Chapter 3: Longing

Hermione rarely saw Percy the last month of school. As seemed to be normal since their arrival, she, Harry and Ron had been through some very dangerous events. They survived again, but this time there was suffering at the end. Peter Pettigrew had been found out, strangely enough as Ron's rat Scabbers, to be the one who had betrayed Harry's parents. Sirius Black, who had been accused and sent to Azkaban prison for the crime, and Remus Lupin, the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher slash werewolf, had captured him. But Pettigrew had escaped in the end, sending Black back on the run from the Dementors and leaving Harry, who had been bursting with excitment at the idea of never having to go back to live with the Dursley's, without his Godfather and heading back to Privet Drive. Hermione spent the last of their third year at Hogwarts trying to cheer Harry up, with Ron's help. It was difficult considering she herself was not in the greatest shape. Every night since the events at the Shrieking Shack she'd had nightmares of Dementors and werewolves. Many times she had woken up in the middle of the night and had to resist the urge to wake Percy just so he could comfort her.

Percy, on the other hand, had busied himself with his application. He was going to apply and the Ministry of Magic, his dream job. Arthur Weasley was proud that his son was following in his footsteps. There was a good chance of him getting accepted too. He had done very well in school (something Ron had always hated him for becuase that was more pressure for the youngest Weasley boy) and he always had his father to put in a good word for him. But, as excited as he was, eventually his thoughts would drift back to the brown curly-haired girl with brown eyes who had stollen his heart.

They only met together three times between their first kiss and the last day of school. Twice had been in the library again, interrupted both times by Madam Pince who wanted to lock up, and once they had braved sneaking into an empty classroom one night, even though Mrs. Norris and Filch still made their rounds through the halls hoping for some victims. That had been their last meeting and it had ended with a kiss, this one much longer and passionate than the first. Harry and Ron had not asked again about her strange behavior before and didn't seem to notice when she snuck out. They were too busy going over plans to find Pettigrew and turn him in so Sirius could be free and Harry would have a real family member to stay with.

Now as they boarded the Hogwarts Express, everything seemed so long ago, so distant. Hermione settled down next to the window in a compartment with Harry and Ron. She stared out the window quietly until the train began to move. She didn't want to leave. Who knew if she would get to see Percy this summer, or ever again if he got the job at the Ministry. She thought back on their last kiss. She longed for his breath against her face, the shiver sent up her spine when he touched her neck. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair, feel his soft lips against hers.

"Hellooo?" Hermione snapped back to reality. Ron was waving his hand in front of her. "Do you want anything off the trolly or what?"

"Oh, sorry. No thanks," she said with a smile, trying hard to hide the tears she felt glistening in her eyes. She picked up the book her parents had given her to read, a Muggle story called iA Long Fatal Love Chase/i by Louisa May Alcott. She wasn't sure if there was a reason for their choice, but thought it was probably becuase it was her mother's favorite author. She had many times come home and found her mother with a tissue watching iLittle Women/i.

"Are you alright?" There was geniune concern in Ron's voice. Hermione looked up at him and found the concern in his face as well. Harry was also looking at her curiously, though obviously other things were on his mind.

"You know me," she said, "I hate leaving school. I'll be fine."

Ron gave her one more good look before turning back to Harry. His friend was trying to teach him to play card games. They had managed 'Go Fish' pretty easily, now they were onto 'Crazy Eights'. Hermione smiled as she watched her two best friends before shaking her head and opening her book. As she did a piece of paper fell from the book onto her lap.

"What's that?" Harry asked, noticing the confused expression on Hermione's face. Ron turned to see what the focus was. When he saw Hermione unfolding the paper he grinned.

"Maybe it's a love letter," he said. Harry laughed, Hermione just gave them a mock-smile and looked back down at the paper. The first thing she saw was that there was no signature at the bottom, but she recognized the neat handwriting. "Well, is it?"

"No," she quickly. She hoped she didn't sound as nervous as she felt. "It's just a note from my mom."

This seemed to satisfy the two boys who went back to their cards. Hermione looked back at the note. Her heart was beating fast as she read it to herself.

"Come down to the front of the train. I'll meet you."

"I think I'm going to be sick," she moaned. She really did feel sick. At first she just sat there, unable to move. Then she ran suddenly from the compartment, almost knocking over Ginny Weasley who had come down to say hello.

"Is she okay?" Ginny asked sitting down in Hermione seat next to the window. Ron and Harry shrugged, staring out the open compartment door. They didn't know what they could do so they went back to their cards.

****

Hermione was standing in an empty compartment near the Prefect cars at the front of the train. She had the window open and was taking deep breaths. She didn't want to move, afraid if she did she'd lose her breakfast, not that she'd eaten much anyway. She almost did when someone grabbed her suddenly from behind. She whirled around and relaxed a bit.

"Are you alright?" The concern she'd seen in Ron was doubled in Percy's eyes. She smiled at him and nodded. The tears were running down her cheeks now. Somehow seeing him here, now, made her think it was going to be the last time. He sat her down and held her. "Hey, hey. What's the matter? Didn't want to see me?"

