"Dude," Lor said, her eyes wide with fascination over an ancient copy of Glamour magazine, "were you aware that wearing a shirt and belt that are the same color is a severe fashion no-no?"

"Of course we were. Where have you been, under a rock or something?" He flipped a page in Cosmo. "Your belt matches your shoes and purse. Your shirt does not. Unless it's either an all-black or all-white ensemble. Not that, you know, I carry a purse or anything," he modified, shifting uncomfortably.

Nearly oblivious to their conversation, I craned my head forward to see what the abnormally perky hairdresser was doing to poor Tish. She seemed to be talking passionately, gesticulating wildly despite the scissors in her hand. Her rather wide girth and nearly constant motion mostly obscured Tish. It looked like there was an awful lot of hair on the tiled floor.

"Oh my gosh. They even have a quiz, so you can test your knowledge of basic fashion rules. Okay. True or false: panty lines are okay as long as you're wearing a skirt."

Carver made a face. "So false!"

"Correct. Next question, also true or false: stiletto heels are best worn with straight-leg pants."

"True."

"Correct again!" Lor squealed. "Leather pants are acceptable in daylight."

"Leather pants are acceptable anytime."

Finally, the Princess of Perk moved. Thank the heavens above. Tish wasn't going skinhead. The blow-dryer was plugged in, and our friend the non-angel was hidden once more.

"Horizontal stripes."

"It really depends. I think if they're narrow enough they can be gotten away with."

"I don't know, Carver, the magazine says they're bad."

"Where?"

"Right here, see? 'Horizontal stripes lend a sausagesque look to even the most sleek and feminine figure.' And it's true. That lady looks like some kind of stripy sausage."

"Excuse me? 'That lady,' I'll have you know, is Tyra Banks, and if you ever call her a 'stripy sausage' again I may have to take action. I think she looks great in that shirt."

"Hmph. Tino, what do you think?"

I turned around. "Huh?"

Both of them emphatically pointed to the picture in question. "Um, I don't really have a problem with horizontal stripes."

"And would you say she looks 'sausagesque?'" Carver pressed.

"No." I turned back around to check on Tish's progress.

"Forgive her, Tyra," Carver cooed. "She doesn't know what she's talking about." And then Tish came. Her new hair reached to her chin and flipped outward dramatically. It was, in short, average-looking. And really bouncy. Tish is not a 'bouncy' person.

"Um," I said, before realizing I had nothing to say.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," she said viciously. "On to Step Two."

I was afraid to ask.