Chapter One:
Our scene opens to a black and white rather dreary landscape that's
supposed to be Kansas. We see Duo-err Dorothy walking down a dusty road
with her dog Toto. She's wearing a checked dress and her hair in pigtails.
Duo/Dorothy: HEY! NO pigtails!
Ahem. she's wearing a three foot long braid.
Dorothy races home to tell her Auntie Em the story of Toto and Miss Gulch.
Dorothy: She isn't coming yet Toto. Did she hurt you? She tried to didn't she? Come on.
Toto: Hn.
Dorothy: Aunt Em! Aunt Em!
Aunt Em is counting eggs and not paying any attention to Dorothy.
Dorothy: Just listen to what Miss Gulch did to Toto. She-
Aunt Em: Dorothy please! We're trying to count!
Dorothy: Oh but Aunt Em she hit him-
Uncle Henry: Don't bother us now, honey. You see, this old incubator's gone bad and we're likely to lose a lot of our chicks.
Dorothy: Oh - oh, the poor little things. Oh, but Aunt Em, Miss Gulch hit Toto right over the back with a rake just because she says he gets in her garden and chases her nasty old cat every day!
Aunt Em: Seventy - Dorothy, please!
Dorothy:Oh, but he doesn't do it every day - just once or twice a week. And he can't catch her old cat, anyway! And now she says he's going to get the -
Aunt Em: Dorothy! We're busy!
Dorothy: Oh - all right.
There are three men attempting to fix a wagon and Dorothy walks over
to talk to them.
Zeke: How's she coming?
Hunk: Take it easy
Zeke smashes Hunk's finger between the wagon wheel
Hunk: Ow! You got my finger!
Zeke: Why don't you get your finger out of the way!
Hickory: There you are.
Hunk: Right on my finger!
Zeke: It's a lucky thing it wasn't your head.
Dorothy: Zeke, what am I going to do about Miss Gulch? Just because
Toto chases her old cat -
Zeke: Listen honey, I got them hogs to get in.
Hunk: Now lookit, Dorothy, you ain't using your head about Miss Gulch.
You'd think you didn't have any brains at all.
Dorothy: I have so got brains!
Hunk: Well, why don't you use them? When you come home, don't go by
Miss Gulch's place - then Toto won't get in her garden and you won't
get in no trouble. See?
Dorothy: Oh, Hunk, you just won't listen, that's all.
Hunk: Well, your head ain't made of straw, you know.
Zeke is now working on the pigpen as Dorothy walks the edge of the
fence.
Zeke: Soo-ee! Get in there before I make a dime bank out of you!
Listen Kid, are you going to let that Old Gulch heifer try and
buffalo you? She ain't nothing to be afraid of. Have a little courage,
that's all.
Dorothy: I'm not afraid of her.
Zeke: Then the next time she squawks, walk right up to her and spit in
her eye. That's what I'd do.
Dorothy proceeds to fall off of the fence and land in the pigpen.
Dorothy: Oh! Oh! Oh, Zeke! Zeke! Zeke, get me out of here! Help! Oh!
Hickory: Are you all right, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Yes, I'm all right. Oh. I fell in and and Zeke - Why, Zeke,
you - you're just as scared as I am!
Hunk: What's the matter, gonna let a little old pig make a coward out
of you?
Hickory: Look at you, Zeke - you're just as white -
Aunt Em: Here, here, what's all this jabber-wapping when there's work
to be done?
I know three shiftless farm hands that'll be out of a job before they
know it!
Hickory: Well, Dorothy was walking along the -
Aunt Em: I saw you tinkering with that contraption, Hickory. Now, you
and Hunk get back to that wagon!
Hickory: All right, Mrs. Gale. But some day they're going to erect a
statue to me in this town, and -
Aunt Em: Well, don't start posing for it now. Here, here - can't work
on an empty stomach. Have some crullers.
Hunk: Gosh, Mrs. Gale.
Aunt Em: Just fried.
Hickory: Thanks.
Hunk: Swell.
Zeke: You see, Dorothy topped into the - the -
Aunt Em: It's no place for Dorothy about a pig sty! Now you go feed
those hogs before
they worry themselves into anaemia!
Zeke: Yes, Ma'am.
Dorothy: Aunti Em, really - do you know what Miss Gulch said she was
going to do to Toto? She said she was going to -
Aunt Em: Now, Dorothy, dear, stop imagining things. You always get
yourself into a fret over nothing.
Dorothy: Well -
Aunt Em: Now, you just help us out today and find yourself a place
where you won't get into any trouble.
Dorothy: Some place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose
there is such a place, Toto? There must be. Not a place you can get to
by a boat or a train. It's far, far away - behind the moon - beyond
the rain -
Toto: Hn.
Dorothy breaks into song:
Duo/Dorothy: Oh no! This isn't what I signed up for! No song singing
for me. Uh-uh, no way.
OK fine! *the author puts in an old tape and presses play. Judy
Garland's voice begins playing* BUT you're going to sing the next
one!
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the
rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?
End Chapter 1
Author Notes: Just so you know, I've decided to poke every pet peeve I
have about fanfiction into this one little story. So if you see
something repetitively that annoys you it's probably because it annoys
me in other fics. Feedback is appreciated.
