13: Feasts and Celebrations, Cruel Intentions and all round Chaos
Everywhere in Minas Tirith there was the sound of rejoicing. It lifted my spirits immensely; despite the fact the Steward was dead (he was Boromir the Obsessive Compulsive Manic Depressant's father; A fine job he did raising the guy.) And my old comrade Theoden was also dead, apparently died defending the gates.
I had a moment's silence in honour of him and our fight together on the Hornburg. He wasn't a bad guy. I enjoyed our short time together.
But Aragorn was all right, and so were the eight remaining Walkers of the fellowship. Except Legolas, who is about to get his come-uppance.
Too long has he plagued my quiet life, and me, and sometimes I want to grab Eru Iluvatar by the collar and ask him if he put Legolas Greenleaf on the fair realm of Arda to destroy me entirely.
But not anymore, soon, he will pay.
~
A few days later, the arrived party were courteously escorted into the official hall where there was a huge welcoming feast lay out. Aragorn and Arwen were seated at the head of the table and Elrond and Galadriel at the other end. Celeborn wasn't too happy about the lord of Imladris seated right between himself and his wife. He also disapproved of the sultry looks Galadriel was giving their son in law, which must have been most unnerving.
I asked Nariel earlier if she would mind if I played a cruel trick on the son of Thranduil. She laughed and said it would be most welcomed.
"It would involve your own father and sister."
She laughed again.
"Then it will do so." She replied.
She must hate Legolas almost as much as me!
*
The nobles were seated at the other end of the massively long table. I was disappointed that I couldn't sit next to Nariel. These past days I realised I dearly enjoyed her company, that she WAS fun like Glindir had said. But I couldn't even sit near Glindir. I hadn't talked to my friends much over the last few days, and I knew what they were saying about Nariel and I.
One of the butlers went around telling us where to sit, according to our importance. I hated it when people did things like that. It was most discriminating.
"Haldir!" I heard a voice, and I nearly buckled where I stood.
It was Legolas Greenleaf.
I turned to face him. It had been a while since I had properly seen or talked to him. He was sat down, dressed in very classy crimson robes. When I saw him previously, he was dressed in the uniform of the wood elves, green and brown tunic and leggings. This formal wear was new to me. I felt a little embarrassed in my red procession robe, now rather worn from travel, though it had been washed once we arrived.
He pointed to a vacant seat beside him. I gulped.
"Now Haldir," he said with a boyish smile, "About that most irresponsible trick I played on you in Rohan: I am very sorry." He didn't look it.
Wow. He was apologising to me. No, don't be fooled. Don't be a fool. Revenge! Remember, revenge.
I gave a forced laugh.
"Do you really think I cared about that little prank?"
"Yes."
I gave another 'h-ha'
"Fear not my friend, I have not taken it to heart too much."
"Oh. Good."
I sat down and he poured me a glass of wine. Remember revenge, I repeated to myself in my head.
Elrond stood up, tapping his wine glass. He proclaimed a short toast to Aragorn and Arwen, wishing them 'Long years of happiness' and then resumed his seat. From where I sat, I could see his eyes were rather glazed, and he hid them from view. Galadriel patted him gently on the back.
Aragorn stood, and spoke some more boring, unnecessary words that I barely heard, and then declared the feast open.
Nobody needed to be told to 'tuck in' twice.
The sight of the many Halfling's appetite almost put me off my food, but after days of eating increasingly stale Lembas, I ate. The food was almost as good as the meals in Rivendell.
"Nice time you had then?" I asked Legolas.
"It was alright. I'm thinking of retiring early though. Returning to Mirkwood afterwards, sorry, Greenwood, keep forgetting about the new name."
At the head of the table, Aragorn and Arwen were toasting each other's health. Legolas stared at them, his plate barely touched. He gave a mournful sigh.
"What's wrong?"
"I care greatly for my friend the Elfstone," he said to me in Sindarin, "and the Evenstar has been my friend for many centuries now, but I greatly fear the day when they shall leave this world."
I took a bite of my chicken.
"Hmm. Yeah. Me too."
"Their love is special, so beautiful. I feel jealous, witnessing such love." He said, still staring at the couple, who were now kissing passionately across the table, the dinner forgotten. (Most people had turned away in shame, but Elrond was sitting directly opposite the two, and feeling very embarrassed and foolish.)
You're jealous because you love Aragorn, prince, but pretty lil' Evenstar got to him first, I thought to myself.
