Pokémon Alpha
by the Mysterious Dr. X
episode five
Ash Catches A Bug and Makes Misty Sick
-=today's episode starts with Ash, Misty, and Roadkill trekking through Viridian Forest again. They all seem to be listening to the Narrator=-
Narrator: ...so then I says to the guy "Look! Just because I'm a disembodied voice doesn't mean I ain't got feelings!"
Dexter: There's just no respect for us inanimate voices, you know?
Narrator: Tell me about it! Now I-- OH! Um... er... -=speaks loudly=- WHEN LAST WE LEFT OUR HEROES-- -=everyone screams collectively and falls over in surprise=- they were heading to Pewter City via the route through Viridian Forest!
Ash: -=pops up=- Pewter City? Is that where we're heading?
Misty: -=hands on her hips, leaning forward in Ash's face=- Well DUH, Ash! That IS where the first official Pokémon League gym is! Where did you THINK we were going?
Ash: -=stuttering noises=- I... I thought we were going to Mount Everest to communicate with the Martians!
-=Misty does the cartoon "collapse" gag. Roadkill smacks his forehead. Dexter groans=-
Dexter: Ash, if I had hands, I'd use them to pry out my AI unit if only to cease my having to listen to your idiotic prattle!
Ash: -=grins like an idiot with his tongue hanging out and his left eye squinted=- I'M SPECIAL!!!
Misty: -=looks at him from the corners of her eyes=- you can say that again...
Roadkill and the Narrator: OOOOOOH!
Misty: Wha?
Roadkill: -=hops up in the air behind Misty and pokes her shoulder=- Ku pi pikachuuuuu! (You think Ash is "special"!)
Narrator: -=taunting=- Misty and Ash sittin' in a tree!
Misty: SHADDAP!!! -=backhands Roadkill, who was still hovering behind her, then walks offscreen where a loud slap is heard=-
Narrator: OOH! -=thud=-
Misty: -=walks back onscreen, snarling=-
Ash: -=singing along=- ^_^ K-I-S-S-I-N- -=suddenly catches on and gets rather angry=- hey, wait a minute! -=is then smacked by Misty and falls over=-
Dexter: -=flies out of Ash's pocket, hovers in the air for a moment, sighs, then lands in the dirt. Actually, he lands perfectly, with one edge jabbed into the ground, so he's sort of sitting straight up=- ... hey! Look! Another pokémon!
Ash: -=pops back up=- Really? COOL!
Roadkill: Kip pikachu! (What a ridiculously fortunate stroke of luck!)
Misty: -=folds her arms and rolls her eyes=- Really. It's like this whole series is being written by a lazy cartoonist who just doesn't care...
Narrator: Hey, don't blame him! It's based after a cartoon series by a bunch of lazy cartoonists who just didn't care!
Ash: -=flailing around=- Hey! Shaddap, everybody, can'tcha? Dexter! What is it?
-=the camera shows a big green caterpillar squirming around. Dexter looms up a bit to show the same creature on his screen=-
Dexter: Caterpie - a cute, cuddly little caterpillar pokémon that is, unfortunately, rather weak in its infancy. But, if raised well, it can be a powerful ally when it reaches its adult stage.
Misty: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!! An icky bug! Quick! Squish it! SQUISHIT!!!
Ash: NO WAY!
Misty: -=evil stare=- WHY THE FRIGGIN' HELL NOT??? {Author's Note: misty doesn't like bugs very much!}
Ash: -=points at the cute, but very large caterpillar=- Think of the mess that thing would leave on your shoe! -=a noise is made that suggests Misty just became violently ill=- Anyway, I'M gonna' catch it! -=very excited now=- ^_^ Roadkill! -=points dramatically=- Let's catch that caterpie!!! -=we hear Roadkill's answer, but the camera stays on Ash's face=-
Roadkill: -=just as wildly enthused as Ash=- ^_^ PIKA! (NO! BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE YOU!)
Ash: -=face faults=- Fine, then! -=rummages through his backpack, spilling stuff all over the place (messy little kid, ain't he?), then pulls a pokéball out of his backpack=- DIRTY BIRD! I CHOOSE YOU!!!
-=Dexter sighs irritably as the pidgey pops out of the pokéball, then zooms straight at the caterpie. Dirty Bird proceeds to attempt eating the caterpie. The caterpie, realizing that its life is in danger, starts scooting around and squealing like crazy. It all looks very wacky, and even moreso when the Benny Hill theme music begins.=-
Dexter: Brilliant, Ash. Summon a pokémon that will try to EAT the caterpie. You really are an idiot!
