Chapter 5

Summer came with oppressive heat, and Lorelai often invited Jess over to hang out in the air conditioning at her house. Since he didn't have air conditioning–his window opening to a cool alley didn't really count—he always went. They watched many, many movies in the first month. It got to the point where neither of them wanted to sit and watch the screen any more.

"But what can we do?" Lorelai lamented, throwing herself dramatically onto the couch after pacing for a bit.

"Lots," he replied vaguely.

"Let me guess: nothing that involves us staying here and staying cool," she said. She was dressed in short shorts and a tank top, and looking at her was distracting. He nearly groaned when her shirt rode up and he could see part of her bare stomach.

"It's not like you're not dressed for hot weather," he pointed out to her. She nodded, getting up and walking over to the window to look out on the street. Jess forced his eyes anywhere besides the long legs the shorts revealed.

"True enough," Lorelai acknowledged. She propped herself against the windowsill and resisted looking at Jess, who looked very, very attractive in a thin white tank top and jeans. Delectable, she thought, then forced her thoughts to activities. "I don't have any money, so I can't go to the Warehouse," she said. "Or anywhere else, for that matter."

"Well," Jess said, trying to be reasonable. "What do you feel like doing? Maybe we can make it happen?"

"That's the problem!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air. "I don't know what I want to do. I just know I don't want to sit in here and vegetate for the eleventh day in a row."

"Well, do you want to actually do something active, or do you just not want to stare at a screen?" He smiled at her, and pulled a book from the pocket on his jeans.

"Ooh," she said, moving to sit next to him on the couch. "What is it?"

"Tuck Everlasting."

"Oh, I love that book," she said. "My mom used to read it to me when I was younger."

It was the first time in months she'd explicitly mentioned her parents, since she'd told him about their deaths. She looked so sad that he said the first thing that came to mind to cheer her up. "Why don't I read it to you?"

She looked at him, her eyes filling with tears. "Would you really?" she asked in a small voice.

Jess squirmed a little. "Yeah, of course I will. Can I get a glass of water first? I don't want to stop in the middle to go get some."

"Yeah, sure," she said, and got a tall glass of ice-water, setting it on the table next to him as she returned.

They sat there for an hour while he read the short children's story aloud. When he was finished, he cleared his throat several times. Lorelai had stuck her arm through his and was leaning against his shoulder, her legs pulled up under her. It left him with a very, very good view of her, and it was causing the usual reaction in a teenaged boy.

Lorelai looked up at him, her eyes half-lidded and shining with tears. "Thank you," she said very quietly, then leaned up and kissed him, a mere peck. Then the kiss deepened, and he brought his hand up to cup her neck and the back of her head in his palms, turning to face her. Slowly, she sat back, pulling him down with her, until he was nearly lying over her. Both their tall frames stretched across the couch. Her hands roamed up his sides, up over his shoulders, then down again to rest around his waist. Then, as if she couldn't control them, her hands repeated the process over and over again, driving him crazy. His hands stayed where they were, gently cradling her head and neck, feeling the rest of her against him, under him.

She kept herself from arching against him with great difficulty. He was so solid and strong against her, yet he'd never hurt her, she was sure of it. He'd been her steady rock since they met, and she cared for him quite a lot. As they continued to kiss—her first make-out session—she thought that if given enough time, and if she could ever love anyone again, it would be him.

She pulled away from the kiss, then gasped when his mouth traveled to her neck. The nerves there came alive, dancing down and spreading throughout her body. The gentle suction of his mouth on her skin made her shudder, and her hands flew of their own free will to his head, pulling him to her harder.

"Hmm," he said against her skin. "You like that, huh?"

"I really, really do," she said, her voice higher than she'd thought it would be. Ah, the sensations were driving her crazy. "If you stop I'll kill you," she added, making him laugh. He didn't, however, stop, continuing to kiss and suckle on her skin. She stretched beneath him like a satisfied cat. His arms bent, ever so slightly, and he pressed her into the couch.