"I will never experience such romance." He sighed.
~It's time to light the dynamite~, I thought, and then wondered where the hell I learnt these weird phrases. I blamed the obvious culprit, Glindir.
"How can you say that?" I said to Legolas, as though shocked.
"Say what?"
"My dear Greenleaf, love is around the corner for you. Have you forgotten already, with the whole quest?"
"Forget what?"
"You have an admirer." I whispered dramatically. Instinctively, he looked around the room, smoothing his hair nervously.
"Whom?"
"Ah, a fair angel, whose heart has been solely devoted to you the moment she set eyes on you."
"You mean I've never MET HER?"
"Of course you've met her!" I said, 'shocked', "Remember? She is fair and free, a wonder of mind and soul. She is fair of face, free of spirit. She is brill . . ."
"Can't be Arwen . . . Nariel?" he said, eyebrows knotted in confusion.
"NO!" I said, more sharply than I expected. I didn't know why that insulted me so much, that there was a possibility he liked Nariel. I relaxed and said:
"She is Marien Telemnar, youngest daughter of Erestor. You love her."
"HER?!" he cried, almost standing up. A few people stared briefly.
"Yes, my prince. She has told me everything, you need not fear. After the quest was over, you two were to be married! Congratulations!" I laughed, amazed at my own brilliant acting skills. This was going better than I imagined.
"Haldir, have you gone mad?!" he cried, straining to keep his voice down, "I am not getting married! I don't even know this girl! I've only seen her once, and that was over 60 years ago!!!"
I gave a pretend cluck of disapproval.
"If that's the way you treat her, I pity you. She showed you true fidelity, she loves you! How can you say these things about her?"
I watched gleefully as his eyes bulged out.
"B-but, whaa . . . what the ****! Haldir, why does she love me?! I don't know her!" he sat back onto his seat in a defeated way.
I stretched my face to resemble something of mild concern.
"You, and Marien? Legolas, do you really not even know her?" I gasped exaggeratedly, "But . . how can she say . . . marriage! What about the wedding?"
"You have obviously been fooled, Haldir. I know not much of this woman, but I hear that she, uh . . ." he made a loopy gesture with his finger around his head.
I forced my face into one of understanding.
"I guess you are right, if you don't even know her. But she DID say about the wedding. Her father had even got the location planned!"
His eyes bulged once more.
"Her father . . ."
I made an expression of shock.
"You knew NOTHING ABOUT IT?!?!"
Obviously, no.
I pretended to join him in his moment of silent panic.
"Right, if I explain to Erestor, about it all being a mistake, then surely, he will believe me!" he said, breathing quickly, "I mean, I never . . . marriage. . . "
I nodded as if concerned.
Several of the Halflings were having a food fight. The dwarf was having a discussion with Eomer of Rohan about Galadriel and Arwen.
"Come now, Elf, why so glum?" he cried merrily, chucking a grape at Legolas.
"Gimli, I have not the time, not the energy." He replied. I nodded behind his back.
"Haldir," he turned to me, I looked sincerely at him, "Help me, you obviously know all about it. Help me out of this."
"Well, you really got yourself into it."
"Oh, what will I do? I don't want to be married! Especially not to HER. Erestor will never let me off if he's already planned the whole thing!"
"You know, she is quite pretty."
He put his face in his hands. No one else noticed him.
Around me, the food fight was becoming a pitched battle. There was not an intact plate of food left that had not been thrown, vomited up or devoured.
Gimli and Eomer were having a fight about who was the prettiest, and they weren't talking about Galadriel or Arwen anymore.
The hobbits had also had a beauty competition, and all were very angry when Sam of all people won.
Down the other end of the table, Celeborn had finally confronted Elrond, accusing him of adultery with his wife, who promptly slapped him on the face.
Arwen and Aragorn had taken their 'love expressing' very seriously, and had the dignity to take it to a private room. They slipped out unnoticed by nearly all.
In simple terms, the feast was chaos. I could not hear myself with all the noise.
I led Legolas into the quieter corridor and exacted the second stage.
"You must explain to Erestor."
"What?"
"Explain to him. It will be futile talking to Marien about anything. Explain to Erestor, and if you convince HIM, all will be well. He is the big cheese, who makes all the decisions. If he believes you, you'll be off the hook."
He nodded silently. He seemed to be shivering from fright and I wondered if I had gone too far with the prank. I was toying with so many people's feelings.
