Okay, okay. I admit it. I cheated on this episode and the previous one. They're basically just touched-up versions of chapters I wrote for the original "Pokémon Alpha" series. Oh well... they're pretty funny and I never posted them before so no one will know... Oh, crap! I already told you I cheated! Now you all know my dark secret! DON'T LOOK AT ME!!! DON'T LOOK AT MEEEEE!!! -=runs away, crying=- --Dr. X
--------------
Pokémon Alpha
by the Mysterious Dr. X
episode eight
Of Strangers and Freeloaders
-=The Narrator's voice is heard over a shot of a single, solitary door. Nothing special=-
Narrator: Having reached the Pewter City Gym in the last episode, Ash made the usual complete imbecile of himself and failed splendidly to defeat the leader of the gym. Taking note of Ash's mental instability, Brock invited Ash and Misty to stay at his house for the night under the pretense of showing Ash that he was a good sport... But mainly because he was afraid that Ash, without adult supervision, would end up killing himself with a blunt object.
-=Brock walks up to the door and pulls a keychain from his pocket. Ash, Misty, and Roadkill just pop up behind his back=-
Brock: Well, here we are. I warn you, though... be careful when I open the door...
Ash: Why?
Brock: You'll see... -=there is a huge blast of ominous music. Misty looks upward=-
Misty: QUIT IT!!!
Narrator: No! I can play scary music if I want to! Mommy always told me I couldn't, but she's not here, is she? Well who's laughin' now, Mommy? Who's laughin' now??? BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! -=gunshot=- AWRK!!! -=thud=-
-=The music ceases abruptly. Everyone but Ash steps away as Brock opens the door and roughly 12 children of various ages burst from the doorway. Ash is trampled by the ravenous youngsters=-
Ash: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! x_X -=falls over, and we see his hand rise up helplessly, then get trampled as well=-
Kids: HI, BROCK!!! -=clinging to him=-
Roadkill: -=sitting atop Misty's head=- Ka pi pikachu pika. [Those must be Brock's siblings.]
Dexter: -=in Misty's pocket simply to explain why he's not being crushed=- Or just some very confused children...
Brock: -=laughing as he pushes the pile of kids off of himself=- Okay, guys! Get off!
-=as the kids reluctantly climb off of Brock, one little girl looks down and points at Ash=-
Girl: Who's he, Brock?
Brock: -=brushing himself off=- That's Ash, Katrina. He came to my gym today and I invited him to stay here for the night... -=whispers to her=- I don't trust him to survive a night by himself... or with Misty. She acts like she wants to kill him...
Misty: -=eyes roll back while she speaks backwards=- !eid tsum yob muhcteK ehT
Brock: Yyyyeah... -=helps Ash up=- You okay, Ash?
Ash: -=shivers, completely covered in filthy little footprints=- Their horrible little feet... they were all over me... -=shiver=- I feel so defiled!
Katrina: -=blinks at Ash=- Kinda' dumb, isn't he?
Brock: Well...
Roadkill: Pi. [Yes.]
Misty: Yep.
Dexter: Hoooo, yeah...
Brock: -=nods=- Yeah, he's an idiot.
Ash: My mommy's been to France!
Brock: Yeah... Well, guys, come on in. -=picks up Katrina and walks inside followed by Misty, who's pulling a raving Ash along by the collar=-
Ash: -=looking into the sky and shaking his fist at a passing cloud=- Sample my FIST, you community theater reject! -=is pulled into the house=- Aw, my new friend went away! -=looks around and sees all the kids running around=- Wow! That's a lotta' kids! Are we having Beefaroni tonight?
-=two 13-year old boys in baggy jeans and grey shirts run up to Brock=-
Boy 1: Yo, Brockster! When are we gettin' ta' eat?
Boy 2: Yeah, man! The natives are startin' ta' get restless! -=points to 5 goofy-looking island warrior types=-
Natives: -=hooting and hollering=- 'Ey, mon! Where da' food aroun' hyah?
Boy 1: And everyone else is getting hungry too...
-=all the kids in the room start talking at once. It looks a lot like that scene in Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" CD-ROM game=-
Kids: -=various babbling and whatnot=- Yeah, restless! We're hungry! Gotta' eat!
One Voice That Is Heard Over Them All: #$%@, boy! Where's mah dinnah?
Brock: Oh for cryin' out loud... -=sigh=- Make yourselves at home, folks. I've got to get busy on dinner...
Misty, Ash, Roadkill, and Dexter: Kay! -=Brock walks off to the kitchen as they explore the house=-
Roadkill: -=taps a girl's knee=- Pika. Chu pika pikachu? [Hey kid. Ya' gotta' TV?]
