CAPTAIN'S loooooooog: stardate: 2733: We are (dp) UNDER ATTTTTTACK by (dp) giant alien penguins. Spock is (dp) high (dp) and loose on the (dp) ship...
"SPOOOOOOCK (dp) have yopu (dp) stolen my (dp) toupee once more?" Kirk called on the intercom and then smacked himself on the forehead when he heard muffled laughter from the ship, "Stupid..."
"Yo, Cap'n!" Spock's voice came from the comm.
"(dp) Yes (dp) Spock?"
"I got your toupee and...uh...oh yeah...them giant penguins is attackin' yo-yo."
"I'llllllllll (dp) be right there (dp) Spock!"
He raced up to the bridge-not wearing his toupee and not noticing stares and giggles from the crew.
He burst onto the bridge and stopped when everyone laughed and pointed. He suddenly realized why. He ran a hand across his scalp, cringing when it squeeked. This only made them laugh louder and point more (if that was possible).
He stormed over to Spock and ripped his toupee off Spock's head, shoving it forcefully onto his own. It was totally messed up. It was backwards and all over the place. He tried to pull it off and put it back on right, however, the glue was sticky and it wouldn't let go of his head. He sighed in frustration and threw himself dramatically into his Captain's chair. "Ooooon screen," he said.
A giant penguin appeared on the screen, "Quack, quackquack, quack, quack."
[Translation: Greetings, you ugly warm blooded fool.]
"I believe (dp) IIIIIIIIIII (dp) speak a little Quack."
Everybody groaned, remembering the fiasco with Hitler.
"Ahem...Quack quackish quack quacker quack quack."
[Translation: You are stupid and I will destroy you.]
"*gasp!* Captain! Do you have any idea what you just said!?" Uhura cried in dismay.
"Of course (dp) Uhura. Ahem, 'We arrrrrre (dp) on a peaceful mission.' (dp) I quoted (dp) of course."
She smacked herself on the forhead for ever putting faith in this stupid being of a Captain, "No! You said, And I quote, 'you are stupid and I will destry you ' end quote."
"How did you learn so many languages?" asked Sulu as he spun rapidly in his chair.
She shrugged, "It's a gift."
On screen, the penguin seemed angry. It's eyes narrowed to small slits and red beams shot from them. The screen started to melt. Suddenly his image disappeared.
"Sar! Ship es charging fazars!"
"Fazars? What the hell are fazars?" Sulu spun to look at his Russian comrade.
"Uh..I believe he meant to say 'phasers', Sulu." Uhura piped up from her seat in the back.
"Oh..."
The ship rocked with the force of the fazars...I mean phasers...on the Enterprise's hull.
"Sar! Shields are up!"
"Did IIIIII (dp) say to (dp) put up shields (dp) Mr.Chekov?"
"Vell...no sar..."
"THEN DOOOOOON'T."
"Ok. It is your life," Chekov shrugged nonchalantly and lowered shields.
"That's better."
Another fazar...dammit PHASER...blast rocked the ship, "SHIELDS UP! (dp) DAMMIT CHEKOV! (dp) WHY WEREN'T THESE (dp) SHIIIIIELDS ALREADY UP?!"
Chekov banged his head repeatedly against the console. Suddenly his completely out of style 60's wig burst into flames.
"Ahhh!!!"
"Johnsen!"
"Oops..."
"SPOOOOOOCK (dp) have yopu (dp) stolen my (dp) toupee once more?" Kirk called on the intercom and then smacked himself on the forehead when he heard muffled laughter from the ship, "Stupid..."
"Yo, Cap'n!" Spock's voice came from the comm.
"(dp) Yes (dp) Spock?"
"I got your toupee and...uh...oh yeah...them giant penguins is attackin' yo-yo."
"I'llllllllll (dp) be right there (dp) Spock!"
He raced up to the bridge-not wearing his toupee and not noticing stares and giggles from the crew.
He burst onto the bridge and stopped when everyone laughed and pointed. He suddenly realized why. He ran a hand across his scalp, cringing when it squeeked. This only made them laugh louder and point more (if that was possible).
He stormed over to Spock and ripped his toupee off Spock's head, shoving it forcefully onto his own. It was totally messed up. It was backwards and all over the place. He tried to pull it off and put it back on right, however, the glue was sticky and it wouldn't let go of his head. He sighed in frustration and threw himself dramatically into his Captain's chair. "Ooooon screen," he said.
A giant penguin appeared on the screen, "Quack, quackquack, quack, quack."
[Translation: Greetings, you ugly warm blooded fool.]
"I believe (dp) IIIIIIIIIII (dp) speak a little Quack."
Everybody groaned, remembering the fiasco with Hitler.
"Ahem...Quack quackish quack quacker quack quack."
[Translation: You are stupid and I will destroy you.]
"*gasp!* Captain! Do you have any idea what you just said!?" Uhura cried in dismay.
"Of course (dp) Uhura. Ahem, 'We arrrrrre (dp) on a peaceful mission.' (dp) I quoted (dp) of course."
She smacked herself on the forhead for ever putting faith in this stupid being of a Captain, "No! You said, And I quote, 'you are stupid and I will destry you ' end quote."
"How did you learn so many languages?" asked Sulu as he spun rapidly in his chair.
She shrugged, "It's a gift."
On screen, the penguin seemed angry. It's eyes narrowed to small slits and red beams shot from them. The screen started to melt. Suddenly his image disappeared.
"Sar! Ship es charging fazars!"
"Fazars? What the hell are fazars?" Sulu spun to look at his Russian comrade.
"Uh..I believe he meant to say 'phasers', Sulu." Uhura piped up from her seat in the back.
"Oh..."
The ship rocked with the force of the fazars...I mean phasers...on the Enterprise's hull.
"Sar! Shields are up!"
"Did IIIIII (dp) say to (dp) put up shields (dp) Mr.Chekov?"
"Vell...no sar..."
"THEN DOOOOOON'T."
"Ok. It is your life," Chekov shrugged nonchalantly and lowered shields.
"That's better."
Another fazar...dammit PHASER...blast rocked the ship, "SHIELDS UP! (dp) DAMMIT CHEKOV! (dp) WHY WEREN'T THESE (dp) SHIIIIIELDS ALREADY UP?!"
Chekov banged his head repeatedly against the console. Suddenly his completely out of style 60's wig burst into flames.
"Ahhh!!!"
"Johnsen!"
"Oops..."
