Once upon a Time

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me...it never did.


To the contrary of the sad path that this fic is taking, this chap goes through some happy memories before their death, so it's kinda happy, but bittersweet too...I won't give it away! ^_^ Please r&r what you think about it!


I think a thank you to all my reviewers is wayyyyyyy overdue! So THANK YOU!! Here's a reply to everyone that reviewed last chapter:

" "- it almost made you cry! Wow...thanx for the compliment!


Wings of Fire- I luv the word spiffy! Thanx!


FlameSolo- hehehe...I would say Merry Christmas and....but it's over already! Thanx for the review!


Time Warp- lol. I did make up that story that Yamazaki told ^_^


Megami No Hikari - You're too kind!


Kalyani- I loved your review! It was so thoughtful, & tried to do some of the things that you advised me to do like to broaden the characters' vocabulary...u should read my other storie on fictionpress.net...they use BIG words...hehehe. Yea, I'll try to cut out some of the overused metaphors...I have new ones in this story...I guess I was kind of just writing, and not really thinking about what came out, much less realizing it...thanx for the tips!


silverg3r- so that's what that word was! You know how it is when you know that you know something, but you really don't and it bothers you for the rest of the day(s)? That's what that word was with me. Thanx for informing me & saving me from fumbling w/words until I found it!


peach-bear- Girl, you're so sweet & awesome! I love all your reviews! Are you still writing CCS fanfiction?


Pnaixr0se8- Thanx! I'm glad that you like the plot!


Winged Guardian- okay, I'm updating, so don't swing that sword at me! ^_^


WezL- thanks!


Kawaii-CherryWolf - awww thanks! Be careful when u get up, so that you don't fall in the pool of tears and trip ^_^ Tripping is very painful indeed ^.^



Please r&r! Btw, most of this chappie is a flashback....


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Chapter 5

Sakura had a dream that night. It left shivers and sweat on her forehead, and made her feel empty and hot, like she had a fever. Surprisingly, the dream was not a nightmare about her family. In the dream, there were no car crashes or sirens, no pile of rubble nor high-pitched shrills in the night air. There weren't any ambulances nor law enforcement cars to stop traffic or write up citations and contact relatives. No cell phones going off at odd intervals, and no men and women in uniforms talking in walkie-talkies.

But in a sense, it was much worse.

The dream started off well enough. She was walking home from school with Tomoyo, having normal conversation. Nothing about ax murderers or death, which was very good. As soon as they got to Tomoyo's house, that's when it started. Even from the bottom of the grand staircase, she could smell the metallic scent of blood and decay. It littered the air, contaminating her eyes and making them water from the stench. Tomoyo and her rushed up the stairs, yanking open the door. And then Sakura's heart promptly burst into tiny pieces.

Syaoran lay on the floor, blood pouring from his wounds and collecting in a developing puddle of red liquid. His amber eyes, always so cold and yet warm, were shut. If one disregarded the growing pool of blood, and the fact that he wasn't breathing anymore, Syoaran would seem asleep and peaceful. And yet, never would he sleep again, because he was drowning in his own small lake of blood, and insignificant detail that he was dead.

In her nightmare, it all came in slow motion. Sakura ran forward, somehow eluding Tomoyo's arms to hold her back. She plopped down next to Syaoran, heedless to Tomoyo's screams. Hot liquid flew down her cheeks, falling into her mouth and making her throat constrict until she was choking on her tears. There was so much blood, and it was just like the death of her otou-san and onii-chan.

Everyone's leaving me...

Sakura grabbed onto Syaoran's arm, shaking it violently.

"Wake up! Please! Kami-sama, I can't live without you...not you too!" Don't take him away from me too!

It wasn't fair. Even in death, Syaoran wore that infuriating expression of his: somewhere between coldness and kindness. Death made him calm, and his brown hair was still tousled and messy, even in death. Sakura stared at him awhile, whilst holding his hands, which were frigid with death. The shock still hadn't hit her yet, and she sat there for several minutes, or maybe it was hours? For it seemed an eternity that Sakura stared at Syaoran, imagining the warm amber of his eyes when he woke up. He would tell her to stop moping about and wash her face. Then he would drag her to his medicine cabinet and care for the wounds on her knee that she got from falling down the stairs that morning. And maybe, if she was lucky, he would smile at her. Not one of his fake or cruel smiles, but a real smile that made butterflies spin, performing aerobics and rhythmic gymnastics in her stomach.

