Author's Notes – Hey everyone! I just got done seeing the X2 movie (totally good, I suggest you see if you already haven't), and so I'm totally psyched. I've also been getting interviews set up for temporary summer jobs that I can take before I leave for college at Purdue. Wish me luck, I should be working at the Mall of America by June. Anywho, enjoy the second part of this little series. It's amazing how much one can condense an episode and still get it coherently across.
Rated – R for swearing
By – Merc
InuYasha – The Condensed Commentary Version
Author – Starting where we left off, Sesshomaru is now missing an arm, Miroku, Shippou, and basically the entire main cast aside of two other people has been introduced. So onwards to episode 18.
Jaken – Sesshomaru-sama, as your mindless lackey, I must ask how you feel today.
Sesshomaru - …
Jaken – Say something oh exalted one.
Sesshomaru – Shut up Jaken, can't you see I'm supposed to be the mysterious quite guy of the series?
Jaken – S-sorry oh great master of whom I have a very strange and indescribably-odd crush on.
Sesshomaru – I'd hit you but I happen to be MISSING an arm. Shit, this not-having-an-arm stuff sucks.
Naraku – I could fix that. *Holds out random arm that he just happened to find.*
*Naraku laughs malevolently, thus obeying The Laws of Anime ™*
Sesshomaru – You're a fuckin' baboon, why the hell should I trust you?
Naraku – Shut up yo, I got the bling-bling goin' for me here. Now take the damn arm and do my dirty work.
Sesshomaru – Which is…?
Naraku – Kill the main characters of the series.
Sesshomaru - Sweet, what's the job pay?
*Naraku disappears, although his nefarious presence and evil voice still remain in accordance with The Laws of Anime ™.*
Naraku – Revenge.
Sesshomaru – Damn, that's the last time I ever trust a Rafiki-ripoff.
*Sesshomaru walks off to attempt to kill his brother…AGAIN.*
Sesshomaru – S'up bro?
Kagome – Aw crap, are we in for another game of Family Feud: The Mortal Combat version?
InuYasha – Don't you have anything better to do besides beat me up? You are such a loser.
Sesshomaru – At least I'm not a hanyou.
InuYasha – Come off it cheese-dick.
Miroku – Who's she?
Sesshomaru – I'm a he.
Miroku – That's a guy?
InuYasha – Yeah, he's my butt-munch of a brother.
Kagome – Should I intervene?
Miroku – No, they must honorably fight for their honor as honorable owners of their honorable indestructible and unbreakable swords.
American audience – Japanese culture is scary…
Miroku – Can't believe that's a guy. Too bad, he has a nice ass.
Shippou – Do you EVER think about anything besides sex?
Miroku - *Flips through script* According to the story, nope.
*InuYasha and Sesshomaru call each other various slightly-insulting names and pose masculinely for about three days. Then the two brothers fight AGAIN. In accordance with The Laws of Anime ™, InuYasha beats his brother. AGAIN.*
InuYasha – I don't want you to get hurt Kagome, so I'll seduce you into my arms before forcibly shoving you down into the old, ancient foreboding well in which you crawled out of.
Kagome – You really suck at this goodbye stuff.
Shippou – Aw, romantic moment.
Miroku – Looks like InuYasha's about to get some action!
*InuYasha hurls Kagome down the well*
Miroku – What the FUCK?!
Shippou – InuYasha you dumbass, we needed her to track down the Main Magical Item ™ of the story!
Miroku – You're an idiot InuYasha. Now excuse me while I go chase some more booty.
InuYasha – Shut up, both of you.
*Stuff happens. Kagome whines, moans, bitches, and cries about not being able to go back for awhile. Then she gets to come back. Mushiness ensues.*
Kagome – InuYasha! I'm so freakishly nice that I'll completely ignore how you threw me down an empty well and stuck a frickin' tree there to block me from ever coming back, because I know that you love me.
InuYasha – Say what now?