Nah, he was overreacting anyway. If I were in his shoes, I'd snatch up the opportunity right away. I wondered for a moment why he didn't.
Nah.
"I will go immediately. But I'll have to think of what to say first." He managed to get out. "Marriage to a person I don't even know . . ."
"Then I shall leave you in peace." I said, leaving.
~*~__________________________________________________________~*~
"Master Erestor!" I called down the empty hallway after him.
"What is it Haldir?" came the lazy reply. Honestly, you'd think he didn't like me or something.
"Erm, it's a rather delicate matter, can I speak to you in private?"
He sighed, but consented, waving away the people around him. Once we were alone, I set about phase three.
"Legolas Thranduillion loves Marien." I said abruptly.
Of all the things he'd expected, it was not that. He choked and I patted him on the back. He sounded like he'd just inhaled his own teeth.
"Marien? Greenleaf?!" he croaked.
I nodded sincerely.
"He . . . er . . . is planning to ask you for her hand in marriage." I added innocently.
More choking.
"Marriage?!" he cried, his face red from shock, "That's, that's . . . wonderful!!!"
I was relieved. This was exactly what I was expecting.
"But the thing is, my good sir, he . . . er . . . is a bit shy."
"Shy?" he said, recovering slightly.
"Yes, actually, very shy. He is going to confront you on this matter tonight, but knowing him, he will probably choke on his own words before he can get them out."
"Ah."
"That's why I came to pre-warn you. If he says anything wrong or out of the ordinary, please don't hold it against him because he has a true heart and he truly loves Marien."
"Well, I can hardly object. It's high time Marien found herself a husband, and I'm overjoyed that there is someone so suitable. Don't worry; I won't let him embarrass himself. He needn't say a word. He's the prince of Greenwood the Great! I think she will definitely agree to this match."
~Oh SHE will, but HE won't. ~
"But Nariel," he continued, shaking his head, "I don't think she'll ever find anyone. It seems to her that no one is good enough. I am planning to suggest to her one of the sons of Elrond, but I have little hope."
"You ARE?!" I said, wondering why I was so panicky about this subject.
"Yes." He put his hand on my shoulder, "Thank you for this information. You have been a great help."
And then he left.
I only hope I can see the look on Greenleaf's face when he realises he is a Dead-leaf, a dead-married-leaf.
Everywhere in Minas Tirith there was the sound of rejoicing. It lifted my spirits immensely; despite the fact the Steward was dead (he was Boromir the Obsessive Compulsive Manic Depressant's father; A fine job he did raising the guy.) And my old comrade Theoden was also dead, apparently died defending the gates.
I had a moment's silence in honour of him and our fight together on the Hornburg. He wasn't a bad guy. I enjoyed our short time together.
But Aragorn was all right, and so were the eight remaining Walkers of the fellowship. Except Legolas, who is about to get his come-uppance.
Too long has he plagued my quiet life, and me, and sometimes I want to grab Eru Iluvatar by the collar and ask him if he put Legolas Greenleaf on the fair realm of Arda to destroy me entirely.
But not anymore, soon, he will pay.
~
A few days later, the arrived party were courteously escorted into the official hall where there was a huge welcoming feast lay out. Aragorn and Arwen were seated at the head of the table and Elrond and Galadriel at the other end. Celeborn wasn't too happy about the lord of Imladris seated right between himself and his wife. He also disapproved of the sultry looks Galadriel was giving their son in law, which must have been most unnerving.
I asked Nariel earlier if she would mind if I played a cruel trick on the son of Thranduil. She laughed and said it would be most welcomed.
"It would involve your own father and sister."
She laughed again.
"Then it will do so." She replied.
She must hate Legolas almost as much as me!
*
The nobles were seated at the other end of the massively long table. I was disappointed that I couldn't sit next to Nariel. These past days I realised I dearly enjoyed her company, that she WAS fun like Glindir had said. But I couldn't even sit near Glindir. I hadn't talked to my friends much over the last few days, and I knew what they were saying about Nariel and I.
One of the butlers went around telling us where to sit, according to our importance. I hated it when people did things like that. It was most discriminating.
"Haldir!" I heard a voice, and I nearly buckled where I stood.
It was Legolas Greenleaf.
I turned to face him. It had been a while since I had properly seen or talked to him. He was sat down, dressed in very classy crimson robes. When I saw him previously, he was dressed in the uniform of the wood elves, green and brown tunic and leggings. This formal wear was new to me. I felt a little embarrassed in my red procession robe, now rather worn from travel, though it had been washed once we arrived.
