Disclaimer: If I owned them, do you think I'd be spending my time writing about them? No, I thought not. There would be *much* more important things to do.

And now, in no particular order:

Aralanthiriel: I loved your review, and I am *very* pleased that you are reading this. Your Hidden Archives of Middle-Earth are very well-kept, and to me you're like a celebrity! I couldn't be prouder if even Miss Cam posted a review. Thanks!

Mary Borsellino: Glad to hear you enjoyed it! Please tell me if I get too serious. I wouldn't want to lose my humor rating!

ElvenPickle: Mwahaha, don't worry, I love cruel and unusual punishments.in fact, I live for them! Actually, I'm thinking along those same lines, but the idea is still in the works. I'm making this up as I go!

Babs: Thanks for the enthusiastic encouragement! I promise to write more for you, if *you* promise to keep reviewing! (Yeah, pathetic aren't I? I live for reviews!)

Eiluned: Stumbling is good, I've found quite a few gems myself on FF.net by tripping over them. Hee hee, thanks for your review, keep reading!

Melilot Millstone: Hey Kel! What are you talking about, *we are* the P. P. C.! Annoy me all you want, it helps me get motivated faster! Hee hee, (

Violet Dawson: Thanks for your words of praise, I appreciate them! As for the plot, I will say again thanks to Firebird for the basic idea. I only took it a few steps further, and I am so pleased that you like it!

Seventeens Stalker: I hope I can keep you riveted! Thanks for the vote of confidence!

Mizalaye: You have no idea how much I covet your reviews. A thousand times thank you! We're going to work with the love triangle, and I hope it meets your expectations in future chapters!

Wow, I've got a lot of new reviewers! And I made my quota of reviews for Chapter 4! Thanks a bunch you guys, it means a lot. This chapter is dedicated to Mizalaye, for her nice long reviews, and her constructive comments!

Now to what you've all been waiting for:

TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE

Chapter Six

Walking was boring. There was no way around it. Up this hill only to go down that one. And the situation wasn't helped any by the fact that Meriweather only wanted to be by Aragorn and make insipid fawning comments about everything he did.

Katie was slowly going mad. She had always wondered what it would be like, and now she knew. Of course, she'd figured she'd be in one of those rooms with the padded walls mumbling to herself for the rest of her days. Not trapped inside some incredibly tall and willowy perfect chic for the remainder of her life.

She tried counting rocks, but that didn't work, because the author, having no imagination, used the same four boulders over and over again, like a continuous loop. Counting blades of grass didn't work either, but she'd rather do *anything* than listen to Meriweather prattle on endlessly to Aragorn, who sadly hung upon every word.

Katie was just starting to conjure up a mental game of solitaire when there was an earthquake. Quite literally, for she was thrown in a most undignified manner to the ground.

Groaning, she raised her head and shook it a few times. Uttering a quick prayer before cracking one eye open, Katie narrowly avoided cursing when she found that she was still in Middle-Earth. She had hoped that perhaps the canon had finally ruptured, or the author's computer had eaten her files or *something*.

"Oh, great. We're doing distance leaps too, as well as time jumps. Peachy, just peachy!"

Indeed, the terrain had changed dramatically, and it wasn't very difficult to figure out that the Fellowship plus one was perhaps minutes away from Legolas's sighting of "Crebain from Dunland!"

The ringing of metal on metal distracted her, and Katie looked to her left to see Merry and Pippin practicing with Boromir, short swords flailing. Something suddenly whistled past her ear, and Katie glanced in surprise at Aragorn, who was swinging his sword at her.

If Katie had been permitted to have a heart attack, there was no possible way she would have been standing at that moment. She keeled over instantly, reduced to gibbering indistinguishable language. At least, inwardly.

Meriweather, on the other hand, was having a fantastic time, miraculously having become a daring swordswoman in the space of .3 seconds. The Mary Sue attacked, feinted, parried, and struck like she'd been born with a sword in her hand.

There was a cry off to the left, from the direction of the dueling hobbits. Pippin and Merry had tackled Boromir, just as was supposed to happen, but Katie found her gaze pulled to the sky. From the corner of her eye, Legolas was doing the same.

A shudder seemed to pass through her, and somehow she just *knew* what was going to happen. With her weak human eyes Katie could not see the spying flock she knew was coming, but then, Meriweather the Mary Sue was not human.