Kikyou – Hello, I'm here to stop any form of a relationship from developing until near the end of the series.
Kagome – Aw hell, not you again!
*A bunch of stuff happens. InuYasha and Kikyou make out in front of Kagome. Kagome gets pissed, InuYasha can't figure out why, and in the end Kikyou tries to take everybody to hell.*
Kagome – What the fuck? I'm you, so what, you hate yourself or something? Damn, I HATE PARADOXES!!!
Kikyou – Go away.
*Kikyou's plan fails.*
Kikyou – Damn.
*Everything turns happy temporarily*
Sango – Hi everyone! As The Laws of Anime ™ state, I'm the kickass chick-with-a-brain-in-her-head-and-a-weapon-in-her-hand. Word up homies.
Kohaku – And I'm the perfectly innocent younger brother.
Sango – We're so happy with our perfect lives. La la la la la la…
*A bunch of stuff happens. Everyone dies.*
Kohaku - *Possessed*
Sango – This sucks.
*Kohaku gets shock to kingdom come by an unnecessarily-large amount of arrows.*
Sango – Kohaku!
Evil dude – Shoot the broad too.
*Everyone dies except for Sango.*
Sango – Don't bury me you stupid morons! I'm still alive, which is more than I can say for the rest of my village and loved ones, not to mention every single person that I have ever held dear to me!
Naraku – Hey, I could use her for a new insidious plot.
Sango – Who killed my family and village and loved ones?
Naraku – InuYasha.
Sango – Fuck him, he's going down.
Naraku – Er, just an FYI, you're about 2/3's dead.
Sango – Shaddap.
*Sango hikes a really long way, all the while loosing almost all of her body's blood supply.*
Naraku – That looks painful.
Sango – No shit Sherlock. Ow…
Naraku – Here, let Dr. Naraku take care of it. *Sticks in a Shikon Shard*
Sango – Sweet, I can no longer feel pain!
Audience – Yeah, too bad pain is your body's way of telling you that something's wrong. Just pray you don't drop dead before you get to InuYasha.
Sango – Ha, InuYasha, I have found you!
InuYasha – Eh?
Sango – InuYasha, my name is Sango. You killed my father (and brother and entire family and village, etc. etc. etc.) prepare to die.
Miroku – Whoa, a sexy slayer in spandex. It doesn't get any better than this!
InuYasha – Damnit, don't I ever get a break?
*A big fight happens. Lots of boomerangs, smoke bombs, and blood go flying everywhere.*
InuYasha – What the hell did I do to you?
Sango – Shut up and fight me like a man.
InuYasha – That's youkai to you.
Miroku – Damn she's hot.
*More fighting happens. Sango learns the truth about Naraku. She then nearly dies.*
Kagome – Here, try to recover.
Sango – I'm fine.
Miroku – I know something that'll make the emotional and healing process better. Sleep with me.
Sango – Every single person in my life dies, I'm buried alive, used like a puppet, nearly killed by my own brother and my own enemy, and you want to grope my ass?
Miroku – Works for me! *Grope*
Shippou – Adults…
Kagome – Jerk-off.
*Later on*
Sango – By the way, the Shikon no Tama was created by this Xena-type chick who fought a bunch of youkai a way long time ago.
Shippou – In the old days? As in the ancient days?
Sango – Yeah, according to The Laws of Anime ™, it's the required Old Ancient Legend Surrounding The Mystical Item ™ of the series.
Kagome – Tight.
Miroku – Her ass is tight.
Sango – Explain to me why I fall for you again?
Kagome – Because he's the other male traveling companion of the group.
Sango – Makes sense. *Develops crush*
Shippou – That was fast.
*A bunch of pointless stuff that has nothing to do with the story happens involving some giant dude named Jineji and a bunch of dark, dank caves. Miroku gropes Sango repeatedly. InuYasha harasses Kagome repeatedly. Shippou just sits around and acts really cute.*
Kikyou – I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
Audience – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Kagome – You are really beginning to grate on my nerves.
