Disclaimer: Chapter One.

A/N: This is the *fixed* Chapter 19. To those who were so unfortunate to find the other one, my sincerest apologies. It seems that Fanfiction.net is now stripping things placed between "". Which of course struck me as a huge problem. Therefore, all thoughts will now be in { }. Again, I am so very sorry.

To my ever wonderful and faithful reviewers whom I have missed:

WeasleyTwinsLover: I agree, the future's not looking too bright for our besieged hero, is it? Go Canadians! Hee hee.

ScarsOnAScribbler'sHeart: Thankfully for us, she'll be exiting Lothlórien and won't have too much time to damage it. Hmm . . . we'll have to see about Edoras, mwahaha. I personally think Éowyn will try to slaughter Meriweather in her sleep if the author isn't careful. Not that it would be a loss to anyone except Katie . . .

Fae: Samwise, my darling, my dear, giving my reviewers a sneak preview, hmm? Ha ha, just kidding. A lot of people seem to like Katie's outburst. I had *so* much fun writing it, too! About School's Out . . . they will be up soon, promise! Love ya hun!

Crimson Starlight: Yes, those poor, poor kazoos!

Mizalaye: If you think *that* was bad, I will not be held responsible for the atrocities the Sue has committed in this chapter. It's ten times worse, I guarantee. Katie's going to get smacked, no two ways about it! As for the ending, you're right, I'm not going to answer it.

Azaelia Sapphire: They're at the Sue's mercy and nobody's got the willies more than I! Utterly terrifying, this chapter, let me warn you. She's trying to rip the canon apart, make no mistake!

Bryn: I hadn't intended on her falling for Glorfindel, but he's just so . . . so . . . elf. And I in no way deserve all the praise you have heaped upon me. My work pales compared to yours. I have been following "Out of the Frying Pan" at school thanks to Aralanthiriel's archives and I confess that I die laughing each chapter. (The author with 34 lives, that's me!) Thank you so very much for your flattering words.

CrimsonElf: What really surprises me is that you timed the whole thing. I'm glad my descriptions aren't confusing or too long, thanks!

DeeSarrachi: A *plush* armchair? You've got to be kidding. How awful . . . I hope you enjoy your stay in Isengard. Am excited. Have new chapter for you!

Lightning: Perhaps I should give you the Overcomer Award, for getting through those blasted compu-technical difficulties. Sometimes I think God let us invent computers to teach us patience and humility . . . and how to vent anger using large hammers . . . For the time being, I've confined the storyline to only the author writing it, but that's always a future possibility.

Flamin' June: Greetings! Thank you, thank you, *thank you* for nitpicking! That three-letter word is misused so often, that's how I came upon my usage of it. (Yes, I am sad.) Thank you also for your compliments on the rant. I had loads of fun with that!

Rabia: I'm thinking of hunting the fates down and locking them in Isengard. It's the least they deserve. Silly, I don't mind whatsoever! I haven't licensed the usage of Meriweather yet (is that possible?) so don't worry! I'll pray for you and your exams, don't despair! Good luck!

Fly Without Wings: Yes, it's that time again . . . cue the creepy music.

Shiggity-shiggity: Here's more, but it's shorter than last time, sorry! I think Chapter Twenty will be longer, since it's the final chapter for "The Fellowship of the Ring." And after that . . . mwahahaha!

Goddess Isis: Yeah, I think Aragorn had it coming, didn't he? Beware of what happens next, but I hope you like it!

Lady Moon: Such doom and gloom, Lady! Trust me, you're right, the Sue is going to be *bad* this chapter, so look out!

Heero Yuy: What will happen now is for you to discover! About the Middle- earth phrasing: Katie does that so that the characters will not be affected by the distinct crumbling of the canon. It is also easier for them to understand, since Katie's real phrasing would be riddled with colloquialisms and obscure references. However, you do make a valid point, so in future chapters from this one I will try to be more careful. Thanks for the heads-up!