Girl: Awww! Wookit da pikachu!
Roadkill: Chapi pikacha pikachu chu. [Yeah, I'm adorable. Where's the TV?]
Girl: -=picks him up=- You'we so cyuuuuuuuuuuute!!!
Roadkill: ... kapikachu pika pika... [I'm giving you 5 seconds to tell me where the TV is...]
Girl: -=hugs him tightly=- I wuv pikachus!
Roadkill: PIKACHU PI PIKA KACHU!!! [WHERE'S THE BLANKETY-BLANK TV, YOU LITTLE--] -=squeals with delight as he sees over the sofa and spies the huge big-screen TV. He then hops out of her hands and onto the sofa. Hey, you don't think I'm cruel enough to make him zap an innocent little kid, do you?=-
Roadkill: PIKACHU!!! Chaku pikacha picha chu! [ALRIGHT!!! Now where's the Discovery Channel? Roadie needs to see some hot pokémon-mating action!]
-=he looks for the remote and realizes he's now sitting on a sketchbook upon which is being drawn a deeply elaborate picture of a wild horse. The artist's hand has obviously been disturbed by having a large rodent leap on it and the picture is ruined. Roadkill blinks up at the artist: an angry 25-year-old man with dark green hair, an orange T-shirt with a black stripe, a red headband, and brown knee-length shorts=-
Man: AAAARGH!! You stupid rat!!! My picture is ruined!!!
Roadkill: -=looks down at the picture, then looks back at the guy=- Kapi pika chu pikachu pikacha... [If you ask me, it looked like crap to begin with...]
Man: -=screams maniacally and strangles him=- Have you no respect for the hours of work and research that went into that drawing??? HUH??? HAVE YOU??? ANSWER ME, DAMN YOUR LINT-INFESTED SOUL!!! -=finally stops throttling Roadie, but still has his fist tightly clenched around the now-unconscious beast's throat=- SALLY!!!
-=The little girl freezes as she was currently trying to tiptoe away=-
Sally: Y-yes, Twacey? -=she looks around nervously=-
Tracey: -=snarls and shoves Roadkill in her face=- What was THIS doing on the sofa?
Sally: Oh, well Bwock invited some people to spend da' night hewe...
Tracey: AGAIN??? Criminey, there's already 25 of us living here!
Sally: -=matter-of-factly=- There'd be 24 if you'd leave.
Tracey: -=we still see Sally's face, but hear his voice=- Shut up.
-=the scene instantly switches to Brock slaving away at the stove when Tracey literally kicks the kitchen door down=-
Tracey: -=while everything quickly becomes black-and-white=- BROOOOOOCK!!! YOU GOTTA' SOME 'SPLAININ' TA DOOOOOO!!!
-=People are heard cheering and clapping. The Patty Duke Show theme music begins to play and voices start singing to the tune...=-
Voices: -=over a close-up of Brock, who's looking around for the voices, then smiles like an idiot at the audience and shrugs with a "here we go again!" expression=- Oh, Brock inherited his father's gym... He likes to ogle girls and he always squints...
Voices: -=now over a close-up of Tracey who's doing the same stupid expression=- And Tracey lives a life of ease... There'd be 24 if he would leave... -=he suddenly looks really irritated=- What a crazy pair!
Voices: -=over a shot of Brock and Tracey together, grinning like morons=- 'Cuz they're roomies! Best buddies! Together all the way... -=shows Brock=- Original character... -=shows Tracey=- Mid-season replacement... -=a yin-yang with Brock in one side and Tracey in the other. It just keeps getting dumber and dumber, folks...=- Different as night and day...
Voices: -=Tracey is sitting around on the sofa, eating snacks and watching TV=- Now, Tracey sits around and never works... Everyone says he's a lousy jerk...
Voices: -=Brock shown running around the house, doing various errands. The voices get really off-track...=- While Brock does all the work around the house, though he has grandiose dreams of being a pokémon breeder and finding Ms. Right, but the chances of that are so incredibly low that he'll probably have an emotional breakdown at the age of 30...