Ash: HEY! -=picks up Dexter and shoves him in his pocket=- I prefer to be called "mentally challenged"!
-=back to Dirty Bird and the caterpie. Caterpie keeps dashing around for its sweet little life, then... out of the corner of its eye, it glimpses a fallen pokéball. Quickening its speed, the caterpie just BARELY misses being eaten by Dirty Bird, and manages to smack his head against the button on the ball, sucking himself right in. Dirty Bird smacks into the ball, falls over, curses in pidgey, then returns to his pokéball to sulk and make some Ramen noodles=-
Ash: -=grabs the newly-inhabited pokéball and leaps up into the air=- YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I caught a caterpie!!!
Roadkill: -=leaps up in front of him, smiling like crazy=- PIKAAAAAAAAAA!!! PikaCHU!!! (YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Whoopty-crap!)
Ash: ^_^ -=opens the caterpie's pokéball and invites the little creature to sit on his hand=- Come on out, little fellah! -=the caterpie slinks onto Ash's hand and squeaks shyly at him=- Hehe! You're so cute! I think I'm going to call you Buttercup!
Dexter: ... Ash, you do realize that's a male caterpie, don't you?
Misty: -=peeks in, looking very pale and sickly=- How can you tell?
Dexter: Well, if you look--
Misty: -=gagging sound=- No... I don't to know!!! -=suddenly, Buttercup is shoved into Misty's face=-
Ash: Still think Buttercup is so gross, Misty?
Misty: -=covers her mouth and has a very, very sick look on her face. Really. She doesn't look good at all. I feel really sorry for her... nah, no I don't. Nevermind=- GRK! -=she then dashes off screen where more unhealthy noises are made. Everyone just watches her=-
Narrator: Wow! Lookit that! Noodles, corn chips, bitsa' corn dog...
Roadkill: Pikachu pika! (It just keeps coming!)
{Ugh. Yes. I know how sick this is and I just want to apologize profusely to everyone out there. I'm a bad mysterious doctor.}
-=Misty hobbles back into view, clutching her stomach and looking very sick. Now I actually do feel sorry for the poor kid=-
Misty: I... hate... bugs... UuUuUuurrrgh...
Ash: -=VERY obnoxious tone=- Whassamatter, Misty? Little girly afraid of a little BUG???
Misty: NO, you PEA-BRAIN! I have a chronic phobia of insects! My parents were KILLED by a rampaging silkworm!
-=Buttercup squeaks sadly=-
Roadkill: -=wide-eyed=- Piiika? (Really?)
Misty: No, not really. -=everyone groans=- What? -=looks around irritably=- WHAT? Hey, look, if Ash can just make up whatever stupid crap he wants, so can I! -=an overly dramatic theme song starts to play=- - -; Oh brother...
Jessie: -=does an impressive karaté flip into the scene=- Prepare for TROUBLE!!!
James: -=steps in from behind Jessie (don't ask how), holding a rose, with Meowth perched on his head=- Make that doub--OOH!
-=before James can even finish his line, Buttercup up and spits a thick silk, completely wrapping Team Rocket up in a cocoon=-
James: Eugh!
Meowth: Dat stupid t'ing's pukin' on us! GROSS!!!
Jessie: -=girly giggle=- It's just like silly string!
-=little pause=-
Meowth: -=looks at Jessie=- What is WRONG witchoo, goil? -=gets punched on the head by Jessie. By now, the silk has begun to harden, so now the team is frozen in the position of Jessie clobbering Meowth and James flailing to get out of the way. They all fall to the ground with a loud thud. There is a very long pause=-
Narrator: ... -=cough=-
Ash: -=throws his hands into the air (Buttercup goes hurtling to the sky)=- SUCCESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Now with Team Rocket out of the way, I can continue on my quest to catch the elusive Robert Denby and put him behind bars!
Dexter: You mean your quest to become a Pokémon Master?
Ash: Huh? Oh. Yeah... That too... -=coughs, then puffs out his chest and starts to march off=- C'MON, ROADKILL! -=Roadkill salutes and goose-steps behind Ash=-
Misty: WAIT!!! -=Ash comes to a wild, sudden stop and falls over on his face. Roadkill does the same, falls over, tumbles over Ash, and lands on his back. Buttercup comes back down and lands right on Roadkill's fuzzy little belly=-
Ash: -=really whiney=- Whaaa~aaaaaat? -=pops up with Roadkill on his head and Buttercup on Roadkill's head. They look like a cartoon totem pole=-
Misty: -=showing a rare moment of sympathy=- We can't just leave Team Rocket here in the middle of Viridian Forest! -=waves her hand in their direction to illustrate her point. Jessie, James, and Meowth all mumble their agreement=-
Roadkill: -=folds his paws=- Pika pikachu? (Why the hell not?)