He pointed to a vacant seat beside him. I gulped.
"Now Haldir," he said with a boyish smile, "About that most irresponsible trick I played on you in Rohan: I am very sorry." He didn't look it.
Wow. He was apologising to me. No, don't be fooled. Don't be a fool. Revenge! Remember, revenge.
I gave a forced laugh.
"Do you really think I cared about that little prank?"
"Yes."
I gave another 'h-ha'
"Fear not my friend, I have not taken it to heart too much."
"Oh. Good."
I sat down and he poured me a glass of wine. Remember revenge, I repeated to myself in my head.
Elrond stood up, tapping his wine glass. He proclaimed a short toast to Aragorn and Arwen, wishing them 'Long years of happiness' and then resumed his seat. From where I sat, I could see his eyes were rather glazed, and he hid them from view. Galadriel patted him gently on the back.
Aragorn stood, and spoke some more boring, unnecessary words that I barely heard, and then declared the feast open.
Nobody needed to be told to 'tuck in' twice.
The sight of the many Halfling's appetite almost put me off my food, but after days of eating increasingly stale Lembas, I ate. The food was almost as good as the meals in Rivendell.
"Nice time you had then?" I asked Legolas.
"It was alright. I'm thinking of retiring early though. Returning to Mirkwood afterwards, sorry, Greenwood, keep forgetting about the new name."
At the head of the table, Aragorn and Arwen were toasting each other's health. Legolas stared at them, his plate barely touched. He gave a mournful sigh.
"What's wrong?"
"I care greatly for my friend the Elfstone," he said to me in Sindarin, "and the Evenstar has been my friend for many centuries now, but I greatly fear the day when they shall leave this world."
I took a bite of my chicken.
"Hmm. Yeah. Me too."
"Their love is special, so beautiful. I feel jealous, witnessing such love." He said, still staring at the couple, who were now kissing passionately across the table, the dinner forgotten. (Most people had turned away in shame, but Elrond was sitting directly opposite the two, and feeling very embarrassed and foolish.)
You're jealous because you love Aragorn, prince, but pretty lil' Evenstar got to him first, I thought to myself.
"I will never experience such romance." He sighed.
~It's time to light the dynamite~, I thought, and then wondered where the hell I learnt these weird phrases. I blamed the obvious culprit, Glindir.
"How can you say that?" I said to Legolas, as though shocked.
"Say what?"
"My dear Greenleaf, love is around the corner for you. Have you forgotten already, with the whole quest?"
"Forget what?"
"You have an admirer." I whispered dramatically. Instinctively, he looked around the room, smoothing his hair nervously.
"Whom?"
"Ah, a fair angel, whose heart has been solely devoted to you the moment she set eyes on you."
"You mean I've never MET HER?"
"Of course you've met her!" I said, 'shocked', "Remember? She is fair and free, a wonder of mind and soul. She is fair of face, free of spirit. She is brill . . ."
"Can't be Arwen . . . Nariel?" he said, eyebrows knotted in confusion.
"NO!" I said, more sharply than I expected. I didn't know why that insulted me so much, that there was a possibility he liked Nariel. I relaxed and said:
"She is Marien Telemnar, youngest daughter of Erestor. You love her."
"HER?!" he cried, almost standing up. A few people stared briefly.
"Yes, my prince. She has told me everything, you need not fear. After the quest was over, you two were to be married! Congratulations!" I laughed, amazed at my own brilliant acting skills. This was going better than I imagined.
"Haldir, have you gone mad?!" he cried, straining to keep his voice down, "I am not getting married! I don't even know this girl! I've only seen her once, and that was over 60 years ago!!!"
I gave a pretend cluck of disapproval.
"If that's the way you treat her, I pity you. She showed you true fidelity, she loves you! How can you say these things about her?"
I watched gleefully as his eyes bulged out.
"B-but, whaa . . . what the ****! Haldir, why does she love me?! I don't know her!" he sat back onto his seat in a defeated way.
I stretched my face to resemble something of mild concern.
"You, and Marien? Legolas, do you really not even know her?" I gasped exaggeratedly, "But . . how can she say . . . marriage! What about the wedding?"
"You have obviously been fooled, Haldir. I know not much of this woman, but I hear that she, uh . . ." he made a loopy gesture with his finger around his head.
I forced my face into one of understanding.
"I guess you are right, if you don't even know her. But she DID say about the wedding. Her father had even got the location planned!"