Voices: -=Brock freaks out and falls over, writhing around in a bout of insanity=- Sad, isn't it? -=they get back on track as Tracey walks in, looks down at him and shrugs with a dumb smile=- 'Cuz they're roomies... -=we now see Brock looking really cheezed-off. He's wearing some goofy fraternity robe as is Tracey, who's leaning against him and is very drunk=- Frat buddies, together all the time... -=Frat-Brother Tracey eats a live goldfish, making Brock get sick enough to run off screen and throw up=-
Voices: -=We now see Tracey and Brock (both wearing the same outfit) walk past a doorway on opposite sides and do the old skit like they're looking into a mirror=- They dress alike... -=we now see Tracey as a court jester=- They jest alike... -=he holds up a ventriloquist dummy of Brock=- You can lose your mind when roomies... are two of a kinnnnnnd... -=we now see a title card for a sitcom entitled "Brock & Tracey!" while we hear the Narrator say "Brock and Tracey is filmed in front of a live studio audience"=-
-=Back to Brock and Tracey, who are still in black and white=-
Brock: Oh, hi, Trace. What's up? -=a laughtrack plays=-
Tracey: Look, buster! -=brandishes a pencil in Brock's face=- What's the big idea inviting MORE people to room here? There's already 25 of us here, you know!
Brock: -=moves Tracey's hand away and goes back to dinner=- There'd be 24 if you'd leave. -=laughtrack=-
Tracey: Look, I'm only living here 'till I can get a job!
Brock: Funny how you've been saying that since college. -=the audience goes "OOOOoOoOOOOOH!" as if Brock just said a really harsh zinger=-
-=at this time, Ash enters the kitchen, welcomed by more cheering and clapping=-
Ash: I don't suppose dinner's ready yet, huh?
Tracey: Oh boy! ANOTHER one of our new boarders! -=laughtrack=-
Ash: -=blink=- Uh... who are you?
Tracey: Tracey Sketchitt, freelance artist. You?
Ash: Ash Ketchum, freelance... uh... -=he blinks stupidly and looks out from the doorway=- HEY, MISTY!!! What am I, anyway?
Misty's Voice: A MORON!!! -=laughtrack=-
Ash: -=nods and holds his hand out=- Ash Ketchum! Freelance moron! -=even more laughter=-
Tracey: -=narrows his eyes=- You honestly expect me to shake your hand... HOMEWRECKER??? -="OoOOoOOOOOh!"=-
Ash: Huh? -=looks at his hand=- Oh, that. Nah. This is an exercise I do to see if I can remember how to move my fingers... -=squints his eyes and sticks his tongue out, obviously concentrating deeply. His arm shakes around a lot and finally his fingers wiggle around. He sighs calmly=- Ah, there we go...
Tracey: ... -=looks at the audience=- I hate my life... -=laughtrack plays again as the "I Love Lucy" heart encircles him and the "Brock and Tracey" theme plays again. The credits roll by and then we hear Tracey's voice...=-
Tracey: END!!!
To Be Continued...
--------------
Pokémon Alpha
by the Mysterious Dr. X
episode eight
Of Strangers and Freeloaders
-=The Narrator's voice is heard over a shot of a single, solitary door. Nothing special=-
Narrator: Having reached the Pewter City Gym in the last episode, Ash made the usual complete imbecile of himself and failed splendidly to defeat the leader of the gym. Taking note of Ash's mental instability, Brock invited Ash and Misty to stay at his house for the night under the pretense of showing Ash that he was a good sport... But mainly because he was afraid that Ash, without adult supervision, would end up killing himself with a blunt object.
-=Brock walks up to the door and pulls a keychain from his pocket. Ash, Misty, and Roadkill just pop up behind his back=-
Brock: Well, here we are. I warn you, though... be careful when I open the door...
Ash: Why?
Brock: You'll see... -=there is a huge blast of ominous music. Misty looks upward=-
Misty: QUIT IT!!!
Narrator: No! I can play scary music if I want to! Mommy always told me I couldn't, but she's not here, is she? Well who's laughin' now, Mommy? Who's laughin' now??? BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! -=gunshot=- AWRK!!! -=thud=-
-=The music ceases abruptly. Everyone but Ash steps away as Brock opens the door and roughly 12 children of various ages burst from the doorway. Ash is trampled by the ravenous youngsters=-
Ash: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! x_X -=falls over, and we see his hand rise up helplessly, then get trampled as well=-
Kids: HI, BROCK!!! -=clinging to him=-
Roadkill: -=sitting atop Misty's head=- Ka pi pikachu pika. [Those must be Brock's siblings.]
Dexter: -=in Misty's pocket simply to explain why he's not being crushed=- Or just some very confused children...
Brock: -=laughing as he pushes the pile of kids off of himself=- Okay, guys! Get off!
-=as the kids reluctantly climb off of Brock, one little girl looks down and points at Ash=-
Girl: Who's he, Brock?
Brock: -=brushing himself off=- That's Ash, Katrina. He came to my gym today and I invited him to stay here for the night... -=whispers to her=- I don't trust him to survive a night by himself... or with Misty. She acts like she wants to kill him...