NightShade: A Monty Python fan, perhaps? If Sanity was wise, it hightailed it for safer lands! The wackiness continues!

Laura: Then I'll have to convince my friend to finish it and post it on FF.net! (She has difficulties staying on track sometimes.) Thank you!

Kazle: Updating soon, yes ma'am! Thanks for the positive vote for her little lash-out at Aragorn, I think he needed it too.

MentalMidget008: Someone else who's giving out spoilers! Tsk, tsk! "World's best author" riiiiiiiight. I don't think so, but then your opinion isn't totally unbiased either! That's okay, I know I'm special. Amin mela lle, melamin.

Ushmushmeifa: Oh, there's lots of evilness in this chapter! It's a pleasure to hear from you!

Katakanadian: I didn't get to put in as much of them as I'd like, and I think there will be more in Chapter Twenty. I hope you like it!

To Katakanadian, a longtime friend and reviewer, advocate of hobbits everywhere, thank you for all you have done. This chapter is dedicated to you, but never can it equal the great support you've given me. Again, thank you.

TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE

Chapter Nineteen

{Ohh my aching . . . everything . . .}

{It's about time you got up. So to speak.}

Katie looked (through Meriweather's eyes) around at the bank of the Great River. The back of her skull throbbed in time to her pulse, but that was the least of her concerns. As much as she hated to do it, she admitted to herself that the Sue was getting smarter. No sooner had Aragorn's little stunt (she refused to believe it was her fault) cost her Middle-earth's pleasant reality, then she had found herself in-between, pumped full of tranquilizer darts.

{I need to find a way to top that one,} she muttered hazily to herself. Whatever drug Meriweather had used definitely did nothing for one's muscles or brain. Katie felt like her body was trapped in a painful fog, if that was possible.

{She's up to her no-good Sue-ing again,} her voice put in. {So far you've had one near-kiss with Boromir and a hugfest with Aragorn over a slight misunderstanding.}

{Ai, I'm glad I missed those. Anything else I should worry about?}

{Nah, those are your two biggest problems. But as for in-between, the next time you meet, I know of a few lovely little devices called the Iron Maiden and the Rack. Just in case.}

{I might take you up on that. Actually, on second thought, I think that machine from "The Princess Bride" that sucks years of life away might be nice . . .}

Katie looked around warily, trying to gauge the current point of the story. The silver-gray waters of the Anduin lapped gently at the bank and she saw Legolas and Gimli storing their belongings in their boat. Both favored her with stares that were somewhere between pitying and despairing, but she didn't have time to dwell on them as a hand suddenly descended on her shoulder. A sneaking suspicion told her it was Aragorn, and a glance proved her right. Her voice attempted to distract her.

{A few other things too. Galadriel's already given the Fellowship their gifts, well, Frodo anyway. Check out your cloak when you get the chance. It looks like our Sue's author hasn't seen the extended DVD yet, otherwise she'd know that everybody else gets gifts too.}

{She didn't give Meriweather anything, did she? Like a love potion or something like that? Tell me she didn't!}

{Well . . . it's only a promise.}

{What *kind* of promise?} Katie demanded acidly. Aragorn's hand on her shoulder was a blatant reminder that she didn't need any *more* promises/encouragements/anything-to-make-the-story-sappier favors.

{Something to the effect of 'Live and love long,' I do believe.}

{Okay, let's rewind and freeze here! That *definitely* doesn't sound good in terms of the not-marrying-Aragorn-thing. Second, who does the author think Galadriel *is*? A genie that foretells the future?}

{Something like that.}

{You know, *you* are absolutely no help whatsoever.}

{Well, I wasn't finished not being a help. There's something else you might need to know about.}

Katie's conversation was distracted by the sudden appearance of a blond man, dressed for travel. He was helping Boromir load the boats, laughing and joking with the older man. He was dressed all in forest green, right down to his boots, tunic drawn tight across muscular shoulders that definitely placed him in the species category of Man. While his looks could never compare to Glorfindel, aside from that he was good-looking at first glance. At second, Katie blinked mentally. It couldn't be who she thought it was. And . . . was that a staff in his hand?