Tears continued falling helter-skelter.

He was too handsome for death. She traced his jaw, which was chiseled to perfection, drops descending on his face. In her eyes, he was perfect. Everything about him. The way he comforted her, despite the coldness he got in return. She loved the way he tried to make her feel better whilst she would just stare off into space and feel sorry for herself and her family. She loved the way he got mad at her when she did stupid things like try to jump off bridges. She loved the way he cooked for her, the way he would make her eat when she would rather starve than live. She loved the way he would shoot her glares when she said she was a vegetarian when she really wasn't to get out of eating dumplings and surviving. Making excuses not to eat, he would puzzle out ways circle around them. She loved the way he would chop vegetables for her and make tofu for her despite her protests. She loved the way he humored her. Ever since her brother and father died, she'd done nothing but cry and wallow in self-pity. Sakura loved the way he was there for her, never overly kind, never too stern. He kept her in check. She loved the way he looked at her, and how in the pits of her tummy various birds would romp about.

But most of all, she loved the way he was only one person that he could possible be: Syaoran.

Sakura found herself leaning forward, auburn hair falling down from it's hasty half-bun. Soft brown hair unraveled from their ribbons, until they sank over Syaoran's still form, some fibers catching on his clothes, others dipping in the blood that scattered over the carpet. Almost like she was drawn to him by a magnetic pull, she bent down to brush her lips with his, but then she woke up.

Just like before, their lips never met. Sakura tasted nothing but air.

An awful headache clobbered her the instant her eyes popped open. Shafts of sunlight filtered through the room, the world rejoicing in orange and blue. She was shaking visibly, not tiny shivers, but great, wracking sobs that tore at her heart and made tears flow down every crevice of her face. Visions of Syaoran's empty body kept swimming before her consciousness, and it was a struggle not to cry out into the night.

Sakura crept out of bed, tugging her pink nightgown around her body to prevent the cold from seeping into her bones. She was still staying at Tomoyo's mansion, and she'd even persuaded Tomoyo to sleep in her own room, as opposed to keeping an all-night vigil to make sure Sakura didn't discover any windows to hurl herself off of. Sakura could tell that Tomoyo and Syaoran were watching her closer now. They were still suspicious that Sakura would find a great fantasy in which the martyr was one that died after leaping off a cliff into the sea. Sakura didn't have to remind then that the sea was miles away, leagues even, but they were still wary.

She dashed to the guest rooms adjacent to her's, knocking open the door. She gasped, nearly puncturing a blood vessel in panic when she saw that Syaoran wasn't there. Then she recalled that Tomoyo had ordered him to go home and get some much-needed sleep.

So he was gone for now. Sakura wandered around his room for awhile. It was spotless for the most part; he'd taken everything home. Except for a picture frame, and a random scarf that might have been his, or another guest's a long time ago.

The picture had been taken on the beach so long ago, in the morning. Syaoran had his arm around her and they were eating ice cream

Sakura fingered the frame, taking in the picture whilst a soft smile played on her lips. It was one of those pictures that made the Kodak quote "one picture is worth a thousand words" true. The type of picture that preserves everything, a memory engraved forever more in stone or crystal that would last years and years later, still giving off the same emotions. Tomoyo was in one of her crazy moods that day, only instead of using video-cameras, she switched to plain old-fashioned cameras. Thus resulted the picture. For once, Sakura was glad that she had a best friend that enjoyed preserving the memory of everything.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a scene from sometime a few months ago, in the last few weeks of her sophomore year in high school.

Everyone was on the beach that day. The sun wasn't exactly shining though. There had been a storm the previous night, and clouds that were neither pure white nor dark were strewn over the horizon, throwing shadows on the sand. Usually, during the months of May and June, the sand was scorching hot, and made Sakura dance up and down on the rocks to keep her feet from burning up. Instead, with the storm and overcast sky, the sand was cool as it she dug her feet further into the sleek grains. She remembered pulling Syaoran behind her, or rather yanking him behind her to show him an alcove at the other end of the beach. As usual, he was grumbling and looking none-to-happy to be pulled by a girl halfway across the coast.

