Disclaimer: In honor of you all, I have composed a rhyme, to inform you
all that they are not mine. I wish they were, more than you know, but the
Father above has not made it so. Thus doomed am I to write and dream, of
men and elves yet unseen.
Let's not keep anybody waiting . . .
Europa: I know, you'd think she could find a Pronunciation for Dummies in Middle-Earth Dictionary or something . . .
Laura: Technically, think of it this way: Meriweather snatched Katie's body, made a few cosmetic changes, and took over without so much as a by- your-leave. Katie is a prisoner, helpless bystander, etc. She might (in a weak moment of Meriweather's) be able to spout a comment or two that is utterly ignored by the characters because they're under the author's control, but not much more. And each and every one of my reviewers *is* special! You're all my friends, and I love to hear how your fanfics are coming, and I like reading the ones people send to me. I send my reviews back, because I can't access FF.net. Anyway, keep reading, and I hope my little dissertation helps you understand better!
Star Queen: Lovely to hear from you! How am I surviving? I'm surviving because this really nice gal I know by the name of Star Queen sends me her really cool LOTR fanfiction titled "Jewel of My Heart". She needs to write more, I tell you! More! Hee hee hee.
ShellMel: Hmm, it's an interesting thought; see my note to Laura up there. There's really only one body, and it belongs to Katie. When they're unconscious, their minds meet and take on physical form, but no damage is transferred between mental battles and physical ones. Confusing, isn't it? Read on, and maybe the chapter will help you to get my muddled explanation cleared up!
Kalva Night-Tree: Oh don't worry, rabid Mary Sues couldn't keep me away!
Rhikat: Nobody else can wait for what's in store for the Sue either! I think each and every one of us wants to see her killed a million different ways, but sadly, there's only one time to die. Unless I found some way to meddle with time and did it over and over again. Say now . . . Oh, about the P.P.C., no I haven't filled Jasper's partner's position, but if you give me your email address I'll send you the application. I'm doing a co- written chapter with another gal, but she's not my partner, so step right up and give it a try!
Mizalaye: I'm thinking I might have to do some revamping of my body- snatching-Sue theory, but so far I haven't contradicted myself (I think.). We'll see how this chapter goes. As always, your reviews are so sincere and critical, and I appreciate them (even if you miss one or two, hee hee) a lot a lot! Read on, m'dear!
Rabia: You deserved it! I always look for a review from you, because you always have something neat to say. As for Sam's sword, all shall be explained in this next chapter, for you and the rest of the unholy masses following this story. (Honestly, I didn't think it'd ever be this popular . . .) LOL, yeah, just step away from that keyboard now . . .
Nathonea: Good heavens, if I didn't write more, I know of about fifty people that would come and hunt me down! I'm very glad that you liked it, and I'm even happier that you have chosen to read and review! Welcome welcome!
Zurizip: Hey, she's a Mary Sue author, so of *course* she's the spawn of Sauron. I mean, what else could she be? (Don't answer that . . . I have a pretty good idea.)
NightShade: Oooh, nice insult! Can I hire you to write them for me? You can share fifty-fifty with the review profits! Ha ha ha! Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed, now go forth and enjoy more!
I think that covers just about everybody! And now I hereby unveil the dedication of this chapter to . . . Laura! Thanks for your funny comments, praises, and general wackiness that you are not afraid to spread around to the rest of the insane world!
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE
Chapter Fourteen
It's payback time!
Yeah baby!
Katie eagerly opened her eyes and climbed to her feet, looking around for Sam's sword. The injuries to her poor abused body seemed to diminish as her adrenaline began to pump.
Where's the sword?
Oh, Sam's sword?
Duh, yeah? How else am I going to fight her? Katie glanced about her in a panic. Meriweather was still out cold on the floor, but she wouldn't be for long. The Sue suddenly twitched, then sat up in a blinding flash of hair, eyes wild.
Um . . . you're locked in a *mental* battle.
So?! Now would be a good time to find the sword!
Take a second and think about it.
I don't have a second! I want that sword *now*!
Sam's sword was a *physical* object, you imbecile! It didn't translate!
There was mental silence.
That's what I thought.
Shut. *Up*.
Meriweather had recovered sufficiently enough to draw her sword. She growled low in her throat, tossing her long hair from her eyes. "You have messed with me for the last time!"
Somehow I doubt that, Katie's alter ego said dryly.
Even as the Sue began to charge, Katie shrieked mentally, What am I gonna do?!
