Chapter Three
Tuesday, May 13, 2006

Dear Journal,

It's funny how the simplest things can remind me of him, a glimpse of blonde hair, a cloudy blue sky and especially the rain. It rained all day, today. Rain to Tristan was like Lorelai to snow. It was like catnip. It always brought out the best in him. His eyes seemed brighter when it rained and his smiles were more radiant and never forced. He once told me that rain set his soul free and made him anew. I wonder if it still does. I remember when he used to drag me out into the street to dance in the rain with him. He would spin me around and show off his fancy ballroom steps that the classes he had taken in middle school taught him. We would waltz in the streets and the only thing that mattered was us, and the rain. It was in the rain that we shared our second kiss. Maybe it was the dancing or even the warm spring rain shower that got us caught up in the moment or at least that is what we blamed it on. The tenderness and the spark I felt when his lips lightly brushed mine, scared me. I was too afraid to ruin the friendship and so afraid of a relationship but I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I would've followed my heart that day. The same heart that was screaming 'take him in your arms and never let him go'. But I didn't, I ignored everything that my heart was saying and lost my destiny. The irony of it all was that I lost him in the fear of losing him. What do you do when one of your worst fears is realized? Move on or stand still? I chose to stand still. It makes it less real and maybe one day it won't be real.

Love,

Rory

I needed to write in my journal, I had to get all of my feelings out. I felt like I was going to combust with all of memories and all of the emotions that still haunted me. Constant images of him floated into my mind. I needed to get out so I decided to walk to the 'Star Bucks' down the street. Outside the night was beautiful. The air still brisk with the scent of rain and the sky was a grayish blue with hints of pink and orange left with the setting sun. The gentle breeze made it just cool enough to need a jacket. There were a few people out on the street but most of them were couples just enjoying the night and each other. It sadden me to see what they had and I couldn't possibly have but it also made me smile a little thinking of how great it would be to have Tristan like that. To be able to hold his hand and lean in close while he whispers something funny in my ear. I wanted nothing more than to watch the lights dance in his eyes while his rich laugh filled my ears. Before I realized it I had reached the 'Star Bucks' and I walked in. I was immediately greeted by Scarlet.

Scarlet: "Hi, Rory. Go sit down and I'll bring you your usual. Would you rather have a danish or a muffin today?"

Rory: "I want a cherry danish, today. Thanks Scarlet." Scarlet brought my order over and walked away.

Scarlet: "Do I need to bring the pot over yet?"

R: "You might want too. Unless you like walking."

S: "One pot coming up." She walked over and left the coffee pot. I finished my danish and my coffee. I set my tab and a tip for Scarlet on the table before I left for home. I walked home slowly taking everything in. The sky and the light misting rain. While I was walking a caught a glimpse of unruly blonde hair and a stature that was extremely similar to Tristan. He turned slightly and I was sure it was him. I took off running in his direction, I just couldn't let this chance to get away. I caught up to him and grabbed his arm.

Rory: "Tristan."

Man: "Sorry miss, you have the wrong person. I'm Matt."

Rory: "I'm so sorry. You looked like someone I used to know."

Man: "Don't worry about it." I walked away shaking my head. He didn't really look much like Tristan close up. I guess it was just wishful thinking and the rain. Then it just started to pour. The rain was chilly and there was no relief. I forgotten my umbrella and didn't even bring a hat. I took off in a run and finally reached my building. I ran straight up to my apartment. When I passed inside the door I immediately started to shed clothing. I really didn't care where it ended it up. All I could think of was to rid myself of that awful shivering. I took a hot shower and grabbed my favorite pajamas. They had coffee drinking monkeys on them. Of course it was a Christmas gift from my mother. I put in my favorite movie 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' and laid down on the couch. I watched for a while before the Oompa Loompas sang me to sleep. Again I dreamed of Tristan.

* Dream*

Tristan and I were sitting on the couch watching 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' for a third time that week. He was always complaining about the amount of junk food I ate. He would always tease me about not knowing what a vegetable was. So that day he got up and sang Oompa number one's song while dancing along.

Tristan: "Oompa Loompa doompadee do,

I've got a perfect puzzle for you,

Oompa Loompa doompadee dee,

If you are wise you will listen to me,

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets,

Eating as much as an elephant eats,

What are you at getting terribly fat,

What do you think will come of that,

I don't like the look of it,

Oompa Loompa doompadee dah,

If you're not greedy you will go far,

You will live in happiness too,

Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do,

Doompadee do!" He was dancing around and he kept twirling around and around before he knocked over a lamp. Luckily it landed on the couch. It would have been his head if he had broken mom's monkey lamp. He pulled me up with him and we started to dance together. We were spinning and twirling. His wonderful laugh filled my ears and I truly was in heaven until his laugh turned from a beautiful sound into an annoying static sound. I was eventually jarred out of my sleep. The movie was over and replaced by a snowy scene. I pulled myself off of the couch and walked sluggishly into the bedroom. I plopped down on my bed and slowly drifted off to sleep. Hoping to get some sleep before I had to return to work tomorrow and face another day with my Tristan gone.