Ash: Yeah. Why the hell not?
Buttercup: Squee?
Dexter: -=groans=- Ash, even you should know that Viridian Forest is full of beedrill! An extremely dangerous race of pokémon!
Ash: Huh? -=double-blinks, then looks at the corner of the screen=- Hey, Happy-Slappy Jones! Is this true?
Narrator: Huh? Um... Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Don't bother me. I'm ordering a pizza.
Ash: -=narrows one eye=- If Viridian Forest is so dangerous, why didn't you say anything about it before, Misty?
Misty: -=matter-of-factly=- I did.
Ash: ... I... don't remember you saying anything about it...
Misty: You communicate with imaginary space aliens. There's a lot you don't remember.
Ash: ... but... we haven't come across anything dangerous so f--
Misty: SHUT UP!
Ash: -=opens his mouth to say something, gets really confused, and closes his mouth=- ...
Misty: Good. Now help me drag Team Rocket along with us. We need to find some shelter for the night. It's getting dark.
Ash: No it's n--
Misty: SHUT... UP!!!
Ash: ... -=sighs=- okay...
-=Ash and Misty grab Team Rocket and drag them along the trail. Of course, the trio keeps getting their heads knocked against rocks and whatnot along the way=-
Narrator: ...and extra sauce... Huh? Oh um... Watch Pokémon Alpha next week.
-=we see the group in silhouette, trudging along the trail=-
Jessie: OWCH!
James: OOH!
Meowth: ME-YOW!
All 3: END!!!
To Be Continued...
--------------
Next Week on Pokémon Alpha!:
Ash: -=dressed in a salmon suit=- But if I don't get the prunes to the FBI in time, they'll explode!
~~~
Meowth: -=looking really excited=- A lost treasure map???
~~~
James: -=turns his back to a crying Jessie=- Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!
~~~
... or maybe it won't happen. I'm just pulling this out of nowhere, really...
by the Mysterious Dr. X
episode five
Ash Catches A Bug and Makes Misty Sick
-=today's episode starts with Ash, Misty, and Roadkill trekking through Viridian Forest again. They all seem to be listening to the Narrator=-
Narrator: ...so then I says to the guy "Look! Just because I'm a disembodied voice doesn't mean I ain't got feelings!"
Dexter: There's just no respect for us inanimate voices, you know?
Narrator: Tell me about it! Now I-- OH! Um... er... -=speaks loudly=- WHEN LAST WE LEFT OUR HEROES-- -=everyone screams collectively and falls over in surprise=- they were heading to Pewter City via the route through Viridian Forest!
Ash: -=pops up=- Pewter City? Is that where we're heading?
Misty: -=hands on her hips, leaning forward in Ash's face=- Well DUH, Ash! That IS where the first official Pokémon League gym is! Where did you THINK we were going?
Ash: -=stuttering noises=- I... I thought we were going to Mount Everest to communicate with the Martians!
-=Misty does the cartoon "collapse" gag. Roadkill smacks his forehead. Dexter groans=-
Dexter: Ash, if I had hands, I'd use them to pry out my AI unit if only to cease my having to listen to your idiotic prattle!
Ash: -=grins like an idiot with his tongue hanging out and his left eye squinted=- I'M SPECIAL!!!
Misty: -=looks at him from the corners of her eyes=- you can say that again...
Roadkill and the Narrator: OOOOOOH!
Misty: Wha?
Roadkill: -=hops up in the air behind Misty and pokes her shoulder=- Ku pi pikachuuuuu! (You think Ash is "special"!)
Narrator: -=taunting=- Misty and Ash sittin' in a tree!
Misty: SHADDAP!!! -=backhands Roadkill, who was still hovering behind her, then walks offscreen where a loud slap is heard=-
Narrator: OOH! -=thud=-
Misty: -=walks back onscreen, snarling=-
Ash: -=singing along=- ^_^ K-I-S-S-I-N- -=suddenly catches on and gets rather angry=- hey, wait a minute! -=is then smacked by Misty and falls over=-
Dexter: -=flies out of Ash's pocket, hovers in the air for a moment, sighs, then lands in the dirt. Actually, he lands perfectly, with one edge jabbed into the ground, so he's sort of sitting straight up=- ... hey! Look! Another pokémon!
