Let me just say for the record that I am pretty ashamed of the language used in this and a few of my other stories. Yes... In all honesty, it's pretty funny seeing Roadkill, Tracey, and other such characters cursing... But it's also not very mature of me to write such things. SOOOOOoooo... I'm going to try to be a bit more responsible in my writings from now on... Though this story doesn't count. It's just too much fun to watch a swearing pikachu ^_^; But in my OTHER stories and comics, there'll be less bad stuff. I promise! ... I hope... --Dr. X

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Pokémon Alpha

by the Mysterious Dr. X

episode nine

Animal Cruelty and Other Fun Family Activities

-=Our episode begins today with all of Brock's family (including Tracey, Ash, Misty, and Roadkill) at breakfast. The camera pans across the table a bit to see everyone, then we see Ash eating cereal and staring threateningly at someone, but we can't see who it is=-

Narrator: If you recall, Ash was invited to stay at Brock's house for the night, whereupon he met Brock's roommate and former college friend Tracey... who was none-too-happy about there being even more people to stay at the house. Of course, the subject WAS brought up that he himself was a freeloader, but Tracey's a jerk and doesn't care. And now we join our heroes at breakfast, where it looks like an argument is about to arise!

Ash: -=narrows his eyes=- Think you can outsmart me, eh? Well think again, you 100% recyclable BASTARD!!! -=the camera pulls back to show us that he's yelling at a cereal box. He starts whapping the top of the box with his cereal spoon=- "Find 8 hidden Honeycombs in this picture," my BUTT!!! You call yourself the KING OF THE JUNGLE???

-=Brock looks up from his breakfast and raises an eyebrow at Ash=-

Brock: Uhhh...

-=Brock's point-of-view shifts to Misty for a moment, who just shakes her head warningly. Brock shuts up=-

Roadkill: [Just let it take it's course...] -=Ash stops glaring at the box, then goes back to eating=- [There we go...]

-=Now the camera moves a bit to the OTHER side of the box, where...=-

Tracey: -=staring at the box, then punches it so it falls over=- Heheh... stupid box...

Brock: -=shakes his head, then points to Ash=- Hey, Ash... You wanna' pass the milk?

-=Ash hops up frantically. Everyone looks at him with bored looks on their faces=-

Ash: WHO TOLD YOU THAT? LIES! All such dirty... filthy... STINKING LIES!!! -=wriggles his fingers dramatically as he squints his left eye=- Well you're not getting any secrets from me, Madame X! It's off to the HOOS-COW with me! -=screams and puts his hands over his head, then starts crying=- SHUT UP! EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!!! -=runs out of the house, screaming his head off=-

Brock: -=after a very, VERY long pause in which everyone just watches Ash run off=- ... Pass the milk, Billy... -=the hand of one of Brock's little brothers pushes a milk carton at him=-

-=Now we're given an arial view of Pewter City as Ash flails down the streets, ranting and raving=-

Narrator: ... Oh... Goodness... -=snicker=- WOW! This is pretty funny stuff...

Ash: -=his voice echoes through the streets=- FINLAND!!!

-=Now we see a little area that looks like it might be part of a little park or something. Jessie is standing there looking really cheezed-off and really stupid. Ash stomps in=-

Ash: -=mopey=- Hi, Jessie.

Jessie: -=mopey=- Hi, Ash.

Ash: Are you mad, too?

Jessie: Yup.

Ash: Howcome?

Jessie: 'Cuz James and Meowth are too busy arguing and they won't pay attention to me...

-=we now see James and Meowth screaming at each other=-

James: Cherry!

Meowth: Strawberry!

James: CHERRY!!!

Meowth: STRAWBERRY!!!

James: -=sigh=- Look, why don't we ask a neutral third party?

Meowth: Woiks fer me...

-=they walk up to a random guy in the street=-

Meowth: Hey, Mac! What's yer fav'rit flava' of Pop-Tart?

-=The guy doesn't even turn to look at them. He just pulls out a gun and clicks it at them. Now back to Ash and Jessie=-

Jessie: -=over a gunshot=- What are you mad about?