"God," he breathed. "You…you feel so incredible."

Lorelai closed her eyes and felt herself blushing at the compliment. "I could say the same for you," she told him, and wriggled slightly against him. He groaned heartily and moved to sit up. It was her turn to groan, this time in disappointment.

"We need to stop," Jess said, and shoved his hand through his hair.

"Mind if I ask why?" Lorelai said, sitting up also.

He just shrugged. "That's not a reason," Lorelai said, and folded her arms, causing interesting things to happen to her anatomy that made Jess look away.

"Look," he said, sighing. "I just…it wouldn't be…"

"What?" she demanded. "Right? Good? What?"

His voice was harsh when he finally demanded, "Is it just the heat? The moment? Boredom?" She made a confused face at him. "I want…"

"More?" she suggested when words abandoned him, raising her eyebrows in surprise and dropping her arms. "Really?" He didn't answer her, instead looking down at the carpet in her living room. "Jess?" She tilted her head until she could meet his eyes. "I really care about you," she told him, and touched his cheek lightly. "I mean, you're not my first boyfriend, but… I've never really wanted to kiss anyone else as much as I want to kiss you."

"Really?" he asked, and began to grin slowly. She began blushing hard, and soon it was Lorelai's turn to avoid his eyes. "I'm flattered, really," he said, and took her hand. "I think we should make this official," he said. "I mean, we've been friends for months, and we've been…experimenting, I guess we could call it." She blushed harder, but smiled slightly in remembrance. "Not that I object, Lor," he said. "I just…want to be able to say that you're my girlfriend." Still flushed, she looked him in the face.

"Really?" She began smiling brilliantly, and said, "So, it's, like, official?"

"I guess so," he said. "I'm your boyfriend, and you're my girlfriend. Two-way street. Got it?" Her answer was to lean forward and begin kissing him again.


~*~

The next year seemed to fly by, though it wasn't without its tribulations. Jess finally told Lorelai his ambition to be a writer, and even let her read one of his stories. She loved them, and told him that every chance she got. Unfortunately, he sometimes did stupid things in his quest for information on crime. She'd been forced to yell at him when he'd shoplifted an expensive jacket, and was only slightly mollified when he gave it to the Salvation Army.

Then there were his new "friends." A bunch of college-aged kids had moved into his apartment building, and he spent more time there than he did at his own place. Then there was the fact that he was constantly skipping school, except for the classes they shared. It was only those classes that raised his GPA enough that he passed sophomore year.

Summer brought even more worries to Lorelai, because she found out Jess' "friends" were using drugs. So far it was only pot, but who knew what else they'd be willing to do?

It was almost the end of the summer, and Lorelai was fretting, as usual. Jess hadn't talked to her at all the previous day, but she didn't want to look like a harpy because he wasn't spending time with her.

Sometimes she hated being his girlfriend.

"Just stop being a dork about it and call," she ordered herself, and dialed the number of the friend's apartment.

"Yeah?" The bored voice was one she recognized as one of his friend's girlfriends.

"Is Jess there?" She tried not to sound completely impatient, but she couldn't help it. The people were always stoned, and even though Jess swore up and down that he didn't do anything, she could never be 100% sure. She trusted him, and believed him, but there were always circumstances.

Lorelai could practically hear the girl roll her eyes. "Hold on."

Jess came on the line. "Lorelai?"

"Jess."

"Hey," he said, sounding perfectly fine, aware of his surroundings. She trusted him, she reminded herself. Even around those other girls, the drugs, the dumb older kids. No matter how many times she had to repeat the mantra, it was still true. But just because she trusted him, that didn't mean that she trusted other people. "What's up?"

She realized she'd been silent for a while, and said hurriedly, "I was just wondering what was up. I didn't talk to you yesterday, and I wondered if maybe you want to come over and watch some movies."

"Uh, actually we we're just heading out," he said. "But I can come over later, if you want."

"Yeah, that would be great," she said, knowing it was best that she act normal. But she really hated his friends. Eventually, she could say something about it, just not now, not over the phone in front of his friends. "How about eight?"