Ash: -=pops back up=- Really? COOL!
Roadkill: Kip pikachu! (What a ridiculously fortunate stroke of luck!)
Misty: -=folds her arms and rolls her eyes=- Really. It's like this whole series is being written by a lazy cartoonist who just doesn't care...
Narrator: Hey, don't blame him! It's based after a cartoon series by a bunch of lazy cartoonists who just didn't care!
Ash: -=flailing around=- Hey! Shaddap, everybody, can'tcha? Dexter! What is it?
-=the camera shows a big green caterpillar squirming around. Dexter looms up a bit to show the same creature on his screen=-
Dexter: Caterpie - a cute, cuddly little caterpillar pokémon that is, unfortunately, rather weak in its infancy. But, if raised well, it can be a powerful ally when it reaches its adult stage.
Misty: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!! An icky bug! Quick! Squish it! SQUISHIT!!!
Ash: NO WAY!
Misty: -=evil stare=- WHY THE FRIGGIN' HELL NOT??? {Author's Note: misty doesn't like bugs very much!}
Ash: -=points at the cute, but very large caterpillar=- Think of the mess that thing would leave on your shoe! -=a noise is made that suggests Misty just became violently ill=- Anyway, I'M gonna' catch it! -=very excited now=- ^_^ Roadkill! -=points dramatically=- Let's catch that caterpie!!! -=we hear Roadkill's answer, but the camera stays on Ash's face=-
Roadkill: -=just as wildly enthused as Ash=- ^_^ PIKA! (NO! BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE YOU!)
Ash: -=face faults=- Fine, then! -=rummages through his backpack, spilling stuff all over the place (messy little kid, ain't he?), then pulls a pokéball out of his backpack=- DIRTY BIRD! I CHOOSE YOU!!!
-=Dexter sighs irritably as the pidgey pops out of the pokéball, then zooms straight at the caterpie. Dirty Bird proceeds to attempt eating the caterpie. The caterpie, realizing that its life is in danger, starts scooting around and squealing like crazy. It all looks very wacky, and even moreso when the Benny Hill theme music begins.=-
Dexter: Brilliant, Ash. Summon a pokémon that will try to EAT the caterpie. You really are an idiot!
Ash: HEY! -=picks up Dexter and shoves him in his pocket=- I prefer to be called "mentally challenged"!
-=back to Dirty Bird and the caterpie. Caterpie keeps dashing around for its sweet little life, then... out of the corner of its eye, it glimpses a fallen pokéball. Quickening its speed, the caterpie just BARELY misses being eaten by Dirty Bird, and manages to smack his head against the button on the ball, sucking himself right in. Dirty Bird smacks into the ball, falls over, curses in pidgey, then returns to his pokéball to sulk and make some Ramen noodles=-
Ash: -=grabs the newly-inhabited pokéball and leaps up into the air=- YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I caught a caterpie!!!
Roadkill: -=leaps up in front of him, smiling like crazy=- PIKAAAAAAAAAA!!! PikaCHU!!! (YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Whoopty-crap!)
Ash: ^_^ -=opens the caterpie's pokéball and invites the little creature to sit on his hand=- Come on out, little fellah! -=the caterpie slinks onto Ash's hand and squeaks shyly at him=- Hehe! You're so cute! I think I'm going to call you Buttercup!
Dexter: ... Ash, you do realize that's a male caterpie, don't you?
Misty: -=peeks in, looking very pale and sickly=- How can you tell?
Dexter: Well, if you look--
Misty: -=gagging sound=- No... I don't to know!!! -=suddenly, Buttercup is shoved into Misty's face=-
Ash: Still think Buttercup is so gross, Misty?
Misty: -=covers her mouth and has a very, very sick look on her face. Really. She doesn't look good at all. I feel really sorry for her... nah, no I don't. Nevermind=- GRK! -=she then dashes off screen where more unhealthy noises are made. Everyone just watches her=-
Narrator: Wow! Lookit that! Noodles, corn chips, bitsa' corn dog...
Roadkill: Pikachu pika! (It just keeps coming!)
{Ugh. Yes. I know how sick this is and I just want to apologize profusely to everyone out there. I'm a bad mysterious doctor.}
-=Misty hobbles back into view, clutching her stomach and looking very sick. Now I actually do feel sorry for the poor kid=-
Misty: I... hate... bugs... UuUuUuurrrgh...
