Author's notes – Hey everyone! I'm finally able to get the next chapter out. Hooray! Last week was the busiest of the month, so from now on I should have a bit more time to write. In the meantime I'm happy to report that I got a summer job working at Camp Snoopy in the Mall of America (Camp Snoopy, for those of you who don't know, is the amusement park in the middle of the mall). I'm going to be a Ride Service Associate. Wai! Also, I've been selected to make a commencement speech at my graduation! HOORAY!!! My school doesn't have valedictorians and the like because we don't have weighted grades, so every year they have students try out to give one of four speeches at the ceremonies, and I'm happy to report that I got one of those spots. Hehe! Graduation is only 2 weeks away…
Rated – R for swearing (though not as much in this chapter)
By – Merc
InuYasha – The Condensed Commentary Version
Author – When we last left off, the group had finished battling Tsubaki the Annoyingly Vain and InuYasha was hellbent on being able to break through Naraku's impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier with his indestructible and unbreakable sword.
InuYasha – Damn, how am I gonna do this?
Kagome – Do what?
InuYasha – Break through impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier?
Kagome – I could always go back to my time and find some technology to do the work.
InuYasha – Hmmm…nah.
Shippou – Yes, let's do it hard way.
Miroku – Hard way it is!
Myouga – I have a secret! I have a secret!
InuYasha – What?
Myouga – In order to break through Naraku's impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier, you need to strengthen your sword.
InuYasha – AGAIN?!?! AW COME ON!!!
Sango – Hasn't he already done that?
InuYasha – And it was so fucking heavy after I did too!
Myouga – No! I mean in order to break Naraku's impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier, you need to make the Tetsusaiga stronger by breaking an even-more- impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier!
InuYasha – Just like that? Easy as Ramen?
Myouga – Yup!
InuYasha – Myouga…
Myouga – No need to thank me master.
InuYasha – …you totally suck.
*InuYasha and the gang head to a remote village where they find a bunch of bats terrorizing the people for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The gang meets up with Shiori's Mom. Shiori's Mom describes how her daughter (who if you haven't figured out by now, is named Shiori) was a hanyou just like InuYasha and, after a long and messy custody battle, was given to her wonderful granddaddy who had agreed to stop attacking everybody if he got his granddaughter.*
Shippou – I don't get it, if he agreed to stop attacking everyone once he got Shiori, then why is he still attacking?
Shiori's Mom – Because he's a jackass.
Kagome – What does he want with a prematurely-gray-haired 7 year old anyways?
Shiori's Mom – Well…*insert long tedious mushy story here*…and that's why she's the only one who can create the impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier for the bats.
*InuYasha's ears perk up.*
InuYasha – Did you say impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier?
Shiori's Mom – Yeah, why?
InuYasha – W00t!
*The bats attack. InuYasha and the gang "bat" them away. InuYasha tries to kill Shiori's grandpa but he can't kill him without killing Shiori, who is conveniently In The Way™. A bunch of sympathizing, flashabacks, male posturing, idle threats, and motherly worry happens. In the end Shiori's Mom gets Shiori back.*
Shippou – Awww, a happy ending!
Audience – How cute, an emotionally traumatized and scarred-for-life little girl.
InuYasha – Too bad I didn't break the barrier. Oh well, la ti da!
*Suddenly the cheesiest thing that could possibly happen happens, and InuYasha's indestructible and unbreakable sword gains the power to break through Naraku's impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier. InuYasha's indestructible and unbreakable sword then becomes the intimidating fire-engine red-indestructible and unbreakable sword. *
Everyone – Yay!
InuYasha – Kickass d00d.
*Everyone goes onwards. A gigantic chunk of filler episodes independent (and non-existent) from the manga ensue, beginning with InuYasha as he sits around in Kagome's time traumatizing Buyo, the family cat. After this large scene of shameless foreshadowing, Miroku and Sango are harassed by a bunch of freaky cat-people.*
Freaky Cat-Person – Meow, we're looking for a strange miko who wears an obscenely short and flappy kimono.
Miroku – That'd be Kagome.
Audience - *Sarcastically* OBVIOUSLY.
Freaky Cat-Person – Yeah, her, give her to me.
Sango – Fuck off.
Freaky Cat-Person – Like hell I will, attack!
*A bunch of cats attack, then stop, and disappear for no apparent reason.*
Sango – O…k…
Miroku – Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…
Sango – I see we've hit a block of episodes that never occurred in the manga.
Miroku – Only something this strange would prove that fact.