She suddenly had a not-so-wonderful feeling about what her voice was going to tell her.

{Who is *that*?}

Her voice sounded a little hesitant to produce the information, {Uh . . . that would be Temnaur . . .}

{And *who* is *he*?}

{Uh . . . Gandalf's replacement . . .}

{What?}

{Well, you're certainly taking this better than I thought you would--}

{*What?*}

{Then again . . .}

{*WHAT?!*} Katie fairly roared. {What is *with* this author?! Doesn't she know that Gandalf comes back? How about the fact that there are only *five* Istari? And nowhere is there a *green* one listed! And what about them being old?! And while we're busy ripping the canon to shreds, stomping and spitting on it, *why does he look like my BOYFRIEND?!*} Needless to say, her foggy head had cleared somewhat, though the lump she had incurred felt like it was going to explode.

{Do you know of anybody else that can quote all of Gandalf's spells?}

{There's got to be somebody . . . *HOLD IT.* Are you implying that guy over there is a . . . a . . .}

{Marty Sam? Uh huh.}

{Do you mean to tell me she's trapped another Tolkien fan? Brian? *My* Brian?}

{It's easier for her to pull people close to you, because her Marty Sam template is likely her own boyfriend. Wanna bet she'll get some of her friends in on it next?}

That raised a whole other round of questions that Katie did not have time to answer, and her blood positively boiled as she looked at Temnaur/Brian helping Frodo into a boat. Revenge might be a dish best served cold, but Katie would take it any way she could get it. However, her voice's implication cut her line of thinking short.

{Please, please, *please* don't imply anything! I don't want to think about it. Brian being here is bad enough. I was actually right about something: the mixing of the worlds is getting worse. Man, I hate it when I'm right!}

Katie spared one more glance in Temnaur/Brian's direction, feeling the need to do *something* but at a horrible loss. Not to mention the lack of anything resembling freedom. {I *will* get us out of this, make no mistake,} she vowed.

{Uh oh, more Sue action ahead. Beware steel traps!} her voice warned, and Katie once more tuned herself into Meriweather's sorry state of existence.

{What is that supposed to mean?} she thought to herself, but her voice didn't answer.

Meriweather was following a strange shrieking sound, trailed closely (a bit *too* closely) by Aragorn. The two of them came to a small clearing enclosed by prickly bushes, and there, in the center, was a raccoon caught in what looked to be a miniature steel-jaw trap, something that did not belong in Middle-earth.

{Another stunning piece of Dwarf handiwork, I'm sure,} she commented with so much sarcasm it could have withered the Trees of Valinor.

Meriweather gently freed the creature, which immediately became calm and docile in the Sue's hands. Katie wanted to fling the animal as far away from her as she could, but Meri-Sue would have none of that. Meriweather coaxed Aragorn into binding the raccoon's paw and then carried it back to the four waiting boats.

"It was noble of you to save the poor creature's life," Aragorn said, voice soft.

"I could have done no less," Meriweather smiled at him and then at the raccoon. "What should I name him?"

{Don't tell me she intends to *keep* the nasty little bugger!} Katie cried. {Great. Marvelous. *Just* peachy.}

{It seems that we've got ourselves an animal-lover Sue. Any guesses as to how long that thing will hang around?}

{If you even suggest the idea that it will be the ringbearer at Aragorn and Meriweather's wedding, I will personally rip you outta my head and dismember you.}

{I didn't say a word.}

"Saura'onna," Aragorn was saying thickly, his face contorted in a strange manner. A myriad of emotions seemed to stretch his features out, but quicker than Meriweather had time to notice, the calm mask of insensibility induced by the Sue's author was back in place.

Katie's inner voice dissolved into giggles as Meriweather said, "Saura'onna . . . that's a perfect name. Thank you!"