Look, her sword is something she made up in her mind. Look at the fake gold hilt with the gibberish etched on it! If she can imagine her weapons, so can you!
Meriweather was momentarily taken aback when a huge club appeared in Katie's hands.
A club? That's the *best* you could do?
I was in a pinch, all right? Besides . . . it's kind of cute. In a Neolithic way.
"Hear me and hear me well, Meri-Sue. You can give up now and we can both go back to the way we belong. Me back to bed, and you back to some dusty RAM file in somebody's computer. Don't make me hurt you."
Meriweather got her voice back long enough to sneer, "You couldn't hurt me if you tried. And I will never give up. I represent a greater power than you can deal with. Try as much as you like. I doubt you can even swing that thing."
"First, it's club. Not a thing. You'd think you'd be able to keep your basic weaponry straight. Second, fine. I've got something better that would really make me feel good when I beat the tar out of you." Katie tossed her current weapon to one side and thought with great relish and detail what she wanted.
The Sue actually paled and took three steps backward as she looked at her opponent's new acquirement.
Katie grinned fearsomely as she hefted her steel mace. The handle was wrapped in sleek black leather, and etched into it around the base was a short verse: Death cometh on swift wings. The sharpened spikes glinted, and Katie weighed it in her hands, keeping her menacing smile in place. "Still won't give in?"
Meriweather seemed incapable of replying, her eyes round as saucers.
I guess she's never seen anything beyond swords, bows, and axes.
Then this should be real educational for her, Katie snickered. Aloud she replied, "Good, I was hoping you hadn't. You see, I owe you something for my aching ribs and the holes in my shoulder and thigh-"
Incidentally, did you know you still have the arrow in that last one?
Katie spared a moment to look down and all but gag in disgust. Eergh . . . it's a good thing there's no real pain when you're unconscious . . . and that I'm high on an adrenaline rush.
"I will not give up so easily," Meriweather snarled, raising her sword defensively. "Aragorn is *mine*."
That's it, it's official. She's mad.
"You're insane. He's *Arwen's!* I noticed you conveniently overlooked that little detail."
"Do you have anything important to say, or shall I defeat you and get back to *my* story?" The Sue's harsh voice grated on Katie's nerves.
"Morons first," Katie smiled grimly.
"Aargh!" Meriweather yelled incoherently and swung her sword in a wide arc, almost as if she intended to take off an arm. Katie blocked her clumsy move easily and returned her own blow, which took her enemy in the side. The spikes dug into Meriweather's clothes, and guessing from her unearthly howl, something a little more sensitive than fabric.
A flicker tugged at the corner of her eye, and Katie spared a moment to glance over. The portal to the real Middle-Earth was starting to form. Taking heart, she backed off and allowed Meriweather to try and recover.
What for? She doesn't deserve it. Finish her!
Yet Katie hesitated. She's not really a person, is she?
People have to have brains in order to be people. Meriweather is a facsimile of some author sitting behind a keyboard and typing her misspelled heart out. It is not murder. If anything, you're doing the fanfiction world a favor, her voice reassured her.
Right. Gathering herself, Katie took the butt-end of her mace and swung it with all her might as she would a baseball bat at the back of Meriweather's head. The Sue was still crouched over her bleeding side, and took no notice of anything until she crumpled.
"Yes!" Katie switched her mace the right end up and leapt over the Meriweather's form to the portal. The rocky plains outside of Moria beckoned.
Wait! Don't you think you should remove that . . . lovely projectile in your leg before you'll be able to feel it?
Oh . . . Katie gingerly touched the black shaft, wiggling it experimentally. Bracing herself, though in her right mind she knew she wouldn't feel a thing, she tugged gently. It's caught! It must have barbs on it. I'll do more damage taking it out than leaving it in.
So in other words, you're going to let Aragorn deal with it.
Katie froze, cold fear stealing over her. Oh no. No way. I'll . . .
You'll what? Her voice sounded smug beyond smug.
I'll be leaving now, and worrying about it when I wake up. Everything was always all right in the morning, in daylight.
That said, Katie hopped through the portal, and into a world of darkness.
[And so to answer Rabia's question, Sam's sword did not make it to the battle because it was a physical object in a "real world". But, since the author of Meriweather's story imagined all of Meriweather's weapons, it is logical that Katie can do the same. Lucky for us Meriweather possesses no imagination or thought processes, other wise Katie might have been staring down the maw of a bazooka. Anyway, until Chapter 15, I remain faithfully yours! ~ Key]
Let's not keep anybody waiting . . .