Sango – Oh well *polishes Hiraikotsu*
Miroku - *Grope*
Sango - *Smack*
*InuYasha and Kagome come back. In the meantime one of the cats turns a bunch of stuff to ice and taunts Sesshomaru. For the next three episodes a lot of flashbacks and a really big battle between cats and dogs happen.*
Jaken – Dude, we've been fighting this damn cats since…well, since…
Sesshomaru – Last time we fought I was with dad Fifty Years Ago™.
*Insert REALLY long slideshow of flashbacks and useless background information here*
Audience – Ouch…flashback whiplash.
Sango – Why does everything happen exactly Fifty Years Ago™?
Miroku – Beats me.
Shippou – Even in Sesshomaru's older flashbacks he looks the same as he does now.
Sango – How old IS he?
Sesshomaru – That is a secret. *Winks like Xellos from Slayers*
Kagome – Hey, not to interrupt or anything, but I've been sorta kidnapped and COULD REALLY USE SOME RESCUING!!!
InuYasha – Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Sesshomaru – InuYasha you are weak!
InuYasha – Oh yeah? Well you're weaker!
Sesshomaru – You're weaker times 100!
InuYasha – You're weaker times 1000!
Sesshomaru – Times a million!
InuYasha – Times infinity!
Sesshomaru – Times infinity plus one!
Sango, Shippou, Miroku, Kagome, Kirara – HEY GUYS!!! If you haven't noticed already, we've ALL been captured and could USE SOME HELP!
*InuYasha and Sesshomaru keep arguing*
InuYasha – Dirt-bag!
Sesshomaru – Half-demon!
InuYasha – Fluffy!
Sesshomaru – Runt!
InuYasha – Cannon fodder!
Sesshomaru – Algae!
InuYasha – Girly man!
Sesshomaru – Defiler of children and Canadian geese!
Cat Tribe – Uh, hey, you guys gonna fight with us or just make killing the two of you really easy?
InuYasha and Sesshomaru – STAY OUT OF THIS!!!
*The two brothers work together to easily destroy the same tribe that gave an entire army of youkai, including Sesshomaru and the brothers' father, undefeatable crap Fifty Years Ago™. In all actuality Sesshomaru does most of the work in defeating the tribe by healing them all. That's right, he HEALED THE ENTIRE ARMY in order to BEAT them.*
Kagome – That has to be the most twisted victory I have ever seen in my life.
Entire Cat Tribe – Here here.
*And just when you think the two brothers will resolve their differences…*
InuYasha – Chicken butt!
Sesshomaru – Manwhore!
InuYasha – Butt head!
Sesshomaru – Pee-drinking crap-face!
*Finally InuYasha and Sesshomaru are dragged apart thanks to Kagome. They travel a bit before being stopped by some soldiers.*
Soldiers – Do any of you guys know this chick named Sango?
Sango – That'd be me.
Soldiers – This way please…
*They go to a castle*
Soldiers – Meet our lord…
Sango – Hello.
Castle Lord – Marry me.
InuYasha – *sarcastically* Whoa there Casanova, wouldn't want to get TOO romantic now would we?
Kagome – Well THAT was fast.
Miroku - ………………
Shippou – What the hell?
Audience – Plot…whiplash…ow…
Sango – Do I even KNOW you?
*An entire episode of Miroku trying to hide is emotions by hitting on anything and everything with boobs and a butt later…*
Sango – Er, I barely even know you.
Castle Lord – But I've been thinking about you since I was 10. I'm like Anakin from Star Wars.
Sango – How very…disturbing.
Kagome – Word.
*They walk onto a bridge.*
Kagome – Come on Miroku, let's spy on them!
Miroku – Let's not.
Kagome – If you love her, you'll sneak around behind her back and listen to her private conversations.
Miroku – You futuristic morality frightens and disturbs me.
Castle Lord – I love you Sango.
*Miroku leaves*
Sango – ARGH!!! I don't even know you!
Castle Lord – So? This is the feudal era, you have to do what I say.
Sango – Fuck you.
*Sango and Miroku battle a youkai. They then leave the castle (rather quickly). The next few filler episodes involving Jaken trying many wacky plans in order to steal InuYasha's indestructible and unbreakable sword and Rin being kidnapped by Kagura later…*
Rin – SESSHOMARU-SAMA, HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLP!!!
*Sesshomaru runs towards Rin's direction.*
Rin – I'm saved! OVER HERE!!!
*Sesshomaru runs away from where Rin is to Naraku's castle.*
Rin – WRONG WAY!!!
Naraku – Word up homie.