{What'd I miss?} Katie asked. {What's so funny?}

{Strider . . . Aragorn . . . he-he named the raccoon 'foul creature' in Elvish!} her voice managed to gasp out between mental fits of hysteria. {The author must not have come up with a name yet, but it's too late now!}

{Way to go Strider!} Katie cheered. {At least he hasn't given up fighting,} she reassured herself. {None of us will give up that easily.}

{Don't we know it.}

The four boats were slowly loaded and cast off, Temnaur (Katie could not take her eyes off him) paddling for Frodo and Sam. Legolas and Gimli followed in their own boat, then Boromir with Merry and Pippin. Meriweather brought up the rear with Aragorn close at hand.

{Maybe if the author tries anything, I can tip the boat over.}

{By the looks Legolas is shooting back here, *he* may do it for you, in hopes that you'll hit your head again,} her voice observed. {But the author may still have a bit of control over him. It's hard to tell with him and Gimli.}

{Any idea when the Sue's next blackout attack will be?}

{Nope, but knowing her I'd wager a lot of money that she'll end up fighting alongside Aragorn and manage to get herself wounded--}

{Joy.}

{--and all you'll have to do is wait for your chance.}

Katie was distracted by Aragorn tapping Meriweather's shoulder. He pointed ahead of them, where two colossal figures were rising like specters from the river's mists.

"The Urgoneth," he said almost reverently. "I have waited a long time to see them."

{Argonath. *Argonath.* *ARGONATH!*} Katie fairly screamed. Whatever she was going to do to Meriweather when they were in-between next, she had just doubled the torture level.

{Funny, you're more concerned with pronunciation than the geographical leaps we're taking. I do believe that's Amon Hen and the waterfall ahead.}

{*Don't* get me started,} the girl fumed. {I could go on for days.}

{Somehow I don't doubt it.}

Sure enough, the Fellowship (or what tattered shreds remained of it) pulled up on the gravelly shore and leaped out of the boats. They swiftly set up camp, while Boromir took the opportunity to pull Meriweather aside. The raccoon, Saura'onna, limped after them.

"My lady," he said urgently, "I must warn you that desire and danger lurk here. There's something evil here. Be careful, and keep your eyes open."

"Yes, Boromir," she answered, hands tensing on her gilt-inlaid bow. "I also feel something evil approach. Don't let your guard down."

{Well, look at it this way,} her voice tried to reassure Katie. {At least Meri's author has some decent mechanics of grammar, spelling aside.}

{I don't want to hear it. This is *so* out of canon that I don't even think the Uruk-Hai will show up!} Katie snapped.

{Hey, at least he didn't kiss you.}

Katie didn't deign to respond.

The Fellowship, plus Temnaur, Meriweather, and Saura'onna who was still following the Sue like a little lost puppy, began to venture deeper into the trees, away from their camp. Katie gave up grumbling over the idiocy of leaving the camp unguarded and walking right into danger's open arms.

And then a monstrous shadow fell over her. Meriweather/Katie looked up. The Sue gasped bravely; Katie screamed. It was an Uruk-Hai, but it was somewhere around twelve feet tall. And it looked like someone had gone over its face with a Rototiller, stapling the wounds shut with rusted iron rings. So it was less a real Uruk-Hai and more of a cross between an orc and Lurtz. All that passed through Katie's mind in a millisecond, and by then the Sue had recovered and was on the move.

Meriweather sprang backwards, notching an arrow to her bow and firing all in the same move. The gigantic creature in serious need of a face- replacement dropped like a ton of bricks, her arrow embedded between its eyes.

The forest around Meriweather seemed to explode with similar beasts, all slavering and roaring at her in some unidentifiable language. Soon she was hemmed in on all sides, and her arrows were rapidly depleting. And then the Uruks were too close to use her bow with, so Meriweather dropped it and went for her sword.

{Okay, I thought Uruk-Hai were intelligent, and that they were a *little* smaller . . .!} Katie shrieked as Meriweather ducked a very sharp object of destruction.