Misty: -=eyes roll back while she speaks backwards=- !eid tsum yob muhcteK ehT
Brock: Yyyyeah... -=helps Ash up=- You okay, Ash?
Ash: -=shivers, completely covered in filthy little footprints=- Their horrible little feet... they were all over me... -=shiver=- I feel so defiled!
Katrina: -=blinks at Ash=- Kinda' dumb, isn't he?
Brock: Well...
Roadkill: Pi. [Yes.]
Misty: Yep.
Dexter: Hoooo, yeah...
Brock: -=nods=- Yeah, he's an idiot.
Ash: My mommy's been to France!
Brock: Yeah... Well, guys, come on in. -=picks up Katrina and walks inside followed by Misty, who's pulling a raving Ash along by the collar=-
Ash: -=looking into the sky and shaking his fist at a passing cloud=- Sample my FIST, you community theater reject! -=is pulled into the house=- Aw, my new friend went away! -=looks around and sees all the kids running around=- Wow! That's a lotta' kids! Are we having Beefaroni tonight?
-=two 13-year old boys in baggy jeans and grey shirts run up to Brock=-
Boy 1: Yo, Brockster! When are we gettin' ta' eat?
Boy 2: Yeah, man! The natives are startin' ta' get restless! -=points to 5 goofy-looking island warrior types=-
Natives: -=hooting and hollering=- 'Ey, mon! Where da' food aroun' hyah?
Boy 1: And everyone else is getting hungry too...
-=all the kids in the room start talking at once. It looks a lot like that scene in Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" CD-ROM game=-
Kids: -=various babbling and whatnot=- Yeah, restless! We're hungry! Gotta' eat!
One Voice That Is Heard Over Them All: #$%@, boy! Where's mah dinnah?
Brock: Oh for cryin' out loud... -=sigh=- Make yourselves at home, folks. I've got to get busy on dinner...
Misty, Ash, Roadkill, and Dexter: Kay! -=Brock walks off to the kitchen as they explore the house=-
Roadkill: -=taps a girl's knee=- Pika. Chu pika pikachu? [Hey kid. Ya' gotta' TV?]
Girl: Awww! Wookit da pikachu!
Roadkill: Chapi pikacha pikachu chu. [Yeah, I'm adorable. Where's the TV?]
Girl: -=picks him up=- You'we so cyuuuuuuuuuuute!!!
Roadkill: ... kapikachu pika pika... [I'm giving you 5 seconds to tell me where the TV is...]
Girl: -=hugs him tightly=- I wuv pikachus!
Roadkill: PIKACHU PI PIKA KACHU!!! [WHERE'S THE BLANKETY-BLANK TV, YOU LITTLE--] -=squeals with delight as he sees over the sofa and spies the huge big-screen TV. He then hops out of her hands and onto the sofa. Hey, you don't think I'm cruel enough to make him zap an innocent little kid, do you?=-
Roadkill: PIKACHU!!! Chaku pikacha picha chu! [ALRIGHT!!! Now where's the Discovery Channel? Roadie needs to see some hot pokémon-mating action!]
-=he looks for the remote and realizes he's now sitting on a sketchbook upon which is being drawn a deeply elaborate picture of a wild horse. The artist's hand has obviously been disturbed by having a large rodent leap on it and the picture is ruined. Roadkill blinks up at the artist: an angry 25-year-old man with dark green hair, an orange T-shirt with a black stripe, a red headband, and brown knee-length shorts=-
Man: AAAARGH!! You stupid rat!!! My picture is ruined!!!
Roadkill: -=looks down at the picture, then looks back at the guy=- Kapi pika chu pikachu pikacha... [If you ask me, it looked like crap to begin with...]
Man: -=screams maniacally and strangles him=- Have you no respect for the hours of work and research that went into that drawing??? HUH??? HAVE YOU??? ANSWER ME, DAMN YOUR LINT-INFESTED SOUL!!! -=finally stops throttling Roadie, but still has his fist tightly clenched around the now-unconscious beast's throat=- SALLY!!!
-=The little girl freezes as she was currently trying to tiptoe away=-
Sally: Y-yes, Twacey? -=she looks around nervously=-
Tracey: -=snarls and shoves Roadkill in her face=- What was THIS doing on the sofa?
Sally: Oh, well Bwock invited some people to spend da' night hewe...
Tracey: AGAIN??? Criminey, there's already 25 of us living here!
Sally: -=matter-of-factly=- There'd be 24 if you'd leave.
Tracey: -=we still see Sally's face, but hear his voice=- Shut up.
