Jess and Lorelai entered the apartment and stopped inside the door, unsure how to approach the subject. "Where does one sit to have deep and meaningful discussions about the future?" Lorelai asked him, nervous about everything that was coming.
"Well, first we get rid of bulky winter coats," Jess said, and helped her off with the garment. "After that, I don't know," he admitted. "The couch is always a good bet when you're unsure, though." They maneuvered through the space and sat on the piece of furniture in question.
"So…how do we start?" she asked him, biting her lip in nervousness.
He shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me how you envisioned it when you got on the bus to come here?"
"Well," she began. "First, I more than half expected you to freak out. So glad you didn't, by the way, but if you need to freak out, please get it over with."
"Did you freak out?" he asked. "It is your body."
"I know," she said. "And, yes, I did freak out. When I first found out, I didn't go to school for three days. I just laid in bed and read almost all my books again, one after another so I wouldn't have to think about it. I didn't sleep, either, which I'm sure wasn't good for the baby."
"That reminds me," Jess said, and went to grab his book bag from beside the door. "I went to the library and got this." He handed her a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting, making her laugh. "What? I needed to do some research. There's so much I want to know about the timing of things. When can we find out the sex of the baby?"
Lorelai bit her lip. "You can actually tell at about two months," she told him. "But I was so nervous, and I'm not really sure I want to know. Oh! The sonogram pictures!" She leapt up and went to fetch her bag, digging inside for the notebook with the pictures pressed between the pages. For a few minutes, she and Jess tried to decipher the vague silver blobs before Jess brought them back to the subject.
"Anyway, you expected me to freak out. Then what?"
"Well, I was planning on getting a job and an apartment. I got a lead for the first and haven't even begun to investigate the other," she told him. When she told him she'd applied for a job at the Inn, he got a funny look on his face. It was gone so quickly she decided not to comment on it.
"So, am I going to live with you when you do get an apartment?"
Now she bit her lip and looked away. "Only if you want to. I know you don't make much money here, and I won't let you drop out of school, so I won't expect you to pay rent."
Jess thought about whether it would bother him to be living off his girlfriend's paycheck, and discovered it did, just a little, though. "I will be finding a different job after I graduate," he said.
"Like what?" she asked.
"Like I don't know," he answered. "But I'll find something that pays a little better."
"What if you tried to sell one of your stories?"
Jess' expression immediately closed off. "They're not good enough to sell, Lor," he said. She disagreed, but figured he wouldn't talk about it; she knew that look far too well.
"What about college?" she asked, rather than pursue his writing any further.
"I could ask you the same question," he returned. She shook her head.
"I can't go now," she said, laying a hand on her stomach.
"What about a few years from now?" he asked. "Even one year from now, you could go to night classes."
"So could you," she countered. Then she sighed. "I think we're at an impasse with this. Would you want to move in when I get an apartment?"
He raised an eyebrow at that. "'When?' Not 'if?'" he asked.
"Jess," she sighed. "I'm not living in this tiny place with you, Luke and the baby. I just couldn't do it. There's barely enough room for a crib in here, much less the stuff that Janet and Larry are shipping for me."
"Yeah, you're right." He raked his hands through his hair. "So, when are you going to get an apartment?"
"I was going to start looking tomorrow, while I wait to see if my application at the Independence Inn will be accepted."
"Now? Before you're even sure you have a job?"
There was a pause in the conversation while Lorelai bit her lip. "There's something I haven't told you, Jess," Lorelai said.
Jess sighed. "Something else, you mean? Forget I said that," he added, seeing the stricken look on her face. "Just tell me."
"My parents left me some money. It's being held for me until I turn eighteen, but Janet and Larry are giving me some of it up front. They don't have any control over it," she added. "They've just got some money they can do without for a while, so they're lending me some of it, to be paid back once I have access."
"How much money are we talking?" Jess asked her.
"Well…kind of a lot," she admitted. "My parents both had life insurance policies. They weren't big, but together they equal a lot more money than I'd have otherwise. And they had some investments: they owned the apartment we lived in, and it sold right after I came to New York. There were a few blue chip stocks that were cashed in." She did some mental calculations. "I think, all told it comes to around one hundred and fifty to seventy-five thousand."