"No problem," he said, sounding happy. "I'll be over. Later."

"Bye," she said. She wanted to say, "I love you," but she didn't. It might sound manipulative, like she was trying to get him to say it. And she wasn't, though it would of course be nice if he said it back. She'd finally realized she loved him about a month ago, and had been waiting for the right time to tell. But it was never the right time.

Around ten that night she began to worry. She worried until the next morning when the doorbell rang and she jumped up from her seat. "Yeah?" she asked into the speaker, biting her lip and hoping it would be Jess.

"Can I come up?" Jess said. He sounded very strange. She didn't say anything, not trusting herself to speak. Instead, she buzzed him in through the safety doors in the lobby and opened her door slightly so he could come straight in.

She waited for him next to the door, trying to remain calm about him not showing up when he'd said he would. Her arms were folded tightly around her, and she fumed silently. She didn't react when he shoved open the door, then slammed it closed behind him.

"I'm sorry," he said immediately. "I'm really, really sorry about this. I didn't mean to promise that I would show up and then not show up. But there are extenuating circumstances."

"One of your friends said something that passes for witty and you decided to reward them for it?" she said acidly, and saw him wince. She moved into the living room and sat on the couch, and he followed. He didn't sit, choosing instead to stand in front of her and make nervous gestures.

"Okay," he said, raking a hand through his hair. "So hanging out with potheads wasn't one of my more intelligent choices. But they were funny."

"So funny that you're jeopardizing our relationship to hang out with them? Jess, you're just trying to get your mother's attention, or doing research or something! Now tell me what happened last night that made you break your promise?"

He sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair. "We were walking down to the store, to buy some munchies. All of a sudden there's this group of kids standing in our way, and my friends flipped out. I can't believe how crazy they went. They started screaming at the other kids, something about a rival school, I think. They were baffled, but they shouted right back. Someone threw a punch, and it ended up being a knock-down, drag out brawl right there on the street. I only defended myself, I swear," he added, seeing that she was eyeing the split skin on his knuckles. "Someone called the cops, and everybody ran. I stayed put, because running makes you look guilty. God," he shook his head. "It was the stupidest thing those guys have ever done, and we both know that's saying something. The cops didn't arrest me, since they hadn't seen me fighting or running away, but they did bring me home. It freaked my mom out big time."

"I can imagine," Lorelai said, still not comprehending quite what this meant, except that she was right to worry about him.

"Lorelai." Jess' voice was strained as he sat next to her. She let him take her hand, and half-turned to face him. "I love you," he said.

"Great timing," she scoffed, though she really wanted to throw this stupid fight out the window there and then.

"It actually is," he said quietly, not meeting her eyes. "Because I've got to run away."

"What?" she screeched, jumping up and away from him, dropping his hand. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"My mom is sending me away."

"What? When?"

"Tomorrow," he said, expression hardening into contempt. "She's sending me to live with her brother in this nothing little town in Connecticut. She says she can't handle me anymore, and she can't take the time off work to get me out of jail if need be, much less the money. So she bought me a bus ticket. I leave in the morning."

Lorelai's jaw worked for a while before she managed to say anything. "You're… leaving?" She collapsed back onto the couch, staring at him in complete incomprehension.

"No." He shook his head fervently. "I'm not leaving New York. I'm running away. I can take care of myself. I'll find a job and get an apartment. And I can stay here with you."

Lorelai bit her lip. She wanted him to go. It was a horrible thing to think, but how much trouble could he get into in a small town? She knew she was about to start crying. "Jess, you…you can't. You can't do that to yourself. You'd be going to school there, wouldn't you?" He nodded, but said nothing. She tilted her head back until she could look at the ceiling.

"But I'm not going," he said stubbornly. "I'm staying in New York. This is my place, my town. I like it here. My friends are here. You're here."

"I don't want you to stay here just for me," she said. "It smacks too much of Romeo and Juliet."