Ash: -=VERY obnoxious tone=- Whassamatter, Misty? Little girly afraid of a little BUG???
Misty: NO, you PEA-BRAIN! I have a chronic phobia of insects! My parents were KILLED by a rampaging silkworm!
-=Buttercup squeaks sadly=-
Roadkill: -=wide-eyed=- Piiika? (Really?)
Misty: No, not really. -=everyone groans=- What? -=looks around irritably=- WHAT? Hey, look, if Ash can just make up whatever stupid crap he wants, so can I! -=an overly dramatic theme song starts to play=- - -; Oh brother...
Jessie: -=does an impressive karaté flip into the scene=- Prepare for TROUBLE!!!
James: -=steps in from behind Jessie (don't ask how), holding a rose, with Meowth perched on his head=- Make that doub--OOH!
-=before James can even finish his line, Buttercup up and spits a thick silk, completely wrapping Team Rocket up in a cocoon=-
James: Eugh!
Meowth: Dat stupid t'ing's pukin' on us! GROSS!!!
Jessie: -=girly giggle=- It's just like silly string!
-=little pause=-
Meowth: -=looks at Jessie=- What is WRONG witchoo, goil? -=gets punched on the head by Jessie. By now, the silk has begun to harden, so now the team is frozen in the position of Jessie clobbering Meowth and James flailing to get out of the way. They all fall to the ground with a loud thud. There is a very long pause=-
Narrator: ... -=cough=-
Ash: -=throws his hands into the air (Buttercup goes hurtling to the sky)=- SUCCESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Now with Team Rocket out of the way, I can continue on my quest to catch the elusive Robert Denby and put him behind bars!
Dexter: You mean your quest to become a Pokémon Master?
Ash: Huh? Oh. Yeah... That too... -=coughs, then puffs out his chest and starts to march off=- C'MON, ROADKILL! -=Roadkill salutes and goose-steps behind Ash=-
Misty: WAIT!!! -=Ash comes to a wild, sudden stop and falls over on his face. Roadkill does the same, falls over, tumbles over Ash, and lands on his back. Buttercup comes back down and lands right on Roadkill's fuzzy little belly=-
Ash: -=really whiney=- Whaaa~aaaaaat? -=pops up with Roadkill on his head and Buttercup on Roadkill's head. They look like a cartoon totem pole=-
Misty: -=showing a rare moment of sympathy=- We can't just leave Team Rocket here in the middle of Viridian Forest! -=waves her hand in their direction to illustrate her point. Jessie, James, and Meowth all mumble their agreement=-
Roadkill: -=folds his paws=- Pika pikachu? (Why the hell not?)
Ash: Yeah. Why the hell not?
Buttercup: Squee?
Dexter: -=groans=- Ash, even you should know that Viridian Forest is full of beedrill! An extremely dangerous race of pokémon!
Ash: Huh? -=double-blinks, then looks at the corner of the screen=- Hey, Happy-Slappy Jones! Is this true?
Narrator: Huh? Um... Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Don't bother me. I'm ordering a pizza.
Ash: -=narrows one eye=- If Viridian Forest is so dangerous, why didn't you say anything about it before, Misty?
Misty: -=matter-of-factly=- I did.
Ash: ... I... don't remember you saying anything about it...
Misty: You communicate with imaginary space aliens. There's a lot you don't remember.
Ash: ... but... we haven't come across anything dangerous so f--
Misty: SHUT UP!
Ash: -=opens his mouth to say something, gets really confused, and closes his mouth=- ...
Misty: Good. Now help me drag Team Rocket along with us. We need to find some shelter for the night. It's getting dark.
Ash: No it's n--
Misty: SHUT... UP!!!
Ash: ... -=sighs=- okay...
-=Ash and Misty grab Team Rocket and drag them along the trail. Of course, the trio keeps getting their heads knocked against rocks and whatnot along the way=-
Narrator: ...and extra sauce... Huh? Oh um... Watch Pokémon Alpha next week.
-=we see the group in silhouette, trudging along the trail=-
Jessie: OWCH!
James: OOH!
Meowth: ME-YOW!
All 3: END!!!
To Be Continued...
--------------
Next Week on Pokémon Alpha!:
Ash: -=dressed in a salmon suit=- But if I don't get the prunes to the FBI in time, they'll explode!
~~~
Meowth: -=looking really excited=- A lost treasure map???
~~~
James: -=turns his back to a crying Jessie=- Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!
~~~
... or maybe it won't happen. I'm just pulling this out of nowhere, really...