Europa: I know, you'd think she could find a Pronunciation for Dummies in Middle-Earth Dictionary or something . . .
Laura: Technically, think of it this way: Meriweather snatched Katie's body, made a few cosmetic changes, and took over without so much as a by- your-leave. Katie is a prisoner, helpless bystander, etc. She might (in a weak moment of Meriweather's) be able to spout a comment or two that is utterly ignored by the characters because they're under the author's control, but not much more. And each and every one of my reviewers *is* special! You're all my friends, and I love to hear how your fanfics are coming, and I like reading the ones people send to me. I send my reviews back, because I can't access FF.net. Anyway, keep reading, and I hope my little dissertation helps you understand better!
Star Queen: Lovely to hear from you! How am I surviving? I'm surviving because this really nice gal I know by the name of Star Queen sends me her really cool LOTR fanfiction titled "Jewel of My Heart". She needs to write more, I tell you! More! Hee hee hee.
ShellMel: Hmm, it's an interesting thought; see my note to Laura up there. There's really only one body, and it belongs to Katie. When they're unconscious, their minds meet and take on physical form, but no damage is transferred between mental battles and physical ones. Confusing, isn't it? Read on, and maybe the chapter will help you to get my muddled explanation cleared up!
Kalva Night-Tree: Oh don't worry, rabid Mary Sues couldn't keep me away!
Rhikat: Nobody else can wait for what's in store for the Sue either! I think each and every one of us wants to see her killed a million different ways, but sadly, there's only one time to die. Unless I found some way to meddle with time and did it over and over again. Say now . . . Oh, about the P.P.C., no I haven't filled Jasper's partner's position, but if you give me your email address I'll send you the application. I'm doing a co- written chapter with another gal, but she's not my partner, so step right up and give it a try!
Mizalaye: I'm thinking I might have to do some revamping of my body- snatching-Sue theory, but so far I haven't contradicted myself (I think.). We'll see how this chapter goes. As always, your reviews are so sincere and critical, and I appreciate them (even if you miss one or two, hee hee) a lot a lot! Read on, m'dear!
Rabia: You deserved it! I always look for a review from you, because you always have something neat to say. As for Sam's sword, all shall be explained in this next chapter, for you and the rest of the unholy masses following this story. (Honestly, I didn't think it'd ever be this popular . . .) LOL, yeah, just step away from that keyboard now . . .
Nathonea: Good heavens, if I didn't write more, I know of about fifty people that would come and hunt me down! I'm very glad that you liked it, and I'm even happier that you have chosen to read and review! Welcome welcome!
Zurizip: Hey, she's a Mary Sue author, so of *course* she's the spawn of Sauron. I mean, what else could she be? (Don't answer that . . . I have a pretty good idea.)
NightShade: Oooh, nice insult! Can I hire you to write them for me? You can share fifty-fifty with the review profits! Ha ha ha! Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed, now go forth and enjoy more!
I think that covers just about everybody! And now I hereby unveil the dedication of this chapter to . . . Laura! Thanks for your funny comments, praises, and general wackiness that you are not afraid to spread around to the rest of the insane world!
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE
Chapter Fourteen
It's payback time!
Yeah baby!
Katie eagerly opened her eyes and climbed to her feet, looking around for Sam's sword. The injuries to her poor abused body seemed to diminish as her adrenaline began to pump.
Where's the sword?
Oh, Sam's sword?
Duh, yeah? How else am I going to fight her? Katie glanced about her in a panic. Meriweather was still out cold on the floor, but she wouldn't be for long. The Sue suddenly twitched, then sat up in a blinding flash of hair, eyes wild.
Um . . . you're locked in a *mental* battle.
So?! Now would be a good time to find the sword!
Take a second and think about it.
I don't have a second! I want that sword *now*!
Sam's sword was a *physical* object, you imbecile! It didn't translate!
There was mental silence.
That's what I thought.
Shut. *Up*.
Meriweather had recovered sufficiently enough to draw her sword. She growled low in her throat, tossing her long hair from her eyes. "You have messed with me for the last time!"
Somehow I doubt that, Katie's alter ego said dryly.
Even as the Sue began to charge, Katie shrieked mentally, What am I gonna do?!
Look, her sword is something she made up in her mind. Look at the fake gold hilt with the gibberish etched on it! If she can imagine her weapons, so can you!