Jess honestly thought his heart stopped for a second. "What?" he demanded. "No, wait," he added, holding up a hand. "Don't say it again. I don't think my heart could take it."
"Jess?" she asked, concerned, wondering whether she should have told him or not.
"How much are Janet and Larry fronting?"
"About fifteen thousand," she said. "That's all they can afford, and if they hadn't insisted I never would have taken it."
"Lor," he said, trying to take it all in. "All that's enough for a full four-year tuition, probably for all of us." She nodded. "Depending on the college, of course," he added, thinking. "Jeez," he muttered, and raked a hand through his hair again. "So…what? We'd be using that to supplement your income if we lived together?"
"That was my plan," Lorelai said. "So…you're not mad?"
"Why would I be mad?" he asked.
"Well, that I didn't tell you before, that I've got money that you don't…I don't know, there's lots of reasons compounded why you should be mad at me."
"Lor," he said, and to her surprise he took her hand. "It's great that we've got that kind of money to fall back on. Especially since I don't know what I want to do after graduation." She squelched the urge to tell him to edit his stories, maybe type them up and send them to publishers. He was afraid, and she respected that.
They sat in silence for a while. "But that's at least a year, more like two, away, right?" she asked.
"Well," Jess said consideringly. "I went to go see my counselor today, and he said that if I really push myself, I might be able to graduate after the first semester next year."
"Push yourself how?" she asked.
"Only have one free period from now until then," he said. "Right now, I could change my schedule and add another two classes."
"If that's what you want to do," she said, biting her lip. "I think you should. But I don't think you should do it just because of me. It sounds like it might be stressful for you."
"Nah," Jess said. "I wouldn't even have to work any harder than I do now," he told her. "I just need to pass those classes and I'm set."
"Well, great," she said. "If you're going to do it, do it quickly," she added.
"I already signed the add-a-class forms," he told her.
"Oh."
They fell into silence. "Hey, Lorelai," he began hesitantly.
"Yeah?"
"Did you still think about…I don't know, looking for your birth mother?" He looked up in time to see her shaking her head frantically. "Why not?"
"Why not?" she demanded incrdulously. "How can you ask me 'why not?' Because I'm pregnant!" He looked at her, waiting for elaboration. "Do you remember why I was put up for adoption?"
"She was…" Jess trailed off, comprehending.
"Sixteen! My birth mother was sixteen when I was born. I'm seventeen now." She threw her hands up in the air. "Wouldn't it be wonderful to find my birth mother. As if that's not enough of a shock to her; Hi, I'm the daughter you gave up for adoption seventeen years ago, how are you doing? I've also got to deliver the news that she's about to be a grandmother at the age of thirty-three!" She rammed her hands through her hair while Jess cursed internally; he hadn't looked at it like that. This was not going to turn out well, or if it did, it would be a miracle.
It wasn't as if the situation was his doing: he hadn't forced either one to come here, and he hadn't pointed her to the Inn as a working place. He hadn't made Stars Hollow so small they were going to run into each other sooner or later, and it would most likely be sooner. Or some well-meaning townsperson would point out that there were two Lorelais. Or they could run into each other in the diner, since Gilmore couldn't cook worth anything and ate most of her meals there.
It wasn't his fault. It was a huge string of coincidences that he had nothing to do with.
"Lorelai," he said, trying to be soothing. He put his hand on her shoulder and rubbed gently. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…. Well, I didn't mean to stress you out."
Lorelai laughed slightly. "I know, Jess," she said, and one of her hands slipped from her hair to cover his. "I do know that. And believe me, the thought crossed my mind to look for her. It also crossed my mind that it'd be nice to have someone to talk to who's been through the whole teen pregnancy thing, or even a pregnancy thing at all. Janet has never had kids, and my mom is, of course, dead, and…what am I talking about? My mom never had kids, either!" She scoffed. "So, yeah, it occurred to me to find my birth mother."
"You just came to the conclusion that it wouldn't be a good thing," Jess said. When she nodded, he took a deep breath. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe she wants to be found? Or to find you? It's really common for mothers to try and find their children after they've been put up for adoption."
"How do you know?" Lorelai asked without venom, leaning on his shoulder tiredly.
"After I came here, I started doing some research on adoptions," he told her, truthfully. "I was curious how it all happened. It's changed a lot since it happened to you. Now, adoptive parents know–are even friends with—the parents or mother, at least, of the baby they're adopting. Oftentimes in the last few years, that parent is an active part of the child's and the adoptive parents' lives."
