The first day back from vacation was a rude shock, but Lorelai contented herself that at least she'd see Jess again. And she'd gotten all her homework done, so she didn't have to dread going to classes once more.
She felt…good. The two days she and Jess had spent together had been so much fun, and she felt like she was getting back to her old self again. It felt wonderful.
When she got to school, she saw him stalking through the hallways, face even more blank than usual. So she approached him carefully. "Jess?" she asked, sidling up to stand next to him. He was standing, staring into their locker. People rushed by, not sparing either of them a glance. "Je-ess!" she sing-songed, reaching out to wave a hand in front of his face.
He visibly flinched, then turned his head to glare at her. "What?" he nearly shouted, an edge to his voice that she'd never heard before.
Lorelai recoiled at his expression and his tone. "What did I do?" she asked in a small voice, her eyes wide and questioning.
"Nothing," Jess said, and slammed the locker. "I just don't feel like talking to anyone. Is that all right with you?" He stalked away, shoving one girl aside, ignoring her high-pitched protest.
Lorelai could only stand and stare after him, blinking in puzzlement. Then her expression was wiped clean, blessed numbness soothing the hurt confusion. She opened the locker carefully, slowly, grabbed the appropriate books, then closed it again, just as carefully.
The first half of her day was uneventful. She took the notes she needed and no more. She gave bare minimum answers. Her PE teacher pulled her aside at one point. "Is there something wrong, Lorelai?"
"No," she shrugged. "I'm fine."
The teacher clearly didn't believe a word of it, but let her go back to listlessly playing volleyball.
At lunch she went and sat in the library and read.
Fifteen minutes into the period, Jess showed up, throwing his backpack onto the couch opposite her hard enough that it bounced back onto the floor. She dimly felt anger burning, but ignored it and him in favor of words on paper.
The pair didn't speak, and a stony silence between them lasted through their classes.
The new status quo was maintained for a few days. Slowly, the anger Jess felt cooled, until resignation took its place.
He approached Lorelai at their locker that Friday. "Hey," he said in his usual fashion.
Alarm bells rang faintly in the back of his mind when she didn't respond. "Hey, Lorelai," he said, a little louder. The bells clanged louder when she leveled him a blank look over her shoulder.
"Um, what's wrong?"
Nearly untempered fury flashed across her face before she suppressed it and said flatly, "Nothing." She slammed the locker shut.
"Hey, I needed to get in there!"
"Sorry," she shrugged, and, turning away from him, headed towards her first class.
"What the hell was that?" he muttered to himself. What had he done to piss her off?
Or was she pissed off? The expression on her face hadn't been angry, aside from that one flash. In fact, now that he considered it, she hadn't had an expression. That was a bad sign. He hadn't seen her that expressionless since that second slip-up about her parents, and her second freeze-up. He stopped in his tracks. She'd frozen up again. Not. Good.
He stewed about what could have caused this reaction in her until lunch, where he met her in the library, like always, but he approached the couches as quietly as he could, studying her. She sat nearly still, breath steady, practically the only movement her eyes and hands as they turned pages. He frowned. Usually he could tell how she was feeling by her little actions: her fingers tapping on the cover of her book, one of her feet jiggling to the beat of a song in her head, maybe a smile tugging at her lips if she was reading something funny. All were conspicuous with their absence.
"Uh, hi," he said tentatively, setting his backpack at his feet.
She glanced up momentarily, met his eyes, and then went back to her book. He shivered.
"Lorelai?" he asked.
"Yeah?"
"Could you put the book down and talk to me?"
"Oh," she said, laying the book open across the arm of the couch next to her. "Now you want to talk. Interesting." Her tone quickly heated, which he supposed was better than nothing. "I wanted to talk to you on Monday. Instead you snap my head off, don't apologize, ignore me all week, then come to school today as if this whole thing never happened and expect me to talk to you!"
"You are talking to me," Jess pointed out, then wanted to bite his tongue.
"No! I'm yelling at you! There's a difference!"
"Yeah, and I like it better when you're yelling at me than when you're all frozen. Okay, I had a bad weekend and snapped at you. I'm sorry. You had nothing to do with it. But I thought you understood."
"Understood what?"
"That I needed space!" He raked a hand through his hair. "I thought you were giving me space, instead of pushing me to talk it out. I didn't want to talk about it."