His eyes bulged once more.
"Her father . . ."
I made an expression of shock.
"You knew NOTHING ABOUT IT?!?!"
Obviously, no.
I pretended to join him in his moment of silent panic.
"Right, if I explain to Erestor, about it all being a mistake, then surely, he will believe me!" he said, breathing quickly, "I mean, I never . . . marriage. . . "
I nodded as if concerned.
Several of the Halflings were having a food fight. The dwarf was having a discussion with Eomer of Rohan about Galadriel and Arwen.
"Come now, Elf, why so glum?" he cried merrily, chucking a grape at Legolas.
"Gimli, I have not the time, not the energy." He replied. I nodded behind his back.
"Haldir," he turned to me, I looked sincerely at him, "Help me, you obviously know all about it. Help me out of this."
"Well, you really got yourself into it."
"Oh, what will I do? I don't want to be married! Especially not to HER. Erestor will never let me off if he's already planned the whole thing!"
"You know, she is quite pretty."
He put his face in his hands. No one else noticed him.
Around me, the food fight was becoming a pitched battle. There was not an intact plate of food left that had not been thrown, vomited up or devoured.
Gimli and Eomer were having a fight about who was the prettiest, and they weren't talking about Galadriel or Arwen anymore.
The hobbits had also had a beauty competition, and all were very angry when Sam of all people won.
Down the other end of the table, Celeborn had finally confronted Elrond, accusing him of adultery with his wife, who promptly slapped him on the face.
Arwen and Aragorn had taken their 'love expressing' very seriously, and had the dignity to take it to a private room. They slipped out unnoticed by nearly all.
In simple terms, the feast was chaos. I could not hear myself with all the noise.
I led Legolas into the quieter corridor and exacted the second stage.
"You must explain to Erestor."
"What?"
"Explain to him. It will be futile talking to Marien about anything. Explain to Erestor, and if you convince HIM, all will be well. He is the big cheese, who makes all the decisions. If he believes you, you'll be off the hook."
He nodded silently. He seemed to be shivering from fright and I wondered if I had gone too far with the prank. I was toying with so many people's feelings.
Nah, he was overreacting anyway. If I were in his shoes, I'd snatch up the opportunity right away. I wondered for a moment why he didn't.
Nah.
"I will go immediately. But I'll have to think of what to say first." He managed to get out. "Marriage to a person I don't even know . . ."
"Then I shall leave you in peace." I said, leaving.
~*~__________________________________________________________~*~
"Master Erestor!" I called down the empty hallway after him.
"What is it Haldir?" came the lazy reply. Honestly, you'd think he didn't like me or something.
"Erm, it's a rather delicate matter, can I speak to you in private?"
He sighed, but consented, waving away the people around him. Once we were alone, I set about phase three.
"Legolas Thranduillion loves Marien." I said abruptly.
Of all the things he'd expected, it was not that. He choked and I patted him on the back. He sounded like he'd just inhaled his own teeth.
"Marien? Greenleaf?!" he croaked.
I nodded sincerely.
"He . . . er . . . is planning to ask you for her hand in marriage." I added innocently.
More choking.
"Marriage?!" he cried, his face red from shock, "That's, that's . . . wonderful!!!"
I was relieved. This was exactly what I was expecting.
"But the thing is, my good sir, he . . . er . . . is a bit shy."
"Shy?" he said, recovering slightly.
"Yes, actually, very shy. He is going to confront you on this matter tonight, but knowing him, he will probably choke on his own words before he can get them out."
"Ah."
"That's why I came to pre-warn you. If he says anything wrong or out of the ordinary, please don't hold it against him because he has a true heart and he truly loves Marien."
"Well, I can hardly object. It's high time Marien found herself a husband, and I'm overjoyed that there is someone so suitable. Don't worry; I won't let him embarrass himself. He needn't say a word. He's the prince of Greenwood the Great! I think she will definitely agree to this match."
~Oh SHE will, but HE won't. ~
"But Nariel," he continued, shaking his head, "I don't think she'll ever find anyone. It seems to her that no one is good enough. I am planning to suggest to her one of the sons of Elrond, but I have little hope."
"You ARE?!" I said, wondering why I was so panicky about this subject.
"Yes." He put his hand on my shoulder, "Thank you for this information. You have been a great help."
And then he left.
I only hope I can see the look on Greenleaf's face when he realises he is a Dead-leaf, a dead-married-leaf.