Meriweather was momentarily taken aback when a huge club appeared in Katie's hands.
A club? That's the *best* you could do?
I was in a pinch, all right? Besides . . . it's kind of cute. In a Neolithic way.
"Hear me and hear me well, Meri-Sue. You can give up now and we can both go back to the way we belong. Me back to bed, and you back to some dusty RAM file in somebody's computer. Don't make me hurt you."
Meriweather got her voice back long enough to sneer, "You couldn't hurt me if you tried. And I will never give up. I represent a greater power than you can deal with. Try as much as you like. I doubt you can even swing that thing."
"First, it's club. Not a thing. You'd think you'd be able to keep your basic weaponry straight. Second, fine. I've got something better that would really make me feel good when I beat the tar out of you." Katie tossed her current weapon to one side and thought with great relish and detail what she wanted.
The Sue actually paled and took three steps backward as she looked at her opponent's new acquirement.
Katie grinned fearsomely as she hefted her steel mace. The handle was wrapped in sleek black leather, and etched into it around the base was a short verse: Death cometh on swift wings. The sharpened spikes glinted, and Katie weighed it in her hands, keeping her menacing smile in place. "Still won't give in?"
Meriweather seemed incapable of replying, her eyes round as saucers.
I guess she's never seen anything beyond swords, bows, and axes.
Then this should be real educational for her, Katie snickered. Aloud she replied, "Good, I was hoping you hadn't. You see, I owe you something for my aching ribs and the holes in my shoulder and thigh-"
Incidentally, did you know you still have the arrow in that last one?
Katie spared a moment to look down and all but gag in disgust. Eergh . . . it's a good thing there's no real pain when you're unconscious . . . and that I'm high on an adrenaline rush.
"I will not give up so easily," Meriweather snarled, raising her sword defensively. "Aragorn is *mine*."
That's it, it's official. She's mad.
"You're insane. He's *Arwen's!* I noticed you conveniently overlooked that little detail."
"Do you have anything important to say, or shall I defeat you and get back to *my* story?" The Sue's harsh voice grated on Katie's nerves.
"Morons first," Katie smiled grimly.
"Aargh!" Meriweather yelled incoherently and swung her sword in a wide arc, almost as if she intended to take off an arm. Katie blocked her clumsy move easily and returned her own blow, which took her enemy in the side. The spikes dug into Meriweather's clothes, and guessing from her unearthly howl, something a little more sensitive than fabric.
A flicker tugged at the corner of her eye, and Katie spared a moment to glance over. The portal to the real Middle-Earth was starting to form. Taking heart, she backed off and allowed Meriweather to try and recover.
What for? She doesn't deserve it. Finish her!
Yet Katie hesitated. She's not really a person, is she?
People have to have brains in order to be people. Meriweather is a facsimile of some author sitting behind a keyboard and typing her misspelled heart out. It is not murder. If anything, you're doing the fanfiction world a favor, her voice reassured her.
Right. Gathering herself, Katie took the butt-end of her mace and swung it with all her might as she would a baseball bat at the back of Meriweather's head. The Sue was still crouched over her bleeding side, and took no notice of anything until she crumpled.
"Yes!" Katie switched her mace the right end up and leapt over the Meriweather's form to the portal. The rocky plains outside of Moria beckoned.
Wait! Don't you think you should remove that . . . lovely projectile in your leg before you'll be able to feel it?
Oh . . . Katie gingerly touched the black shaft, wiggling it experimentally. Bracing herself, though in her right mind she knew she wouldn't feel a thing, she tugged gently. It's caught! It must have barbs on it. I'll do more damage taking it out than leaving it in.
So in other words, you're going to let Aragorn deal with it.
Katie froze, cold fear stealing over her. Oh no. No way. I'll . . .
You'll what? Her voice sounded smug beyond smug.
I'll be leaving now, and worrying about it when I wake up. Everything was always all right in the morning, in daylight.
That said, Katie hopped through the portal, and into a world of darkness.
[And so to answer Rabia's question, Sam's sword did not make it to the battle because it was a physical object in a "real world". But, since the author of Meriweather's story imagined all of Meriweather's weapons, it is logical that Katie can do the same. Lucky for us Meriweather possesses no imagination or thought processes, other wise Katie might have been staring down the maw of a bazooka. Anyway, until Chapter 15, I remain faithfully yours! ~ Key]