"Aragorn, there are birds coming!" she reported, grabbing his arm urgently.

Legolas was only seconds behind her: "Crebain from Dunland!"

You wretched, evil Sue! Curse you for taking away one of his moments of glory! He's an elf, for pity's sake! There is *no* possible way you could have seen those creatures. May your rotten, putrescent hide decompose in the foulest of all orc lavatories!

Katie's stream of inventive insults surprised even herself sometimes. She wanted to cry so badly it hurt. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs uncensored, but worst off all, she wanted to be *free*. Something she would probably never be.

She could not know the author's intended ending, did not know what was in store for her. Would she end up marrying Aragorn and ruling as Queen of Gondor? Or would Katie get lucky and be hit by an orc's arrow, to have the unfortunate Ranger wail and lament her loss for the rest of the fanfic?

She trembled to think of the possibilities.

Her train of morbid thoughts was interrupted by Meriweather's sudden command of the situation. "Hide!" the Sue shouted, grabbing Aragorn and dragging him beneath a jutting ledge. The space was hardly big enough for two, and they only fit when Meriweather practically threw herself into Strider's arms.

Katie recoiled mentally and tried to draw herself away from reality once again as the author's reviling innuendos took over. Was there no end to this torment?

She set her mind to thinking of other things as the flapping of bird's wings filled her ears. Katie pondered just what had happened when her thoughts and those of Meriweather's had collided. If indeed such an in- between existed, was it plausible that she could break through to the real Middle-Earth? And then find a way out of this nightmare?

The girl knew she had no more answers than she'd had when she'd woken up at the feet of Elrond way back in Chapter One.

Meriweather and Aragorn had emerged from their small cubby, and the Mary Sue was helped to her feet by a gallant Boromir.

Oh Eru. Katie had a feeling she knew what his actions were leading to. The look the man of Gondor directed at her was just a little *too* admiring.

See! I told you this was going to happen, but *no* you had to go and tempt fate by stating that it would in the first place! she yelled at herself.

Calm down, will ya? While you're busy panicking over love interests, *I'm* trying to figure out a way to get out of this mess. The logical part of her brain was ever cool and collected.

Wouldn't *you* panic?! Well, of course you would, because you're part of me, and I'm already pretty freaked out.

Why be concerned over what you can't change?

How do we.er, I.know that we can't? There's got to be a way out, we just need to discover what it is.

You're starting to sound schizophrenic.

And?!

Never mind.

Thought so.

Must you always have the last word?

Yep.

Fine.

Fine.

Okay, so at least arguing with herself passed the time. And kept her from dwelling on what Meriweather and pseudo-Aragorn were up to.

The world seemed to crash and shake again, but amazingly Katie managed to keep what little senses she had left about her as she found herself on the pass of Caradhras.

Decided to gloss over the bit with Boromir and the ring, did we? If I *ever* get my hands on you, you pathetic, flea-infested, mucus-for-brains author, you will be *very* sorry!

There was a sniffle from someone close by, and suddenly the poor trapped girl became aware of a weight in her arms. That's when Katie realized that she was carrying a hobbit. Pippin, to be exact.

Meriweather, being the angelic, big-hearted Mary Sue that she was, had decided to show off her formidable strength by relieving Boromir of Pippin. Of course the Sue would have no problem lugging a hundred and fifty pounds or so of halfling around, but by golly was the Took heavy!

There was a shout from Gandalf somewhere up ahead, and then a mighty roar as the storm Saruman had created unleashed its fury against the snow. Peering upwards into the swirling flakes, Katie could just make out the tons of cold white stuff descending upon the Fellowship.

A distant part of her mind told her that, yes, it was probably going to hurt a lot when it hit.

Seconds later, Katie discovered that her mind was right.

[I apologize for my lateness, but summer college courses bite. Especially when you're behind. I shall try to have the next chapter up as soon as possible, and lots of reviews are appreciated as motivation! Thank you all!]

[Oh and a brief P.S.: I wrote a short story for Lord of the Rings called "One Moment, Untainted". As a single chapter, it doesn't get much attention, so I wondered if perhaps you might read it for me and tell me what you think. I promise you won't be sorry. ( ]