Part 8: Acceptance is the only Answer.

I have returned from Dr. Elanesse. Silly twit was no good whatsoever.

~I am a calm and happy Elf.~

~I can live without Marien. ~

He advised me to stay calm and don't get upset.

~I am a calm and happy Elf.~

~I can live without Marien. ~

That'll be easy.

~*~*~*~

WHY IS LIFE SO CRUEL?!?!?!

WHY DO YOU MOCK ME SO ERU?!?!

WHY MUST I FAIL IN EVERY OPPORTUNITY?!?!?

WHY MUST LEGOLAS THRANDUILLION SURPASS ME ON EVERYTHING I WANT?!?!?

~*~*~*~

~I am a calm and happy Elf.~

~I can live without Marien. ~

~I do NOT need revenge.~

~*~*~*~

The doctor also told me to write poetry to vent my feelings.

Here goes.

I used to have two black eyes.

And went around in a wheelchair.

I'm young free and single,

And I have nice blonde hair.

~Yeah, great idea Doctor.~

____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________

"Ah, Haldir, I see your bruised black eyes have improved much?" he said when I walked into the tent. I had just returned from the meeting with Marien and it was late at night.

"Good evening to you too doctor." I said quietly. "It's been a while since we properly talked."

"Yes, yes. So, mellon nin, what brings you to my tent at this hour of night?"

"I've just been at the Lothlorien welcome feast."

"Ah, I see. Please, sit down. You are here to talk for a reason I presume."

I sat down on a beanbag sort of cushion and explained.

"I need help again doctor."

"It's about HER isn't it." He said immediately.

I paused for a moment.

"Yes."

"You know," he said, sitting down next to me, "it's really not hard to talk to the fairer sex. It's so easy once you find the right opportunity. I am regretful that I did not help you last time you came to me but it really shouldn't be an issue. Find a place and time where the two of you are alone- "

"Doctor!"

"Yes?"

"I have just talked to her."

He paused and stared at me, anticipating my reply.

"I screwed it up entirely doctor." I said by way of explanation.

"Oh." He said, "I thought as much. So you finally found the courage."

"Yes. But the thing is, it was hopeless all along. I was such an idiot! Why did I never consider it?"

"And what is that?"

"SHE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE!!" I burst out, sobbing uncontrollably into my arms. "I feel I like I've had my heart torn out and fed to wolves before my eyes,"

"Aww." He said cooingly, "but you know, heartbreak happens. It's a fact of life. What you need to concentrate on now is not to take it too seriously. You've heard of people who mourned so much they wasted away and died?"

"That's a great help doctor." I replied sarcastically between sobs.

"Please, didn't I tell you to call me Lamalas?"

"Lamalas. It's not so much that than WHO she's in love with."

"Hmm. let me guess. He is someone you hate above all of Eru Iluvatar's creations. He excels you on every aspect pf life. You are in a feud with him and he scorns you greatly. He is higher ranked than you, richer than you, a better fighter than you and better looking."

I stared at him for a moment.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" I cried manically, banging my fists down on the floor, sobbing non-stop. My, he was good at his job.

"Calm down, calm down, Haldir."

" I gave my heart to her. I had my hopes up. My does Eru mock me this way?"

He patted me gently on the back.

"Haldir, you must not take these events to heart. Forget her. Plenty more fish in the sea."

"But no more Angelfish like she."

"Look. Keep a diary/journal/logbook to write down your emotions. If you ever think you can't cope, come to me, I have some surplus horse tranquilliser handy."

"I already keep a diary/journal/logbook. I write down everything there."

"Do you ever write poetry?"

"Rarely."

"Well try it. Poetry is a brilliant form of self-expression. Do not bother with Marien anymore. She is beyond your reach. Write down your emotions and feelings and if you want, show it to me."

"Do you really think I have no chance with Marien?"

" Haldir, it is obvious from what you have told me and your present state that you have no chance with her and probably no chance with women at all."

"It's that bad?"

"Look, like I said, plenty more fish in the sea. You don't need her to be happy. Find someone else."

"But she said that she had not yet plighted her troth to Legolas."

"Haldir, FORGET HER." he said and slapped me on the head.

"Right."

____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________

And so it was that I got over Marien Telemnar, the first woman I gave my heart to, but it was never returned.

Ah, angamandos. What am I talking about?

It's hard trying to forget about her. I can't stop thinking about her now she has rejected me. I don't know if I should hate her inside for what she did to me, but inside I don't want to.

It was my fault I got false hopes up.

I returned to my own camp and lay down on my bed. Glindir, who shared a tent with me, was snoring quietly, murmuring in his sleep. He still had the purple bruise on his chin.

He still isn't talking to me.

I wished I could apologise to him about hitting him but I don't want to wake him up.

I looked back on all that had happened, how in battle, the last of my family died; coming to Rivendell and nearly getting killed by Arwen, yet I don't hate her for it. So much has happened since then.

I've fallen in love and had my heart broken.

I settled down to sleep and tried not to think about carrying big heavy banners, or Marien.

I had a dream where I was writing a poem:

"Love is like a pack of Lembas,

After ten packs you need a drink.

After twenty you feel sick.

After fifty you want to kill yourself."

*

Glindir was right.

I'm a pathetic poet.

~*~*~*~

"Haldir, you're awfully quiet today." Said Elrond when I was marching beside him the next day. He was looking a little green from a bad hangover.

"Yes," I said, "a lot has happened."

"Hmm. You could say that. I'm thinking of quitting alcohol you know?"

"Why ever for?"

"Remember how I fell asleep from drink before the feast had even finished?"

"Yes, but Galadriel did as well, and she didn't even get onto a second glass."

"Yes..well that's mainly because I drugged her. But the thing is, I woke up this morning lying there, kissing my HORSE, Haldir, my horse. The full shame of it. I've never been so embarrassed. I promised myself, this would never happen again."

"Aragorn did that once, kissed his horse. He said he thought it was Arwen."

"Hmmm." He pursed his lips. He obviously had issues with his future son-in- law. "How's my standard, the flag thing?" he said, changing the subject.

I looked up at the banner of Elrond above our heads.

"Pretty well."

I turned to see Nariel look at me strangely. What was her expression? Pity? Acceptance? She gave me a sort of encouraging half smile, then looked away hurriedly. What does this mean?

"Haldir?" said Elrond again.

"My lord?"

"Do you think I've made the right choice?"

"My lord?"

"About Arwen. Do you think what I've done is right? I've been thinking about it for so many years. I could easily cram her into a cage and take her over the sea but instead I've allowed her to be with a Man."

"My lord, let me say. Firstly, this is not your choice but hers. The decision grieves her more than you. And secondly, their love is too great to be destroyed. I would never think there was such a thing but I think that they were destined to be together and nothing you can do will change that fact. Arwen will be happy with him. Is that not enough? If only I could experience such love."

"Perhaps you will someday, Haldir. You have an eternity to do so." He said and we continued marching south in silence, except for the raucous singing behind us, led by a certain Glindir.