Starbrat: Glad to see you're still with me! Hmm, working together.oh, the plotbunnies!

Myfanwy: Yikes, I don't think I'll *ever* be as good as OFUM, but thanks for the vote of confidence!

Esgalinzil: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I know, I like Firebird's work too.

Winterfox: Hey, nice to see you again! It would be a short story, unfortunately.but that's not a bad idea.

Drake Silverclaw: Well, you know, sometimes I have to hit you over the head with the *Magic Hammer of Grammar* to get things through your skull.

Mrs. Bloom: I'm pleased you liked my *ahem* interpretation of Arwen. She doesn't seem OC, does she?

And now I must leave you to ponder.



TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE

Chapter Three

Every joint in her body seemed to hurt. Katie stirred very slowly, opening one sore eyelid to determine her surroundings. A ceiling carved with entwined vines greeted her, and she groaned aloud, because it hurt too much to scream. It felt like she'd been pulled apart and put back together and holy cow did it *hurt*. Not to mention the whole thing hadn't been a nightmare after all.

There was a gentle knock on the door to her room, and Katie was working up the energy to reply, when the same nameless elven maid quietly opened the door and slipped inside, armed with towels and other assorted items.

"Lady Meriweather, Lord Elfrond has decreed that there is to be a feast tonight, before you depart in the morning."

Katie wished to the highest level of heaven that there had been some way to bring earplugs with her. "You poor, poor nameless insert," she said sympathetically, knowing the comment would be overlooked because it was not in the author's script and such little characters were completely under her control. "She's put a hole in your tongue; you can't even pronounce your lord's name right."

The she-elf continued heedlessly, "I have come to help you bathe and dress in the manner that befits those of our world. Lord Elrond had feared you would not know."

"Bravo!" Katie cheered. She applauded, but her fingers protested about such movement. Egads, the penalty for being out of the author's canon was painful.

There was a familiar tingle in her brain, but the girl quickly spared the author the trouble. "All right, fine by me," she glowered grudgingly. Then the thought that she did *not* want some strange elf in the same room while her clothes were not *on* her wormed inside her brain.

"Um, I don't suppose you could wait outside?" Katie asked hesitantly, praying the author was being reasonable about this.

To her great relief, the servant's expression actually changed to a half- smile and she replied, "Ah. I had forgotten about human privacy taboos. As you wish."

"Thank God," Katie mumbled, then her mouth fell open in astonishment as a wooden door magically materialized on one of the walls. The elven maid reached to open it, and she could glimpse the bathing room beyond. "There are a heckuva lot of plot holes in this story," she grumbled, whisking past the she-elf and locking the door firmly behind her.

The bath in itself was quite pleasant; in the hot water all Katie's problems seemed to melt away. The scented, steamy water was very relaxing, and the girl was very seriously considering staying in the tub forever and not facing the hellish nightmare that reared its horrendous head outside the door.

But then the author's words whispered sinisterly in her ear, and mechanically she was made to get out, dry off, and get dressed in a ridiculous filmy gown of deep rose that suddenly materialized on a handy chair. It was so dark it was practically magenta, and the whole matter wasn't helped by the fact that pink was Katie's *least* favorite color, *and* the stupid dress was so long she kept tripping on it.

When she emerged from the bathroom, she was immediately pounced upon by her still-nameless handmaid, who brushed her blinding mane of raven hair out so that it was dry in five seconds flat.

"She's meddling with *time*!" Katie was rapidly despairing of this wretched story ever getting better. Her elven companion didn't answer as she plaited the girl's hair and twisted it elaborately around her head in a crown-like manner, pinning it in place with what unsurprisingly appeared to be bobby pins.

"Bet the Dwarves had fun making those," Katie said sarcastically. Her foul mood was quickly returning and gaining momentum.

A sudden knock sounded at the door, and Katie tuned in to the author's words to discern who it might be. It was Aragorn, coming to escort her to the banquet.

"Why, oh why am I not surprised?" she moaned, drawing herself up and reaching for the knob. "Aragorn, son of Arathorn," Katie greeted formally, at least *pretending* to be gracious and well-mannered. She forced herself to look at the situation logically. Why expend all of her energy now resisting the author's each and every attempt? There would be lapses in the story where the attention would be off of her, and those were what she needed to focus on and plan for.

The only problem that presented itself was, what *could* she do? While she had apparently more freedom, if it could even be called that, than Arwen, she was still limited. Yet Katie was given no time to ponder as Aragorn responded, "Your beauty is breathtaking beyond all expectation. It is as if I have strayed into a dream. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to this evening's festivities?"

His hazel eyes were so honest, so beguiling.

"Certainly, Aragorn, if you'll kindly *stop wasting your lines for Arwen on me!*" Katie expelled through clenched teeth, face permanently frozen in a smile. The author was so kind to take control of her conversation at that point, and nothing else that chapter that came from Katie's mouth was her own.

Dinner was elegant, and the guests were adept at idle chatter that sounded like words but was actually not coherent. The only ones that did not participate in the general background noise were Legolas, Gimli, the hobbits (who were more intent on eating in the first place) Boromir, Gandalf, and Elrond. Only the obligatory crowd was actually allowed any interaction with Katie.

She chatted with Elrond about elves, Gandalf about magic, Boromir about swords and his lack of wife (which caused the girl inside Meriweather no end of torment, because it seemed there *was* about to be a vicious love cycle), and the hobbits about the Shire. The Mary Sue seemed to get knowledge and insight about Middle Earth from out her nose, and mentally Katie was curled in upon herself in agony, rocking like a young child that needed to be comforted.

Strangely, the one thing that comforted her was that Legolas and Gimli seemed to be adverse to her presence. She'd much prefer them hating her instead of blindly adoring her, although Gimli was usually ignored in the first place.

As Aragorn escorted her from the grand hall after the feast, she caught sight of a lone figure lurking in the shadows, eyes gleaming in the rising moonlight. An uncontrollable surge of fear mixed with hope rose inside Katie. Fear at what the author was about to do, and hope that perhaps the figure was a free character that had noted something amiss in the canon.

In the garden, Aragorn uttered some completely mushy and soppy love poetry, earning him a kiss from Meriweather. Katie did her best to detach herself from reality at that point, singing songs about purple dinosaurs in her head at the loudest mental volume possible. Then the Ranger slipped off into the deep night.

Katie stumbled to a nearby bench, presumable to reflect over the evening in the milky moonlight, but she was more concerned about the dark shadow she had seen. Hairs prickled along the back of her neck, seconds before a diamond point of light was thrust into her face. It was an arrow, pointed directly at her throat.

[Hmm.why don't you leave me a review telling me how much you hate cliffhangers? Oh yeah, and you could mention what you thought of the chapter! ( ]