"Come on Syaoran!" she had insisted. "You're lagging behind!"

"Ow!" he muttered. "Will you please let go, or at least not tug so hard?! Sheesh."

They reached the cave. Sakura walked inside, dropping Syaoran's hand. She proceeded on a little ahead of him, and this time Syaoran grabbed her arm.

"Be careful," he cautioned. "These rocks aren't too stable. You could fall and break your legs or arms, maybe both."

"Whatever," Sakura rolled her eyes good-naturedly. She tottered off farther, breaking from his grasp.

Syaoran clasped her arm again, a little firmer.

"You dragged me here, so we're going to do this thing right way," he said sternly. He pointed to the rocks on the left, which were haggard and sharp, the edges glinting roughly in the dull sun. "It rained yesterday, so everything's damp, which increases the probability that you'll fall. Plus, if you look over there," he indicated a line of loose stones ahead them,"those rocks are a lot less secure than they look."

Sakura smiled. She could see Syaoran's as the world's best babysitter, taking all the harmful chemicals and allergens from accessible cabinets to hide them from babies and small children. But she wasn't a baby, and a slight frown grazed her lips.

"You don't have to treat me like an imbecile, Syaoran, I know."

In true clumsy-girl fashion, Sakura pulled away from him, padding off on her own. She was fine for all of a few seconds, before a rock decided to block her path and she tripped over it. She would have landed with a mouthful of dirt in her mouth, but Syaoran's hand shot out to grab her.

He just stared at her, eyebrows raised, without saying "I told you so." He sighed, muttering, "What am I going to do with you?"

Sakura grinned, linking her arm with Syaoran's.

"Maybe you're right," she declared. "Thank you."

"She says maybe I'm right," he mumbled, glaring at her.

"Okay, so you are right. Are you satisfied now? I'll be careful."

And Sakura was off again, prodding him behind her without giving him the opportunity to answer. They spent the day together, entering the cave and exploring the ancient monuments. Sakura could almost swear that one of the walls had hieroglyphics on it, though she wasn't sure because she had never seen hieroglyphics before. Syaoran shook his head, insisting on the fact that Egyptians belonged in Africa, along the Nile River, not in Japan. Sakura begged to the contrary, pressing that it had to be hieroglyphics, because what else could it be? Syaoran narrowed his eyes and said if it was Egyptians, it could be the Mesopotamians, or Confuscianists, or even aliens for that matter. The carvings on the wall were vague, and told of a story of birth and death in primitive pictures.

Sakura didn't really understand it, and after tilting her head and looking at it from various angles (even standing on her head), she still couldn't comprehend them. So Syaoran took her hand, tracing each figure on the cave walls, explaining what each picture meant.

Where Syaoran touched her, tingles shot up her arm, making her feel happy and light-headed. It seemed that Syaoran had that effect on her lately, like she could smile goofily all day.

"You're so smart, Syaoran-kun!" Sakura exclaimed. "I wish I could be smart like you."

"You are," he replied instantly.

"No, not really," she ran her palm over the face of the cave, marveling at the streaks of color. The rock was cool to her touch, and she could smell the dew from the raindrops. "I know that you're saying that to be nice, and I want you to know that I do appreciate it."

"I think that you are smart," Syaoran persisted. "Plus, there are a lot of other important things in life."

"Like what?"

"Kindness, cheerfulness, the ability to always look up to the sky, as opposed to the ground below no matter the difficulty. All traits that you possess."

She laughed at that. "I think that you're delusional."

Syaoran sighed. "Here, let me show you something." Hand in hand, they walked to the edge of the alcove, near the cliff but far enough not to tumble down. In the story books, the sky was always pure blue, and any clouds, usually only two or three, were white in large billowy puffs. Not a vestige of blackness would line the horizon.

It was the opposite of that.

