I closed my eyes and lay back on the bed, hugging the pillow to my chest,
faintly listening to Catherine as she rattled on and on about what we had
to do. I let her take my hand and lead me to the hospital, where we had the
tests done and spoke to the police. I walked as if in a dream. I listened
to what the doctor and the police said, and I mechanically responded to
their questions, but my mind wasn't there.
It was like I had built a brick wall in my head, closing myself off from other people and from the awful memories from that day. I felt Catherine holding onto my hand the whole time, periodically squeezing it to reassure me that she was there, that she would always be there.
I heard the police officers say that they were going to head over to my apartment to collect evidence, but it was like listening to the teacher in Charlie Brown. I heard their words, but they held no meaning for me.
"Do you wanna stay at my house tonight?" Catherine asked, bringing me out of my funk.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"The policemen are going to be checking out your apartment for evidence all night. They think you would be better off spending the night elsewhere," she explained. "Would you like to stay with Lindsey and me?"
I stared at her, surprised. Just this morning, we were barely on speaking terms, and now she was inviting me to stay at her place? I shook my head quickly. "I can't do that, Cath. You've done too much for me already today. I'll just find a hotel to stay at. I mean, it's only for a few nights."
"Don't be silly, Sara. You can stay with me. As you said, it's only a few nights." Catherine shifted on her feet and nervously looked away. "Besides, the doctor doesn't think it's a good idea for you to be alone right now," she said softly.
Hot anger flashed through me. "I don't need to be babysat," I snapped indignantly.
Sara, please," Catherine pleaded. "Let me help you. This is what friends are for."
"I felt tears burning under my lids. I turned away quickly, so she wouldn't see the pain in my eyes. And then I nodded. "Okay," I whispered in a small voice.
"Great." Catherine took my arm and led me out to her car. The long ride to her house was filled with awkward, nervous silence. Catherine tried to break the silence by talking about Lindsey, her family, past cases, anything to get Sara's mind off of what had happened.
Finally, Catherine just gave up avoiding the issue and hit it straight on. "What are you gonna tell Grissom?"
"Huh?" I asked, confused by the sudden change of subject. "Why would I have to tell him anything?"
"Well, you're going to need to file for a medical leave of absence, aren't you? If so, you're gonna need to tell him why. And this isn't something you can lie about."
"Who says I have to take a leave of absence? I'll just take tonight off work and then go back tomorrow," I concluded.
"Well, you're gonna need to tell them something. They were there when you called me today, Sara. They know something's wrong, and they're going to be asking questions."
"Well, we'll worry about that when it happens," I replied, exhausted.
"Fine."
They pulled up in front of the house. "Lindsey's staying at my sister's house tonight," Catherine explained as she opened the front door to a piercing silence.
I nodded and stepped into the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?" Catherine asked. "Maybe some tea?"
"Tea would be fine," I absently answered.
As she set about fixing the drinks for us, I wandered into the living room and over to the mantel above the fireplace. I looked at each of the pictures. Eddie, Catherine, and Lindsey in front of their Christmas tree one year; Catherine and her sister; and then some pictures of the team. Grissom, Catherine, Nick and me; Warrick, Grissom, and Catherine; the whole team at a team holiday party a few years ago; Catherine, Nick, Hank and me; Nick, Warrick, Grissom, and - wait!
I went back to the picture with Hank in it. Something about him in the picture made my pulse race and my palms sweat. I felt myself shaking. I could hear Catherine calling me into the kitchen to get my tea, but I tuned her out. I picked the picture up and held it close to my face, my gaze stuck on his eyes. The rich, brown eyes that I had gazed so lovingly into for so many months. And now, those were the same brown eyes that were giving my nightmares.
I felt a lightheadedness wash over me. I felt myself let go of the photograph. I heard the sound of glass breaking against wood, and then my knees went out and I fell to the floor.
It was like I had built a brick wall in my head, closing myself off from other people and from the awful memories from that day. I felt Catherine holding onto my hand the whole time, periodically squeezing it to reassure me that she was there, that she would always be there.
I heard the police officers say that they were going to head over to my apartment to collect evidence, but it was like listening to the teacher in Charlie Brown. I heard their words, but they held no meaning for me.
"Do you wanna stay at my house tonight?" Catherine asked, bringing me out of my funk.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"The policemen are going to be checking out your apartment for evidence all night. They think you would be better off spending the night elsewhere," she explained. "Would you like to stay with Lindsey and me?"
I stared at her, surprised. Just this morning, we were barely on speaking terms, and now she was inviting me to stay at her place? I shook my head quickly. "I can't do that, Cath. You've done too much for me already today. I'll just find a hotel to stay at. I mean, it's only for a few nights."
"Don't be silly, Sara. You can stay with me. As you said, it's only a few nights." Catherine shifted on her feet and nervously looked away. "Besides, the doctor doesn't think it's a good idea for you to be alone right now," she said softly.
Hot anger flashed through me. "I don't need to be babysat," I snapped indignantly.
Sara, please," Catherine pleaded. "Let me help you. This is what friends are for."
"I felt tears burning under my lids. I turned away quickly, so she wouldn't see the pain in my eyes. And then I nodded. "Okay," I whispered in a small voice.
"Great." Catherine took my arm and led me out to her car. The long ride to her house was filled with awkward, nervous silence. Catherine tried to break the silence by talking about Lindsey, her family, past cases, anything to get Sara's mind off of what had happened.
Finally, Catherine just gave up avoiding the issue and hit it straight on. "What are you gonna tell Grissom?"
"Huh?" I asked, confused by the sudden change of subject. "Why would I have to tell him anything?"
"Well, you're going to need to file for a medical leave of absence, aren't you? If so, you're gonna need to tell him why. And this isn't something you can lie about."
"Who says I have to take a leave of absence? I'll just take tonight off work and then go back tomorrow," I concluded.
"Well, you're gonna need to tell them something. They were there when you called me today, Sara. They know something's wrong, and they're going to be asking questions."
"Well, we'll worry about that when it happens," I replied, exhausted.
"Fine."
They pulled up in front of the house. "Lindsey's staying at my sister's house tonight," Catherine explained as she opened the front door to a piercing silence.
I nodded and stepped into the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?" Catherine asked. "Maybe some tea?"
"Tea would be fine," I absently answered.
As she set about fixing the drinks for us, I wandered into the living room and over to the mantel above the fireplace. I looked at each of the pictures. Eddie, Catherine, and Lindsey in front of their Christmas tree one year; Catherine and her sister; and then some pictures of the team. Grissom, Catherine, Nick and me; Warrick, Grissom, and Catherine; the whole team at a team holiday party a few years ago; Catherine, Nick, Hank and me; Nick, Warrick, Grissom, and - wait!
I went back to the picture with Hank in it. Something about him in the picture made my pulse race and my palms sweat. I felt myself shaking. I could hear Catherine calling me into the kitchen to get my tea, but I tuned her out. I picked the picture up and held it close to my face, my gaze stuck on his eyes. The rich, brown eyes that I had gazed so lovingly into for so many months. And now, those were the same brown eyes that were giving my nightmares.
I felt a lightheadedness wash over me. I felt myself let go of the photograph. I heard the sound of glass breaking against wood, and then my knees went out and I fell to the floor.