Ash: -=even angrier now=- I can't remember!

Jessie: -=suddenly in a good mood=- Hey! You want me to help you beat Brock?

Ash: Umm... Okay! But aren't you supposed to... I dunno... Try to steal Roadkill and not want me to win?

Jessie: -=shrugs=- I guess, but I'm bored and I want something fun to do...

Ash: KAY!

-=Roadkill scampers into the scene=-

Roadkill: Pika pikachu. Pika. Chu pikacha chupika. [Hey Ash! I came to tell you you're a big dope and everyone's laughing at you back at Brock's place...]

Ash: -=squeals with joy=- Roadkill! You want to fight against Brock's pokémon again, and win this time, right?

Roadkill: Chu pika. [Not necessarily.] Pikachu pika. Pikacha cha ku pikachu cha. [Also, Brock called your grandfather and told him what an idiot you made of yourself... and your grampa' and mom started laughing at you... and then Gary called and he started making fun of you... Good times, man... Good times...]

Jessie: -=hugs Roadkill=- Awww! Roadkill, you're such a sweet pokémon to come and cheer Ash up like that!

Roadkill: -=struggling helplessly with his face pressed against her chest=- PI!!! PIKACHU KA PIKA!!! [NO! I'M NOT!!! I HATE THAT KID!!! NOW LEMME' GO! I'M SUFFOCATIN'!!!]

Ash: -=grabs Roadkill's tail and yanks him out of Jessie's arms. Roadkill dangles from Ash's hand, gasping for sweet life-giving air with X marks over his eyes=- Okay! -=goes wall-eyed=- Let's go train us up a pikachu!

Jessie: -=throws her fists into the air, cheering happily=- Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge!!!

-=Suddenly, we see an old building on the outskirts of town. A sign outside says "Conveniently abandoned hydro-electric plant." Ash's voice is heard=-

Ash: So... Jess, you think we should give it another shot?

Jessie: Yyyyyyeahhhh... It's worth a try...

-=Now we see Roadkill, who's strapped to a big, electric... thing... He's flailing around helplessly (again) and shrieking like mad=-

Roadkill: KA PICHU PIKACHU PIKA PIK-PIK-PIKA CHU PIKACHU CHAAAAAAAAA!!!! [YOU MANIACS!!! YOU CAN'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, YOU HEAR ME??? I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!! I SWEAR I'LL GET PETA ON YOUR ASSES SO FAST, IT WON'T EVEN BE FUNN-] -=Ash and Jessie flip some switches and Roadkill writhes around in agony, then flops to the ground as all the ropes holding him against the... thing... I dunno, generator, I guess... burn off=-

Ash and Jessie: OooOOoOOh!!! COOL!!!

Flint: -=pops up through an open window=- I see you are training for second battle with Brock, hmm?

Ash: Huh? -=blinks=- Oh yeah!

Jessie: We just started zapping Roadkill, and it was so fun, I guess we forgot about that!

Roadkill: -=smoldering on the ground with one lone wire taped to his back=- chu... chu pika... chaaaa... [your deaths will be slow and painful...]

Flint: ... -=blink=-

Ash: So, Mr. Flint... You wanna' help me train Roadkill?

Flint: -=shrugs=- Not rearry. I'm pranning on watching you fairl again... -=snicker=- It's pretty funny, actuarry...

Ash: -=smiles stupidly=- OKAY!

-=Roadkill hobbles up to Ash with an evil look on his face, holding a live wire and obviously intent on electrocuting the little idiot. Jessie pokes a button and the wire on Roadkill's back blasts him across the room=-

Roadkill: piKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAA--!!!

Jessie: -=giggles=- He so cyuuuuute!

Narrator: Later an' stuff...

-=Suddenly, the doors to Brock's gym are kicked open by Ash, who looks extremely insane=-

Ash: IT'S SHOWDOWN TIME AT THE O-K CORRAL!!!

-=Brock, Misty, and Tracey are all sitting there waiting for him=-

Misty: 'Bout time you got here.