There were tons of clouds on the horizon, all different shades of white and gray, and the sky was closer to black than blue. The wind decided to have a who's-the-strongest-blower contest, and gales were heaving and turning up winds everywhere, the waves crashing up on the beach tempestuously.

Syaoran took Sakura's hand, pointing to an awkward-looking cloud. It was one of those clouds that people saw 10 million shapes in, depending on the perspective.

"What do you think it is?"

"Hmmm..." she scrunched up her face. "From this side, it appears to be some sort of horse-or maybe a bottle?"

Syaoran sweatdropped. "Really?"

"Nah.

"Maybe a squirrel. That flip right there, it looks almost like-

"A tooth?"

"No-

"An ear?"

"What? I was going to say a tail, but I suppose it could be that too."

"I don't know," Sakura shook her head. "It looks too broad to be a tail."

"But it can be a tooth?" Syaoran countered.

"Anything's feasible."

Syaoran looked like he clearly couldn't fathom it. "But a tooth? How is that possible?"

"Then a bat?"

"Bats have hair?" he commented skeptically.

"Oh...is that what that is! I thought it was a pony."

"Slow down. A bat coming out from a pony?"

"No silly. A pony protruding from the bat."

"Oh, well how could I have missed that!" Syaoran rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to talk to me like that," Sakura pouted. "If you don't believe it, just say so!"

"Mmmmmmm..."

"What? What does "mmmmm" mean?"

"Mmmmmmmmm...."

"Syaoran-kun! What does that mean!"

"Mmmmmmmm..." he repeated.

Sakura frowned. "Are you okay, Syaoran-kun? Have you forgotten how to talk? I think you have a malady."She reached for his forehead, checking his temperature like her father did whenever he thought she was sick. He seemed fine enough; his forehead wasn't too hot.

"Is that a new shampoo? Your hair smells nice."

She squinted. "Are you okay, Syaoran-kun?"

"It smells like cherries."

"Cherries? You've never said that before, Syaoran-kun." She gasped when a wave of knowledge exploded into her mind. "I know what you have! I saw it on tv once. It was a documentary about spontaneous combustion and insects. There's an internal bug in your body, eating your brain!"

"Sakura?"

"Syaoran-kun! This is horrible!" She was squeezing Syaoran's hand a little too hard, pacing around with one hand behind her back. "What are we going to do!"

"What?"

"I don't know! That's what I'm asking you!"

"Huh?"

"What are we going to do about the bug in your brain?"

"Mmmmh? What bug?"

"The bug in your brain feeding on your smartness! Quick! One plus one is-"

"What the hell are you talking about? What bug in my brain?"

"Don't panic!" She was practically pacing holes in the dirt. "Think! Think!"

"You watch too much tv."

"What did the documentary say? Something about-

"Will you calm down? I do not have a bug in my brain."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm absolutely sure that there is no bug in my brain."

"Then why did you say that my hair smelled nice?" she demanded.

"Duh. 'Cause it does."

"Really?"

"That's what I said, didn't I?"

"Well...if you're serious... then thank you Syaoran-kun." She was still dubious, tilting her head at him like she still couldn't believe it. "It's just...you've never told me that before."

"Hmmmm...Maybe I should."

"I like your hair too, Syaoran-kun!" she pipped up.

He constricted his eyes. "You're just saying that because I said that your hair smelled nice."

"You're wrong. I really do like your hair." She stepped closer to him so that she could catch the scent of his brown hair, a darker shade than hers. "It smells like trees, and...coffee. No wait....that's my necklace that smells like coffee because I dropped it in onii-chan's coffee cup this morning."

Syaoran sweat-dropped.

"But I still think that the cloud looks like a pony and a bat!" Sakura affirmed.

They both looked up, trying to decipher once and for all the exact formation of the cloud. But everytime they saw the cloud, it shifted, changing shape to fit their imaginations. So they stood there, watching the sky that wasn't too blue, and the clouds that weren't especially white. But to Sakura, she wouldn't have cared if they were standing on a bursting volcano, and around their feet bubbles of molten lava were popping and sliding down the earth. Of course, it would probably be painful in the morning, but Sakura could deal with it, as long as Syaoran was with her. It was something about the moment, something piquant and vibrant, too beautiful to express in simple words. She allowed a smile to escape from her lips. If she could have stayed like this, with Syaoran next to her, breathing the same air, she would die a happy woman.