"I was mad at you!"
"I know that now!"
They stared at each other for a few long, tense moments. Then Jess broke and shook his head. "I already apologized," he reminded her, almost smirking.
She rolled her eyes, and he noticed her fingers drumming lightly on the arm of the couch, a fast, staccato rhythm. "I'm sorry too," she said grudgingly. "Though I have less to be sorry about than you do."
"I appreciated the space," he said. "I really needed to not think about it for a while."
Lorelai opened her mouth to say something, then frowned darkly and shut her mouth again. "I'm not going to ask about it, since that seems to be what you're telling me you don't want me to do," she said, and though it came out a little jumbled, he knew what she meant.
"My dad's gone." It was the first time he'd said the words aloud. He didn't look at her, but he heard her catch her breath. "The worst part is, I didn't even notice. I'm used to not seeing him, because he works such insane hours. That last day we spent together, though. That was the last one. A few days later, mom and I both got home, and saw a bunch of his stuff was missing. We called his job, and were informed that he'd quit that day, and hadn't even given the two weeks notice. His car wasn't in the parking garage, either. So, that was that. He just up and left." He snorted slightly. "And that's why I was so pissed off on Monday."
He looked up, waiting to see what her reaction was going to be. Her eyes were closed, and when she opened them, they were brimming with tears. She bit her lip and let out a shuddering breath before saying, "Next time you're beyond pissed, just tell me to let you alone until you've cooled off, okay? Don't act like you're mad at me. I didn't like it."
He met her eyes. "All right," he said. "But I don't anticipate being that mad for a while."
Lorelai laughed without sounding amused. "Good. I don't think I could take it again." Jess tilted his head slightly to look at her, then shifted to her couch. Without thinking about it too much, Lorelai shifted until they sat shoulder-to-shoulder. They each took out a book and began reading, contented smiles in place.
After a few minutes, though, Jess began to fidget. "Why do you do that? Freeze up, I mean?" he blurted out. Lorelai tilted her head to one side and looked at him, face expressionless, but it looked more as if she couldn't decide which face to make, rather than not wanting to make one at all.
"Because," she said, her voice quiet. "On August 14, 1999, I went to a late movie with some friends. It was a very good movie, I think, but I don't remember." She bit her lip and took a deep breath. "I don't remember because when I got home, I found my mother and my father asleep on the couch. At least, I thought they were asleep. Then I tried to wake them up and…" Her voice choked. "And, they just…collapsed. As if they were just rag dolls or something, and they were dead and I just started screaming and screaming, and…."
Jess felt the whispered words like a physical blow, and gathered Lorelai into his arms, rocking her as she continued to cry—when had she started crying?—and tell her story. "I was told later it was a gas leak in the apartment, and that they were lucky they hadn't turned on the stove or lit candles, or anything. When I woke up…I was on a gurney, and I was outside my apartment, and… and…they were just wheeling my parents out in the body bags, and I fainted. I don't remember what happened for several days after that. I just…froze. And I stayed frozen. I didn't care about anything, or anyone, and…nothing mattered any more. And then I got sent here, and I met you, and you're the only one who makes me feel anything anymore!"
Jess looked down at her, and she looked up at him from his shoulder. "Lorelai," he said slowly, very conscious that if he didn't say the right thing, he would be royally screwed. "That's a lot of responsibility," he finally said. She nodded, not taking her eyes off his. "Do you really want to put that kind of trust in me? I could be just like my dad."
She shook her head. "No, Jess. Never. And yes, I'm going to put that kind of trust on you. You're my best friend."
"You're my best friend, too," he murmured, then laid his head on his and sat with her until the bell rang.
Jess seriously wanted to kick himself down the street. Why had he done it? Why had he opened his big mouth and ruined everything? It was all his fault, really. He yanked on the hem of the dress shirt he wore. He'd found dress slacks and a jacket in surprising shape at the Goodwill, and had bought a shirt to wear with them, flatly refusing to button up the collar. He was already choking; he didn't need the help.
He rang the bell to Lorelai's apartment and gulped hard, ready for anything.Anything except how Lorelai looked when she opened the door. She wore a bright red dress that was basically the same color as the streaks in her hair. She liked the color, and matched her hair as often as possible. The dress was off-the shoulder, going down to her kneesthe skirt flaring. The top was fitted to her, tight but not too. He gulped and felt his eyes widening of their own volition, to better take in the sight.