"Of course I did," she said defensively, pulling away from him. She wiped her eyes violently trying to get rid of the falling tears and the ones that were coming. It was no use, they continued to fall.

"Hey, I'm sorry," Percy said apologetically. "I didn't mean anything by that. Really. I'm sorry." He raised Hermione's chin so she was looking at him. He smiled sweetly and kissed her nose. She laughed inspite of herself. Her fear of never seeing him subsided a little. "There, isn't that better?"

"Yea," she said with a smile. She wiped her wet cheeks. Her face was red with embarassment. "I wasn't sure if it was real. I thought maybe Ron and Harry were playing a joke on me, trying to figure out if I had been playing dumb with them before."

"I thought they'd given up on that," Percy said. Hermione shrugged. She wouldn't put it past Ron to come up with an idea like that. "Beside, can they write that neatly? I know Ron can't."

"No, I guess not." Hermione sniffed and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her sweater. Suddenly she burst into tears again. "We're not going to see each other anymore are we?"

This took Percy by surprise. For a moment he just stared at her, unsure what to do. Then he pulled her to him and hugged her close. He held her until her crying diminished into light sobs. He pulled her back and looked her in the eyes.

"Hey, look at me." She did, unwillingly. "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know," Hermione said. "I was thinking about this summer. When you get the job than you'll be busy with that. Then next year you'll be working and I'll be back at Hogwarts. After that the same thing. How is this suppose to work?"

"Oh, Hermione," Percy said soothingly. He smile, but she could see that he was unsure too. "We'll figure it out. If we're meant to be together we can make it work."

"And if not?" she asked bitterly. She regreted the tone of her voice but couldn't help it. "What then?"

"Well, if not," Percy answered calmly, "it was worth a shot. I will cherish the time we spent. I hope you would too. I wouldn't regret anything."

Hermione thought this over. Finally she smiled. He was right. They'd had some good times, few as they were. And who knows, maybe they'll have more. If Ron invited her over this summer he'd be there. It could work.

"Percy!!" a voiced yelled down the hall. "Come on! You promised!"

"Yea, give me a minute." Percy shook his head. Hermione looked at him questioningly. "They've got some new ideas for the Ministry and I said I listen to them. They're all very anxious for some reason."

Hermione smiled saddly and nodded. "I should get back anyway. I probably scared everyone. I nearly ran down Ginny I think."

She stood up to leave, wanting him to make the move. To her relief he did, quenching the fear she had that they'd just walk away from each other with nothing but a smile. Her heart was beating fast again, anticipating his next move.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Hermione blushed fiercely as Percy traced his fingers down the side of her face and then down her neck. She closed her eyes as a shiver ran down her spine. She felt her body warming and her lips part as his other hand slipped around her waist. She kept her eyes closed, afraid she open them and be standing alone. She felt his breath against her face and then his mouth pressed against hers. She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair. His hand was no longer on her neck. It was tracing her spine, sending more shivers through her. It seemed they were like that for a long time. That was how she wanted it to stay.

But the eternity ended and he was hugging her, his shoulder wet with her tears. He had to pull her back, she didn't want to let go. He kissed her hand.

"Are you going to be alright?" Percy looked at Hermione for an answer. She couldn't speak, but she nodded and smiled. She wasn't sure if that was true or not, but it had to be. He kissed her nose. "Don't give up, okay?"

"I won't," she whispered. Percy winked at her and then left quickly. She had seen the tears in his eyes. He's afraid too, she thought. She stayed a while in the empty compartment. She didn't want her friends to see her like this.

****

"Are you okay Hermione?" Ron and Harry had both jumped up when they saw her enter. Apparently she had scared them.

"Yea," she said. She tried to think of something else to say. "Just sick. Probably because I haven't been sleep well or eating much."

"Did you need anything?" Ron asked as she sat down. "Did you want some water or something?"

"No, thanks," she answered with a smile. Ron was funny when he got worried. Always so helpful. "Except maybe for you to use some of that energy next year at school instead of asking me for help all the time."

Harry laughed and Ron sat down, blushing. She reassured both of them that she was alright.

Down at the other end of the train, Percy was listening to ideas of how to improve the world without really hearing any of them. Both he and Hermione were thinking the same thoughts. They both longed for the others touch. They also both thought of going back to the empty compartment and seeing if the other had the idea as well. They dismissed the thought, thinking it was stupid and there was no way the other would have thought it.

Hermione picked her book, hoping it would keep her mind off of Percy. She read the first line and put it down again. Tears were threatening to fall and Ron kept looking over to make sure she was okay. She laid down and closed her eyes. She saw Percy standing in the shadows of the empty classroom. She felt his hands around her waist, felt him kiss her nose. But all she could hear were the first words she had read in A Long Fatal Love Chase repeated again and again:

I tell you I cannot bear it!