Syaoran watched her from the corner of his eye, observing the smile that passed over the calm features. She was beautiful, with her brow creased in perplexed concentration, like it got whenever she was contemplating something. Sakura snuggled closer to Syaoran, and he took off his jacket to drape it around her. A slight blush crept across her cheeks from being in such close proximity to him, but she easily relaxed against him. It just felt so right.

"Isn't it pretty, Syaoran-kun? The sky?" Sakura breathed.

"Huh? Oh yea."

Only it wasn't the dark clouds overhead that Syaoran thought was pretty, but the girl before him, with her lovely smiles and adorable personality. He wrapped his arms around her tighter, and Sakura leaned against his chest, so that they were both looking at the sky, which was rapidly approaching darkness.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Nothing consequential," she pressed. "I wouldn't want to clutter your mind with the mad ravings of a crazy girl."

"I don't think you're crazy," he protested.

"But how did you know that I was thinking about something?"

"Silly, you're brow always curves up whenever you're serious or passionate about something," Syaoran traced the lashes gently to prove his point.

"Will you laugh at me?" she said hesitantly.

"Do you think I will?"

"No."

"Do think it'll always be like this?" Sakura began finally, turning from the dark sky to look at Syaoran. The tide was rising, dashing and erupting from far away to crash into the rocks nearby. They would have to go soon or risk getting lost in the night. Not that Sakura was worried; Syaoran always knew his way home, and the path straight ahead. He never faltered. "Do you think that everything will be like this, you and me, with everyone happy and healthy? Sometimes I wake up with nightmares, that things will change, and that they won't be so perfect anymore. I know that it's strange, and I doubt that I have an powers of prognostication or sixth sense, but...I feel it. And it scares me because something's coming, and I don't know what."

Syaoran stared at her. With the moonlight throwing eerie streaks of light and shadows alike, the entire cave was dark, except for Sakura's face. Her eyes were brilliant, and he could swear they were watery. Sweet tears glinted off her eyes, silvery as they slid slowly down her face. He was riveted by her tears, and he wanted to catch them in his palm, like shooting stars. Quickly, before she would get flustered and apologize for her tears like she usually did, Syaoran wiped them off. Instead of removing his hand, he stroked the side of her face until he reached her lips. They were soft pink and smelled like the sweet cherry blossom lip gloss that she used. A lock of her auburn hair fell down, and he played with yet another strand of wild hair that had managed to worm its way from Sakura's bun before tucking it from her eyes.

A few years ago, Sakura had grown out her hair from about shoulder-length to almost waist length. It was long and free, with curls that ranged from tiny to long, scattered wildy to and fro. Rich and thick, it fell down her shoulders in luscious waves. Syaoran loved the way it smelled, a wonderful mixture of peaches, cherries, and plums.

"Why are you crying?" he whispered.

"Because I'm so happy," she replied simply.

"Do you always cry when you're happy?" he teased.

"So? Do you have a problem with that?" she challenged, arching an eyebrow. "I'll like to see you do something about that."

"Maybe I will." His hands leaped down to the spot beneath her right arm, where everything was extra-sensitive.

Sakura registered where his hands were going and she gawked, trying to pull away. But it was far too late, because a moment later, tears were flowing down her to her mouth and she was struggling not to spew spit everywhere from laughing so hard. Syaoran was tickling her! in the one spot where she couldn't stop laughing.

"Sh-sh-shy-ao-ran!" she gasped, trying to breath. "St-st-op!"

"Why?" He continued tickling her mercilessly, laughing at her reaction. "It's not my problem that I happen to know your secret tickling spot. Isn't it fortunate for you?"

"St-st-op!" She tried evading his arms, bending down on her knees to the ground, but he followed. "H-h-h-hey!" She wiggled around on the floor while he continued tickling her, panting for breath and laughing insanely. His hands were dancing up her side, poking at points that made her giggle the hardest. For a few seconds, it felt like her chest was going to burst, and then he stopped.