Lorelai smiled in pure feminine satisfaction. "Now that's an expression a girl likes to see," she said, stepping back to let him in, looking him up and down approvingly. "You clean up very nicely," she said to him, and leaned over to kiss his cheek. She wore low heels, so she was his height, looking him in the eye.
Jess couldn't believe he'd asked her to the end of the year dance. How clichéd and dorky could he get? However, he thought, watching her walk into the apartment to shout a goodbye to Janet and Larry, it might just be worth it. The dress had almost no back, plunging down and down, with only thin laces to hide her skin. He let out a silent whistle as she turned.
They had fun, despite the lame songs and horrible refreshments. Swaying back and forth with Lorelai in his arms during the slow dances were definitely high points in his opinion. The best part, though, was when they mutually kissed for the first time. Their previous kisses had been instigated by her, were mere pecks, and were few and far between. This kiss had nearly brought him to his knees with the sweetness she'd poured into it. But there was also an intensity to it that almost alarmed him.
Not that it occurred to him to be alarmed until after he'd dropped her off. Then he remembered what Larry had said several months ago. Could he hurt her? Could he stand hurting her, even accidentally? He shook his head, scattering the thoughts, grateful that it was a weekend and he could sleep in late.
The next day, he was nearing the end of the latest notebook and the end of the latest Civil story when the phone rang. Even though he was sure it was Lorelai, he let it ring. He wasn't avoiding her, he told himself. It was just that he was so close to the end and he wanted to finish so he could start revisions. The phone rang again a few hours later, and this time he didn't pick it up because he was eating, and it was rude to talk on the phone when you were eating.
He wasn't ignoring her, he repeated. He was involved in other things, and didn't really want to go out and do anything anyway. He had plenty to do here, thanks.
She didn't call on Sunday. He wondered why.
Monday, he was late to the library, coming in halfway through lunch.When he didn't see Lorelai on the couch he scanned the stacks. She wasn't there. He shrugged and sat down, pulling out a tattered copy of Bukowski, telling himself he wasn't worried about her absence.
"Hey," he greeted her casually in Honors English. She looked up from her conversation with the girl who sat on her other side, giving him a smile.
"Hey," she said. "Have you met Tali?"
"I don't think so," he said, leaning forward to talk past Lorelai. He studied the girl for a moment. Unmistakably a mixed-race girl, she had café-au-lait skin with dark blonde hair. Her face was striking, even hidden behind thick-lensed glasses.
"Where'd you transfer from?" Lorelai asked her. "And why so late in the year? I mean, it's almost over."
"New Hampshire," she said. "My dad was offered a really great job here, so the whole family—me and my three sisters—was uprooted. It's not so bad, but I'm still a country girl." She laughed deprecatingly. "As for being the end of the year, I figure it's good to at least get a lay-out of the school before next year."
The bell rang then, and the trio turned forward to pay attention to the class, leaving Jess wondering why Lorelai hadn't shown up in the library. "I'll be in History in a minute, Jess," Lorelai said as he slid out of his desk. "I just want to get Tali's number." Jess frowned slightly, but shrugged and left the room.
"Are you guys dating?" Tali asked Lorelai immediately. Lorelai shook her head. "Uh-huh," Tali said, clearly disbelieving.
"We're not," Lorelai protested. "We're friends. We met in the library my first day here and we became friends." She blushed, though, at the remembrance of their kisses and all their movie parties, where they'd often stayed up so late they fell asleep on her couch. She also steadfastly ignored the feeling of rightness whenever she awoke next to him, even if it was just a snooze after a flick.
"Maybe," Tali said, gathering her things and sticking a pen behind her ear. "But there's no rule that says friendship has to leave when romance comes knockin'."
"There is if it's one-sided," Lorelai noted.
"You think it's one-sided?" Tali laughed slightly. "I've only spent one class period with you and I can tell that it's not. Jeez," she added, rolling her eyes. "He's jealous of me. Just think on what that means, and give me a call sometime."
