Groundhog Day

Disclaimer: If disclaimers were gold, I'd be rich, cause I certainly own nothing. Except maybe my own twisted sense of humor.

Authors note: It's me again, and I'm taking the liberty of making immense fun of Julian (no harm intended, I love him to pieces. Die Tom!!!) into my own hands, and having a damn good time doing it, too!

Summary: Julian is having some problems with his inner rodent…

(Its Groundhogs Day, some time before dawn. Jenny is walking down the main street of Puxatawnee, Pennsylvania, when she sees a crowd gathering at the zoo. Wondering what could be going on at the zoo so early in the morning, she walks over to investigate. She elbows her way through the crowd and sees Julian in a groundhog suit hiding in a hole in the ground.)

(Jenny promptly bursts out laughing. Julian glares at her.)

Jenny: Julian, why the hell are you dressed as a groundhog?!

Julian: Shh! You'll blow my cover!

Jenny: What cover? You are a six-foot tall man in a groundhog suit! Who is not going to notice a six-foot tall groundhog?!

Julian: Shh!! The elders don't know that a groundhog isn't supposed to be six feet tall!

Jenny: You still haven't told me why you're in a groundhog suit.

Julian: Well, you see, after I died, I went to hell. More of an atonement for all the rather mean things I did before I gave my soul for you, you know, popping little kids balloons, making it rain on parade days, things like that. So I went to hell, quite a nice place, until you meet the landlord. So anyways, he told me that I have to conquer the world.

Jenny: And you're going to do that by dressing as a groundhog?

Julian: Exactly! Now you're catching on! And YOU are going to help me!

Jenny: I am? What do you want me to do? Find an armadillo costume and dance at the town meeting just to confuse everyone while you see your shadow and cast everyone into another six weeks of winter where crops will freeze and pipes will burst and all the chocolate factories will burn down? Therefore causing the entire world to sell their souls to keep from dying?

Julian: How'd you know?

Jenny: Why me…?

Julian: So I'll set about getting the seeing my shadow thing once the sun comes up and you in the mean time can go buy yourself an armadillo costume! It's not just a one-time use kinda costume, you know. You can use it next Halloween! You can go as a giant armadillo and I can go as… a guy in a groundhog suit! That works! Then I can take you back to my haunted house and scare the living daylights out of you ten I will seduce you and drag you into another horrific Game which you cannot win and you will be mine forever and ever and ever and ever… (Julian keeps on like this for a while.)

Jenny: You don't need to drag me back to your haunted house to scare the living daylights out of me. You're doing a fine job of that right now.

Julian: So, when are you going to get an armadillo costume?

(Jenny walks away.)

Julian: Hey! Where ya going?!

Jenny: Later Julian, I'm going to go schedule you an appointment at the psychiatrist's right now. I'll let you know when it is.

Julian: But what about my plot for world domination?!

(Jenny wisely keeps on walking.)