"But not when I was adopted," she said dully. "Back then it was a scandal, hidden away, not to be talked about, or even thought about." Jess nodded sadly. "Well, if she shows up at my door, I'm not going to turn her away. But I'm not going to seek her out." She shoved her way free of the couch. "Look, I've been running around all day. I'm starving. Can we go get something to eat?"
Jess nodded, and they headed down to the diner side by side.
After eating a substantial dinner, Lorelai again picked up the newspaper and began looking at the apartment listings. "Ooh," she said, leaning over their empty dishes to show Jess an ad. "What about this one?"
"No good," Jess said, shaking his head. "That one's owned by Taylor. He's insane. He flipped out when I pulled a little prank and tried to run me out of town. Good thing no one else was listening to him, otherwise I would've been back in New York."
"Huh," Lorelai said. "Then, this Taylor is…"
"A control freak," Jess said factually. "Try not to pick one of his properties. I bet he wouldn't be too fond of you, either. He's conservative, as well as a control freak," he added. She nodded in comprehension.
"So, how do you know he owns that?"
"When mom finally sent my stuff here, the place was so crowded we considered moving into an apartment."
"Ah," she said. "So that's why it's so cluttered up there."
"It's better than it was," he answered. "It was kind of funny, actually. Luke dragged me around town, looking at apartments, and then he found out Taylor owned the one we'd finally settled on, and was trying to buy the building next door. So, I'm sitting on my bed, and Luke comes in and tells me to put everything in boxes because we're adding onto the apartment. Turns out he laid down a hundred grand to beat Taylor out of the property. So, the apartment we're living in now is actually a lot bigger than the one we started out in."
Lorelai looked confused for a moment. "So…what's Luke doing with the building next door?"
Jess shrugged. "Don't know. He just bought it to keep the control freak from getting it." He looked at his watch. "Well, I gotta get to work. You gonna stay up here or go upstairs?"
"I'll stay down here," she told him. "But I'll sit at the counter, let someone else have the table."
"You're so considerate," Jess said drolly.
"No, I just like to watch you work," she confided in his ear as he bent to pick up the plates, which he nearly dropped before he got a hold of himself.
He gave her a long hard look before he spoke next. "None of your distractions, miss," he told her sternly. "Just sit at the counter and read your paper."
She smiled cheekily at him, but sat on a stool and spread the paper out in front of her. She circled a few possibilities, but for the most part the apartments advertised were roommate situations, and she definitely wasn't the best candidate for that. Or, rather, they weren't; though whether that meant she and the baby or she and Jess and the baby, she didn't know.
By the end of the night the paper was a jumble of black pen marks over black ink, until it was almost illegible. Again, she helped Luke and Jess put the chairs back up.
"Is that good for the baby?" Luke asked, eyeing her warily.
She shrugged. "I don't imagine exercise of any kind could be bad for the baby," she said. "But I'll have to look it up. There's a lot I have to look up," she added under her breath. She turned to Jess. "I have to find an obstetrician," she told him. "I'm not due for a checkup for about two weeks, but I need someone to call on in case of emergency."
"Do you have insurance?" Luke asked, and scowled when she shook her head. "You should have insurance," he told her sternly.
"I know," she said. "That's why I'm so hopeful about the job at that Inn. It's got benefits no matter if you're a maid or the desk help or a cook. But if I don't get the job, then I'll just have to pay for the doctors."
"What about the hospital?" Jess demanded. "How much is it going to cost for you to deliver the baby?"
She shook her head. "I don't know, Jess." She wasn't going to snap at him: he had more right to ask these questions than anyone else, and she was beyond glad he was taking the news so well. It definitely wouldn't be prudent to pay back his not flipping out by snapping at him.
"Why don't we look through that baby book I got together?" he asked her.
"You've got homework," Luke broke in.
Jess shook his head. "Not for my morning classes tomorrow, and I can get my other homework done at lunch, easy."
"You promise?" Lorelai asked, looking him in the eye.
"I always did homework at lunch with you," he reminded her. She knew that, so she merely nodded.
They went upstairs and sat on the couch for about an hour reading the baby book Jess had gotten at the library.