Duo/Dorothy: HEY! NO pigtails!
Ahem. she's wearing a three foot long braid.
Dorothy races home to tell her Auntie Em the story of Toto and Miss Gulch.
Dorothy: She isn't coming yet Toto. Did she hurt you? She tried to didn't she? Come on.
Toto: Hn.
Dorothy: Aunt Em! Aunt Em!
Aunt Em is counting eggs and not paying any attention to Dorothy.
Dorothy: Just listen to what Miss Gulch did to Toto. She-
Aunt Em: Dorothy please! We're trying to count!
Dorothy: Oh but Aunt Em she hit him-
Uncle Henry: Don't bother us now, honey. You see, this old incubator's gone bad and we're likely to lose a lot of our chicks.
Dorothy: Oh - oh, the poor little things. Oh, but Aunt Em, Miss Gulch hit Toto right over the back with a rake just because she says he gets in her garden and chases her nasty old cat every day!
Aunt Em: Seventy - Dorothy, please!
Dorothy:Oh, but he doesn't do it every day - just once or twice a week. And he can't catch her old cat, anyway! And now she says he's going to get the -
Aunt Em: Dorothy! We're busy!
Dorothy: Oh - all right.
There are three men attempting to fix a wagon and Dorothy walks over
to talk to them.
Zeke: How's she coming?
Hunk: Take it easy
Zeke smashes Hunk's finger between the wagon wheel
Hunk: Ow! You got my finger!
Zeke: Why don't you get your finger out of the way!
Hickory: There you are.
Hunk: Right on my finger!
Zeke: It's a lucky thing it wasn't your head.
Dorothy: Zeke, what am I going to do about Miss Gulch? Just because
Toto chases her old cat -
Zeke: Listen honey, I got them hogs to get in.
Hunk: Now lookit, Dorothy, you ain't using your head about Miss Gulch.
You'd think you didn't have any brains at all.
Dorothy: I have so got brains!
Hunk: Well, why don't you use them? When you come home, don't go by
Miss Gulch's place - then Toto won't get in her garden and you won't
get in no trouble. See?
Dorothy: Oh, Hunk, you just won't listen, that's all.
Hunk: Well, your head ain't made of straw, you know.
Zeke is now working on the pigpen as Dorothy walks the edge of the
fence.
Zeke: Soo-ee! Get in there before I make a dime bank out of you!
Listen Kid, are you going to let that Old Gulch heifer try and
buffalo you? She ain't nothing to be afraid of. Have a little courage,
that's all.
Dorothy: I'm not afraid of her.
Zeke: Then the next time she squawks, walk right up to her and spit in
her eye. That's what I'd do.
Dorothy proceeds to fall off of the fence and land in the pigpen.
Dorothy: Oh! Oh! Oh, Zeke! Zeke! Zeke, get me out of here! Help! Oh!
Hickory: Are you all right, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Yes, I'm all right. Oh. I fell in and and Zeke - Why, Zeke,
you - you're just as scared as I am!
Hunk: What's the matter, gonna let a little old pig make a coward out
of you?
Hickory: Look at you, Zeke - you're just as white -
Aunt Em: Here, here, what's all this jabber-wapping when there's work
to be done?
I know three shiftless farm hands that'll be out of a job before they
know it!
Hickory: Well, Dorothy was walking along the -
Aunt Em: I saw you tinkering with that contraption, Hickory. Now, you
and Hunk get back to that wagon!
Hickory: All right, Mrs. Gale. But some day they're going to erect a
statue to me in this town, and -
Aunt Em: Well, don't start posing for it now. Here, here - can't work
on an empty stomach. Have some crullers.
Hunk: Gosh, Mrs. Gale.
Aunt Em: Just fried.
Hickory: Thanks.
Hunk: Swell.
Zeke: You see, Dorothy topped into the - the -
Aunt Em: It's no place for Dorothy about a pig sty! Now you go feed
those hogs before
they worry themselves into anaemia!
Zeke: Yes, Ma'am.
Dorothy: Aunti Em, really - do you know what Miss Gulch said she was
going to do to Toto? She said she was going to -
Aunt Em: Now, Dorothy, dear, stop imagining things. You always get
yourself into a fret over nothing.
Dorothy: Well -
Aunt Em: Now, you just help us out today and find yourself a place
where you won't get into any trouble.
Dorothy: Some place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose
there is such a place, Toto? There must be. Not a place you can get to
by a boat or a train. It's far, far away - behind the moon - beyond
the rain -
Toto: Hn.
Dorothy breaks into song:
Duo/Dorothy: Oh no! This isn't what I signed up for! No song singing
for me. Uh-uh, no way.
OK fine! *the author puts in an old tape and presses play. Judy
Garland's voice begins playing* BUT you're going to sing the next
one!
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the
rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?
End Chapter 1
Author Notes: Just so you know, I've decided to poke every pet peeve I
have about fanfiction into this one little story. So if you see
something repetitively that annoys you it's probably because it annoys
me in other fics. Feedback is appreciated.