-=the scene instantly switches to Brock slaving away at the stove when Tracey literally kicks the kitchen door down=-
Tracey: -=while everything quickly becomes black-and-white=- BROOOOOOCK!!! YOU GOTTA' SOME 'SPLAININ' TA DOOOOOO!!!
-=People are heard cheering and clapping. The Patty Duke Show theme music begins to play and voices start singing to the tune...=-
Voices: -=over a close-up of Brock, who's looking around for the voices, then smiles like an idiot at the audience and shrugs with a "here we go again!" expression=- Oh, Brock inherited his father's gym... He likes to ogle girls and he always squints...
Voices: -=now over a close-up of Tracey who's doing the same stupid expression=- And Tracey lives a life of ease... There'd be 24 if he would leave... -=he suddenly looks really irritated=- What a crazy pair!
Voices: -=over a shot of Brock and Tracey together, grinning like morons=- 'Cuz they're roomies! Best buddies! Together all the way... -=shows Brock=- Original character... -=shows Tracey=- Mid-season replacement... -=a yin-yang with Brock in one side and Tracey in the other. It just keeps getting dumber and dumber, folks...=- Different as night and day...
Voices: -=Tracey is sitting around on the sofa, eating snacks and watching TV=- Now, Tracey sits around and never works... Everyone says he's a lousy jerk...
Voices: -=Brock shown running around the house, doing various errands. The voices get really off-track...=- While Brock does all the work around the house, though he has grandiose dreams of being a pokémon breeder and finding Ms. Right, but the chances of that are so incredibly low that he'll probably have an emotional breakdown at the age of 30...
Voices: -=Brock freaks out and falls over, writhing around in a bout of insanity=- Sad, isn't it? -=they get back on track as Tracey walks in, looks down at him and shrugs with a dumb smile=- 'Cuz they're roomies... -=we now see Brock looking really cheezed-off. He's wearing some goofy fraternity robe as is Tracey, who's leaning against him and is very drunk=- Frat buddies, together all the time... -=Frat-Brother Tracey eats a live goldfish, making Brock get sick enough to run off screen and throw up=-
Voices: -=We now see Tracey and Brock (both wearing the same outfit) walk past a doorway on opposite sides and do the old skit like they're looking into a mirror=- They dress alike... -=we now see Tracey as a court jester=- They jest alike... -=he holds up a ventriloquist dummy of Brock=- You can lose your mind when roomies... are two of a kinnnnnnd... -=we now see a title card for a sitcom entitled "Brock & Tracey!" while we hear the Narrator say "Brock and Tracey is filmed in front of a live studio audience"=-
-=Back to Brock and Tracey, who are still in black and white=-
Brock: Oh, hi, Trace. What's up? -=a laughtrack plays=-
Tracey: Look, buster! -=brandishes a pencil in Brock's face=- What's the big idea inviting MORE people to room here? There's already 25 of us here, you know!
Brock: -=moves Tracey's hand away and goes back to dinner=- There'd be 24 if you'd leave. -=laughtrack=-
Tracey: Look, I'm only living here 'till I can get a job!
Brock: Funny how you've been saying that since college. -=the audience goes "OOOOoOoOOOOOH!" as if Brock just said a really harsh zinger=-
-=at this time, Ash enters the kitchen, welcomed by more cheering and clapping=-
Ash: I don't suppose dinner's ready yet, huh?
Tracey: Oh boy! ANOTHER one of our new boarders! -=laughtrack=-
Ash: -=blink=- Uh... who are you?
Tracey: Tracey Sketchitt, freelance artist. You?
Ash: Ash Ketchum, freelance... uh... -=he blinks stupidly and looks out from the doorway=- HEY, MISTY!!! What am I, anyway?
Misty's Voice: A MORON!!! -=laughtrack=-
Ash: -=nods and holds his hand out=- Ash Ketchum! Freelance moron! -=even more laughter=-
Tracey: -=narrows his eyes=- You honestly expect me to shake your hand... HOMEWRECKER??? -="OoOOoOOOOOh!"=-
Ash: Huh? -=looks at his hand=- Oh, that. Nah. This is an exercise I do to see if I can remember how to move my fingers... -=squints his eyes and sticks his tongue out, obviously concentrating deeply. His arm shakes around a lot and finally his fingers wiggle around. He sighs calmly=- Ah, there we go...
Tracey: ... -=looks at the audience=- I hate my life... -=laughtrack plays again as the "I Love Lucy" heart encircles him and the "Brock and Tracey" theme plays again. The credits roll by and then we hear Tracey's voice...=-
Tracey: END!!!
To Be Continued...