He flinched, but said, "I'm okay with that. Besides, you're a major reason to stay here, but not the only one. My friends are here."

"The friends that could have gotten you arrested?"

"Okay, they're morons, but they're my friends."

"No, they're not." She shook her head. "They're not your friends. They're not smart enough to be your friends. They're complete idiots that are going to get you into serious trouble if you hang out with them any more."

"Lor," he said. To shut him up, she leaned forward and kissed him.

During the last year of their relationship, they'd done everything either could think of, but always stopped just short of making love.Lorelai decided it was time to change that. Slowly, she pulled away from him, took his hand in hers, and led him to her bedroom.

"Jess," she said, and closed and locked her door. "I want to make love with you. Now. Before you leave. Whatever you're going to do," she added hastily.

He stepped towards her and began kissing her wildly, barely able to hold himself back. It wasn't something he was proud of, but it was there. Not that Lorelai seemed to mind. She was almost as wild as he, and nearly tore the seams of his shirt pulling it over his head. The frustration had been building up in both of them, and it nearly exploded now into a heady mix of love and lust.

She ran her hands over his chest, her mouth not leaving his. She moaned as his hands slid under her shirt and palmed her breasts. They fell onto the bed, though neither could say who'd tipped the balance. She'd been prepared for this for a long time, and pulled a condom packet out of her bedside drawer. When he saw that, Jess kissed her more fervently and began to tear at her shorts as she attacked his zipper.

Afterward, they lay entwined in Lorelai's bed, the darkened, cool room soothing their heated skin. Lorelai walked her fingersover his chest, which was still rising and falling rapidly with his breathing. Not that her breath was all that steady, either. She loved to look at him, and even though she knew he wasn't done filling out, so to speak, she knew that when he did, he would be absolutely breathtaking.

"You should go to Connecticut," she said quietly from her resting place on his shoulder.

"What?" he demanded, tilting his chin until he could see her face. She looked up at him, and had to blink back tears.

"I love you, too," she told him, hoping he would take that as explanation enough.

"Great timing," he mimicked her, but wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer as a smile broke over his face. "Why do you want me to leave, then?"

"Because," she said. "Jess, New York isn't good for you. It's bad. You don't…do well here. You're stagnating. You could do so much more, but because you're here, where you're comfortable, you're not. I want more for you." She let out a shuddering breath, and realized she was shaking. "Maybe you could do better with your uncle."

"But what about…this?" he said, gesturing to the bed.

"I wanted to make love with you once before I told you to leave. Because even if you don't go, I don't know if I can be with you anymore. I'm scared for you," she said desperately. "You're cutting school all the time, you barely passed sophomore year, you're hanging out with complete morons who do drugs. I don't know if I can stand worrying about you so much." She waited, holding her breath, for his reaction to her litany.

After a pause, he asked, "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because you were always in the class you had with me. That's the one class you never skipped. And I don't want to be one of those harpy girlfriends who makes you choose between your friends and your girlfriend. But I can't do it anymore. I refuse, because they're not good people for you to be hanging out with. And…I want you to go. It could be a really good thing."

"Lorelai," he said, sighing heavily. "I…I love you, and I want to stay with you." They laid in silence for a long time, listening to the ticking of the clock and the omnipresent hum of traffic on the street below. Finally, he said, "Lorelai, you could never be 'one of those harpy girlfriends.' You've never tried to control me, or asked anything of me you didn't think I could do." He sighed. "You really think Stars Hollow would be that good for me?"

"Is that what it's called?" she asked idly. "Sounds like a nice place."

"My uncle owns a diner."

"Would you work there?" she asked, unable to hold back the amusement in her voice.

"Probably," he said, sounding resigned.

"I would love to see you wearing an apron," she said, and began giggling.

"I'll send you a picture," he said, sounding oh-so-very thrilled with the prospect. She laughed before she realized what it meant.

"I love you," she told him, and leaned up and kissed him. "And we'll talk to each other every day."