Kikyou – That's the whole point to my character in the story.
InuYasha – Score! Hey, maybe we could do a threesome?
Kagome – Grrrrrrr…
Kikyou – No dice. I'm gonna make you all dream really scary stuff for awhile while I steal the jewel.
Cast – Makes sense. *Zonks out*
Kagome – Help!
*Kikyou steals the Shikon no Tama.*
Kagome – Damnit!
Kikyou – Nya nya nya nya nya, I got the jewel.
Kagome – I cannot believe that this is me in my past life.
*Everyone wakes up*
InuYasha – Hey, give that back!
Kikyou – Make me! *Sticks out tongue*
InuYasha – Damn, I forgot how hot you were. Oh yeah, and that whole love-thing too.
Kagome – I'll just fall asleep while you guys are talking and dream about you making out again.
Kikyou – Kinky.
Kagome – I hate you so very much.
Kikyou – I hate you too, even though I am you, and you are me, and you are you, and I am me, and…
InuYasha – Owwwwwww, my brain hurts.
Miroku – This is why you should never time-travel.
*Meanwhile, in an unrelated story*
Sesshomaru – Ow, that smarts!
Rin - *Giggles*
Sesshomaru – Oh great, just what I need, human scum. I hate humans, I hate humans, they are the lowest form of life on the planet…
Rin - *Makes kiddy googly-eyes at Sesshomaru*
Sesshomaru – Go away!
Rin - *Giggles*
Sesshomaru – Roar!
Rin - *Giggles more and hands him food*
Sesshomaru – What the hell? The roar always seems to work on youkai.
*A bunch of scenes later, Sesshomaru finds Rin DEAD.*
Jaken – Ew, a dead innocent human girl. Oh well, la ti da…
Sesshomaru – I hate humans. They bite the big one.
Jaken – Exactly.
Sesshomaru – Damn.
Jaken – What?
Sesshomaru - *sideways glance* Aw hell, I'll just pretend like I'm testing out my indestructible and unbreakable sword of healing when in fact I really want to save her life.
*Rin comes back to life*
Rin – Tee hee!
Audience – Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
*Meanwhile with Kikyo... well she eventually goes away. Everything goes back to normal. Then Babe The Blue Ox…er…I mean a big three-eyed ox-thing falls out of the sky.*
Kagome – Eep!
*Ox lands in front of InuYasha*
InuYasha – HOLY SHIT!!! *Dodges*
*Everyone but Kagome and InuYasha are un-phased.*
Sango – This is normal behavior in our world.
Kagome – I swear this place is like a Dr. Seuss story on E.
Toto-Sai – Yo InuYasha, wazzup?
InuYasha – Who the hell are you?
Toto-Sai – Why I'm…HOLY MOTHER OF PETE!!! THE SWORD!!!
*A bunch of pointless cleaning and griping scenes later.*
Toto-Sai – Oh yeah, I meant to tell ya, I'm Toto-Sai. I'll fix, clean, and sharpen your indestructible and unbreakable sword for free, all the while griping like an old stooge about how much you abuse it.
Kagome – Sounds cool.
InuYasha – Great, I get to be harassed by an old-fart from now on whenever I need to fix my indestructible and unbreakable sword.
Shippou – I'll just sit here and look cute.
Miroku – And I'll just sit here and fill my required grope-Sango quota for the episode.
Sango – Do it and die.
Miroku - *Grope*
Sango – Asshole *Whacks him on the head with her giant boomerang*
Miroku – Damn, that thing hurts like a mother.
Sango – Is it so hard to QUIT PLAYING GRAB-ASS?!
Miroku – Yes.
End of Commentaries for episodes 18 – 35
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Go Minnesota Wild! Sorry, I just have to root for my favorite hockey team there. I'm watching them as I write these ending author's notes. I really hope you enjoyed this. Obviously the characters are OOC, they're supposed to be. Hehe! Please review if you have time, I LOVE reading reviews.