Sessshomaru – Shut cho trap dawg 'n get wid it. Straight up with the hizzle-faschizzle yo, you got mah girl G.
Naraku – Ph34r m3 d00d.
Sesshomaru – Straight up, yo ass is wack.
*A pointless conversation later*
Naraku – Kukukuku, why didn't you go save your little pipsqueak Sesshomaru?
Sesshomaru – Because I need to pretend like I don't care and beat the crap out of you.
Rin – HEY SESSHOMARU-SAMA!!! TRY A FEW MILES THIS WAY!!!
Kohaku – Shut up.
Rin – Who are you?
Kohaku – Kohaku.
Rin – Oh. Sesshomaru-sama will be here any minute to save me. Yup, Sesshomaru-sama will save me. Why are you here? Where's your mommy and daddy? Do you like squash? How about hopscotch? Do you like four-square? Do you like four-square meals? Are you a vegetarian? Do you agree with PETA? Do you vote democrat or republican? Or are you an independent? Do you believe in the basic freedoms of humans? What about life's basic freedoms? What is the meaning of life? Is the answer to everything really 42? Does the rain in Spain fall mainly in the plain? Why does the English alphabet consist of 26 letters and the Japanese alphabet consist of over 10,000 characters? Why is it that eagles may fly but weasels don't get stuck in jet engines? Why did the chicken cross the road? Who thought up the word egg? How do you like your eggs? Who invented the word "egg"? Did I mention that Sesshomaru-sama will be here soon to save me…?
Kohaku – Whoa…
*A big fight between Sesshomaru, and Naraku ensues. Naraku wins.*
Sesshomaru – Damn.
Naraku – Now to absorb you into my body!
Shonon-ai/yaoi authors - *write furiously*
Sesshomaru - *UNAFFECTED STARE*
Naraku – Afraid?
Sesshomaru – Meh.
InuYasha – Never fear, InuYasha is here!
Naraku – What the crap?
InuYasha – Kaze no kizu!
Naraku – How did you break through my impenetrably-strong and multi-colored barrier?
InuYasha – That's for me to know and for you to find out.
*InuYasha drives back Naraku. InuYasha tries to kill Naraku, but Sesshomaru is, of course, In The Way™.*
InuYasha – I'll kill you Naraku!
Sesshomaru – Allow me to conveniently INTERFERE so that neither of us can kill him.
InuYasha – For the love of God, don't' you have ANYTHING better to do with your time besides annoy the crap out of me?
Sesshomaru – Not really, nope.
InuYasha – Damn you to hell.
Sesshomaru – Dork-brain.
InuYasha – Noodle-noggin!
Sesshomaru – Skunk-breath!
InuYasha – Jerk-face!
Audience – ENOUGH WITH THE FIGHTING ALREADY!!!
Naraku – Kukuku, thanks to their fighting, I can make an easy escape. *escapes*
InuYasha – NOW look what you did!
Sesshomaru – ME?!
InuYasha – Yeah you, you shman!
Sesshomaru – Fart-breath!
InuYasha – Ass wipe!
Audience – Oy….
* Sesshomaru gets royally pissed off, but instead of attacking Naraku, who had already escaped anyways,, he runs after Kohaku, whom Naraku had instructed to kill Rin *
Rin – Where are you taking me?
Kohaku - *COLD BLANK STARE*
Rin – You're really hot, what's your phone number?
Kohaku - *COLD BLANK STARE*
Rin – I'm not seeing anyone, how about you?
Kohaku - *Takes several shots at Rin with his chain-blade weapon*
Rin – EEK!!!
*Sesshomaru comes and tries to kill Kohaku. InuYasha pleads with Sesshomaru to not kill Kohaku.*
InuYasha – Don't kill Kohaku!
*Thanks to InuYasha's impeccable skills of persuasion, Sesshomaru lets him slide.*
Kagome – Don't worry Rin, I'm here to protect you.
Rin – Screw you lady. Wait up for me Sesshomaru-sama!
*Rin runs off to join Sesshomaru*
Kagome – What the hell?
InuYasha – Aw how cute…HEY WAIT A SEC!!!
Kagome – Is that little girl traveling with Sesshomaru?
InuYasha – Dude, he totally hates humans. What the hell is that about?
Kagome – And to think he teases you for traveling with us humans.
InuYasha – Hypocrite.
End of Commentaries for episodes 73 – 81
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Well I hope everyone liked the latest installment. Please review, for as I've said in all of the other chapters of this fic, I love reviews. They're my incentive to keep writing. Also, I wish a happy summer to everyone. Happy Memorial Day!