"It doesn't mean anything, and I will." Shaking her head, Lorelai made her way to their History classroom. She smiled at Jess as she sat next to him. Her smile turned to puzzlement when he didn't smirk back as he usually did. His face was almost completely blank of expression, but that wasn't too unusal, considering this was Jess. "Anything wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said, eyes snapping to the front of the room and never wavering. He acted like that all through their last two classes. Oh, sure, he helped her with her math when she asked for it, but he wasn't nice about it. He was mad at her; she knew that right away. Not mad at something else that he didn't want to talk about, but angry with her. But why? He'd ignored her calls all Saturday, then didn't call her on Sunday. She was the one who should be angry.
They both made their way through the crowded hallways to their locker. Neither had any text books left, having turned them in for end-of-the-year inspection, but they still stored their reading books there, and had to fetch them. "Look," she finally snapped, confronting him at their locker as the crowds thinned around them. "If you're mad at me, say something about it so I can either apologize or get mad back. Do not attempt to freeze me out, because frankly, you're not that good at it."
"You're getting Kali's number?"
"Her name is Tali, as you well know," Lorelai snapped. "And what's wrong with that?"
"I'm your friend," he said indignantly. She looked at him with a very clear, "Duh!" expression. "No. I'm your friend."
"Yeah? So?" Lorelai snorted.
"So what do you need her for?"
"I'm allowed to have more than one friend, Jess," she said.
"How many friends did you have before you moved here?" he demanded.
"What about you?" she demanded. "We've been friends for the whole school year and I've never seen your house, or even where you live."
"My apartment is a pit," he said. "You don't want to go there. Especially since my dad left."
She shrugged. "Whatever you say. Why didn't you answer the phone on Saturday?"
"I was busy," he said, shifting his weight and not meeting her eyes. "I didn't know you called until I checked the caller ID after I got home."
"Then why didn't you call me back?" He remained silent, unable to think of a reason. "Fine," she said, beginning to turn away. "I guess going to the dance was a bad idea."
"Hold on there," he said, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. "What?"
"Going to the dance seems to have changed something that neither of us was ready to change," she said, glaring at his hand until he let go.
"Like what?"
"Like…I don't know. Whatever, okay? Next time you're gonna get all guy-like on me, let me know, okay?"
"What do you mean, guy-like?" he demanded, affronted. "I am a guy, therefore by definition, I am guy-like."
"I mean," she said pointedly, "getting all mean and distant as soon as something new happens, like that kiss at the dance."
"I haven't been mean!" But he had been distant, he knew, and refused to deny it. He was, above all else, honest, at least with himself. "It's just…"
"We shouldn't have gone to the dance," she said when he couldn't elaborate. "I thought you'd had a good time."
"And I thought I was a good friend." He didn't look at her as he blurted out what had been bothering him for the last couple hours. Silence greeted him, and he looked up to see a completely baffled look on Lorelai's face. "What do you need Tali for?"
Lorelai blinked when she finally comprehended what he was saying. "Oh, jeez, she was right! You think that I want to be friends with Tali because of something you did? Or didn't do, maybe?" She shook her head and chuckled slightly. "I just think it might be nice to have a female friend here. But that's all, Jess. I asked her, and she doesn't read that much except for genre books. Who else am I going to share Kerouak with? Jane Austin? Who else is going to drag me to the Warehouse when he knows perfectly well I need to save my money?"
"It's fun watching you be torn between a really good bargain and hanging onto your money," Jess grumbled.
"With Tali, I'll be able to have sleepovers, talk about girlie stuff. It's a different kind of friendship entirely. No less or more important." She stepped towards him, laid her hand on his arm. "Besides, Jess. You'll always be my first friend here. The one who did so much for me without even knowing me." She paused, licking her lips slightly. "You'll always be the one I slow danced with. The one I kissed."
The tension level between them rose, until Jess leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. They stayed that way for a moment, then he pulled away. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"Me, too," she said. They turned and walked out of the school, their arms around each other's waists.
Author's Note: Okay, just so everyone knows, I started this story long before we knew anything about Jess' dad, other than Luke's line, "...the great prize that my sister picked up at a Der Wienerschnitzel left her about two years ago, whereabouts unknown." So, that's what I knew when I was writing this story, and that's what I'm sticking with. So, yeah. That's the situation with this.
Also, would you all be kind enough not to put spoilers in the reviews? I don't want people who look at reviews before the stories to be spoiled rotten for the story. Thanks.