"You'd better believe it," he said. "I'm going to need someone to complain to, and I'm pretty sure that my uncle won't be receptive to something like that."

They lay in companionable silence, letting the reality of what they'd just decided hit them. "Jess?"

He dreaded what she was going to say, she sounded so nervous. "Hmm?"

"I just want you to know I love you. You've always been there for me."

"Except for last night when I was packing."

"I mean, that first day of school two years ago…I was numb. I was just floating through life, not caring any more."

He kissed the top of her head, trying to soothe away the painful memories. "I know. Because of your parents."

"Mostly," she hedged, shifting a little, and adjusting the sheet over her.

"What do you mean, 'mostly?'" He bit his lip when she didn't answer right away.

"My parents died, I told you that all ready. But I never told you what happened after. I…wasn't ready. I want…no, I need to tell you now. The funeral is less than a blur in my memory, but I can smell the flowers if I concentrate. I remember my grandmother and aunt coming to stay with me in the apartment. It was so hard, being in the apartment. I expected mom and dad to come in any minute, telling me that all of it had been a horrible dream." She paused and shifted a bit, until she was lying with her head pillowed on Jess' chest, studying his face.

Her voice was neutral when she spoke next. "I didn't have a lot of family, and it was all on my mom's side, because my dad didn't have any siblings and his parents had died years before. Everyone was older than me. At family gatherings, the only people I really talked to were my parents. I just thought it was because I was younger, or because I was fairly odd, always reading, more fascinated with books than I was with anything else. But…after the funeral, I finally worked up the guts to ask my aunt what was going to happen. I was only fourteen; I needed someone in my family to take care of me."

"So how'd you end up in the foster care system?" he blurted before he could stop himself.

"It wasn't so much 'end up in' as 'go back into,'" she said dully. He blinked at her, uncomprehending. "The reason none of my family liked me in the first place was that I was adopted. Blood means more to them than anything, and I wasn't of their blood, so I wasn't part of their family."

He blinked at her in astonishment. "What?" he demanded. "So…your parents weren't your birth parents?"

She nodded, eyes dry of tears. She looked almost surprised about that last fact. "I guess I can talk about it now. I couldn't when I first met you. You helped me so much just by becoming my friend, you know? By becoming someone I could just be myself with. You helped me figure out who 'me' is."

"But you said you were named after your mother," Jess said.

"I am. My birth mother. Her name was Lorelai. When I was born, people didn't know the women who were giving kids up for adoption. They met by accident. My parents told all this to my aunt. She and my mother were very close, but even she never got over that blood-thing. As a courtesy to me, I guess, my aunt told me the story after she and my grandmother told me the truth.

"My birth mother was sixteen when she had me, but she was apparently a very chatty girl. She was at the nursery window when my parents came up to get their first look at me. They lied and said they were in the hospital visiting a co-worker, and came to look at the newborns. My birth mother introduced herself, and looked at me, her eyes wet.

"She told them that she'd decided to give her baby up for adoption, but she hadn't realized how hard it would be to see me and still be able to give me away. My parents realized she was my mother, and felt sorry for her. She said she was sorry for being so sappy, and introduced herself. My parents adored the name instantly. So they named me after a woman they met for five minutes, who happened to have given birth to me."

"And how do you feel about her?" Jess asked, reaching out and stroking her hair back from her face and behind her ear.

"Half of me wants to find her," Lorelai admitted. "And the other half thinks that it would disrespect my parents' memory."

"It wouldn't," he said immediately.

"Maybe when I'm eighteen, I'll look for her. But until then, I like Janet and Larry. They're good people, and I know that I can have affection for them without forgetting my parents."

"That's a good thing for you to know," Jess said. "Thank you for telling me," he added, and pulled her up to kiss her again. Emotions and hormones quickly led to more than just kissing.


~*~

Author's Note: Well, kiddies, that's the end of part one. Part two is much longer, I promise. Thank you so much to those that have reviewed on here without spoiling the story. I appreciate it very much. If you'd like to review about something specific, please write me. I'd love to hear your comments.