AN: just for prosteriety: another disclaimer: yay. I do not own startrek. I do, however, own Gracie, Johnsen, Roper, the Depressed Space Hippies, the Giant Alien Penguins and this story plot. Please do not sue me, I am a poor high school student. If you do happen to sue me all you will get is court fees and a crappy '90 Beretta that doesn't run and perhaps some books. So take that. Feel free to use Roper but only for torture purposes. All other use of any characters that are mine and/or story plot must have permission which I generally give freely as long as you ask, because let's face it, who am I to deny the pleasures of making fun of Startrek? oh, I also don't own the song 'Starry-eyed Surprise' Trust me, you wouldn't want to hear me sing anything.

********

CAPTAIN'S looog: stardate: 2734: We are (dp) STILL (dp) under atttttack by (dp) giant alien penguins. (dp) Spock is (dp) STILL HIIIIIIIIIIGH (dp) therefore there (dp) is really no use for this log...

Chekov sat with georgeous hair now that his wig was gone. Many of the ship's females were around him drooling, thus leaving most stations unmanned.

Kirk sat pouting because all the women were paying attention to Chekov instead of him.

"Sar! Geeant Alien Penguins attacking!"

"Geeant? What the hell is Geeant?"

"Giant, Ok?! I'm really from Conneticut! You think it's easy to talk like this day in and day out?!" Chekov ranted.

"Well I know it's not, ok," Sulu's accent suddenly changed, "I am actually from Tokyo. You American boy pay top dolla for wig."

"Uh, guys?" Uhura, among the hordes of women still drooling around Chekov, spoke, "You realize there is a battle going on, right?

"Then shouldn't you be at your station?" Chekov asked.

"Oh...uh..." The females looked around sheepishly, wiped the drool from their faces, brushed off their uniforms, and scattered to their stations. All but one that is.

"Uh...Chekov? Here's my room number...and what time I get off my shift. Come see me, K?"Ensign Gracie skipped off when he took the paper and nodded, humming Starry-Eyed Surprise.

This was a mistake. Spock, rushing onto the bridge from God only knows, burst into song, "Oh. My. Starry-Eyed Surprise. Sundown to sunrise. Dance all night," Spock chicken strutted to his seat and sat, spinning his chair.

"Nice of you (dp) join us (dp) Spcok," Kirk said with vast scarcasm.

"Sure Cap'n yo-yo. Heard my song, dawg. My homie. My homie-g."

"*sigh* (dp) Just get us (dp) OUT OFFFFFFFFFF (dp) this battle."

"Sure, Cap'n. Put me (dp) on screeeeeeeeeeeeen," he said, imitating Kirk perfectly.

"Uh...Sure..."Kirk stumbled though his words.

Spock smiled evilly, sprinted over to Kirk, ripped his toupee of his head-causing Kirk to scream like a little girl and fall to the floor in hesterical sobs-and stood in front of the screen, putting the toupee on.

The head penguin appeared on the half melted screen looking quite pissed.

"Quack?"

[Translation: What the hell do you want?]

"Quack. Quacker quack quack quackish quacked."

[Translation: I am sorry for the previous display of stupidity. Please leave me to cry in my quarters as I think about how I don't deserve this command.]

"Quack quack."

[Translation: I think this is a reasonable request. Verywell. I leave you to cry."

"Quack quack quacker quacking quackish quacked quacks quack quack."

[Translation: Thanks.]

"Quack."

[Translation: Sure.]

The penguin shimmered off screen, leaving only the view of a velvet blanket with holes cut out.

"There, Captain. I believe everything will be fine now. If I have permission to leave the bridge, I'm quite hungry."

Kirk stood shakily up, wiping tears from his face, "Permission granted."

Spock walked two steps toward the turbolift before stopping and taking off Kirk's toupee, "I believe this is yours Captain. He handed it to Kirk.

"Thanks Spock," Kirk plopped down into his command chair as Spock walked calmly off the bridge.

Yes, it seemed everything was back to normal on the Enterprise. But chances were it wouldn't stay that way for long. As the beautiful swan shape of the Enterprise glided through the stars-

Suddenly the whole saucer section burst into flames.

"Johnsen!"

"Oops..."