Her voice answered with, {*Look out!*}

Something bit into Meriweather/Katie's side, a wicked little dagger coated in some substance that was probably poisonous because that's just how Meriweather would have liked it. Not to mention it burned like fire.

{*Aah!* You cursed, filthy author whose computer should be fried during a lightning storm and your hands electrocuted and burned off!} Katie bit down on a scream of pure agony as Meriweather pulled the dagger out and cast it aside. {What is *with* her torturing me physically and emotionally?!}

Meriweather was driven into a tighter and tighter circle, her vision blurring and her strength leaving her. Katie wasn't doing much better. {I . . . thought Aragorn . . . was supposed to be . . . here.}

{I don't know, but Temnaur's incoming!}

A flash of green blazed through the mass of enemies, felling the foes right and left. The young wizard stood defiantly over the now-crumpled form of Meriweather, sunlight dancing off his rapidly-slashing sword. Temnaur, for all his Marty-Samness, was a lean, green, fightin' machine. His keen blue eyes never wavered as he dealt blow after blow into the horde, who slowly gave back before him.

At last, the wizard had dispatched all the Uruk-Hai that were within immediate threatening distance, and knelt over Meriweather.

"Meriweather, come on, you must get up. Aragorn must look at your wound, because it looks to be poisoned." His earnest blue eyes pled with her, and Katie squelched a momentary thought of Brian trapped somewhere behind them. Oh, the Sue would *pay*.

Temnaur pulled Meriweather to her feet and together the two raced to find the others. Katie attempted to ignore the spasms of pain with each jouncing step and the disquieting feeling of blood soaking through her loaned shirt. Meriweather couldn't kill her, and that was what she clung to, no matter how bad it got.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Frodo! Hide here, quick!" Pippin's stage whisper disrupted the quietness of the temporary reprieve from battle. Sam cowered between the young Took and Merry as all three huddled beneath a fallen log. Distantly, in a corner of Pippin's mind there was a vague feeling of disquiet about something, that the situation was wrong.

Frodo Baggins, pressed desperately against the base of a large tree, shook his head frantically. Merry charged suddenly from his hiding place with a shout of, "No, you can't leave!" The Ringbearer cringed and inched away around the trunk. He could sense them, the Uruk-Hai. They were getting closer.

Pippin had now come into the open. He grabbed Merry's arm and pointed wildly, eyes wide. "Look, there's Meriweather and Temnaur!"

Something in Frodo denied that such a thing should be possible, but it was a tiny voice he could not listen to. Meriweather would help him, she had to be able to. If there was one person he could depend upon not to take the Ring, it was her.

"Merry, Pippin, run! The Uruk-Hai are coming!" Temnaur shouted, one hand keeping Meriweather steady.

"Meriweather!" Frodo stopped short when he saw the dark stain spreading across her side. She looked at him, her lustrous raven hair hanging limply about her face. Then she drew herself up straight.

"Frodo, you must go. I have sensed that it is no longer safe for you to remain with us. You have a better chance at getting away unnoticed than we do. Temnaur and I will try to cover your escape, but you can't waste time. The Uruk-Hai will be here soon."

Sam took that opportunity to dart from where he had been hiding, all but forgotten. "Master Frodo's not going anywhere without me," he stated firmly.

Temnaur nodded. "Both of you go. Hurry! Merry and Pippin will remain behind to help us, won't you?" and he gazed firmly down at the other two hobbits.

"Right," Pippin and Merry chorused, drawing their small swords. "You can count on us!"

Frodo paused, then he ran to Meriweather, who crouched to give him a hug. "I will never forget you," she promised. "Our fate rests with you. Never despair or lose hope. Sam," and it was Sam's turn for a hug, "Keep him safe. Off with both of you now."

As if on cue, dozens of harsh voices rang out as a literal cascade of Uruk- Hai poured down the hill. Meriweather, Temnaur, Merry, and Pippin turned to face them all, swords held defiantly in front of them. None had to look back to know that Frodo and Sam were long gone.