Ash: Huh? Misty? Tracey? What are you guys doing here?

Narrator: I told 'em you were going to try to fight Brock again today...

Dexter: -=in Misty's lap=- We've been waitin' to watch you make an idiot of yourself again.

Flint: -=pops up behind Ash=- I'm terlin' ya', it's funny stuff, kid!

Ash: -=shrugs=- Whatever. Let's just get this episode over with. It's not very funny and I'm sure future plotlines will provide better quality jokes.

Brock: -=nods=- Agreed. -=heaves a pokéball into the center of the gym=- Rocky! GO! -=Rocky pops back out and flexes his muscles as "Eye of the Tiger" starts to play=-

Ash: Roadkill! Go!

Roadkill: KaaAAaaaa... -=stomps into the center of the gym, looking homicidal with all his fur burnt to a crisp, his left eye blackened, and his right ear and tail twitching involuntarily=- ... Ka... KACHU! -=shakes his fists wildly at Rocky=- KACHU KA KA KA KACHU PIKA KACHU KA PIKA!!!!

Brock: ... um... Okay, Rocky... Tackle...

-=Rocky looks nervously at Roadkill, who's snarling and baring his fangs (note: pikachu don't have fangs. Roadkill does 'cuz he's mad. It's funny)=-

Rocky: ... -=shrugs=- Geodude... -=dives to tackle Roadkill=-

Roadkill: PIKACHU!!! -=yanks out a bucket of water and splashes Rocky with it. "Eye of the Tiger" instantly stops playing as we hear a record skip=-

Ash: -=hopping up and down=- YEAH! WOOHOO! WAY TO GO, ROADIE!!!

Tracey: yeah...

Misty: -=twirls her finger around=- woohoo...

Dexter: great...

Narrator: big deal...

Flint: Aw, come on an' ROOSE, why doncha'???

Roadkill: -=glares daggers at Brock and points his finger dramatically at him=- PIKACHU CHA PIKA! PIKACHU CHU KA PIKACHU CHA!!!

Brock: -=little pause=- ... I have no idea what you just said, but I don't like how you said it! GETTIM, CRUSHER!!!

-=Another pokéball is thrown, releasing an onix... which is like a big, long, huge snake made outta' rocks. Don't ask me. Japanese cartoonists are weird=-

Crusher: -=roars loud enough to make the floor shake=- GRRRRAAAAOOOOWWWNWIIXXXXXXX!!!

Roadkill: PIKACHU PI-- -=his ranting comes to an end as Crusher whacks him with his tail, sending Roadkill flying into the wall, right next to the pikachu-crater from before=-

Brock: Guess I win. -=everyone cheers. Ash hangs his head=-

Ash: Awwwww... Now I'll never be a pokémon master...

Flint: HAHA! -=poking Ash's head=- You are filled with shame, yes? I raugh at your unhappiness! HAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!!! ... HAH!

-=Roadkill's little hole in the wall is seen, smoking. It looks like the whole "Death of Superman" scene. Suddenly, Roadkill's paw rises up and grabs the side of the wall. Then he pops out with demonic fire in his eyes=-

Roadkill: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

-=Roadkill dives at Crusher, then suddenly we just see all the humans gasping in horror at whatever's going on. We're not allowed to see it, we just know that it's really awful. Before long, Crusher and Rocky are both unconscious and mangled on the floor while Roadkill huffs and wheezes while drooling viciously=-

Roadkill: -=shakes his fists triumphantly=- PIKACHU CHA PIKACHUUUUUUUUUU??? [WHO ELSE WANTS SOME???]

Ash: YAY! I WIN! -=gets zapped by Roadkill=- AWRK! -=falls over=-

-=Yet one more scene change as we see Ash and Misty preparing to leave Pewter City. Ash has Roadkill in a straitjacket, strapped to his backpack. Roadkill is wriggling around, still proclaiming curses to everyone on the planet=-

Ash: Alright, then! Dexter? -=pulls Dexter out of his pocket=- Where to next?

Dexter: Cerulean City...