She inched open her eyes, afraid that he would start another round of tickling, or decide to go on a tickling spree and never stop for all of eternity. But with her eyelids parted tentatively, she saw that Syaoran was staring at her intensely with a serious expression on his face. That's when she noticed the vulnerable position she was in. She was lying on her back. Syaoran was kneeling next to her, his arms at her side, almost around her waist, poised to tickle her again.

Sakura couldn't breathe now. It wasn't like before when she felt queasy in the pits of her stomach, but something that spread throughout her body, passing from her fingers and tingling down to her toes. Her heart was breaking, yearning for something that she didn't know. So she lay there, her right hand reaching for Syaoran, their fingers entwining so that they were palm to palm. Sometime during the night, his hair flew before his eyes again, and she brushed it away to see his clear eyes.

There was nothing more lovely than young woman before him. The vision of an angel, with her hair spread out everywhere, and her soft emerald eyes contrasting startlingly with the moonlight that basked in her glow. She was wearing a light pink dress, which fluttered gently in the breeze, and her peach skin was radiating with the freshness of spring and summer.

Images whirled around his mind, spinning in rapid succession. Sakura standing in a field of flowers, holding out a patch of daffodils to him. Sakura sitting in the desk in his room, working math problems in preparation for a test while he helped her, showing her how to solve proofs and how to use the quadratic equation. Sakura and him volunteering at the hospital, wheeling patients from their room and checking on the patients to make sure they were comfortable. Sakura and him racing for first and second place in the charity marathons.

And then Syaoran was leaning down, one of his hands treading through her mane of hair. Sakura closed her eyes, tears of happiness falling once more. She wanted to feel his lips on hers, his touch against her cheek.

But the kiss never happened.

From across the beach, the sound of laughter and chatter enveloped the atmosphere, destroying the ambience. Syaoran and Sakura broke away from each other, both beet red and highly fazed. Sakura absently touched her lips, wishing that he had kissed her. It was so unexpected though, to have feelings like these...he was one of her best friends, and acted like a brother, what with telling her to be careful and being so gruff at times...it was an entirely new emotion, and she didn't know quite how to handle it. What if it was just a fluke? What if he didn't have the same feelings she did? What if she'd just imagined the situation, the look she saw his fiery eyes? What if she'd mistaken the signals...what if he wasn't really going to kiss her? The 'what if's' were endless. Her thoughts were syncopated by the approaching figures.

What if their friendship was destroyed?

"Where'd they go?" a slightly panicked voice asked. It was Chiharu.

"I'm sure they're around here somewhere," Tomoyo reasoned, mostly to herself than anyone else. She was worried about them. Syaoran and Sakura had gone off by themselves to explore the caves.

When the small group reached the cave, they saw two figures enshrouded in moonlight. For a few seconds, though they were sitting side by side, it seemed like there was an unsurmountable barrier between them. Then Syaoran said something, Sakura giggled, and they were off again, Sakura whispering about something or another and Syaoran listening. Syaoran pointed to the sky and Sakura shook her head.

"Hey!" Eriol called. "Is that you? Sakura, Syaoran?"

They turned around. Sakura waved, and they ran from the cave.

Tomoyo narrowed her eyes. Was there something different about those two? Ever since they had met several years ago in fourth grade, they'd been inseparable. Her brows furrowed, frowning delicately; okay, so maybe not inseparable. Syaoran had been excessively cruel and uncaring to her, but only because Sakura had been equally kind and compassionate. For every time Sakura would draw him a picture or try to talk to him, he would counter by shooting glares and ignoring her coldly. But it didn't take very long for him to understand that Sakura would not just go away. After awhile, they became friends. Syaoran wasn't the type to accept people in his life on whims, so the close friends he had were cherished.

Tomoyo understood why he was mean to Sakura at first. After all, he was a member of the distinguished Li Clan, and one day his mother decided (right out of the blue) that he needed "extensive traveling experience" so she shipped her son from China to Japan, where she had connections with the ambassador. Li Yelan hoped to widen her son's knowledge before he became the leader of the Clan. Syaoran was exceedingly bitter at this, and it was no huge surprise that he took it out on the nearest person, which happened to be Sakura.