Ash: Right! The Island of Misfit Toys! -=shuts Dexter off and returns him to his pocket=-

Misty: ... Ash... Do you try to be a moron, or does it just come naturally?

Ash: ... Hmmm... -=taps his chin thoughtfully=-

Brock: WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!! -=Ash and Misty blink as Brock comes running up toward them=- Ash! You forgot to accept the Boulder Badge as proof that you beat me...

Ash: BADGES? WE DON' NEED NO STEENKING BADGES!!! -=Misty punches him out=-

Misty: Thanks, Brock. -=takes the badge from him=-

Brock: No prob, Misty... -=sighs=- Man... You sure are lucky...

Misty: -=looks down at the unconscious Ash=- Because I'm traveling with a psychotic maniac?

Brock: No... Because you're actually getting to travel at all...

Misty: Oh geeze, not this again...

Brock: -=very wistful=- I wish I could go on a training journey... -=Misty is heard going "NO! Shut up! You say this every year!"=- ...But, unfortunately, ever since my mother died and my father mysteriously disappeared, I have no choice but to stay home and watch after my 23 brothers and sisters... -=gets a frustrated tone of voice=- and that deadbeat, Tracey...

Tracey: -=pops up out of nowhere=- I HEARD THAT!

Flint: -=runs down the path, crying, then hugs Brock tightly=- AWRIGHT, AWRIGHT!!! I'M SORRY!!!

Misty and Tracey: YIKES!

Brock: ... who are you and don't hug me.

Flint: It's me, Brock! Your good-for-nothing father who just up and vanished for no reason at arl, but now I have seen the error of my ways and I will return to my rightfurl prace as leader of my famiry and gym!

Brock: Oh okay. -=suddenly wearing a backpack=- Well, I guess I'll be going with Misty, then. See ya, Dad!

-=Brock and Misty walk off, dragging Ash as usual. Tracey smiles and pats Flint's shoulder=-

Tracey: Gee, that sure was mature of you to come back and accept your role as father, Mr. Flint.

Flint: Shut up and go with Brock.

Tracey: WHAT? WHY???

Flint: Because, quite frankry, I just don't rike you. Now go and never darken my towerls again!

-=Back to Misty and Brock=-

Misty: Geeze, Brock... Do you have to do that bit with your dad every year?

Brock: -=shrugs=- Yeah. I know it's kinda' dumb, but my dad insists upon it...

Misty: -=looks at him=- You're kinda' dumb, Brock...

Brock: -=whiney=- No, YOU'RE kinda' dumb!

Misty: No YOU'RE kinda' dumb!

Tracey: -=sulks as he walks up to them=- Hey, guys... Brock's old man told me to get lost 'cuz he doesn't like me...

Brock: I don't blame him. None of us like you.

Misty: Oh, great! So now I have to put up with YOU, TOO?

Tracey: You could just go home, Misty...

Misty: -=shakes her head=- Nah. I wanna' torment Ash for ruining my bike. Plus I'm supposed to portray a love/hate relationship with him in the story...

Tracey: Owch. That's rough.

Misty: yyyyyyep - -;

-=And the scene fades as they walk off, Misty making sure to keep whapping Ash's head against rocks along the path. The camera irises open really quick to show one more scene, which features James and Meowth in the hospital and Jessie talking to them=-

Meowth: Where'dja' go, anyway, Jess?

Jessie: -=holding James' hand and running her fingers through his hair=- I went off with Ash to abuse his pikachu. But what happened to you guys, anyway?

James: We asked some guy what his favorite kind of Pop-Tart was, so he shot us...

Jessie: Man, you guys have all the fun...

-=The Looney Tunes music plays and the camera irises out while "To Be Continued" is written across the screen, similar to the "That's All, Folks!" deal=-

Narrator: END!

To Be Continued...

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The Last Word: I know this chapter sort of deteriorated near the end, but that's because the heat no longer works in my house, and my fingers were freezing too much to type much more, and I really wanted this chapter done today. There you go. Eat some lunch and tell someone you love them. You'll be glad you did. --Dr. X