"To climb steep hills requires slow pace at first," Eriol stated suddenly, breaking her flow of thoughts.

"William Shakespeare," she replied. "I don't understand. Why is that relevant?"

"Resolve says, 'I will.' The man says, 'I will climb this mountain. They told me it is too high, too far, too steep, too rocky and too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You will soon see me waving from the top or dead on the side from trying,'" Eriol quoted.

"Jim Rohn," Tomyo sighed. "What does that have to do with anything?" she demanded.

Eriol just smiled that enigmatic grin of his.

"Do you think they'll every get together?" she wondered to herself after a few moments passed.

***********

Sakura never got the kiss that she wanted. Syaoran left as soon as school got out for China, after she turned 16 but before he turned 17. Then she didn't care about the kiss because the earth fell from her world and it didn't matter that much anymore. What was once so clear and straight heaved one giant quake and was projected upside-down. In fact, nothing mattered much anymore. Just the fact that her onii-chan and otou-san were gone pretty much summed up the rest of her existence.

She had heard that Syaoran wasn't coming back. When they had thrown him the big going-away party, he'd said his mother wanted him back in China to settle his affairs, readying him to take over the Clan business at 18. So when he left, they had the knowledge that he wasn't coming back anytime soon. Sakura was sad, heart-broken even, but there was nothing she could do about it, and she'd waved good-bye with her friends on that sunny day, standing on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek and hug him.

Then he was gone, never to return.

Only weeks before school started up again for their junior year, the crash came, effectively poking massive holes in her cloud high in the sky. Events succeeding that were vague and misty, as if layered in a dream. She recalled that Syaoran was there with her on the funeral, sitting next to her, letting her cry into his chest, getting tears over his black mourning clothes. She remembered that he was holding her hand, whispering words in her ear, trying to comfort her. But most of all, she recalled how she didn't care. She didn't care why he was back, didn't care what he had to sacrifice to be there with her. All her feelings were ebbed, like her perceptions were ink and she had diluted them repeatedly until they were nothing more than a thin film of black.

Foggily, she recollected that he said he had a duty to the Li Clan to finish their business, but it didn't really matter. Tomoyo told her later that he had caught a plane at 3 o'clock in the morning, leaving for the airport a few minutes after she had called him about the deaths.

Again, Sakura didn't care. Not even a speck. She took all their support for granted. Even worse, there was a portion of her being that wanted her friends to feel the same pain she was undergoing, so that they could truly feel empathy for her. It was a self-centered and dreadful thought, but she was lost in her grief and she didn't care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Of Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**************************

Sakura stood in Tomoyo's guest room, the chamber that Syaoran had stayed at for a few days. And she felt unworthy, not deserving of his help, of his kindness towards her. At the moment's difficulty, she shied away, and she was ashamed for it. Weak, and she couldn't help it. Why did he stick around with someone like her? Self-doubt and fear at losing him stung her deeply, making her wonder.

Why was he still kind to her? Was she nothing more than a burden he was counting the days to drop?


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Okay...maybe not so happy after all ^_^ I think that I need to look up the definition of happy, cause this story sure isn't happy...more along the lines of angst. That reminds me...is this under the angst category? Cause it should be...maybe I'll put it there. Please review and tell me what you think about this storie! ^-^


oh yea...btw there's no magic in the storie....oh, and at the beginning, I messed up their ages...they're actually supposed to be 16 and 17...I have to go back & change it ^_^

Um...my little brother is yelling at me to get off, so I can't proof this...hope there aren't any big mistakes. ^-^ poor sakura, watching insect documentaires on tv...they scare me.


Ohhhhh...I got msn messenger which is cherrysakuragirl, and for aol im my screen name is auroroella. Come chat with me if you want ^_^ im so bored!


Okay! Im getting off! Sheesh...my little bro is so mean ^.^ it's his birthday party, and he invited 7 guys...picture a bunch of eight graders running over everything...not a pretty picture...& what's worse is he's monopolizing the two computers we have! "Birthday privileges" he says.